So, I'm advertising for an experienced running mate.
Applicant must meet the following requirements: A. have no baggage other than 1 small suitcase....no boyfriends please
B. have a current class A to Z driver license for grocery runs to Walmart, Subway and Pizza Hut
C. applicant would be in the age range of 35 to 90 with no emotional handicaps such as "cuddle", "endless talking", "oh, I have a headache", "I want", "I need", "you don't appreciate me", "can I drive"........and so on.
D. Must be nice to Lug Nut and Sadie Mae
E. Must be nice to Billy Bob
F. have skills in the operation of power tools, such as, vacuum cleaners, carpet shampooers, table saws, hydraulic jacks and impact wrenches and know the difference between "lefty loosey, righty tighty"
G. physically able to make long walks...to the dumpster and laundry room
H. have some kind of cooking skills other than hard boiled eggs, hamburgers and Campbells soup
I. Must be able to make a mean cup of coffee
J. window washing is a big plus
Ya think I'm kid'n don't ya? Well, I'm as serious as a tad pole what knows he gonna be a beautiful frog someday. This old crap of travel'n all over the country all by myself....SUCKS.
Ok, get'n back to reality...all pipe dreams left behind. It's so beautiful outside, I may spend most the day sit'n on "da porch" sip'n a cup and do'n some think'n. Boy howdy do I have some think'n to do. I got a gazillion things to do and so little time to do them.
Here what I'm talk'n bout.......
A. Register the little red Bronco II in New Mexico
B 1/2. Driver license...New Mexico or Texas
B. Income taxes...file or not file
C. Fix a whole bunch of stuff
D. Lug Nut....fix or not fix
and then, and then.....go to Terlingua, and then to Port Aransas, and then to Houston, and then to Atlanta, and then to north Ga mountains, and then to St. Louis, and then.....probably back to Deming. And I have only 3 weeks to think this stuff out.
Rode that bicycle yesterday around the park. Boy howdy Billy Bob.....you get'n old. First off, the shifter don't work. Ran over Sadie Mae...stupit dog. The I hit some sand and ya know ya can't ride a bike in sand. By the time I got back to "da house", I was wore slap out and it was dark.
I was lookin at yer list thinkin, hey I qualify for all those cept maybe letter E.
ReplyDeleteyou better put on yer list K.) must be female
Billy Bob, This here be yer non-pesky neighbor Jim Bob. If you toss a rock right over top the Floreeeda's it'll land on my winter spread. I was admiring yer list o travel'n partner spec's. If ya get flooded with qualified applicants (females), or you find a pair of sisters meeting the specs, be a good neighbor and share.
ReplyDeleteBB, I totally agree with OGT cept for one little thing. The letter E. Change the sentence at the top to...FEMALE wanted, applicant must meet the following requirements..
ReplyDeleteGood Gawd BB,, you opened your self up about your requirements for a cook, bottle washer, dog feeder and winder washer .
ReplyDeleteYou might narrow your search to the sticks of Alabama, and West Virginia up in the hills.
and like the others said, hell a guy could fill that list. Ummm, come to think of it, I could do it, cept I ain't much good working on ladders and RV roofs Hell my goood ole Texas Driver licnese is brand spanking renewed and good till 2016
BB, you're sexist! You didn't mention one thing about them gals being able to swak golf balls. I guess that means you ain't gone let them do that?
ReplyDeleteJim Bob, I thank ya for drop'n by.
ReplyDeleteJust spent an hour at your ranch and Boy Howdy...I want one them. I bet ya there's room to fly my airplane over there.
Oh, by the way...was that you what went tear'n by my house a few days ago bout 200 mph on one them Harley's. Waked me up out of a good afternoon nap.
David, the reason I didn't mention swak'n golf balls is that there ain't gonna be many ladies want'n to tote my golf bad for 18 holes. I were gonna sneak that one in after they were all settled and comfy.
ReplyDeleteI didn't designate male/female for a reason. What I hear, that's called discrimination or something like that. But let me tell ya right now, ain't gonna be no hairy leg males go'n no where with old Billy Bob. Sheesh!!!
Jesus Billy Bob, where you go to school??? It's BAG...B A G...git it???
ReplyDeletehmmm note to self: shave leggs
ReplyDeleteBB, be careful. Make sure to check out the under arms to! Good idea on working in the tot'in the golf bag later. Once they get settled in they might not decide to leave because of the added burden. You also forgot to throw in that they need to keep the pooch poop policed up from the neighbor's yards.
ReplyDeleteThank you for the good chuckle you gave me tonight:-)
ReplyDeleteFor your knowledge and that of other gentlemen maybe reading this...you will NEVER find a woman with only ONE small suitcase.
While I am sure there are many ladies with skill F...I don't personally know any women that fit that requirement...well one does come to mind but I don't think she would be your type (she is the one I mentioned before from the chili cook-off with problems passing gas).
I thought I might be in the running but A,C,F,G,H,and J plumb exclude me :-)
Hope you get a lot of applicants!!
Billy Bob!! I got the solution!! Don't know why I didn't think of this yesterday.. Find you a big fat girl with tattoos all over, then you have shade in the summer, warmth in the winter and moving pictures all year long.
ReplyDeleteLol, Ben :-)
ReplyDeleteYou forget Billy Bob is thin. If'n he gets a fat girl she might roll over and squash him...hehehe
All in jest BB :-)
I laughed so hard as I read this outloud to my husband that I could barely make it through. Seriously, there were tears.
ReplyDelete