Sadie don't feel good

"Yeee gads Billy Bob, look what the hell ya did now". I just lighted the grill....that's all.

Ya see, it's like this....I gonna eat me up some pizza bread for supper tonight. Heat 'em up on the grill for bout 30 minute...till the cheese is all melted an' the pepperoni is all shrivel up. I go outside an' turn on the grill for a warm up....bout 400 degs should be fine. Bout 8 minute is all it takes. I goes back outside with my froze pizza bread an' opens the grill. Oh crap....what the hell? Somewheres in the instructions it plainly states....fold out the plastic side table thingys before igniting burners. The fold'n little side tables are still usable. Why no roar'n plastic fire I don't know. I betcha a dollar I don't do that no more.

Anyhows, if took longer than anticipated to melt that cheese. That freak'n cookie sheet is too big, an' I ain't got nuttin smaller.......so get over it. Something bout that pizza bread taste just like burn plastic.

Poor little Sadie Mae. She lay there on the couch last night look'n all sad an' stuff. She's in pain I can tell. Got that big ol' bandage wrap around her. That got to be uncomfortable too.

Last night must have been a terrible night for her. She wake me up all night long snuggl'n up to me, poke'n her nose in my neck (cold nose)....want'n me to comfort her. This morn'n she lays on my bare feet here at the computer table.

My God lady, the guy was just hav'n a fun day with his kids....why make a federal case of it? Jesus lady, mind yer own business and mend your own ways before point'n boney fingers. Hmmmmm....weren't there a song called boney fingers? Hoyt Axton if'n I'm think'n right.

I get that way sometimes.....point'n fingers an' such. Some guy take up two park'n spaces at Walmart, break out the camera an' call the "park'n lot cops". I ain't never really done that, but I was think'n bout it. Little things like that get on our nerves an' we think "I do no wrong". Often times I don't look at my own short comings, but I keep a watchful eye out for others. "You cain't do that". But I can.

You should see me when I pull "Sally da house" in a Walmart park'n lot. I take up 6 or 8 spaces. Ya see, when I got "that jeep" hook up to "da house" we are right at something like 57 feets long......give or take.

And the winner is...... I been watch'n the Voice for the last bout 6 weeks ya know. This program/show/whatever has brung emotions out me that I thought were gone forever. I sure as hell wouldn't want to be seen in public act'n the way I was the last 3 weeks watch'n these kids get up in front of 20 million viewers. Damn, I would pee my pants if'n it was me up there. But anyhows, I'm gonna go out on a limb an' say the little 16 year old country singer will win the whole sheebang. If'n ya ain't never heard her yet, you will soon, right out of Nashville, Tennessee. Win or lose.....this girl is a *STAR*. An' that Michell girl....she ain't never gonna be in no food stamp line. 

I got all that stuff packed back in "that jeep" yesterday.  Damn, it's all fish'n an' "bubba" boat'n stuff. All pack in there in a neat pile. Dad gum goat won't be chew'n on that stuff no more. Even got room to carry my golf'n clubs in the back instead of in the front seat. I play golf just in case ya didn't know.  

Sadie Mae update

Last night I go to bed think'n bout hard times an' how I survived to be writ'n a blog today.

Build'n a house ain't like you was walk'n on water ya know. Grab some boards, a few nails an' ya got a house.....poooof, just like that.

Whoa boy howdy, things were rough back in the 70's. Rent money was hard to come by in a little town like Chesapeake, Ohio. Odd jobs picked up a bit of change here an' there, but come rent day, we was always a few dollar short. Had a old Ford pick up sit'n out in the yard up on blocks. Fished the Ohio River for some meat on the table. The old Billy Bob was down an' out. But he had him a plan....

Across the river was a Jim Walter Homes place. I hear they was hire'n building contractors to build houses. Well, like a fool, I sign up to build a house in Hazard, Kentucky. I round up my "hillbilly" crew, load everbody up in a old Chrysler station wagon an' we set out to find Hazard, Kentucky an' the site of another "dried in" Jim Walter Home. Exterior finished, inside bare.

I ain't gonna go into details, but this was the worstest place I ever see in my life to build a house. On the side of a freak'n hill. The lumber is across the road on  the only flat spot for miles. We slept in the neighbor basement and were served a 4 course breakfast every morn'n at 7am. Some morn'ns we ate fresh dressed fried chicken.....biscuits an' gravy, pancakes, fried eggs, bacon by the pound....coffee by the gallon. The neighbor was the father of the guy the house was for.  Nice folks they were.

A month later back in Chesapeake, Ohio, crew paid off, there weren't no money left. And rent was due. I load up the "hillbilly" crew an' we set out to build another house....with the same results, no money left over. I ain't build no more Jim Walter homes.

I ain't used to get'n up at no 5:30 in the morn'n. Today is Sadie Mae's surgery day ya know....don't wanna be late. 

What the hell??? Last night both my feet was swoled up.
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4pm I jump in "that jeep", throws it in forward gear an' head on up to the vet clinic....pick up my Sadie Mae.  The nice young feller dressed in blue tells me she did fine. Like she had any choice all doped up crack cocaine, mushroom buttons, aphrodisiacs....stuff like that. "Leave the bandage on for 2 weeks an' keep a close eye for blood". That sounds logical....watch for blood. Then here come the doc. A good ol' country boy, cowboy boots, big belt buckle....stuff like that. He says, Sadie Mae done fine. Where have I heard that before? "Take the bandage off in three days an' keep a close eye for blood". Come back in two weeks to remove stitches. They give me another bottle of that antibiotic stuff an' I'm on my way. Well shoot, I had to pay $247 fore the let me out the building. Sounded bout right to me. She also got all her shots....an' a pretty blue tag hang'n off her collar.

Now....bout them girls the doc is got work'n for him. Ya got one girl what only half says her words. I done tole her bout that crap two times. "Look here in my eye when ya talk.....I'm deeef". The other one got a big ol' wad of gum in her mouth, cain't understand a thing she say neither. I tried read'n lips, but she don't look at me in the eye neither. I says to her, "look at me when you talk, I can't understand a word you say". She get all pissed an' go get another nice lady I can understand. Me an' Sadie Mae is good to go. 

Fathers Day, John Deere tractors an' beer

Oh no, don't tell me it's fathers day. Actually I think fathers day should be a week day paid holiday. All fathers take the day off an' go fish'n or something like that. Get paid overtime if'n ya don't get back home after 8 hours. Get a bonus check if'n ya catch some fish.

As with all other days of recognition, Americans will spend millions of dollars today. The tie industry will never go out of business. Now who in their right mind would buy a tie as a gift? We want "power tools", huge BBQ grills, "goodies" for the old pick'um up truck, John Deere tractors.....man stuff.

Ok, we done with that nonsense....happy fathers day guys.

I remember one fathers day, my Xwife bought me a washing machine an' dryer, some new shoes....her size, a few sexy sweaters....her size and a new dress to take me out to McDonalds for dinner....her size. All I was want'n was a Black & Decker power tool an' a 6 pac of cheap beer.

Speak'n of beer....I used to make beer way back in the early 60's. Didn't make it by no blamed government regulation recipes or nuttin like that. There are no rules for mak'n beer. I just throwed that stuff in a big ol' 5 gallon jug an' let it do it's thing. The end result was a hair rais'n experience. What didn't blow up under the sink was buried out in the back yard. XXwifes girlfriend Ann popped a top on a bottle what didn't explode, took a big ol' swig an' the hair on both her arms stand straight up. I was there an' seen it happen. An' she knowed how to drink beer too.

About the same period of my life, I got into brew'n wine. I tried all the "normal" flavors, none of which I would drink.....sissy stuff. Homebrew strawberry wine was pretty good....kind of remind me of Boones Farm, just a little bit more stout. On a trip to Jamaica, thanks to the US Navy, I came back to the US with a sea bag full of coconuts. Coconut wine was the intended drink of the day. I make a 5 gallon jug of that stuff. Come out crystal clear just like expensive vodka. Don't know how much alcohol was in it, but it knock ya on yer ass. Could NOT be drunk straight. Sprite work good as a mixer. "I ain't drink'n this shit". Gave it to my father-in-law for a birthday present.

There sure ain't no reason for me to be think'n bout go'n on a trip nowheres. The whole US is in turmoil over all the hot weather, winds, tornados an' storms. I would have to drive 2 thousand mile straight north before I hit decent weather. An' then I would probly end up in a big ol' rain storm when I get there. But this year, it don't bother me none to be stuck in one place. It's hot in south Texas, I can guarantee ya that, but show me a place where it ain't hot, windy, stormy or a tornado ain't gonna blow "Sally da house" to smithereens. I think I'm fine right where I'm at for the time bean.

Hot ain't never really bother me before until the last couple three years. Drove "Alice", my first motorhome, all the ways from southern Calif. to south Texas with no air conditioning, an' it were the dead of summer....100 plus degs. all the way. Didn't break a sweat till bout San Antonio on US 90 go'n east. Now, the only way I gonna get out of a/c is if'n somebody set "da house" on fire......or maybe a round of golf. I can still stand the heat, but it sucks what little life I got left right out me. Sheesh....I got to lay down.   

Surgery scheduled

Well Holy crap.....this morn'n, that could mean a bunch of things. Like a golf game what went bad. That what I got in mind as I write this. I got to get it out of my mind. Ain't nuttin bout yesterdays golf game I care to remember. I sucked. Barney sucked. The golf balls sucked. The new driver sucked. The heat sucked. The whole freak'n affair sucked.

Ya see, me an' OFM Barney meet up at this first tee at 9 am sharp. I rares back with that new driver....BABAAAMMM......I hit a freak'n tree. Weren't the last one I hit neither, there's trees all over this golf course. Ok, I cain't hit a drive worth a crap, I'll make up for it with chips an' putts. "Damn Billy Bob, you need a bunch of practice on yer chips an' putts before ya play golf again". I felt like a old rag doll out there swing'n at golf'n balls....wobble all over the place.

Another great meal was had at the local Mexican restaurant. As usual, my eyes was bigger than my stomach....order a fajita plate...enough for a whole family of four. I put a number on it, sit outside jaw with the OFM for a spell and we go our separate ways.

Since it were still early afternoon, an' Sadie Mae's 10 days of antibiotics is over, I hauls her back to the vet. Just take a look see ya know. She is scheduled for surgery Monday morn'n at 8:30am. Not much more I can say bout that. Here in a bit, I got to go to town an' buy up some baby Benadryl. That for Sadie Mae ya know. Doc say so.

Boy howdy....Blogger is giv'n me fits. Well, I'm not sure it's Blogger, could be Verizon. I try fourteen eleven times to post a pic of Sadie Mae....ain't gonna happen. Dad gum kids all out of school text'n each other....that what it is.

That reminds me.....while me an' Barney was at the Mex rest., two nice ladies come in. They hav'n a friend date, eat lunch together, catch up on the latest gossip from work. They both pull out their cell phone an' start push'n buttons...ignor'n each other. What the hell????

Ok...internet connection sucks....I'm out of here.

9am golf ball swak'n

Today is gonna be a beautiful day. I can feel it in my bones.

Rolled out of bed all fired up for a golf'n day with OFM Barney. We'll talk bout that later.

Loaded up "that jeep" with items to be placed in storage. Hmmmm, I were think'n a hunnert pounds. More like 50. Got that done with an' back at "da house", I decided I needed a little rest. Couldn't believe all the crap I got stack up in that VW bus what I been sav'n for the last 10 years. There's stuff in there the dump won't even accept. Damn.....junk man, that what I are.

Speak'n of VW bus, it ain't a Westfalia, it's a Vanagon. From internet research, the curb weight is between 3300 an' 3500 pound. That's less than "that jeep", but I ain't gonna give no more thought of using it as a toad. There would be an investment of $3000 to $5000 just to make it worth $2500. Not a good investment.

That pile of stuff is still lay'n out there in the yard. What can I say....I don't rush into anything what involves "work". If'n that damn goat don't eat nuttin in the pile, I'm good to go.

Ok....get'n close to golf ball swak'n time. See ya later.....or not.

Sort'n stuff an' burn'n steak

"Yo Billy Bob, have you lost yer mind or what"?

Ya see, it's like this....I got me a brand spank'n new Weber Q bbq grill an' I ain't got no place to tote it from one camp to another. Well I do, but I'm gonna have to do some "switch a roo". The Weber Q ain't a one hand carry grill, it takes two strong hands. Sucker weigh bout a hunnert pound. "Put it in "that jeep" Billy Bob". Put it in "that jeep"??? Have ya look at the inside "that jeep" lately? I got stuff in there.

 See what I talk'n bout....stuff.
Well, I start unload'n all that "stuff" yesterday. Got it all lay'n in a neat pile out in the yard. Something gotta go. I'm sweat'n....hot like a sum-a-gun. When I go to bed last night, all that "stuff" was still lay'n out there in the yard.

From "da house" to the old VW bus is right bout a hunnert yards. I got bout a hunndert pounds of "stuff" I gonna put in there to store it for a while. Until I either sell it, throw it in a dumpster or give it away. That's the way I do things. Well, some things I keep. I got stuff in that VW bus what been in there for over ten years. Anyhows, I'm gonna load up the back "that jeep" with stuff I don't need in "da house". Drive that hunnert yards and unload it. Then I can put all that suff what is lay'n out in the yard back in "that jeep". That make sense??? It do to me.

Bout 2:30, I drags a steak out the freezer. My god, that steak look terrible. Look like it been in there for a year. We gonna do a test burn on that steak for supper. I fires up the Weber with the push of a button. Hot damn, we gonna be cook'n now. It got a cast iron grill grate in it, so I got to heat it up a bit. Grill marks ya know. Throws that ugly look'n steak on there an'.....sizzle sizzle.....it be smok'n. Bout 4 minute one side an' three minute the other, that sucker should be med rare.

Well, it weren't. That sucker was full blown well done. What I don't like. Good thing this was a test fire an' not a family cook out. When I take my first bite that steak, what taste like chicken, I done know I did something wrong. Ain't nobody eat a well done steak. Gotta have some blood an' juices....what there weren't none. Then I got to think'n bout the steak, not the method of grill'n. An item such as a steak, should never make it to the freezer an' sit there for months wait'n to be cooked. I done this before so I should have known better than to try to eat it. Sadie Mae got her share an' I force the rest down.

I can see right now, I got to make me some modifications to the new grill. Not that there's anything wrong with it like it is. In fact, it's perfect. But, I do my grill'n sit'n on my ass in a easy chair with a cup of coffee close at hand. "Cut the freak'n legs off'n the stand Billy Bob". That what I got in mind, just not today.

Boy howdy I sure do got the golf ball swak'n bug.
I go out in the yard yesterday an' swak me some golf balls across the road into that empty mesquite forest over there. Try out my brand spank'n new driver. BA-BAMMM, I swak a ball a hunnert mile. Four times in a row I hit them golf'n balls straight like a arrow. "Bet ya a dollar Billy Bob, ya cain't do that at the golf course". I can if'n I want to. You just watch, right down the middle the fareway. Yeee haw,,,,BA-BAMMM. I'm think'n tomorrow morn'n, if'n it ain't too hot an' the humidity is low enough, I'm mosey on up to the golf course an' swak a few.

As for what I'm gonna do today, I rekon move some stuff to the storage shed....that old VW bus.
Speak'n of VW bus, I wonder how much that sucker weigh? Bound to be less weightly than "that jeep". I could go camp'n in places a Jeep cain't go. It's a Westfalia camper van.

Look just like this one....only not so pretty like this'un. A toad maybe???? 


 

I'm a "Q" guy

Ha.....I are a "Q" guy.
I been want'n one these fangled bbq grills for the longest. Too many times, with my cheap Walmart grill, I catched to much delicious food slap on fire. Burn it to a crisp, that what I did. Of course, I had make a few modifications an' adjustments afore I thowed grillable stuff on it. Chicken has always been my first choice for a excit'n campsite fire. Something bout burn'n chicken fat an' skin just excite the hell out me.

My mission yesterday was to go to Walmart an' buy this wonderful flameless grill. That what I was told anyhows by the "The Weber "Q" Man of Blogland" George. Just click it.

By the time I arrived in Aransas Pass, I were get'n hungry. Now who would be a better person to have lunch with than my boat'n, fish'n, golf'n an' eat'n buddy OFM Barney? We headed off to the Bakery Cafe right slap middle down town. Had us a fair to middl'n lunch an' retired back to Barney's house for some chit chat in the comfort of his air conditioned "Castle". Plans, drawed in sand, were made for fav'n "toooo much fun" at a undetermined date. Ya cain't just sit down an' say ya gonna do something on a certain date an' then when that date arrives, your ass is in a hospital....or some old age related event.
But anyhows, we had a nice visit, fill our hunger related sensations, talk a bit an' relax. A old folk way of hav'n tooo much fun.

I jump in "that jeep", rev up the engine an' I'm headed towards Walmart. All the while think'n, "I don't need no stink'n brand new Weber Q  bbq grill". But I gonna stop anyhows, just to take a look ya know. It should be noted at this time....when I want something an' if'n I happen to stop to just take a look, it's mine. An' that's exactly what happen. But it weren't all that easy.

I guess I could take this time to tell ya bout a normal every day "Walmart experience". Ya see, the grill what I'm want'n is way up there on a shelf what I cain't reach. A Weber Q 120. I want to see touchie feelie that sucker before I lay down a couple hunnert dollar. I gos up to the nice lady an' tells her I need somebody to get that grill down for me. She get all huffy an' puff up...."there's one on display....look at that one". A Weber Q 320. The one on display ain't the one I want, I want the one way up there on that shelf. So's I just flat out tells her "no, that one is a different model, I want to see that one up there on the shelf". Finally a little short feller show up. He cain't reach that far neither. He weren't too enthused bout hav'n to actually do a little work...bithch'n an' moan'n, look'n for a way out of this situation. That when I tell the nice lady, "I'm sorry to inconvenience you folks, but maybe a manager wouldn't be so inconvenienced to drag that grill off'n that shelf for me". You would'a think I call Homeland Security, the FBI an' CIA. In less than 5 minute, that grill, from way up there on the shelf, was sit'n right where I tole that boy to set it. Then, just for some "grouchy old man" fun, I tole that boy to go fetch me a shop'n cart....and load that bbq grill in it. He even wheel it up to the check out counter. Nice boy. From his work ethics, an' the nice lady behind the counter, I see why they both work for Walmart.

So that was my excit'n day for yesterday. Now what the hell am I gonna do today? The sun was shin'n a little bit ago. Then it rain like hell. Now everthing outside is sop'n wet. Drizzl'n rain still com'n down. An' I got a brand spank'n new put together bbq grill sit'n in the middle of the liv'n room.

I sure do want that electric bicycle.