Call the fire department....

No, I ain't on fire, but........

Did I ever tell ya bout the time.....me and Jerry was fix'n this old fellers car. We was mechanics ya know. It seem like this old car ain't gonna never run no more. It had a blowed head gasket and the tining chain was slap'n time to the tune of "Jailhouse Knock" by Elvis.We done ruined a few perfectly good shirts, acquired a few cuts and bruises, cussed some pretty serious words, but we had 'er back together in a couple days. A good swak or two on a 18" cheater bar with a 5 pound sledge hammer was equal to bout a hunert pound of torque. That be good for head bolts.

We was all acited bout fir'n this sucker up and gon'n for a test drive. We hook up the battery connections and commence to crank. Nuttin happen....absolutely nuttin. "Jerry, where the hell you do with the coil wire?" Coil wire in place, we commence to crank again......HOLY CRAP.....BAM....BOOOM...stuff was explod'n. Gasoline was shoot'n 3 foots in the air. Oh Oh...sumthing ain't right bout this. What the hell??? Then the battery give up the ghost....it were dead.

Poosh it Billy Bob....what we did.....bout 30 mile a hour. Up the street bam'n and boom'n.....gasoline and flames shoot'n 3 feets in the air. Then it catched a fire. A BIG fire. People was gather'n and shout'n stuff.

By the time we got the flames to subside, we hears a fire department sireen howl'n in the distance. Me and Jerry was gonne be in trouble for sure. We push that car off the road and high tail for home like a couple jack rabbits.....we don't know nuttin bout no fire. At my aunt's house we figger we was safe. But then there was a knock at the door. Oh Oh.

Auntie open the door and there stand the sheriff and half a dozen fire department guys not look'n too happy.  She look at me and Jerry and says...."I should have known it had something to do with you two heathen boys." Quote/unquote....that what she said.

Today was a good day. Old pesky neighbor Wayne had an appointment at the VA in Las Cruces and won't be back for hours. I brakes out my "to do list" and commenced to scratch off some the easy stuff what I been put'n off for the last month. Broke out the sew machine and sew up where the wind been eat'n on my flags. Both back up on the pole. Had a put a couple gallon water in my batteries. Yup, them suckers was low....really low. That's $500 dollar worth of batteries so's I'm hoping they still be good. Check all the fluids in "da house" and "that jeep". Two quart low in "da house". Now where the hell all my oil go? Air up all the tires to 90 pounds. Hope to get one or two more years out them. Then I crank up the "little red broncoII", hook it up to an old truck frame and drug it round the walk'n path/golf cart trail. Then Wayne come home. Sat his big ass on my porch and no more work was done by Billy Bob and Company. See what I mean by "pesky neighbor".

Then I decided I had to eat sometime today. But I weren't hungry....hain't been in a month or more. I ain't been eat'n nuttin but junk stuff, no nutritional value at all....you know, like donuts, Fruit Loops, a cold hot dog, a slab of balony......junk. That be why I ain't feel so good in a while. But, tonights dinner sucked. Only ate a half bowl of pork chops, potatoes, onions, TOMATOES, fresh green beans and some Billy Bob's special seasoning. And I still ain't hungry.