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Saturday, July 5, 2014

Spud gun....maybe not

When your mind goes astray, ya need to change your think'n. I suppose that could be said for everbody, not just me....but this morn'n we talk'n bout just me.

My god I cain't believe some the stuff what goes through my mind. You would think a person what ain't got a care in the world, would only think of good stuff....be positive, smile all the time, holler "Yeee Har" all day long. Dang I wished I could do that every day. When I say I ain't got a care in the world, I'm talk'n bout things like.....I ain't got no warrants for my arrest, Sadie Mae ain't dead yet, I don't owe the IRS nuttin, I don't have to be somewheres at a certain time....stuff like that. I got enough pocket change for another month. I'm retired.....not a care in the world.
Boy howdy I sure do hope ya can figger all that out this morn'n. In otherwords, my dad gum mind goes off on stuff that don't even pertain to my life....or my lifestyle. I know I'm a bit confused by what I just said. *think'n....that don't even make sense* Or does it???

Ok, bout that dad gum spud gun. I got to think'n bout it after read'n some the comments. Maybe I should set that "spud gun from hell" draw'n slap on fire. Ya see, my grankids ain't raised like the old Billy Bob was...their "papaw". They sissy's....with dad gum cell phones an video games....or whatever they call 'em now days. They eat "politically correct" healthy food. No real milk....1% an' 2% is NOT milk. They don't know what a dirt clod is, or a worm. They also don't know what one tastes like. Sun block....if the sun is shin'n, they wear sun block. They got to wear shoes to play in the grass....what is NOT a every day thing. Shoot, they even got to take a dad gum shower every day. With girlie soap.
Dang, did I just say that??? But it's true, kids now days are sissies.

Now what the hell was I talk'n bout.....Oh yeah, the spud gun. After much thought, it's probly best we place it on the back burner until I talk to "mommy an' daddy". An' explain to 'em how safe a spud gun is. More on this subject laters. "Dang I want to shoot a spud gun".

The cops showed up at my boat...."Coyote". "We have complaints you are shoot'n a gun in the marina Mr. P". There weren't a whole bunch I could say at the time, as the spud gun was in plain view. They read me City ordinances, state laws.....all that legal stuff. A spud gun is a firearm. They gonna write me a ticket. Visit the judge, get a big ol' fine. But....the one cop I knew so well, was impressed. "I ain't never seen a spud gun before" an' he wanted to see it shoot. Wheels began to turn....if this cop shoots my spud gun, I'm off the hook. He did an' I was scott free. In case you're wonder'n, this weren't the first time I had a encounter with the local law enforcement while liv'n on a boat. Have ya ever see a 3 liter soda bottle blow up?  Bottle, a little water an a chunk of dry ice....toss in the drink away from observers. That's also a law enforcement visit. I do stuff like that ya know.

Yesterday Yo Mama invited me to a 4th of July supper. My "husband in law" Harry had grilled up some burgers an' hot dogs.....seasoned french fries. Man boy howdy....I eat way too much for a little guy. Sadie Mae even got her a perfectly grilled hamburger an' a hand full of them french fries. We was happy.

In case you're wonder'n, no my back don't feel good. Although it is a little better than a month ago. "Projects Billy Bob, projects make the back better". But I'm out of projects....other than a spud gun. An' I'm put'n that one on hold.

As far as golf goes, I don't think I can complete 18 holes without cry'n like a baby. Dang I hope them doctors can do me some good. But I'm begin'n to have doubts. An' have'n doubts makes the mind think stupit things. An' think'n stupit things keeps me awake at night. An' stay'n awake at night makes me feel like shit crap in the morn'n. An' feel'n like shit crap in the morn'n, I don't want to "do nuttin". An' everbody knows what do'n nuttin does to ya. Ya sit on your ass all day long....an' that makes your back hurt where ya cain't go play golf.

Ok, maybe I'll do something today. I have my doubts, but it sounds good anyhows. Sit'n here with a #6 in the right hip.    





10 comments:

  1. You are a strong man, Billy Bob. You think strong, you have a strong personality, and I'd say everything about you is strong. That's why you can't let that little part of your brain get by with putting doubts into your head. If you're gonna do something about your back, you need to believe it will work. No doubts! Put that strong mind to work.

    By the way, I'm glad you are putting the spud gun on hold.

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    1. Ha....you ain't never shot a spud gun have ya Gypsy. I mean like.....just a look at one gits ya all excitis, ya wanna shoot it. Remember when ya was a kid an' shot spit wads in school? Well a spud gun is just a updated version of a spit wad. Hmmmmmm, now ya got me wonder'n....will mashed taters work as ammo? Dang I want to shoot a spud gun.

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    2. I don't remember ever shooting a spit wad either. I was a pretty good kid in school, but could never keep my mouth shut. One time the nun/teacher put 4 checkmarks in the little box for "Exercises self control".

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  2. " mashed taters work as ammo?" Sounds like a smashing lot of fun to me. SPLAT! LoL

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    1. mashed taters would make it a real splattergun.

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  3. If you really want some fun, shoot a carbide cannon. Shoots spuds or cans of beer (I know, alcohol abuse). Can you still buy calcium carbide in a hardware store without some kind of liscense?

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    1. You do know don't ya Shadow, Obama has a "terrorist hit list" in Washington? I can see it now....Billy Bob spend'n the rest his life in a Federal prison on a charge of suspected terrorist activities. An' it all started with a spud gun an' a can of hair spray.

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  4. Thank you Billy Bob...I have laughed my side off :D

    I hope your kids, grandkids and other family members do not read your blog or they might get their feelings hurt...jajajajaja!

    BTW what is a "husband in law" ?

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    1. There are a couple other definitions but I suspect this is the one that BB is using.
      "Another husband of one's wife. Typically used in cases of divorce and subsequent remarriage."

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  5. That BBQ meal and seasoned fries sounds like a mighty fine meal for the 4th of July.

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