Toothless

Where ya been Billy Bob???
Well shoot, I been right here "do'n nuttin".

Thursday.....yup, I was up bright and early. Got to the dentist tooth pull'n place right on time. They sit's me down in this little chair and says...."are you ready"? Well yeah I'm ready, that's why I'm here. Holy crap....there's a road runner on sit'n top my "little red" BroncoII. Anyhows, the doctor swab my gums with some pink stuff and commenced to shoot my mouth full of novicane (sp)(I knew it, even spell checker can't correct my spelling). After a few minutes the doc says....."are ya numb yet" My lower lip is all swell up and I says...."yup" or something like that. Then he takes this little probe thingy and pokes around....then he start push'n this way and that way....I'm say'n "what the hell"? He had all kind of tools lay'n there and picks up this great big ol' needle nose pliers look'n thingys. And sticks it in my mouth. More push and pull, I hear all kind of weird noises. Then I feel him pull out a little piece of tooth. Remember I told ya he was gonna "knock" my teeth out? He says..."there it is"...the whole thing....just like that. Then he does the same thing on the other side. Nuttin to it.

Back at "da house" I was think'n golf ball swak'n. But I was starv'n to deef, belly growl'n at me....hungry and my lower lip was hang'n down on my chin. How the hell I gonna eat something with them big wads of cotton in my mouth and a lower lip what don't feel nuttin? I managed to get a bowl of soup down , mostly down on the  brand spank'n new Walmart shirt I was wear'n. There goes my golf ball swak'n game. 

Then yesterday I did nothing....nothing at all. Weren't no pain, no swelling and all is back to normal. Drink'n up coffee and smok'n little cigars....what the doc said I couldn't have for a couple days. Here's what I'm think'n, the coffee washed out all the poisons from them cigars and deadened any chance of pain and swelling. I could be right ya know. 

Skeered to death.....

Boy howdy, when ya don't feel good ya ain't feel'n good.

Ya see, it's like this....Old Billy Bob has lots to think about and a gazillion things on my mind....all at one time. Like will I still be alive tomorrow with all these aches and pains. I rekon I'm a mite stressed over my dental surgery tomorrow morn'n and that makes my back and right leg to hurt. Not that my back ever quit hurt'n, but it been worse the last week. In case some ya don't knows, that what the old timers call lumbago, better knowed as sciatica. Ya see, there a big ol'e nerve what come out your spine and go all the way down to the tip of your toes. When that big ol' nerve get squished or in a bind, it tells your brain that your toe hurts, but really it don't. That when your brain says...."lay your ass down, you're gonna die". What I usually do. Yeah, my brain says silly stuff like that.

After a week on antibiotics to kill a bunch of little infection thingys under my gums and run'n round my mouth, the doc says..."see ya thursday morning and we gonna knock them teeth slap out". Knock 'em out??? What the hell??? That what he says he gonna do. Ya see, I let them go too long and they got to be busted in little pieces and pull out with needle nose pliers. Kind of like swak'n a pecan with a big ol' hammer and pick'n out the goodies with a nail. My God, that scare the shit slap out me. And to top it all off, I gonna be wide awake, sit'n there listen'n to all that slam'n and bang'n, drill'n and stuff go'n on in my mouth. You do realize that tomorrow is golf swak'n day, right? If the bleed'n stops by 2pm, you can find me on the golf course. Otherwise, look for me on the couch in "da house".

Only three weeks to lift off. Wayne was tell me that Thanksgiving is on the 25th this year. I were think'n I had plenty time to get ready, but now I don't. 

Sure ain't gonna want to miss a meal and crowd like this. That Billy Bob in the middle fix'n up a plate.

The solar powered cow head has eyes. Will attempt to get a shot of it tonight when them eyes light up.

Gumbo day

 Well, I were sit'n out there on "da porch" sip'n a cup and do'n some think'n. Think'n bout what I gonna do for the rest of the day. Well hell, why not defrost that chicken ya cooked in the solar oven and brew up some gumbo? That what I gonna do.

Two nights in a row it was freez'n cold here in the desert. Not in the daytime, but at night when my covers fall off the bed and leave me wonder'n why I'm cold. Ya see, I turn the heat down to bout 55 degs at night, what if'n ya ain't covered up with some blankets, ya gonna get cold. It's a beautiful day with an abundance of sunshine....and a steady breeze of bout 10 mile a hour. Would be a perfect day for golf ball swak'n, but old Billy Bob is still sore for thursday's swak'n golf balls. I'm think'n it's time to get out of Dodge (Deming).

Speak'n of Dodge, did I ever tell ya bout my old 1936 Dodge 4 door sedan.....or what ever. Remenber Cheech and Chong...the cop asked "where's your license"? "It's on the back man". Well, I was driv'n round out in the desert run'n over bushes, cactus and stuff. When I got back to the "hang-out" where all the "older" teens hung out till midnight, one them City cops come up to me and ask..."where's your license"? I says...."it's on the back man", but it weren't....it were gone. The whole trunk lid was gone, broke slap off and lay'n out there in the desert somewhere....along with the license plate. Have ya ever tried to find a trunk lid in the middle of the desert? Took 2 days to find that damn thing.

Ok....I got gumbo to make....see ya laters.

What a ride

And then there was the time........

But first we gotta go back to the time grandpa was tak'n care of me. It were the summer of 1951 and Billy was "dumped" off at grandpa's house. Not really a house, but his old closed down grocery store. We had 3 rooms and a bath, shotgun style. Gramps was 67 year old and Billy was 10 year old. What a combination. He was ail'n at that time and Billy was just get'n into "adventures".

In the basement of this old grocery store was all kind of adventurous stuff to play with. Over there in the corner sat this bicycle what must'a come cross the ocean on the Santa Maria or something like that. It didn't have brakes like most modern day bicycles of that day and age had. Weren't no air in the tires, but I knowed someone what had a pump. Down the street went Billy push'n this old brakeless bicycle what was also too big for him to ride.

After the tires was aired up, I clumb up on that seat and away I did go. Rid'n up and down the street like I knowed something bout rid'n a bike. After bout a week of minor crashes and a few scratches, I were a professional bicycle rider on a bicycle what had no brakes. I were ready for some adventure. Put my cowboy duds on and rode off into the sunset,,,bout a hunert mile a hour down the hill, down the sidewalk and round the corner. Holy crap, I were go'n too fast and I ain't got no brakes. Off in the ditch and slap down into a big ol' culvert thingy I went....head first. That were the biggest goose egg I ever see my entire life....and hurt worster than a broken heart The old brakeless bicycle was a total mess. Busted the front tire and all that air leaked out with a whooosh.. Bent the front wheel in all kind of tangles up and forks was bend back against the frame. Half the handle bars was broke slap off. Gonna have to find me a different horse to ride....this one is "dead".

Got me a pan of biscuits in the solar oven, but wouldn't ya know it, here come the clouds.  Fire up the isnside over to 400 deg and put them suckers in there. Here in just a few minutes, old Billy Bob gonna be eat'n fresh baked biscuits and sausage gravy.

Ok...eat'em up time....laters.

Is this guy serious???

As most everyday followers of my blog should know by now, old Billy Bob don't get serious.

Yesterday night, I said I would tell ya bout tachycardia and Billy Bob. Well, ya see, it's like this....back in 1995 I was work'n on a ladder and I says..."why don't you feel good"? At that time, all I knew to do was sit down and say...."I don't feel good"? A EMS volunteer come to my rescue and took my pulse. It was too fast to count, so's he took me to the EMS place where they had an ambulance with my name on it....off to the hospital we went. And kind of weird gadgets hook up to me. A heart specialist was there to greet me at the door. More gadgets connected. But....by the time they turn on them gadgets, my heart rate was down to 100 beats per minute. A miracle. Doc told me all bout tachycardia and his rendition of the causes. He told me how to "attempt" to stop the rapid heart rate, by tossing cold water in my face, simulating a bowl movement (gotta be careful here) and coughing.  He says there is a receptor, or something like that, what causes a short circuit doubling your heart rate. Mine has always been double of what it is normally. ie, 80x2=160 like last night.

Now what initiates a tachycardia attack in old Billy Bob. Sometimes nothing. Other times when I gets highly perturbed (pissed off) about something. Over eating is another cause instituted by another health issue we ain't going into. Ain't it fun get'n old and hav'n health issues? Yesterday, I got a little pissed at a neighbor and then I ate me up two great big chicken samiches for supper. That's 4 slices bread and almost a pound of chicken what I cooked in my solar oven. One more thing about tachycardia. It's not good for ya. Ya see it's like this....when your heart beats too fast, the valves in your heart float and your blood pressure will try to equalize. When that happens, you have very little blood flow and oxygen to your main computing system....the brain. You gonna die. I take medication for tachycardia and last night was the first attack in over 2 years.

OK....now you know the rest of the story.

Todays golf ball swak'n day a great time for Billy Bob, but not so good for old pesky neighbor Wayne. Seems he just don't care where he hits his balls....in the water, in the desert or in the other fareways. Shoot, anybody can do that.

It was a cloudy day yesterday, but I fired up the solar oven anyhows. Put me a big ol' 5 pound chicken in there to cook up for a pot of authentic Cajun jumbo....taught me by Larry from Lake Ponchartrain many year ago. I figger it would take bout 5 hours to cook, but right on 4 hours, it was done through to the bone. My God, that would make a great pot of chicken noodle vegetable soup with taters and tomatoes and some fresh baked homemade bread. But I chop it all up...minus the two chicken samiches I ate for supper, put it in a baggie and froze it. Now where the hell I gonna find okra in Deming, New Mexico? Peppers yeah, but okra no. I'll send Wayne look'n for some since I don't like that other grocery store. It's not really that I don't like it, but Jesus, you would think it were a UNION grocery store.

Thought this was it...tachycardia

I was just sit'n here, mind'n my own business ya know and I says...."why am I not feel'n right"??? So's I grab up my trusty blood pressure check'n thingy and now I know why I'm not feel'n right. It a dreaded tachycardia attack. HUH???? I take meds for that....I ain't supposed to have them anymore.
For the record: 7:35pm  Blood pressure 153/95....160bpm
                        7:45 98/62...153
                        7:55 120/65.....150
                         8:05 120/68....160
And then I coughed, just like ya supposed to do.....122/65....98 and falling
Now I are ok again. Tomorrow I'll explain tachycardia and Billy Bob. That is if I get back from golf ball swak'n in time.

Tooth fairy

Ya remember them teeth I was tell'n ya bout???

Ya see, it's like this. Six months ago I says...."Billy Bob, ya got to go get your teeth fixed". Well, yesterday I went to the dentist. The one that cut my gums and cut a hole in the back of my mouth with that x-ray thingy he jamed in there.......what got infected and caused "lock jaw" for a week. But anyhows, I went back 'cause the only other choice is a dental place with no parking space. Well, if'n I could stand the pain for another 2 weeks I can have a consultation with the doctor. I don't want a freak'n consultation, I want these teeth OUT.,,,right now.

So, I went up the street to the other teeth fix'n place...after hav'n to walk for a half a block. "Come back at 3pm and the doctor will see you". HUH??? 3pm? The same day? Boy howdy, can hardly wait for 3pm. Well, I showed up early so I wouldn't have to wait as long as if I got there on time. By 3:45pm I was sit'n in one them little leather recliners with a bright light staring me in the face.....knives, hammers and stuff lay'n round.

So here I am sit'n there expect'n to get these two teeth pull slap out my mouth. Well, that ain't what happen. Ya see, it's like this.....I'm gonna bleed to death. I take a couple medications what thins my blood down to the consistency of  "cheap wine". Wonderful doctor puts me on antibiotics for a week and takes me off my drugs for another 4 days. BUT, before he can take me off my blood thin'n drugs, he has to get permission from my other doctor....you know, the one what says I gonna die anyhows. So, if all goes well, in bout 10 days I gonna be a new man....less 2 teeth.

To answer a comment.....when Billy Bob tells a story, you can take it to the bank as gospel truth. I might stretch a few details to add a bit of humor, but all my stories are real true to life experiences. I got lots more, but some are so far back in my brain I gonna have to have brain surgery to recall them. Others just pop up out of nowhere. That's the ones you read here. I can feel one pop'n up right now....are ya ready?