what old folk do

I'm back....Jack....

I got to think'n......what do all these old retired folks do? I know what this old fart does, but I ain't like most retired folks. Do they sit on "da porch" sip'n coffee or are they watch'n tv sit'n in that old wore out "Lazy Boy" recliner. What time do they get up in the morning? Do they eat breakfast or just drink one them hi protein energy drinks? Not that I'm get'n old or anything like that, just curious.

Now, let me tell ya what a retired full timing RV'n feller does. Since he ain't got no home, he's liv'n on the streets.

Speak'n of living on the streets....did I ever tell ya bout the time? It were back in 2002 and I were in Port Aransas camp'n right on the beach when right bout 2am, someone was bang'n on my door...with a freak'n five cell flashlight....BAM, BAM, BAM. I swings open the door gonna beat some arse, when I see this sheriff look'n guy an' his buddy stand'n there. "You can't park this Winnebago here", he tells me. Winnebago??? Does "this" look like a Winnebago? I look 'round, not a car in sight. A mile down a deserted beach. What the hell??? Then to top it off, he says I have to move before 8am. Why the hell he tell me this at 2am???

Ok...where was I....oh yeah, full time living in an RV. I tried keep'n my house in San Antonio for 3 years, but it got broke into every time I drove around the block, much less take a trip somewhere. For what I lost in "stuff" and vandalism, I could'a bought me a brand new motorhome. What I did soon as I sold the house.


I travel between 5000 to 7000 miles a year, staying no more than a month in one place. If I don't like where I'm at....or it rains, I simply go somewhere else. But I been "somewhere else" too many times. I get up any time I want, as long as it's before sunrise....usually 'cause I gotta go pee. I eat any time I want and what ever I want, drink all the coffee I want and take all the naps I want. I don't have schedules other than those required to meet up with someone.....like my daughter in Houston.

I were watch'n that National Parks program on PBS... what got me to think'n.....what if ya took a National Park tour? But....after I seen some them places, I think I need to keep my feet on level ground. I see that guy stand'n on that rock with nothing under him but "dead". I get all nervous think'n if that was me stand'n up there, that rock gonna fall.

How long I will be able to continue this lifestyle I don't know. I been places I thought I would never see and been places I'll never go again. Picked out my favorite places to visit and picked out places to avoid. Ya can't do this sit'n in an old wore out "Lazy Boy" recliner.

Pancho Villa coming soon to a theater near you......

another rain storm

Yep, things are look'n up this morn'n alright. Did ya see that freak'n storm we just got?? But, I knowed it was com'n, so it weren't no big deal.

Woke up this morning, for about the 10th time, think'n, "boy howdy, why my hip hurt'n like this"? I hobbled to the coffee pot, keep'n a close eye for anything lay'n on the floor, tak'n little "baby steps" till there was enough light to see what I were do'n. All is good to go.

Nothing planned for the day, but ya never know. With the predicted rain for the week end, I'll probably just hang out around in "da house". Take me some naps and watch some tv.

Well shoot, so much for a nap. Got me a grocery list all drawed up to replace what's missing from the cupboards. I either eat too much, someone steal'n stuff or I don't go get groceries enough. Gotta go easy on buy'n meats......need room for the Blue Bell.

Dee Dee and Peggy just come by for a visit. My God, what happen to those girls. Five years surely don't make THAT much difference....or do it? So much for "island" romance.

According to the girls, it's gonna be an exciting week end. Car show at Island Moorings, the Galveston to Port A sailboat regatta and a chili cook off at Sharky's. Boy howdy, old Billy Bob needs to go somewhere. The campground is filling up for the week end festivities right now.
I'm so excitis (excited) I could pee.

When I lived in the City Marina, I was always right in the middle of the regatta for 7 years. Sailboats everywhere. Parties every night, what accounted for all the drunks everywhere.


One year, I had a little "island" girl danc'n on top my Jaguar. One the local, fat, cops come up and was gonna put us ALL in jail...'specially me 'cause I told him to "get the f*** off my car"....what he was lean'n on like he owned it or something. You would'a think I was a criminal or something. He got all irate and red face, pull'n out pepper spray and hand cuffs. A big crowd gathered up clap'n and cheer'n Barnacle Bill (old Billy Bob) on. Then there was more cops. Red lights flash'n, short fat cops run'n all directions. All turned out calm, after 30 minutes 'splain'n it was MY Jag, not some rich tourist....that is until little "island" girl fell slap off the dock into the drink. Boy howdy them was some good ole days.

For some reason I decided to make tacos for dinner. Went off to the store and bought all the mak'ns, plus all the other stuff I needed....Blue Bell of course. They didn't have any Taco Bell taco sauce, so I got the only thing available....LaVictoria. For shells, I chose Ortega 25% bigger than Taco Bell and everyone knows, bigger is better.
Back at "da house" I cooked everything up, cut up some maters, shredded some lettuce and cheddar cheese. Put the shells in the oven long enough for them to brown up a bit and commenced build'n tacos. Oh my, where are the onions??? Anyhows, LaVictoria taco sauce ain't Taco Bell. And Ortega 25% bigger ain't Taco Bell. Ruint 6 perfectly good tacos. But I ate them anyhows. Now I'm stuffed an' gonna lay on the floor.

back seat driv'n

There comes a time in every mans life when he has to "git in da back seat" and let someone else take the wheel. Today is one of those days. It's not that I don't know how to drive....
sheesh, who would ever think that?

There ain't a cloud in the sky, sunshine and beautiful, but it's been a "black cloud" day for old Billy Bob, hang'n right over his head. Let me 'splain what I'm talk'n bout.

It all started early this morning when I stepped on a double freak'n A battery. That's the one I throwed on the floor last night 'cause it were dead. You might be ask'n yourself, "now why would Billy Bob be throw'n a AA battery on the floor"? Well, it's like this....I knowed I would be walk'n down the hall this morning to make me some coffee and see it lay'n there on the floor, pick it up and toss it in the trash. Simple, but I don't see very well in the dark.
Upon stepp'n on that AA battery....what hurt like hell, losing all sense of balance, I fell off to the left , knock'n coffee pot, my CoffeeMate and a canister of sugar to the floor....right next to that GD dead AA battery. Still in an unbalanced stupor, I fell over the trash can trying to regain my footing in all that sugar and stuff. Then I turned on the light.....holy cows Billy Bob, now look what ya went an' done.

Then.... me and my golf'n buddy Ron showed up at the golf course. He says, "what the hell happened to you"? I had CoffeeMate in my hair, CoffeeMate on my pants and a big "thump'n" right there on my forehead. But then...."here comes Jones"... I fell slap out the cart on a hard left turn and Ron run slap over my favorite golf'n foot.

Then.... back at "da house", I commenced to clean up the mess I made earlier. Apparently that "thump'n" on the head dulled my senses....fell plumb out the door when my feet got hung up in the dog ropes. And I did all this before the first stroke of noon. Boy howdy, Billy Bob, you need to lay down.

So I decided to take the rest of the day off and let "someone else drive".

a week in paradise

Well, it's been a whole week in Port Aransas, Texas and I have nothing to show for it. But, I didn't come here to buy stuff. I come here on "business". "How the hell can a trip to "da beach" be considered business....HUH Billy Bob"???? Got everything taken care of what needed be taken care of. Got me in two rounds of golf at the Newport Dunes golf ball swak'n place. Ate me up a great enchilada dinner at Old San Juan mexican restaurant. Made a few beach runs....bikinis on hold....too much rain. Boy howdy, is old Billy Bob hav'n a great time or what???


Since we had that afternoon rain and wind storm yesterday....the monkey was lay'n in the road after he got blowed off the flag pole....today will be a catch up day for all the exciting things I was gonna do yesterday. First on the agenda is a nice soothing shower to get all this damn salt off'n my stink'n body......Oh great, forgot to turn water heater on. Guess that puts the shower on hold. Sniff, sniff....hell I don't smell that bad. A few squirts of Fabreeze should take care of that. Good stuff!!!

************************later
Boy howdy was that a great shower or what. While I was brush'n the tangles out my hair, I noticed I still have a few original brown hairs up there.

Did I ever tell ya bout the time....it were back in bout the mid 70's when I was still a young and handsome brute, I decided to bleach my hair. Went off to the local pharmaceutical place, or what ever they call it, and bought me some hair bleach. I had a me a head of long beautiful dirty blond hair at the time. Well, to make this story short and to the point, have ya ever seen peach hair??? All of it. I begged and pleaded with my ROTFLHAO...LOL'n roomie to go get me some black dye....anything, as long as I get rid of this terrible peach color hair. Almost lost a good friendship when he refused to go. More pleading and beg'n when he finally gave in. Brung back, not black, not brown, but some God awful color like the "ladies of the night" wear. A combination of black, brown, red and a touch of peach. His sense of humor really pissed me off. But no matter, anything is better than bright peach hair when you show up for work on a construction crew the next morning.


Ok, I got stuff to do...enough nonsense for now.

Oil platform com'n in for repair

Two dogs and a jeep

Would you believe them dogs refused to go in the water??? Sissy dogs!!!
But they did manage to tangle them selves around the tires on "that jeep" Baaaa....worthless dogs. Sheesh!!!

Eighteen miles of beautiful beach

Now what ya gonna do Billy Bob????

hehehehe....you guessed it. Took me one them naps right over there on the couch.

Ok, I done got it figger out. If I eat 1000 calories a day and I burn up 2500, I'm gonna lose weight....right? With my high mo-blab-atism, and all this daily activity, it's no wonder I lost 15 pounds. Wheeeha, old Billy Bob gonna have to slow down, eat some Big Macs an' fries, double meat whoppers and some hi octane chocolate cake and ice cream. Boy howdy, can hardly wait.


In the mean time, I'll eat stuff like this.

black cloud

Well I want you lookie there....a great big ole black cloud. Wind has shifted back out of the north. This doesn't necessarily mean it's gonna be cooler weather. Being in the deep south of Texas, them "northers" get to San Antonio, make a turn and head off to Houston and points east. Did you know....that the winters in Port A only last two weeks and at most a whole month? Kind of like being in "paradise" don't ya think?

Speak'n of black clouds, old Billy Bob been hav'n one them hang'n over his head for years. I remember one year we planned a UTMSI fish'n trip up at Choke Canyon State Park. Boy howdy was that ever a fish'n trip. Was 85 degs the day we arrived....woke up to the mid 40's next morning. Wind blow'n twenty forty miles....if it weren't tied down, it were "gone". Me and old fish'n buddy Mike headed off cross the lake to our secret fish'n hole. We got there, sop'n wet, freez'n cold, hands so cold they was blue.....tears in our eyes. Bundled up in our south Texas winter garb, wind breaker and shorts, we was cast'n a mile in one direction and 10 ten feet in the other. Drank a lot of beer that day.

Seems like rain follows the old Billy Bob everywhere he goes. Last winter I was at the slabs. Weren't there but two days and here come a rain. Then a nuther....then a nuther. It don't rain at the slabs. Went to a GTG (get together) campout in Fredericksburg.....lololol....it rained. Went to Houston for a week....it rained. Went to north Ga. for a 10 day camp'n trip....it rained. Went to Terlingua for a week....too damn hot for rain.
All I gots to say is that I either pissed the rain gods off or I just destined as a "rain magnet".

Today.....if I feel like it, I need to go to Corpus Christi and get me some new glasses. Not that I can't see, but it's been over two years with these scratched up ones....plus one lens keeps fall'n out. Trying to find a fallen lens with one eye is like driv'n a 747 from Houston to LAX.....in the dark.
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Did I ever tell ya bout the time...I had a great big grass yard right in the middle of town in Port A....right next door to City Hall. The garden club come by one day and suggested I water the grass. I says..."are you nuts??? That would make the grass grow and then need mow'n". Beauty is in the eye of the beholder....brown dead grass is beautiful. Same deal with the "beautiful" oleander bushes they was want'n me to trim. Cut them suckers slap down to the ground the next day....all of them...pooof....gone....City dump. City officials and garden clubs don't like deal'n with the likes of old Billy Bob.

Boy howdys....was that a storm or was that a storm. Was sit'n here "do'n nuttin" when someone was "rock'n da house". I says, "who the hell is that"??? It were the rain and wind gods want'n in out the rain and wind. It were terrible....but it's beautiful outside now. Sunshine, a little 15 mph breeze and a comfortable 87 degs. I says comfortable 'cause I'm sit'n in the A/C.

Sunshine again

The sun had just come up and when old Billy Bob showed up at the Newport Dunes Golf Club for an outstanding round of golf ball swak'n. Temp was right at bout 76 degs with 95% humidity....holy cows, I was sweat'n already. Glasses fogged up and I were swak'n balls in every direction....'cept where they was intended. Ended up with a decent round of 94....what ain't bad for an old fart swak'n on a brand spank'n new course.

Yesterday was another outstanding day.
Done me some think'n while I was drink'n my morning coffee bout "how to enjoy life when ya don't think you're hav'n fun". It ain't all bout hav'n fun. It's about enjoying what circumstances you have put yourself into. Like..."da rain"... what weren't no fun. But to sit and listen to the rain drops pounding on the roof, the blinding flash of lightning and the ear drum bust'n clap of thunder, gives ya a sense of calmness and inner peace. After your hair gits back down and your heart stops pound'n. Hehehehe....ya didn't think I knew that kind of stuff, did ya? Learnt that in speech therapy when I used to stu stu stu stutter.

lay'n back

Yesterday was a good day.

Got up way to early this morning think'n it were a golf day. I don't do golf swak'n on Sunday. But look out tomorrow morning.....tee time 8am.

Not a whole lot I want to do today other than my fav-o-rite past time...."do'n nuttin". Miss sit'n on "da porch" sip'n coffee with old pesky Wayne, but I got me a big ole covered picnic table sit'n right outside. Spent some time on that picnic table last night while I were do'n some think'n. Then I couldn't go to sleep from all the coffee I drunk. Ya gotta love coffee.
Did ya know that coffee is a good way to lose a few extra pounds. First swaller and ya ain't hungry no more. Hmmmmm....could that be the reason I lost 15 pounds and can't gain it back??? Or could it be for the fact that I don't eat? Oh....I eat, but what I eat may be a contributing factor.

Speak'n of eat'n.....did I ever tell ya bout the time...it were out in Deming, New Mexico when I built the.......................
"Dog House Bar and Grill".......
I put me some chicken to grill, got involved, forgot the chicken and had a fire you wouldn't believe. Flames was com'n out all them little holes and shoot'n up to the roof of "da porch". Smoke everywhere. Water hose was close by so it weren't no big deal to "moisturize" the chicken. Blackened (burnt) chicken is good eat'n.


If ya never been to Port Aransas, Texas before, let me tell ya a little bout it. Years ago, the only way to get here was by and old wooden road and a little ferry down by.........
Shorty's Bar.

That was later replaced with a dirt road and a bigger ferry as more tourist came to fish and gamble at the back room card tables through out town. At one time, Port Aransas was know as the tarpon fishing capitol of the world. Ask some of the older Presidents what stayed at the renowned Tarpon Inn. It still stands to this day.
Up until the late 60's, Port A was a wide open paradise for fishermen, gangsters, draft dodgers, hippies and open gambling addicts...and a few drunks. Then things began to change as the developers seen opportunities in the swamp lands. Port Aransas grew from a little fishing village of 600 to 2000 with-in a few years. Today I would expect it to be somewheres around 4000 to 5000. Not the same place I remember back in the 60's and 70's. Google Port Aransas for a more detailed analysis. Great reading.

Boy howdy, is the sun work'n today or what? Got the a/c kick'n out cold air....of course the door is wide open and the dogs are tak'n a nap.

Now what ya gonna do Billy Bob?????

made a short trip to the City Marina to look see if Steve and Danni showed up. Nope, they liv'n in Houston now, or somewhere like that. Haven't been to the boat for ages except an occasional "check it out" overnighter.
Was gonna take some pics while at the marina, but guess what.....old Billy Bob forgot the media card for the camera......
as Ben would say...Grrrrrrrrrr!!!!

Got back to "da house" after "that jeep" stalling at every red light and stop sign.....
as Ben would say....Grrrrrr!!!!.
Open that hood an look at stuff. HUH???? What's this for??? Where the hell is the carburater and that little adjustment screw??? Ok, let's turn this "special" screw and see what happen. Holy cows, 2000 rpm on idle....back 'er down Billy Bob...back'er down. Piddle, piddle, piddle, turn screw, turn screw....800 rpm idle. Sounds good to me!!!!

Now what????

I know....how bout a big ole apple pie? Old Billy Bob needs something sweet. Measure this, measure that, chop this, chop that, mix'em up, roll this'a way, roll that'a way....walla....apple pie.

Pie is in "da oven".


Pie is out "da oven".



I want ya look at that pork chop I just dug out the freezer. Boy howdy!!! Bens "goo-losh" made me hungry.