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Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Blow up.....boat


I hadn't been work'n for The University of Texas very long, so not many of the other employees knew bout Billy Bob. Just a "straight" guy do'n his job. Quiet, restrained and ordinary. That's what they thought.

The supers office was on the second floor with a little balcony walkway outside. Once a week we had an employee meeting in that little office....bout 10 of us. We was the maintenance crew ya know. Fix stuff what ain't broke.

In the boat crew was another Billy Bob "wannabe"....do crazy stuff, dangerous. He's the guy what was cleaning the insides of a enclosed boat with acetone.....a very highly flammable concoction of aircraft fuel, 180 grain pure alcohol, and TNT. He smoked. Lit him up one with a Bic and ....KA-BOOOM...smoke an' flames...he were lay'n on da ground. Hair all burn up, clothes smolder'n an' that smoke still clinched between his swoled up lips.

Well anyhows, this questionable boat feller an' old Billy Bob gets our heads together an' plan for a little innocent prank on supervisor. A 6 man co/2 inflate life boat was toted up to the second floor office in one neat little package. Rigging was attached to the "inflate" lever and tied to the doorknob. I think you get'n the picture here.....open door, little 6 man life raft blow up into a full size 5 foots by 12 foots boat in less than 5 seconds. Well, that exactly what happen....just like that. The supervisor opened his office door, only to find....to his surprise, a rapidly inflating, room filling, big ass boat. He start back peddling....two stepp'n...turn white like a sheet....no where to go. He backs into the handrail....he starts over....oh my God, he gonna die when he hit that pavement below. Now had he went all the way over that handrail, what saved his life, I wouldn't be writ'n this story.....I would probably still be in jail for premeditated 1st degree murder. No more pranks were performed on second story buildings. Ground level from now on.

Ok, one more harmless prank. Supervisor and da plumber was work'n on a electric steam generator. Ain't neither one of them knowed squat bout 230 volt electric stuff, so this is gonna be a pack of fun. Ya see, old Billy Bob had some his M-80 firecrackers in his pocket what he pick up in Tennessee last year. They was hook'n up wires, wipe'n sweat from their brows.....they was intense an' in deep thought. So intense that they failed to see the Billy Bob sneak up an' slip a big ol' M-80 up under that high voltage steam generator. Then I just stands there, real innocent like, fresh lit up smoke in hand, just wait'n for one them to turn on that switch. What they did. I touches my smoke to the fuse and quietly walk off.....KA-BOOOOM. Back peddle, two stepp'n...fall'n over each other. YEE HAAA....old Billy Bob strikes again. Yes, the maintenance shop at The University of Texas was a dangerous place to work. Remember the "jet powered bbq pit"??? Yes....dangerous.

Billy Bob been deep in thought way too much lately. It were just yesterday I were sit'n there on the couch sip'n a cup and got to think'n..."what if ya spend the winter in south Texas"? Yeah I know, I just got back from a Texas trip. But I didn't catch up no fish for the freezer. I breaks out my Rand McNalley GPS travel device (atlas) an' start a plan for a exciting adventure to south Texas. Two weeks here, two weeks there...before ya know it, it's spring time again. No snow. No freez'n to death. Only warm sunshiny days for lay'n back an' enjoy'n life. As Barney would say..."hav'n toooo much fun". Again....not set in stone ya know.

I've decided this is a good the time to "get out of dodge"....Deming that is. I've had it. Don't like it here no more. Too windy. Too cold. Too hot. Nuttin to do....bored. "But, but, but....what bout all yer stuff Billy Bob"? What stuff...."da porch" an' some junk?? It's paid for and no big loss. Maybe put a for sale sign on the highway...."da porch for sale" and dumpster the rest. Again....not set in stone ya know.

6 comments:

  1. Got any stories the "other way around?" lol,,had to be someone doing to you,,,
    TX is THE best,,but u knew i'd say that. And, you won't be stuck in one place, can go here, go there,,go everywhere. Your kind of trip. Lots of room in the south. Fish too.

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  2. BB, You know the trouble down here with fishing is you catch so many that you can't eat'em all. I still have fish in the freezer. Even with he RED TIDE shutting down parts of the fiahing areas the cleaning tables stay busy nearly night and day.

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  3. ahh heck, we got enough red-necks in Texas. . . course one more won't hurt.

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  4. My dog, Uri, and I just arrived in the Corpus Christi area....(means Padre Island to me). It was a long 10 day trip in bad winds and storms coming from Minnesota.

    After trying to get into a RV park and then either being turned down because of Uri or me not liking the place....I decided to just move around when ever I feel like it.

    Bob Hall Pier has a small free camping spot on the beach on the North side of the Pier. I brought my fishing gear and am going to get out on the Pier and catch a big one! Free camping in so many places. (not there now.....)

    The National Seashore has a place to get free water and dump.

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  5. Well, there is a group already heading to the Slabs for Thanksgiving! You could start now, and be there for Turkey Day and longer!

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  6. Andrea, you are in my neck of the woods. Retired from UT in Port Aransas 10 years ago.....or was it 11 years.

    Roadrunner, I'm think'n seriously of head'n south this year. 3 winters at the slabs is enough I think. Although I'll miss see'n everyone.

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