Thursday, April 21, 2011

Fish'n trip from hell

I packed up 3 my boys in the old bread truck, along with a little 12 foot boat and enough food to last a month. We was gonna go catch us some bass fishes. We found us a good camp'n site right next to the water. And close to a hunert other other campers. Old folks what didn't like scream'n kids. Well mine were perfect scream'n age and there was more of them than the one of me. So the scream'n lasted well into the night....with me tell'n them to "SHUT UP".

First night we all headed off into the woods for a much needed "pee". It was dark in them woods. We talked a little bout all the animals that live in the woods. Ronny had him a good stream a go'n when I mentioned bears. Now Ronny was the type that clinged to his daddy in the time of terror and fear. I was run'n back to the safety of camp, not in fear of bears, but Ronny had a steam a go'n he couldn't shut off, hang'n on my shirt tail, pee'n on me as we ran.

Back at camp we decided we would build a nice little camp fire. Well eveybody know the only way to start a campfire is with powerful engine fuel.....gasoline. Holy crap, the woods is on fire. Flames 10 foots high. Kids scream'n. Neighbors shout'n "shut them kids up".

Robert wasn't much of a fisherman at the time. Tangled line, bait out of reach up in a tree....that boy could cast straight up 9 out of 10 casts. And put his foot in a tackle box....yep he could do that too. Just like Bill Dance.

Second day right after a pancake breakfast all I could hear was "sploosh, splash" for no less than 30 minutes. It were Billy, toss'n rocks in the lake. Big rocks. Lots of them. Here come a couple neighbors, all red eyes from loss of sleep the night before. "Would you tell them boys not to throw rock in the water....we fish'n here". Ok, I told them. But did Billy listen??? Ha Ha Ha.

To get the boys away from camp before the neighbors went bizerk on me, we loaded up the little fish'n boat, fired up the 3 hp motor and headed to the bass fish'n grounds. "My god Robert, watch where you pit your feet". Fish'n lures, hooks and weights all over the bottom the boat. The little 3 hp motor had all it could take of these redneck boys what couldn't sit still and just up and quit......pooof. A cloud of white smoke. Now how the hell we gonna get back. You didn't think old Billy Bob was stupid did ya??? I had an oar. Just bout supper time we was back in camp....no smil'n faces on the neighbors.

With no motor for the boat, all that was left to do was fish from the banks, lay around camp and listen to Billy toss'n rocks. I layed down in the old bread truck for a nice nap, only to be woked up by Billy talk'n to the fish license check'n guy. "My daddy is in the truck....he don't have no fish'n license". (Shut up Billy) Never gonna take that boy fish'n again. After we ate up a months supply of food, we loaded up the old bread truck and headed home. With no fish. Never the less, it was a fish'n trip I will never forget.

Now let me tell ya bout stow'n a blow up bass fish'n boat. If ya didn't see the pic, it's not really a bass boat, but a little blow up canoe. 10 feets long and not quite wide enough to not turn over. Well anyhows, I needed to put it back in the bag what it was in before I took it out. Ok, how the hell that thing gonna fit back in that bag? Instructions, read the instructions. Right....have ya ever read instructions from China. There ain't none for put'n the boat back in the bag. I rolled it, folded it, squished it, stomped on it.....it ain't gonna fit. After a few choice words, a couple cups of coffee and the help of a rope to keep it in a nice little bundle, I squeezed it back into the bag. Boy howdy....that bag is got to go.

Yesterdays golf game with the "old fat man" Barney was nothing to talk about. In fact, I shouldn't even think about it. Really enjoying Barney's visit even though the wind has been terrible most every day. That brand spank'n fish pole reel sure looks nice on my fish pole. Thanks Barney.

Sure did laugh at some of the comments. Humor is medicine.


  1. Sounds like a great time was had by all (except the other campers)

    Travel Safe

  2. Sound like your regular ole Redneck fishing trip to me :-)

  3. Since you were not really fishing you really didn't need a fishing license, right? Don't need no license to throw rocks on the fish. . .

  4. It wouldn't be a redneck fishing story without tumping the boat over or having to bail a lot of water out in order to not sink the boat.

  5. Those oars come in handy particularly when the boat is under a tree and a water moccasin (snake) drops out of the tree into the boat and you have to beat the water moccasin to death with the oar. True story .... but that is a story for another day and time.

  6. A bad day at the lake or the golf course is still better than the best day at work.


  7. OMGosh, you had me laughing till my tummy hurt!!! Sounds like a heck of a fishing trip!