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Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Redneck cake mak'n

"Well holy cows Billy Bob, what ya gonna talk bout today"? This is another one them days when I ain't got nuttin on my mind what would considered "writ'n material". I get that way sometimes when I ain't done nuttin excit'n an' stuff like that.

Jump'n Jimmys, did you hear all that rain last night? I mean to tell ya....it rained all the ways up to 8 a-clock this morn'n. And it were a bit nippy last night too. For last 4 days I been sleep'n under a little skinny blanket so's my feets don't get cold. Poor circulation or something like that. Even in the summer time my feet get cold. Had one them doctors, what are so concerned with my well be'n, check the circulation in my legs. Ha, all he did was look at me an' says...."it's fine....for your age". Then he charges my Medicare a bunch of hunnert dollars.

Since I cain't wear regular shoes, in the winter, I sometimes wear me 2 pair of socks. It all started when I lived in that God forsaken State of West Virginia. It were winter, snow all over the place, below '0' degs. My door was froze slap closed on my VW bus an' I need in there right now. So's I rares back an' kick hell slap out that door. Damn that hurted......but the door opened after bout the third or fifth kick. Ever since then, my big toe has got this big ol' lump on it....right there in that joint. And when I put on a pair of regular shoes, not only does my toe hurt, my whole foot hurt, all the way up to my elbow. My entire leg goes numb....little needle thingys an' stuff like that.

Since I mention my toe.....I went to a toe doctor bout 5 year ago for him to fix it. First thing they do is a x-ray of both feets. This here x-ray feller probly ain't never done this before 'cause he didn't know what the hell to do. He gets out this little step ladder thingy an' says....climb up here on the table. HUH???? Anyhows, here I am stand'n on a table....all wobbly an' stuff, he says to me...."get back down and take your shoes off". Why the hell didn't he tell me that fore the the first time I climb up there.....damn!!! Anyhows, the doctor look at them x-rays.....says I got arthritis an' he can fix it. But I gonna be off my feet for 6 months. That's a half a year if'n ya didn't know it. Ain't no way a single travel'n man can do that. He gotta eat an' go to the grocery store, golf'n....stuff like that. I didn't get the surgery 'cause I didn't have nobody what was will'n to wait on me hand an' foot.

Ok, a while back I posted a recipe for my "Billy Bob Cherry Chocolate Cake". Yesterday one the comments, by Marvin, said he tried my recipe. But he didn't say narry a thing bout how it turn out. When I first invented this cake recipe a few year ago, I posted it on one my Yahoo group thingys. Here it is as I posted it (modified slightly to extensively). Mostly extensively.

-------*Billy Bob's hand-made scratch cherry choc. cake*-------
Go to Walmart and buy ya up a cheap $.97 yaller cake mix, or chocolate if'n you a chocolate lover. Surpreme is the bestest, but it gonna costs bout a dime more.
A can of  Comstock cherry pie fill'n stuff. Don't be buy'n no cheap imitation cherry fill'n....we talk'n quality cake here. The real thing.
A can of that chocolate fudge frosting stuff...brand don't make no matter. It all tastes the same....but I go for name brand myself.
And 3 big ol' eggs if'n ya ain't got none at home. Don't be read'n no instruction on the box an' use 1 or 2  eggs....use 3 like I tole ya.
The way I do it. I put all that stuff in a big old stew pot. A big bowl will do the trick if'n ya ain't got no stew pot. Ya might wanna beat hell out them eggs before ya put 'em in the pot with the other stuff. 
Then I mix the hell out all that stuff with a egg flipper thingy. Be extra gentile so's ya don't squish all them cherries into little pieces. Ya don't want that. Just steer it up so's every thing is mixed. A big spoon might work in place of the egg flipper.
Be warned, don't be puttin no water or other liquids in there or you gonna have youself a huge gooey mess what ya might as well throw in the dumpster an' start over.
Ya puts all that mixed up batter in a greased up and floured big ol' rectangle cake pan, pop it in the oven, somewheres bout 350 degs, and walla, you be a bonified cake bak'r just like the old redneck Billy Bob. I leave mine in the cake pan, all cover it up, so's the fly'n critters an' stuff like that don't get into it. Sadie Mae like cherry chocolate cake too.
Then ya lets it cool for bout 10 minutes fore ya put on gobs of that frosting stuff. Use the whole can...calories don't count. If ya wait too long put'n that frost'n on there, it ain't gonna run down the sides and into all the cracks an' stuff. It gotta still be a little bit warm.
Nothing left to do but jump in with a big ol' spoon or fork and eat em up!!! 

I ain't boast'n or nuttin like that, but this is the bestest cake ya ever gonna  wrap yer lips around. And it cheap too. Maybe I make one today.


14 comments:

  1. Yum! that sounds good! Even I could do it. Why can't you wear shoes? Is it the arthritis?

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    1. I rekon that's it...arthritis. The shoes seem too confin'n even though they are over size....so I been wear'n sandals for the last 5 years.

      LOL....anybody could bake that cake....just follow the directions. And yes boy howdy....it is good.

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  2. I'm gonna try that recipe as soon as I get the ingredients at the grocery, and I'll let you know how it turns out.

    I don't understand why you'd have to be off your feet for a whole 6 months - if you break your foot they can put it in a "walking cast", so it looks like you could talk them into something similar for a man without a wife to wait on him hand a foot! (If you had a wife, by the end of that six months you'd be a dead man 'cause she'd probably have killed you the first week!)

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  3. (If you had a wife, by the end of that six months you'd be a dead man 'cause she'd probably have killed you the first week!)
    Now that's funny.

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  4. Anybody have a recipe for frosting for the cake?

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    Replies
    1. No no no....don't try to make yer own. Ya gotta go to Walmart an' buy some. Whipped Chocolate Fudge....that the best.

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  5. I AM gonna do that cake some day. Too hot to bake. I use the toaster/oven for any baking now, and it won't hold a pan that big.

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  6. Ohh that's a good one! I am gonna repost it (with your name credited) if that is okay with you?

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    Replies
    1. As long as ya call it by it's patented name....Billy Bob Cherry Chocolate Cake.
      Nice camp'n site ya got. Just too bad ya got to move out.

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  7. Now you tell me about your toe problem....before you told me you were perfect. I am so dissappointed.

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    1. Don't know that I ever been perfect, but I been a handsome brute all my life.

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  8. Those foot doctors love to bill Medicare for outrageous amounts, they did back when my dad was alive and they tried to do the same with mother.

    That is why we drive to Piedras Negras to go see a very good podiatrist who charges the equivalent (depending on the dollar exchange rates) of $35.00 to $40.00 dollars even though she has to pay for it out of her own money...well worth the trip and expense.

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  9. Morning, Billy Bob...found your blog this morning... it is delightful to read. BTW this NC redneck just loves your 'accent' :)

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