Ya see, it was like this. The other day when the wind was blow'n a hunnert mile a hour, the crank up vent in the kitchen flew wide open.....poooof, just like that. And it stayed open 'cause there ain't no way I gonna be climb'n on the roof in no hunnert mile a hour wind. So I just left it that way. Well, last night I was lay'n there in bed an' I hears some explosions. Since it was Saturday night, I just figgered there was a party across the border in Mexico. Well it weren't. It were lightning an' thunder. I says to myself...."da kitchen floor gonna get all wet". Yup, you guessed it, old Billy Bob was on top of "da house" at 1 oclock with a piece of bail'n wire. See I tole you, old Billy Bob can fix anything. Duct tape, WD-40 and bail'n wire....fix anything what moves and anything what ain't supposed to move.
I already tole ya bout the boat I put a Corvair engine in it, but did I ever tell ya bout driv'n nails in the clutch to get back to the dock? Ya see, behind that Corvair engine was a 4 speed truck transmission an' behind that was a shaft and propeller. Ya might say kind of "redneck" rigged. Then ya might ask why I had nails in da boat. Well, ya never know when ya gonna need a nail. Anyhows, we was out on "sea trials" Just mak'n sure everything was tip top shape. That when the clutch start slip'n.....shaft and propeller quit turn'n while the engin is scream'n 8,000 rpm's. An' we 2 mile from land....out in the gulf. No food. No water. No life jackets. No nuttin but a hand full of nails and a hammer. With the type of "redneck" installation of the motor and transmission, the clutch was exposed. Well shoot, drive some nails in the clutch. That what we did and in no time flat we was crash'n into the dock. Ya I did....crash slap into the dock.....broke stuff.
Today may be the last day of the blizzard what blowed through south Texas a few days ago. I got me a bad case of "git out the house" from all this sit'n round all cramp up like this. Might just run over to the lake an look around. Still too cold to attempt to launch the "bubba boat". Probably chicken out anyhows. Ya see, the older ya get, the more ya worry bout ya gonna drown. Weren't like that when I were younger. I see that swim pool, take off in a dead run and jump slap in it. Oh crap, I can't swim. Almost drown my ass out there slap'n my arms an' legs like a fool. "Call the Coast Guard.....anybody. Git me out here".
Was think'n bout go'n up the road a piece, but figgered I'm better off right where I am till this crazy weather decides what it gonna do. Ain't got no where in particular to go and ain't in no hurry to get there. That one the things I like bout be'n retired and liv' in a "shak on wheels". Just go when ya get the urge to go an' don't never look back.
Ok....I got things to do.....laters.
A few years ago, hail took out all my roof vents. I got smart and for twenty bucks or so apiece, I had sleek covers put over them and then I could even have them open while going down the road. The next hail storm didn't hurt a thing and you could leave them open in a rain.
ReplyDeleteI am more afraid of thunder and lighting than I am of rain. Don't think I would have climbed up on top of "Sally da house" at that hour. I would have just put a bucket underneath the vent to catch the water.
ReplyDeleteI don't believe you don't know how to swim :)
No one is stupid enough to think a Corvair engine will do 8000 RPM. At least I hope not.
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