What next....water???

Holy crap. I done read me a blog this morn'n what says I'm gonna die if'n I keep put'n sugar in my coffee. It don't say nuttin bout when I'm gonna die, just that if'n I keep up this sinful act, I'm a goner for sure. But you know, the old Billy Bob ain't gonna believe all this hog wash bout what ya sposed to eat an' drink an' stuff like that. Ya see, the way I see it is that there is a bunch of anti-sugar anti-real food corporations out there try'n to scare everbody into using their "chemical" poisons as a sweetener for coffee and such.....Splenda, Sweet N' Low, NutraSweet....them kind of stuff ....what gonna give ya cancer. Don't trust the Government, or whatever, when it comes to a good cup of coffee. Hog wash...that what it is. What's next??? Don't drink the water???

Damn, that was fun......but I ain't done yet. Ya see, it's like this....I'm a 70 years old man. Ain't a thing wrong with me what ain't wrong with most everbody else my age. Ok, let me see....I got a bad back. It sure as hell weren't caused by something what I ate or drinked. Or because I don't walk a hunnert mile a day. It were cause by my be'n a dumb ass try'n to pick up a 2 man hunnert pounds load. You know, macho thing..."I can pick that up". Now I spose somebody gonna tell me the correct way to pick stuff up....right? Well, there ain't but one way to pick stuff up. Just grab holt to it, pick it up and go. Simple as that. Although, it ain't gonna hurt ya none if'n ya get ya some good strong help.

Then there the heart attack thing. I heared that if'n ya eat butter an' hog fat, ya gonna have a massive heart attack an' you gonna die right now. Ya don't really believe that crap do ya??? Ya see, I been eat'n butter an' hog fat, half cooked meat, white bread, sugar, half a gallon coffee every day, all my life....long with a bunch of other weird stuff.....and of course I ain't dead yet.
Every doctor in the world gonna tell ya cigarettes is the cause of lung cancer, high blood pressure, headaches and ingrowed toenails. That ain't so. If'n it were, I would have migraines, off the scale blood pressure and the ugliest toenails ya ever did see. Although, I have cut my consumption of "smokes" in half or more and switched to "puff'n" little cigars a few years back. Thought bout "chaw backie", but that crap makes me plumb green sick.

Now bout my stomach problems. It ain't 'cause of what I been eat'n all these years...it 'cause of my X wife. Not the one here in Georgia, but the other one. My God, that woman would eat the porcelain slap off'n a porcelain cook'n pot. Doctor tole me that. Said I had to either get a divorce or move to another State just to get away from her.
Ok....I take aspirin for my back pains. Somebody gonna tell me aspirin will eat holes in your stomach. So will all them other wanna be aspirin replacement chemicals. Read the labels. Aspirin works and the others don't. So what would you take?

"Yeee Haaa Billy Bob, you is on a roll"

I were tell'n my son when we got back from golf ball swak'n that my back was gonna be hurt'n.....took a aspirin. Well it did. All day long yesterday. But it's back to a normal hurt this morn'n. I sure would hate to have to give up golf ball swak'n. Speak'n of hurt, I were stand'n on the side a hill gonna swak that golf'n ball a hunnert mile. That hill were slick just like my sandals was slick. I rares back for a spectacular shot, feet slides down the hill and I fall slap on my ass....ball go right over there bout 25 yards. 

Ok....got things to do....laters.