Photo memories

"Good morn'n Billy Bob, how are ya"???

Well let me tell ya how I are. Git yerself a cup of coffee an' have ya a seat. I ain't worth a crap....how do that suit ya?
Last night was my second night that my eyes was mess'n with me. Oh shoot, I can see Ok, but they feel like I was in a Deming, New Mexico sand storm.....burn like hell. Water is run'n out 'em. all red an' itches like hell.
Long story short, I didn't sleep any at all last night. I was sit'n here cry'n like a whooped step child. Eye fix it stuff did no good.
Ha, I look like I been on a 3 day drunk. An' I ain't been drunk in a hunnert years.  

Man boy howdy, watch'n photos flash up on the computer screen (screen saver) sure do bring back some great memories. Shoot, I been all over the place. Ya see, I got all my photos in one folder. Ha, named it "photos". My screen saver is set up to show me them photos in random order. One minute I'm in Las Vegas, Nevada an' a few seconds later I'm fish'n at the "danc'n trees" in north Georgia.
Anyhows, I sit here an' watch them photos for HOURS last night....weren't a damn thing on the TV. I feeled good watch'n my screen saver flash'n memories at me an' then do'n me some think'n bout all them places I been in the last 13 years. Just think'n here....I been right bout 90,000 miles in that time.

My first 3 years was travel'n all over the place in Alice. We didn't mess around, we traveled. Right at 45,000 miles in them 3 years an' hunnerts of "places of interest". State parks, national parks....Walmarts an' Taco Bells. Also a whole bunch of places of UNinterest. Have ya ever been to the state of Kansas? I made a special trip to Kansas one time....just to see Dodge City. Dodge City sucks. They had a rodeo I went to. Shoot, they cain't even ride a cow but for a few seconds in Dodge City.

I used to ride cows ya know. Not big cows....but cow puppys. Soon as mama cow wold drop that cow puppy on the ground, I was put'n on my rid'n gear. In bout 3 or 5 days, that puppy was ready to ride. As soon as mama cow would head off to the other side the corral to talk with the girls, I was climb'n aboard me a cow puppy. I'm gonna be a rodeo star.....Yeee Har!!! 6 year old rambunctious little boys think like that ya know.

Oh oh, here come mama cow. An' she pissed. I run like hell lickity split for the fence. I gotta git out of here right now. I'm halfways under that fence an'....she got me. Sent me to sail'n. One them barb wire thingys got me too. I'm scream'n "MOMS". You folks new to Billy Bob's Place don't know Moms do ya?

Got me another fix it list started. 'Sally da house" needs some attention. Ya see, I was git'n in one them basement compartments look'n for bicycle parts. Hmmm....that don't look right. The big slide out is sit'n too low an' a piece of trim stuff is all bended up an' the bottom seal is tore. Almost 3 years ago, we had this slide out sit'n on a bench table. Replac'n some rotted flooring in the kitchen. Well guess what, the slide out needs to sit on a bench table again. That trim piece an' seal will be replaced...or Billy Bob fixed. A 1/2 inch will be added to the bottom of the slide floor. Raise it up that 1/2 inch ya know. The bedroom slide has a "sit too low" situation too. That one, the bed has to be completely disassembled to get to all the stuff that make it go in an' out. Replace a tore seal too. "Sally da house" has got to last as long as I do. She needs fixed. Well made slide outs wouldn't need no fix'n.

Shoot, I'm sleepy....see ya laters.

   



     

Sleep sleep sleep.....no no no Billy Bob

"So Billy Bob, how did that nap work out for ya"?
Well boy howdy, let me tell ya...Billy Bob's house is set a blaze with sleep, sleep, sleep. It all started last night after I eat me up half a grilled pizza. Digerno...how ever the hell ya spell it, riz'n crust supreme pizza.   On a Weber grill, a pzza can be expected to come out perfect ever time. An' last night was a "ever" time. Ha, did ya notice??? I add me some "season'n" to that pizza supper.

Sit'n here at the computer watch'n some news on the TV (6pm) an' see'n what drama I could find on Facebook....I doze off. Damn that pizza was good. Well shoot, I got me a comfortable "that chair" over there, the Lazy Boy recliner, I'll just go sit in that chair for a bit. I'm sound asleep....pooof, just like that. I wake up to some god awful program I would never ever watch....the news is 5 hours behind me. I feed the cats that chicken noodle soup. Sadie Mae go outside for a bit. I'm flip'n channels. I'm sound asleep. I turn the morn'n news on at bout 6:15. Coffee is brewed up....I'm gonna have me a good day. I'm sound asleep. I wake up to a bunch of dad gum wimmins scream'n shit on one them wimmin's programs. It's 11:30am. Added up an' calculated, that right at bout 14 hours sleep in 17 hours.

Yesterday was a good day. Not a whole bunch done, but outside was a nice place to be. The bicycle is fixed. Shifts into all the gears. The chain has been lengthened. Handlebars an' seat readjusted. It's once again a rideable bicycle. Frank will be happy.

On my second mug of coffee an' a few them smoke thingys....I got to think'n.....Damn, the "billy jeep" could use some attention at the end of a water hose. I warsh that sucker. Only 3 10 minute breaks required. Her is pretty again. Well, almost. By the time I get to the point of warsh'n the wheels an' tires, my back is slap wored out.....I ain't gonna make it. Hint hint nephew Frank...warsh my wheels. Now all I need is somebody to pick up tools an' clean the inside. Hint hint nephew Joseph....are ya busy???

I laid Alice on her side. I'm think'n I could put that little piece of trim on there. Measures are took, a light pencil line is drawed.....NO NO, don't do that. "Well just why the hell not"? Paint, that's the why the hell not. One place I ain't looked at paint is Ace Hardware, or some of them big box stores over there In Corpus Christi could possibly have the right color. Alice is on hold. Corpus Cristi patiently awaits.

Ok, we gonna shut this thing down an' do some much needed housework. God I hate warsh'n dishes.     

Eat at McDonalds, I'll never do that again...sheesh!!!, thought I was gonna die.

It don't really make much matter what I say.....I'm gonna change my mind at some point down the road a piece.
"Jist you wait an' see, he will".

When what I have to say, is used as a talk'n point to the opposite of how I feel in a attempt to make me feel better, that ain't right. I think in reality, of things go'n on around me, not some rare occasion that I might live forever. It don't work that way. This is 2015, people live longer than they did a few years back. But that sure as hell don't mean "everbody" is gonna live a healthy life to see 100. If'n I ain't somewhat healthy, I don't want nuttin to do with it. I'm look'n, cross'n fingers an' shit, to see a "happy" 85, but if'n things don't change in my life....well you know how that's gonna works out. Git over it. I'm just like everbody else.

I've knowed plenty people that lived up into their 80's....an' longer. So what's the big deal bout that? If'n ya lay in your death bed in pain for 10 years, what is the accomplishment? 

Great grandpa John, 91. Grandpa, 93. Dad, 85. Uncle Luke, 85. Aunt Myrt, bout 84..??. Last time I talk to Aunt Evelyn....94. That's the "P" side of the family. All in aches an' pains. An' there's still a couple of us left.

I've said this before an' I'm gonna say it again...when I had my open heart surgery, they killed me. Ha, I 'member that nice nurse tell me I was gonna be a grand spank'n new man after surgery. Sure do wish that girl could see me today. I freak'n got old overnight....pooof, just like that. Stuff pop'n up all over the place what ain't supposed to happen until after you dead. But then I'm 73 year old. That's right on the edge of OLD. ...things happen when ya get old. Ha...."shit happens".
BUT.....I ain't nearly as bad as some other "old folks" I know in their 60's an' 70's. These ain't rare occasions...they reality. I ain't skeered to think in reality.
"What the hell did I just say"????

While I'm on the subject, I'm not skeered to pass on, an' it don't bother me a bit to talk bout it. No I'm not complain'n bout "that day" like some people think. Shoot, I've done bout everthing I ever wanted to do....an' then some. Well wait a minute, I ain't broke 80 on the golf'n course an' I ain't got my first "hole in one" yet. Now there are rare occasions, I might complain a bit once in a while bout all these damn aches an' pains I got go'n on. Ha, us old folks do that ya know. I asked a few old men on occasion, "how ya do'n" or "how are ya"? My god, it took 'em a hour to 'splain to me how they was do'n. Don't never ask a old folk how they do'n.

Alice project.....
I don't like the color. Period, I don't like the color. Tiffin Motor Homes ain't NEVER painted a motorhome this color. See that tan building over there, that's the right color. But....that color ain't available in spray cans.
See what I'm talk'n bout???

Oh stop yer bitch'n. Until this project is finished, I'll be post'n pictures an' do'n me some talk'n bout it.
I went to the auto parts store yesterday. Look'n at stick on pinstrip'n. They don't got what I need. Not even close. And Alice has got to have pinstriping. But anyhows, I don't like that color. I'm tak'n a slight break on Alice to do some think'n bout that. Before pinstriping is installed, I can repaint. After..."no way Jose".

Oh yeah, I went to Walmart an' the Shell station yesterday. A very nice comfortable enjoyable ride. Now let me tell ya...don't ever, don't never, eat a hamburger at McDonalds in a Walmart. That $6 dollar meal deal, the hamburger was the same size as a "dollar menu" hamburger ya get at Burger King. Love my Burger King. An' it taste terrible.....cardboard meat. I did me some alka seltzer 3 times last night before my stomach calm down. Got my meds an' I got me a inspection sticker on the "billy jeep". I'm good for another month on meds an' a year on the inspection. I know how to fix shit....Yeeee Haw!!! Brake light light right up when that guy push the brake peddle. Thank ya very much Mr. Google.

It's a nice day outside this morn'n. A few more degs out there, you gonna find me outside sit' in a camp chair sip'n up a cup. Shoot, I could even do a warsh job on the "billy jeep". Today IS Thursday right? The next cold front is due this afternoon. Brrrrrrr....I can hardly wait. More damn winter cold weather for a couple days. But let me tell ya bout Sunday an' Monday. Try 80 degs. Not only is that perfect spring weather, it's perfect weather for a great golf'n day. Now if'n I was to find me a partner to meet up at the golf course Monday morn'n....hint hint. I would even furnish that partner with a wonderful Mexican dinner at the eat 'em up Mexican food eat'n place. Hint hint!!!
 
Ok, I'm gonna go outside. Sip me up a cup an' do me some think'n.

Oh wait, somebody ask me the name of the ship I was on dur'n the Cuban Crisis (1962). It was the USS Dupont DD 941 out of Norfolk Va.

 

I ain't say'n nuttin today.....yeah right!

Some days, an' today is one of 'em.....I just don't give a care. I weren't even gonna write this much, but I was figger'n, if'n I don't write something, I'm gonna break some young lady's heart.

 Speak'n of writ'n.....
When we was cruis'n the seas all about Cuba dur'n the Cuban Crisis, an' then bout 6 or 8 months in the Mediterranean Sea,  I would write me a letter to the love of my life at least onest a day. I don't remember what young lovers like us would write about back in them days, before email, but them letters was heavy. Four or five pages of scribble scribble scribble an' a few pictures. 40 years later in life, I fount her liv'n in a little mountain town in California. In a box in the back of a closet, she had stashed my letters. She's "rest'n" on a hillside over look'n a beautiful green valley. I know that hillside an' beautiful valley, 'cause ever time I'm anywheres close in that area, I go see her an' we have us a little talk. That's been a while though. I rekon ya would call that closure.

On Google Blogger, I stash all my writ'ns so's on a cold winter day, I can go back an' read 'em from time to time. Shoot, I did me some pretty good adventurous, excit'n an' funny stuff back then an' throughout my life.
What I'm git'n at is, I ain't got much stuff to write bout no more. Nuttin adventurous, nuttin excit'n an' nuttin funny anyhows. Some people show up an' read this stuff I write every day . Others are long gone.....poooof, gone just like that. Think'n they got their computers repossessed by Walmart or Bank of America.

The daily stuff I write bout is just like any other old fart on his last leg would write bout. His aches an' pains. What he eat for supper. His thoughts. When ya get up in age an' ya cain't do much stuff no more....you are on yer last leg.  But, just like today, I'll sit here an' write something, even though I don't want to write nuttin bout daily shit an' a bunch of nonsense.
"Ha Billy Bob, ya gotta write something. Don't wanna break no hearts".   

Man boy howdy, this "Alice" project is piss'n me off. There is tons of stuff go'n on that ain't right. When ya get down to the nitty gritty of build'n something, nerves are a factor. From this photo, you can see we at nitty gritty mode....finish details. The easy part is done.

Ya see, I was put'n this little bitty piece of wood on the new paint job to build a door. It has to be perfectly straight. I put that dad gum piece of wood in 14 places before nervously find'n the line where it supposed to go. Super glue all over the place. *It cleaned up, you will never see it.* Two exterior doors have been trimmed out. Even looks like real doors.....unless ya git up close an' inspect my work. Eight compartment doors yet to be trimmed out.
The "hey look at me" cosmetic pinstipe decals are yet to be installed. If'n I git really pissed off, there will be no pinstripe decals. Clearance lights? Well yeah....3/32 by 1/4 inch plastic. Nitty gritty gonna take some time.
An' I don't know how much time I have left. 

While I was sit'n here yesterday freez'n slap to death (43 degs outside), feel'n sorry for myself (a rambl'n mind) an' nuttin to do, I pick up some hobby tools. The new paint job is finished...."don't have no more wrecks Billy Bob". The bumpers are installed an' I did some nitty gritty to the rear end.

 It don't look like much work was involved, but hours was spent on that rear end. Have ya ever builded a set of red plastic tail lights?

When I was talk'n bout that last leg, I been think'n a lot bout that lately. Up to 2008 when I had my heart surgery, I was quite active. I did stuff....ride a dad gum bicycle, climb up mountains....walk out to the car.....stuff like that. I dreamed adventure. I turned most all situations into something excit'n. I think of grandpa when he was on his last leg. I remember old neighbors on their last leg. I recall the pain an' suffer'n they went through. Remember when I tole ya what Dr. Fronkinstink say to me. "Did you expect your surgery to last forever"? I only got bout 3 more years accord'n to him (10 years). Damn I hope I can make a lie'n doctor out him. But anyhows, when ya get in yer 70's, you ain't got a whole lot of time left. Ya don't make no "long term" plans. *Old school reasoning here* Be'n in pain ever day don't help make good thoughts. 

My best think'n time comes after the sun goes down an' there ain't no roadside noise to distract ya. This puts the time right bout midnight here in Sinton, Texas.....after the dogs an' burros go to sleep. Texas ain't a quiet state ya know. I thinked again last night. All the ways up till I see sunshine on the horizon. It was a complete waste. No decisions was made. No travel thoughts were touched on. All I wanted was something to eat....an' a fresh pot of brew.
Accord'n to my think'n last night, my life as a adventurer is over. But then, today is a new day....think'n changes.

"Don't think Billy Bob, do something". Dad gum cold weather. I need sunshine an' warmth.

Ok, I done said much much more than I was want'n to say. Ha...let yer fingers do the walk'n...all over the keyboard.

Hmmmmm.....shower, Walmart an' the Shell station.
Sounds good to me.....laters.

Paint an' body shop blues

Holy cows.....paint stinks. Paint also curdles....itty bitty bumps where it's supposed to be slick like a baby's butt cheeks. My time spent at the paint shop went well.....that is until I see these little bumps show up all over the side of of the new paint job on Alice. Alice was loaded back on the flatbed trailer an' returned to the body shop for the removal of her "diaper rash" paint job. Man boy howdy, that was some tedious work. The paint drys at a fast rate, so the sand'n, sand'n, an' sand'n was not too bad. Come out better than expected. A new coat of paint was applied an' you'll never see it. Looks good from my house.
Oh Oh....baby's butt cheeks is got a pimple or two. Damn....


But, all them dad gum paint fumes, they make me sick. An' when I get sick, I take a nap. My god, I musta sleep 6 hours yesterday afternoon an' early even'n. With a wonderful supper in between. At bed time (1am), I weren't at all sleepy. Watch some crap on the TV an' when them 10 minute commercials come on, I do me some sip'n up a cup, fire'n up a smoke an' do'n me some indepth think'n. My god, I'm think'n till 3:30am an' I still ain't sleepy. Caffeine does not effect my sleep patterns. But "hot" stuff do. Shoot, I 'member a time I fall slap asleep with a hot cup in my hands. Spill that hot stuff on my lap an' come wide awake in nuttin flat.

Anyhows, all that think'n last night didn't do nuttin but give me a slight case of depression to start off another day with.

Now, bout the old Billy Bob build'n the "Coyote" (41' Formosa Ketch sail'n boat). The hull, there is no way in hell I could ever build the hull an' make it look right. I said yesterday that there are plans online, but they ain't really plans like you would find in a boat build'n place. The hull of "Coyote" was fiberglass an' the hull of the model would also be fiberglass. Get'n the same shape on both sides....Oh my god, how do ya do that? The cost for materials an' remote control equipment would be sit'n right on a $800 or $1000 bill.
Think'n here...a model of "Coyote" will be put on hold. Much more research needed.
"A helicopter Billy Bob, build a helicopter".

At 43 degs, that's cold for south Texas. When the earth split an' formed the Gulf of Mexico, winter cold was not in that picture. We should have tropical weather, not freak'n cold winter weather like up north. You know, like over there is south Florida where ya wear shorts all year long. One good thing though, we ain't in the minus temps like the rest of the country. I can live with this.  Brrrrrrr, I'm freez'n slap to death.

Ain't nuttin excit'n happen yesterday. Well, my supper was a bit excit'n. I was sit'n here think'n what to make out of a pound of hamburger. A light come on....hamburger cream of muchroom mac an' cheese casserole. I can do that, an' I did, an' it come out super good. Ate me up two plates that stuff....an' I don't eat two plates nuttin. Breaked up chocolate chip cookies with peaches in heavy syrup over 'em...that was my dessert. We eat good at Billy Bob's house.

Ok, it's late, I got to find me something to do. Laters....

  
     

Call 911, Alice is hurt

I'm gonna rekon this morn'n that adventure an' excitement comes in many shapes an' forms. Why I 'member a time many many years ago I climb my first mountain. We was outside play'n "ride that hoss", "skin that bear"....kid stuff. "Let's climb that mountain cliff Billy Bob". Ain't nuttin excit'n bout climb'n no mountain....unless something happens. It ain't no adventure unless you are dressed for the occasion. Mountain clothes. Moccasins. Coonshin cap....stuff like that. It was just another daily activity climb'n that cliff. Something like climb'n trees, throw'n rocks....pester'n the cats....kritter hunt'n. Stuff ya do every day.
Adventure an' excitement hit the instant I reach my hand over this small ledge to get me a good hand hold on the side that cliff. I been bited by a dad gum great big ol' cactus thingy lay'n on that ledge. My fingers are all stuck to that cactus thingy an' ain't no way they gonna ever come back apart. I got me a mountain cliff to git back off'n of....one handed.
I learn me a few more cuss'n words that day.

Ok......so this ain't the adventure an' excitement yer talk'n bout. It was a adventure to ME. An' if'n someone else was writ'n this, I would git myself all excitis read'n bout it.

I was paint'n round them winders with a Sharpie permanent marker. It sliped...I got black Sharpie on my new paint job. Now how the hell do ya get Sharpie off'n a paint job? Alcohol, ya use alcohol. Very careful, with a cue tip, I apply a dab of alcohol an' start to scrub that Sharpie mark. Damn, more Sharpie appears on the paint job. Then some more. It's mask an' touch up paint time. The paint don't match. Maybe nobody will ever see it. I'm done. Screw up #1 for the day.

     Can ya see it???

Screw up #2.....
A while later, I'm prepar'n my supper. This dad gum office chair is in my way. I give it a little shove. Alice is sit'n on the hobby table. The office chair runs slap into the hobby table....Alice is on the floor. She's cry'n...."I broke my leg". Carefully pick'n Alice up off'n the floor, I examine her for damage. Oh my god, she done broke her back. The back end cap has come slap loose. Little wood splinters stick'n out. I calls 911...."Alice broke her back". Amblamce shows up an' take Alice to the hospital for immediate surgery. That's why there ain't no pictures of her broke back. All left side winders will be masked off an' a brand spank'n new paint job on that side is in order. Grrrrrrr....all 'cause of a dad gum nervous Sharpie pen slip.

Boy howdy let me tell ya bout supper. Pan fried pork chop, fried taters, warmed over buttered corn an' some the best white gravy ya ever eat. Even Sadie Mae thought it was delicious. Now maybe my eyes will straighten up an' start work'n right an' just maybe, these dad gum nerves will calm down an' not slip with a Sharpie. I'm a very nervous person ya know. Ha....you should watch me try to thread a needle. By the time I git it threaded, I done forget what I was gonna sew.

It's cold again today (42 degs right now). More expected come Thursday. I'm think'n I'll just stay inside "da house" an' deal with it the best I can.

It was suggested in the comments yesterday that "why don't ya build a model of the Formosa sailboat ya lived on"? This idea has been on my mind for quite a few years. Now where on earth would I put a 41 foot sailboat in a 35 foot motorhome? I'm run'n slap out of room. Poor airplane is stowed in a compartment under "Sally da house". But....I know I ain't gonna build no helicopter 'cause of the expense of repairs after a crash. You crash helicopters ya know, not fly 'em. But there is a possibility I would build a sailboat. It would HAVE to be built remote control, just in case I ever get close to water again. Talk'n fresh water here. Ya don't put boats in salt water.

Ok, I got to meet up with the paint shop guy here in a bit. We work'n on a motorhome, not a freak'n sailboat.

Have ya ever took pain relievers an' ya got immune to 'em? These Advils ain't do'n their thing no more. I'm back to aspirins, an' they ain't do'n their thing neither. Dad gum bulldozers!!!

I'm gone....have ya a nice day.

Oh no, you didn't......Oh yes he did

Well shoot, I was just sit'n here look'n at that can of paint an'....."why not"?

The color you see is not the color you see. Due to the dullness in my liv'n room, the glare from the winders, my attitude an' no sunshine outside, this is what ya git.

Remember this......?????

Then I was just sit'n here an' I got to think'n......hope the winders come out right. So's I break out tape, a paint pen (fine tip) an' I paint me some rubber winder seals. Remove the winder protective film an' this is what I end up with. Not perfect, but in my book, close enough.

But, you would be safe to bet a dollar, the old Billy Bob is gonna do him some touch up round them winders.
What ya think bout that hood??? Today I rekon I'll be do'n all them other winders. Maybe build some compartment doors on the sides. It's look'n more like Alice ever day.
Dang, how comes my camera ain't show'n the right color???? 

TV.....now let me tell ya bout over the air broadcast TV in south Texas. Ya don't watch it unless you absolutely have to. I'm talk'n junk tv. Since the Ferguson episode up in Missouri, PBS is broadcast'n what I call "racial" programs....they tag white people as trash an' pin gold stars on the blacks. It would be fine with me to be called trash once a week, but every night???? Then they run a good Nova program one night....an' then run the same program bout 3 more nights. Shoot, I done seen that. We have Mexican channels in south Texas. Well DUH!!!, the border is right over there. I have 28 channels on my TV, but in reality, I can only understand what they say on bout 6 or 8 of 'em. We have duplicate channels. ABC, ABC, CBS, CBS, NBC, NBC, FOX, FOX....see what I'm talk'n bout? Anyhows, TV sucks.

Now you talk bout some good eat'n. I grill me up a chicken leg quarter last night with bbq sause, along with a grilled tater with grill marks. Not baked tater, a grilled tater cut in half. A can of buttered corn rounded out a great meal. I usually don't put this much effort into a meal, be'n all by myself an' all. An' it take only 5 minutes or so (15 min) to eat it up. No Alka Seltzer required.

I'm in a mind freeze. Dad gum thing don't think bout nuttin but fix'n stuff an' model motorhomes. This will be the last one these suckers I build. I cain't recolleck the last time I got to think'n bout "go'n down the road a piece". I ain't thought bout the "bubba boat" an' fish'n, I ain't thought bout the Grand Canyon an' all them desert lands I love out west.....mountains an' cactus. Dry lake beds....dy'n of thirst. I ain't even give much thought bout go'n back to Georgia for a family visit. Maybe I need to go down to the bar, git sop'n drunk an' talk to some young people an' strike up a conversation bout retirement an' travels all over the country in a motorhome. I been to the Grand Canyon ya know. A magnificent piece of artwork. 

Ok, I didn't fix nuttin yesterday, so nuttin there to write about. Oh wait, I started cut'n Sadie Mae's hair. Sheesh, it's gonna take a week.

Ok, I'm out of here....gotta find something to do.

Thank you Albert for your knowledge in brake light fix'n

Thank you, thank you, thank you Mr. Albert Google. It ain't offen that you gonna find the old Billy Bob giv'n credit to somebody that gives him so much grief with blogger an' stuff like that, but "Thank you so much Mr. Google". My brake lights are now working.

It took me a long time to go outside an' try the "fix" I found on the internet. Old school tole me a fix like that would never work. *think'n....I'm gonna have to pull the dashboard slap apart an' start check'n parts...not know'n what the hell I'm look'n for.* Brake lights are NOT operated by the headlight switch, they're operated by the damn brake peddle. If they work with the headlights off, they will work with the headlights on. But, this is s Jeep. Jeep's don't work that way. An' that's what happen to the "billy jeep".
Anyhows, I says to myself...."go outside an' 'try' the internet fix an' see what happens". My god, lookie here, the brake lights work with the headlights on. A simple 30 minute fix. Wait for it..........are ya wait'n?

Now who the hell says that Billy Bob don't know how to do quilt'n an' blanket build'n.

I don't ever recall the bed look'n that good.....made up like that. Need to find a scale model dog to lay on the bed....paint it black...name it Sadie Mae. No, I don't build dogs. But I betcha a dollar I could.
Do ya see that space (bout 12 inches) between the bed an' the back wall? First mate Vickie Lynn fall slap out the bed in that little space on more than one occasion. Had she drinked a little less vodka an' been just a tiny bit sober, it would have never happen. My god, I like to never get her out that hole. Vickie Lynn walked the plank on return to Port Aransas from a trip to California an' back.  

I'm git'n all antsy bout put'n a coat of paint on Alice. Now if'n I was to do that, that paint job would get all mess up work'n on other stuff. But, I could always not work on that other stuff....dwindling interest has set in. Down to the nitty gritty. Don't be too surprised if'n I post a picture of a painted "Alice" in the very near future.

Damn, I got to go outside an' reinstall them tail lights. Take a whole 5 minutes for that job. Four screws. No cuss'n they go in so easy. Ha ha, Billy Bob gonna check 'em one more time just to make sure they still work.

Man boy howdy....I climb in that chair last night to watch me up some TV. Remember what happens when I get in that chair....I go to sleep. I wakes up at 3am...."why am I still in this chair? Go to bed". Shoot' I'm all comfortable an' stuff, I ain't go'n to bed. Third night in a week I sleep in that chair.  Wake up hurt'n like hell.

Pizza. Have ya ever try to grill pizza in a wind storm? The wind was blow'n bout 20 mile a hour. The Weber don't like that. A great big ol' piece of cardboard fix that right up as a wind break. It still took almost 45 minutes to get my pizza just the way I like it.....crisp bottom an' stretchy cheese. Cats will be eat'n left over soup today. I ain't eat'n no more that shit.

Weather has changed again with all them cold fronts they get'n up north. We get the tail end of 'em down here in south Texas. 40's at night an' upper 60's an' 70's day time. Damn I'll be glad when winter is over so's I can complain bout how freak'n hot it is. One good thing bout "hot" is ya can get all neekit if necessary.

Now that reminds me the time....we was liv'n in Port Aransas. It was summer time....hot as hell at night (80's with hi humidity). First wife was giv'n me hell 'cause I come in drunk an puke on the floor. My god, she was cuss'n me. I jumps out of bed an' takes off after her. Don't ask, I don't know. She's out at the sidewalk giv'n me the old "Nah nah nah, you cain't catch me". Like hell I cain't....I go out the door an' down the sidewalk. Oh hell no, I am neekit like a new borned boy child. I ain't got a stitch of nuttin on. People is point'n fingers at me an' laugh'n...."my god, it's Sunday morn'n an' the streets are full of tourist". That's all I have to say bout that!!!

Inside Jeep taillight assemblies are 3 twist in lamp bulb holders. There is no ground to the assembly from the frame. Ground to each light bub comes from the wir'n harness....little plug in thingy what is plug in to a printed circuit board with metal tabs in each lamp holder hole. The lamp holders twist into these circuit boards an' make contact to the little tabs what stick out. Heat from the tail light an' brake light does a "let's melt some plastic" job on the plastic support'n the tabs. The lamp holders lose contact on the ground tab. Ha...brake lights ain't gonna work. Accord'n to Mr. Albert Google's lead mechanic, all ya gotta do is bend that little tab back up out of the melted plastic to where contact is made. Oh yeah....it works like a charm. But it sure to hell ain't nuttin like "old school".

Ok, gonna try to figger out what to do today. Would love to go golf ball swak'n, but with this damn hip, it ain't gonna happen.  




 

Update on them brake lights......Brake lights? What brake lights? They don't work....damn!!!

What do I got to do??? Fall into the Mississippi river an' drown? My bungie cord break? Git a broke nose or something like that?

Me an' Sadie Mae jump in the "billy jeep" an' we go to the Shell station. Reject, reject, reject!!! Well, we was only rejected for one thing.....failing brake lights. But only when the headlights are on. To simplify, when the headlights are off, the brake lights work just fine. But ya turn the headlights on, you ain't got no brake lights. I tried to tell the guy that "I don't drive at night, it'll be just fine". I have 15 days to make the brake lights work. "Old school" tells me that if'n they work with headlights off, they will work with headlights on. This is a Jeep, so "old school" is in the dumpster. I'm figger'n some rookie electrical engineer was hav'n a bad day an' got a bright idea.
Anyhows, I got me a set of brake lights to fix. An' don't know where to start.
"Google Billy Bob, all ya got to do is Google".

Holy cows, everbody with a Jeep (1999 to 2003) has the same problem. It ain't just me. On the Jeep forums, there is a guy that 'splains the fix in detail. Even videos on YouTube. There are hunnerts of people prais'n this guy.....offer'n to buy him a case of Budweiser beer...along with a 16 oz. T-bone steak. Take his wife out on the town for the evening.

The Jeep dealerships an' your local auto mechanics shops, they all know the fix. But they ain't gonna tell you bout the fix. They gonna sell ya a ton of high dollar Jeep parts an' make a kill'n off'n ya. $$$$$$$ signs in their eyes.

I ain't gonna tell ya what the fix is neither....send some cash!!!! If the fix works on the "billy jeep", I will give details. Until then, we are both in the dark. I'm think'n "old school" here ya know.
 By the way.....the guy didn't say the first word bout the parking brake. Did it pass or did it not?

Went to Walmart so's I can refill my empty freezer. I'm gonna eat good for a few days. I'm not a health nut, so's I buy anything that looks good. If'n it got fat in it, that's fine....I'm thin. If'n it's processed meats, I eat that shit too. Cold Spam sammiches sure are good.

I bought a can of spray paint. Just HAD to spray a little bit. This will be the finish color of Alice. It's not a perfect match, but it will have to do. Nobody will know but me. I sprayed some on the back end.....I like that.

With the lighting, no sunshine com'n through the winders, this photo didn't come out too good.....but you git the picture.
Dang, sure do wished I had that 1/4 inch back I cut off the bottom. Note: That strip ya see at the top of Alice, that's to keep the sides in perfect alignment. In other words....straight. I wouldn't be there if'n I glued the top on, but if'n I was to glue the top on, there would be no "play'n house" in the interior. The top is removable. Hmmmmmm....I need a miniature model quilt to throw on the bed.
Ok, no more model talk for the day.

How do I feel??? I don't feel worth a crap. My freak'n lower back an' right hip is kill'n me. I knowed I hear a bulldozer crank up last night. Had me a breath'n episode last night. A chest pain I ain't had in quite a while. Blood pressure was fine (135/80). Oh, did I mention them damn leg cramps? I don't think I'm gonna make 85 like I was figger'n on. Then I got to think'n bout that. With what it's like at 73, all these aches an' pains, what's it gonna be like at 80 or so??? I'm think'n I don't want to think bout that.
Note to sons an' daughters....DO NOT attempt to throw me in no old folks nursing facilities. That would plumb piss me off an' I would beat yer ass with a stik.

Well, I got some brake lights I got to check out. Damn....the wind is blow'n up a storm. I don't like wind when I'm check'n brake lights.
************************************************************

Update on the brake lights......Yeee haaa, them suckers work'n just like brand spank'n new. Will leave the details until tomorrow.....make ya wonder all night long...."how did Billy Bob fix them brake lights"???  

Jack an' Jill go up the hill....Billy Bob fall down

Stuff just keeps fall'n downhill.

Yesterday I weren't gonna do nuttin all day long. That was a failure. I did something.
What I did, that was also a failure.
So I turned back to "do'n nuttin".

The "billy jeep", it still don't hold when ya pull that park'n brake lever. 

Last night I began writ'n a "nuttin but nonsense" blog post for today. After read'n it this morn'n, it will NOT be posted.

I sleeped in "that chair" again last night. "Why Billy Bob, why do ya sleep in a freak'n recliner"? I like that chair.

It was 3am. Both eyes was look'n round the room. The tv is on...I ain't watch'n it. Pictures are pop'n up on the screensaver on the Toshiba. It's cold outside 40 degs). I look at the "Alice" project over there on the desktop.....I ain't got no interest. I see a couple items what could use some "fix it" attention.....but not today. I close my eyes. I wake up an' it's 15 minutes later. It's 4am. I get up an' make a pot of coffee. Sadie Mae wants outside. I rearrange myself in the recliner. It's 5am. Afore I know it, here come the sunshine. It's 7am.

That was my excit'n night. Don't ya just love it??? Well I don't. Not narry a bit. If this is what old age is like, I don't want to go on any more. Don't want nuttin to do with it. *a bit of depression show'n here*

I'm gonna take me a short break an' give my life a good "look see". Lock the doors an' do me some think'n.
"Billy Bob, if'n ya fix the "billy jeep", git the inspection....everthing will be just fine.
Damn Texas an' their safety inspection stuff.

Ok....let's see where we stand on the "billy jeep" today. The brake shoes has been replaced, an' readjusted two more times yesterday. The brake lever has been lubricated an' works like a brand spank'n new one. The cables operate both sets of brake shoes just like they supposed to do. It's just like it come off the showroom floor. The damn thing should work.
Google, Google, Google....for 4 more freak'n hours. Other possibly 'causes could be....glaze on the brake drum surface. We didn't sand 'em. Use ONLY OEM brake shoes. We didn't. Rear brake shoe expander thingys could be rusty an' not apply'n enough pressure. All these items means "tear that sucker apart again".   
"All ya gotta do Billy Bob, is take it to the Shell station ya took it to last year an' get a inspection sticker". They don't check parking brakes.
This thing is got me so damn stressed out I don't know what day it is. Wrote a check, didn't know what month it was. But I did get the year right.

Sorry I ain't got nuttin excit'n to write about. Just hang in there, something is gonna happen.

Oh wait, lookie what I found. 1964 or there bouts.

This was long bout the Cuban Crisis time. 


   

Today I pay

Holy cows, I'm think'n I'll be tak'n the day off today. Some position I placed this old body in or some that heavy crap I had to move to get under the back seat has got me down this morn'n. I'm think'n here, I've taken days off before....I know how to "do nuttin".

But that weren't my plan for the day. Ya see, I got a dad gum Jeep to fix. With the new brake shoes, adjustment, the lever thingy pull'n on the cables like it 'sposed to do, this parking brake should be fixed an' keep "billy jeep" from shoot'n across the yard when ya put it in gear.
Now....a couple more hours of Google research. *A parking brake is for parking, not stop'n while driv'n down the road.* *The parking brake shoes need conditioned.* (conditioning brake shoes is "burning" them into the drum for full contact). Ya see, ya go out on the road,  bring the speed up to 25 mile a hour, then apply parking brake to stop. That was my #1 task in my plans for the day.

Anyhows, there is still a slim possibility I may git up an' go do something. I did say "slim" didn't I???

Let me tell ya bout soup. Soup is like chili. Yesterday night I drag that pot of soup out the fridge. Fix me up a bowl an' heat it up in the micro. Hmmmm...this soup tastes pretty dad gum good for tast'n so nasty the day before. I know lots of food, ya got to let it rest for a bit before ya jump in there an' gobble some down.

I have nuttin else to say. Got to cut down on this nonsense talk I been do'n for the last year or so. Dang, I need to do something excit'n.

Oh wait......holy cows, I was sit'n here last night an' I says...."damn, it's cold in here". I looks at the temp thingy (Walmart special) an' it's 34 degs out there. I look again a little later....31 degs. Then at 2am....28 degs. Mr Heater burn'n up propane spit'n out BTU's, two electric heaters full bore....it's comfortable in "da house".

Second update.....What a depressing day this is.....Grrrrrrr

Damn I'm depressed this morn'n.
I ain't the only one ya know. There's other people out there what wear the same kind of shoes I do. Pay Less "old folk" shoes. They feel the same way I do ever morn'n.....don't give a rats. They eat up hand fulls of pain pills, heart meds an' antidepressants.....stuff like that....just to start a new day. They holler at the dog.

Shit breaks. I been hear'n that all my life. An', dad gum it, it's true. Then ya get into situations where things  just don't work right. Ya see what I'm talk'n bout?...them brand spank'n new park brake shoes DO NOT HOLD. I was able to get the park brake level to pull tension on the brake cables. Pull that lever back like a trucker. Start up the "billy jeep", drop 'er in gear an' across the yard I go. Now THAT piss me slap off. With new brake shoes, it ain't supposed to do that. More on this after it gets a bit warmer an' I go tear the whole damn thing apart. Google has been very little help with this situation.

I've tole nephew Joseph bout a hunnert times...."sure do wished I had bought that other Jeep" (2007).

But I love the hell out the "billy jeep" (2001).

 But she is piss'n me off to no end. I mean like....what can be so complicated bout a parking brake??? American built vehicles ain't supposed to break.

Back to that "redneck" chicken noodle tater vegetable soup, with maters, what I brewed up yesterday. Looks can be deceiving ya know, an' let me tell ya, I was deceived. I mean, I got a whole pot of soup I gotta get rid of. But then I got to think'n...."I can fix stuff". So's I take me a pac of beef stew seasoning an' put it in there. Hmmmmm....I can eat this shit stuff.

Holy cows, it was cold last night. I had me 2 electric heaters crank up on hi an' it's still cold in here. Mr Heater was cranked up. Speak'n of electric heaters. I got to tear these ones slap apart an' remove all the dog hair, grass clip'ns an' dirt off'n the heater coils. Another job for "Billy Bob Appliance Repair".....Grrrrrrr.
While I'm on the subject....the damn refrigerator is fall'n down. Ya see, it sits on a plywood platform. Me an' Robert fix that platform less than a year ago to level the fridge. Now one front corner is lower than the other. Another Grrrrrr. For the last year, it has rained on me pretty dad gum good....stuff break'n at every turn. Good thing I don't have to pay for repairs.

Ok, I'm gonna try to remove a couple items from my "to do" list. If'n I was younger, I could clear the entire list in one day. But I ain't...an' I won't.
***************************************************************

Update....already
Ok, the refrigerator is all took care of. Scratch THAT sucker off the list. Yeee haw an' all that stuff.

Second update.....I pull that center console slap out the "billy jeep". Take a look see at the parking brake lever mechanism.....Hmmmm, the doo flotchy ain't contact'n that gear look'n thingy. Common mechanical talk. With my fingers, I press that doo flotchy against the gear thingy.....walla, the lever pulls the cable. Either the spring is broke or it needs some lubrication. WD-40 to the rescue......Yeee Haw.....it works.
Now all I gotta do is figger out why the new shoes ain't hold'n the "billy jeep" from shoot'n across the yard.

That's 2 items off'n the list....refrigerator an' park brake lever. Now can somebody 'splain to me why the freak'n thing don't hold. I'm think'n, because it's all time 4x4, that could be part of the problem.  

Fix'n broke stuff breaks other stuff.....I betcha a dollar

I have many understanding followers an' I love 'em to death.
Then on the other side the coin, there are many followers what don't understand me at all. I say silly shit ya know.
Seldom will you fine me in a serious condition, but I can do that too.

To start off yesterdays excit'n day, the starter was installed.....pic yesterday afternoon, but here it is again just in case ya missed the update.

After that job was done, "billy jeep" start right up an' pulled off the ramp., Tools all stowed where the supposed to be....I took me a break. Came [this] close to a nice nap in "that chair".

Nephew Joseph show up with a hand full of tools...."let's replace the parking brake shoes". You don't know bout parking brake shoes on a Jeep do ya? Chrysler Motors have turned Jeeps into a freak'n nightmare. Four hours, four dad gum hours to replace then damn things. Special tool here an' special tool there.....an' only a inch or so to get in there with big swolled up knuckles. Adjustments are made. I pulls back on the park lever...."WHAT THE HELL"""??? It go all the ways back an' never set the brakes.
Ok, back to Chrysler Motors....some ass hole designed a self tensioning lever assembly. It don't catch the toothy gear thingy that pulls the cable tight. There are no adjustments on it an' no replacement parts to fix it. What I learn on Google....it's gotta be replaced. Before I can remove all the center console stuff to get to that lever thingy, I got me a dashboard to put back together. And it's freak'n cold outside.

 The temp dropped 28 degs in bout 30 minutes when the cold front hit. To give ya a idea, at 5:30 this morn'n, I turned on the bedroom a/c. Yes I did, I ain't lie'n. Hot flashes I rekon. At 11am it was 76 degs. I now have two electric heaters run'n an' it's 48 degs....an' fall'n. A very comfortable 76 degs in "da house".

Speak'n of air conditioners.....have ya ever builded a Coleman a/c for a model motorhome? I'm think'n it come out pretty dad gum good....until I applied some paint. My god, my nerves are so bad I got brown paint all over the damn thing, brown finger prints an' stuff....an' it ain't supposed to be brown where the brown paint ended up. So's, a hot water warsh job (acrylic paint), an' a fresh coat of cream color paint. Brown paint will be added when these dad gum nerves calm down. A few other items have been worked on on the "Alice" project. Damn I wished I had me some paint the same color Alice had on her. Note: I can get it matched at Home Depot, but I don't own a little bitty paint sprayer.

Ok, somebody said they want more pics of the stuff I eat. How bout a pot of chicken noodle tater vegetable mater soup??? Ha ha...with burned onions. Actually, the burned onions gives it a bit of a "redneck" soup taste.

Well shoot, I ain't got nuttin more to say right now.
********************************************************

Update......
HEY!!!! Anybody wanna buy a pot of redneck soup??? My god, let me tell ya, don't NEVER put no burned slap up onions in a pot of soup.

The dashboard has been put all back together. It's a bit chilly out there, 48 degs, so's I'm back in the comfortable "Sally da house"......73 degs.

Now what the hell am I gonna do? 

Update....yes I can...How to repalce a starter.....good luck

Well shoot, that weren't near as bad as Mr. Google tole me it would be. As a man thing, us men very seldom pay attention to directions an' instructions. You know, jump in with both feet an' hope it works.

I'm get'n a bit ahead of myself here....let's start from the begin'n. Check'n out an' diagnosing the starter on the "billy jeep". I know how to do that kind of stuff ya know...with no directions or instructions. The starter is bad an' needs replaced.

I went to the auto parts store at 2:30 an' pick up my ordered parking brake shoes...an' a starter. My god, there went a 2 hunnert dollar bill an' some pocket change ($211.07)  It's now 3:30 an' my mechanic nephew Joseph still ain't back. I says...."hell, I've changed starters before....what could be so hard"?

Now let me tell ya bout chang'n a starter on a 2001 Jeep GCL 4x4. My god, it will never fit through that tiny little hole. Between the exhaust an' some other piece of the front suspension, there is a total of 4 inches clearance. I've got to get tools up through there, loosen bolts, disconnect wires an' then get that starter through that tiny little hole. Hmmmmmm....maybe I should Google "how to replace a starter". One person says it will fit. Another says it won't. One says 30 minutes. Another says 3 hours. No videos on Youtube.

The bolts.....have ya ever try to loosen bolts through a little 4 inch hole. An' then when ya finally get a wrench on 'em, they are too freak'n tight to turn? Nobody tightens starter bolts THAT tight. Cheater bar for the ratchet an' lock two wrenches together to form a "cheater" wrench....a man thing. Same with the wiring connection. Nobody tightens nuts THAT tight. Now comes the funny part. Once that last wire was disconnected....that freak'n starter fall right through that tiny little hole. No twist'n an' turn'n, no bloody cuts an' bruised knuckles an' no cuss'n. Damn, I like to cuss once in a while. It's get'n dark. I cain't see no more. Tomorrow I will install the new starter.

This morn'n I feel the results of try'n to replace a starter. Soooo, today, it will take me a while before I get up enough nerve to crawl up under there again. Kind of sorta a must do situation though. Either that or not never drive the "billy jeep" again. 

Chili is gone. I ate that whole damn pot of chili all by myself. An' let me tell ya...that chili was gooood.

I just HAD to put last nights supper on here. There's 3 grilled hot dogs under all the stuff....Yum Yum. I was stuffed....alka seltzer time.

That was my day yesterday. Nuttin excit'n to write bout, but it was a successful day. An' that's what maters.
An' golf on TV sucked.....
*****************************************************

Now this is what I'm talk'n bout. Took me right at 30 minutes to get that thing up through that hole an' all hook back up. Reconnect the battery an'...."walla, we got ignition Houston". Start right up like a brand spank'n new Jeep. 

Yes, I do have a few bruises to prove it's a hard job replac'n a starter on a 2001 Jeep Grand Cherokee. But it did go much easier, an' quicker, than was anticipated/expected.

Further research was done on the noisy differential (rear end) on tha "billy jeep". The Jeep has a limited slip, vari loc or something like that, Dana 4 rear end. It calls for synthetic lubrication with a "friction modifier" additive. Ok, I did that. Still makes noise on slow left turns. Now it seems, accord'n to Mr. Google, I used the wrong friction modifier. Soooo, we gonna find a bottle (4 oz.) of Mobile friction modifier. Try that an' see what happens. In the mean time....listen to loud ass Cajun music to drown out the clatter clatter, band bang, taclink taclink noises. Either that or never turn left again. You did know that 3 right turns are the same as 1 left turn....right??? 

"billy jeep" fixes.....maybe

Ok, here's the freak'n deal. I went to the auto parts sell'n place to either buy me up a set of parking brake shoes or to order the damn things. They on order.  Pick up this morn'n...Saturday.

When I come out the hardware store, the "billy jeep" don't start.
When I come out the auto parts place, the "billy jeep" don't start.
When I come out the lumber yard place, the "billy jeep" don't start.
When I come out the convenience store, the "billy jeep" don't start. 
When I get back to "da house"....Ha, it start every time. (attempting to locate reason "billy jeep" don't start)

Then I finally got it to where when ya turn the key....there's only a click under the hood. I ain't heared that click before. This tells me that the ignition switch is powering up the start relay an' it goes...."click". But the starter just sits there do'n nuttin. God I hate chang'n starters on 2001 Jeep Grand Cherokees. The start relay has already been switched with another one in case you're think'n all I need is a relay. One more test is yet to be done......but I need freak'n help.

Ok, now that we got the bad news out the way, let me tell ya bout paint. Nobody has can spray paint anywhere's close to the paint what was on "Alice". Yes it's very important that the colors come close to a match. It wouldn't be Alice if'n it was a different color.

Paint preparation continues. I got this sucker slicker 'an a babys ass.

 But I ain't got no paint. The search continues. My god, you should see the pile of used up sandpaper I got lay'n on the desktop. An' I'm run'n low on 400 an' 600 grit.

Chili?...did somebody mention chili???
How bout some Doritos an' cheddar in a bowl?

  Man boy howdy, you talk bout some good eat'n.....yum yum yum!!!

Ok....cut it short, we got a set of park'n brake shoes to go pick up. Come on "billy jeep", don't let me down an' leave me stranded downtown.....walk'n. My god, I don't walk.
*************************************************************************

Ok, I'm back....an' I didn't walk back. Only one time did the starter not kick in. Dishes are soak'n.
Anyhows, that damn rookie parts boy lie to me yesterday. Said the brake shoes would be here at 9:30am. They weren't.
Checked stock on a new starter. They got one in Corpus Christi an' the nice guy tell me he would order it "just is case" I decided to buy it. Be here at 2:30 this afternoon along with the brake shoes. I'll make that decision later.....after some more investigat'n ya know.
 "Holy mother of God"....or what ever it is they say...."send Jesus down here to give me a hand with this thing".

I recall a while back....I was camp'n at Falcon Lake. Catch'n fish an' stuff. I was down at the lake in the "that jeep" an' the starter did a kind of sorta the same thing the "billy jeep" is do'n. Turn the key, the starter don't kick in. I was think'n, it's a hunnert mile back to "da house", I ain't walk'n. I know how to start cars that do that ya know. Back at "da house", I calls the auto parts place in Zapata, Texas.....your starter will be here tomorrow morn'n. That fix it right up in nuttin flat. Change that sucker right there in the park'n lot.

I have a knak for mak'n stuff sound worser than it really is. That's called "spices". Salt an' pepper....stuff like that....a little vinigar. But....when I pull out the driveway this morn'n, the damn rear end make this loud crunch'n sound when I turn left. This is the same sound it was mak'n over in Georgia that we could never find the cause. Nephew Joseph tole me a while back...."we gonna fix that". So, since we got to pull both back wheels an' brake calipers, why not yank the axles an' remove the differential??? Fix that noise.

Ok, I need to shut the hell up....got things to do ya know. Damn I hate warsh'n dishes.
Laters.....


 

State inspections, ignition switches an' south Texas chili

Man boy howdy, yesterdays post was WAY too freak'n long. If I'm writ'n, I can do that. But you put me on a telephone an' in five minutes, I'm done.

There weren't a whole lot went on yesterday that would be of any interest, so's I just ain't gonna say nuttin bout that. It was another beautiful day.

The "billy jeep" is due for a safety inspection. As far as I know, everthing works just fine. All but one item....the parking brake. I pull the lever back, drop 'er in gear an' the damn thing rolls forward. That ain't right. "It's a freak'n Jeep...what do you expect"??? Ever time something goes wrong with the "billy jeep", I think of "that jeep". That's a place I don't want my mind go'n.
But anyways, the parking brake has got to be fixed before I'm issued a safety inspection sticker.

When we replaced the left axle bearing an' seal, we worked on the parking brake on that side. It was covered with oil an' grease. Need a good clean'n. Now I'm think'n, did we replace the brake shoes or did we just clean them? Google is your best friend ya know.....Replace parking brake shoes with OEM parts, readjust an' you good to go. Now I question, what would Chrysler Motors put in their brake shoes that others don't? I mean....a freak'n shoe is a shoe.

Then on top of all that, I went out there , turn the key to start the car....it do nuttin. But it was only one time. It seems there is the possibility the new ignition switch did NOT fix the problem. Now it did take some start'n an' stop'n to get it to not work that "one" time. More testing will be done today...here in a bit. Here in a bit means, not right now....maybe not even today.  Dashboard parts still lay'n on the floor.

I did me some work on "Alice" yesterday. A little sand'n to round the edges an' smooth the surface for a nice coat of gray primer. Ha....I didn't get very far on that job. Now I'm get'n low on gray primer. I put it on, fill an' sand a little an' put some more on. How many cans of primer does it take to prime a freak'n motorhome for a paint job???

That pot of chili come out [this] close to perfect. There's a tiny little taste in there that I ain't figger out yet. It don't belong in "Billy Bob South Texas Chili". I have a secret ingredient what I put my chili. What will no longer be a secret. Jalapeno juice 1/4 cup an' chopped jalapeno 2 to 3 tablespoon....out of a jar from Walmart ya know. Anyhows, I will be eat'n chili for the next 3 days. Hmmmmm, maybe a tad too much jalapeno juice???? No my chili ain't hot. Bout mid ways from mild to sweat beads.


Pancho Villa come up to the ranch from Mexico one time for a sip up a cup visit with my grandpa. Grandma had just brewed up a pot of New Mexico chili. Next to it on the stove was a pot of boil'n pinto beans. Pancho was hungry. So grandma put some them pintos in her chili so's there would be plenty to go round. Now you know how beans made their entrance into chili. Ha....I knowed a northerner that brewed up a pot of chicken chili. Beans were added. Navy beans. I ain't say'n no more bout THAT pot of chili. God invented cows for a reason, an' chili is one of 'em.

Ok, that's it for today before I flap my jaws too much like I did yesterday.      

Dad gum Billy Bob, just rambl'n on bout nuttin

Well shoot, a excit'n trip to Walmart yesterday went slap down the drain. Ya see, I got me a winder across the desktop an' it was hot yesterday. The winder needed opened. I reaches way across the desktop an' grab holt to the winder....an' I give it a shove. Something in my middle back gives way....kind of sorta like a pulled muscle or something like that. I'm down for the day. An' every breath I take, I think of that bulldozer.
Anyhows, Sadie Mae got all piss off  'cause she was wait'n in the "billy jeep" for a ride to town. I lost sleep over it last night, so today will not be a Walmart day neither.

I don't know bout everwheres else in the counrty, but here in south Texas, I'm think'n winter is bout over. Holy cows, it's been in the 80's. Another 10 degs an' you gonna hear the old Billy Bob bitch'n bout how freak'n hot it is.

Speak'n of hot.........
Did I ever tell ya bout the time.....I worked for a roofer. Put'n shingles on roofs an' shit like that. I was the shingle toter, the bags of roof'n rocks toter an' the tar pot operator. Bust up chunks of tar with a ax an' toss 'em in a blaz'n hot tar pot to melt 'em down. Shoot, I weren't nuttin but a dad gum gopher. We went to Death Valley on a job. It was summer time. Sun bear'n down all day long. Way way too damn hot (110 to 120 degs) to be melt'n tar an' tote'n that stuff up a ladder to the roof. That lasted bout 2 days before the work lights showed up on the job. We worked at night from that point on. It's cool in the desert at night ya know. At $1 a hour pay, an' nowheres to spend it, I was a little rich boy when we got back home. This was summer of 1955 or '56. Yes I still know how to shingle a roof.

While we on the subject of work, let me tell ya bout the time....I builded 2 houses. One in Hazard, Kentucky an' the other in some little hick town in West Virginia. Both were contract jobs for Jim Walter Homes. Man, what a rip off company that was. Anyhows, the one in Hazard was on a hillside. There's 2 pallets of concrete blocks on the job site. "What the hell are all these blocks for"??? It didn't take long to figger that out when we start shoot'n grades. The back side this house is gonna be 12 feet in the air....with nuttin to hold it up but 2 pallets of blocks. Sheesh, why would anybody build a house on a hillside? Ya fall off the back porch, ya gonna bust yer ass.

This was actually a good build. The dad an' mom of the boy the house is be'n built for, lives right next door. We sleeped in his basement on old Army cots an' pallets on the floor. We ate breakfast an' supper at his dinner table. My god that woman could cook some good eat'n. We sit on his front porch ever evening after the sun go down. Two months to build this damn house (roughed in outside complete). Remember it today like it was yesterday. Yes, I still know how to build a house.

I was 14 at the time. I was sit'n on the bed wait'n on my dad to come home from the bars (beer joints) in hopes he would bring me something to eat. The tick'n of that old wind up clock was too dad gum loud. "Hmmmm, wonder if'n I can fix that"? I take that clock slap apart. "Hmmmm, wonder if'n I can put this sucker back together"? I did....and it worked. Didn't keep perfect time no more, but it worked.....an' that loud ass tick had quieted down. This was my beginning days of "fix'n stuff". So don't be call'n the old Billy Bob stupit or nuttin like that. I can do things you would never attempt. It should be noted at this time....I am not the "redneck" you think I am. I went to skool ya know....learnt me how to spell everday words, add an 'stract numbers, read'n an' write'n an' the ends an' outs of play'n hookie. Speak'n of hookie, that's where I learnt how to keep a low profile when I see a cop car cruis'n the streets.

Actually, a guy that does good work an' knows some shit, he don't get a whole lot of attention an' recognition. Like Frank did me on the bicycle. Ha, he still ain't said "thank ya uncle Bill". But, you make just one little screw up an' you are knowed throughout the land as  "a stupit", " a idiot", "a 4th grade graduate", "a jackleg", "a backyard mechanic".....or just plain ol' "southern redneck". I been called 'em all.
Yes, I still know how to screw up.

Which brings us up to the "Alice" project. As I sit here an' look at this thing, I git all disgusted an' piss off. There are soooo many....too many mistakes, it makes me want to toss this sucker in the dumpster. Although I did all them measurements the other day an' they prove to be correct, the windshields still look too freak'n tall. The height still needs that 1/4 inch. The freak'n dining room table is/was too big. The chairs....oh hell, just forget the chairs. I don't even want to continue this project.
Well wait just a minute buckko!!!....yes I do want to finish it. I just want it to look right. I don't want some high floot'n stranger to pick it up, look it over an' say "What stupit, idiot, 4th grade graduate, jackleg, backyard mechanic, southern redneck built this thing"??? God I hate jealous people. *The word hate used in the context of "I don't care for".*
Work will continue....Alice will live again.

Speak'n of bumpers...an' screw'n up. I got super glue on my bumpers. An' you can see it. Ya see, I was add'n the black rubber protector thingys an' they slipped....stick to my fingers an' stuff. Have ya ever stick yer fingers together with super glue? Now that's what I'm talk'n bout.

Oh, did ya notice....I got me a brand spank'n new hobby table? Frank bringed it to me last night. No more trash can an' cut'n board.

I did a little on the project last night, but nuttin to warrant a photograph. Just little stuff that ya cain't see from your house. But it needs to be done none the less. It will show up in the finished product.

Boy howdy I sure did like the looks that property I was look'n at. It's perfect. Other than the restrictions. What the hell do people have against RVs? I mean, a RV "IS" a freak'n house. No different than a house trailer. Other than, some RV's have a motor. Reminds me the housing restrictions I run across over there in Georgia. You cain't park a RV or a camper of any sort in yer yard, but you CAN park a garbage truck in yer yard. Does that make any kind of sense at all???

Anyhows, I still ain't got no "road fever" to head off somewheres an' set up a camp. It used to be, I could pull into a camp'n site an' be set up in 15 minutes. All level, slide outs out, electric an' hoses hook up....awning out....sip'n up a cup of fresh brewed coffee. By the way....less than 5 minutes to disconnect the "billy jeep". It ain't 15 minutes no more. More like a hour or two....depend'n on how many breaks are involved. Shoot, that puts me in the same category as a 5th wheeler pull behind. Break'n camp takes longer.

But....with this beautiful weather we been get'n, I do think of places I would rather be. Much of my thoughts have been on family. You know, kids an' grandkids. I rekon when ya reach a certain time in your life, that's where your thoughts go. You know, rebuild that closeness ya used to have before ya went off travel'n all over the country. Right here in Texas, I got me 2 kids an' 5 grandkids I ain't seen in quite a while. Plans are needed. Go'n back to Georgia has been on my mind.

Gonna brew me up a pot of Billy Bob south Texas chili today. Not a great big ol' pot like I usually make, but a small one. Last bout 3 days an' it's all gone. Think'n 2# hamburger will do the trick. There WILL be beans in my chili.
God I love pinto beans.....an' onions, an' tomatoes an' jalapenos an' corn bread an' buttermilk an' apple pie.
 Oh, did ya know....do not buy already shredded cheese. The cheese shreds are soaked on potato starch to prevent stick'n together. The cheese will taste like french fries. An' you gonna pay more for it. I learn that on the cook'n channel. Already shredded cheese also has other ingredients added ya don't want to put in yer mouth neither. I only tole ya this so's ya don't get sick or something like that.

Ha, when I was much younger, I tried to make me some cheese one time. The freak'n dog wouldn't even eat it.

Ok, I got to do something....even if'n it ain't right. I feel pretty good again today, so let's see where today leads us.      

Well yes I can build bumpers.....what ya think I am, stupit or something?

Ya know what???? I git tired of hav'n to sweep this damn floor every single day. This ain't right.
When I inspected the floor sweep'ns, it contained a accumulation of dog hairs, an' you know how hard it is to sweep dog hairs. There was a pile of grass clip'ns. You know how Sadie Mae goes outside an' rolls in the grass. There's wood shavings from where I been work'n on Alice. I carve wood over my lap an' not over the trash can. Bread an' cookie crumbs. Ummm Yum  Yum....love them chocolate chip cookies with a big ol' glass of ice cold milk.
Anyhows, the floor is sweeped again, but could use a good mop'n. Probly not today.

Now, bout them eggs. Ain't everbody as particular bout their food as the old Billy Bob is. Ya see, if'n it don't look good, or should I say pretty, I ain't gonna eat it. An' I'm gonna bitch an' moan. I know how to cook a damn egg. That is if'n I got the right equipment (cast iron). In 2015, I don't have the right equipment. An' I know how much heat is required to cook a perfect egg. But, as we age, we sometimes forget there's a egg cook'n in the skillet......sometimes even forget why we are even in the kitchen. The egg is toast!!!

Decided again yesterday that we wouldn't work on the "Alice" project. That worked out really well. Got me a bunch of outside time....walk around the yard....even think bout warsh'n the "billy jeep". No I didn't warsh the "billy jeep" Just think'n bout it made me tired. Had to go sit down an' do me some think'n bout it. Played with the burritos (little donkeys) an' throwed sticks for Sadie Mae to go fetch. Ha, like Sadie Mae is gonna fetch ANYthing. Yesterday was a perfect day.

Back inside, I did my "ain't got nuttin better to do" computer stuff. Research'n an stuff like that...Facebook drama an' look'n for some good Yahoo news. "Hey, lookie here"....a little piece of property on Burnet, Texas. A very tempting piece of property. Bulldozer not required. Right on a stream/creek/crick or what ever (depend'n on what part of the country ya come from) flow'n into Lake Buchanan. Remember Inks Lake??? It's right there too. But.....restrictions....damn restrictions only allow a mobile home or stick house construction. But that's Ok, Burnet does NOT have a Walmart anyhows. No Walmart, no Billy Bob.

Then I was just sit'n here with nuttin to do. Hmmmm, is there a possibility I can build me some bumpers. Well sure I can....an' I did. With a heat sealing iron, I bended me some 1/8 inch plastic to fit "Alice". Hmmmmm, wonder if'n I can cover the bumpers with some that chrome airplane covering stuff? Yup, I can do that too.

 I'm think'n they look pretty dad gum good for "scratch build".

As much as I hate it, I may make me a trip to Walmart here in a little bit. Got me a list started up with bout 30 items on it. Bout half a dozen "play" stuff. The rest groceries. I also need to get the "billy jeep" inspected before the end of the month. Ha....an' my freak'n insurance is due on the 26th. Then I got to go through the same thing for "Sally da house". But not before September.

I wonder if'n anybody remembers when I got the last Texas state inspection on "da house". Remember all the hassle I went through to get that damn thing? It's still on the windshield. But my god, don't tell nobody.

 
Yesterday I didn't take no aspirins of Advils in the morn'n. Just a test ya know. Right at bout 6pm I done figger "I got to take me up some aspirins". This morn'n, I feel like somebody beat hell out me with a bulldozer. All other ailments are in check.

I got to think'n bout that bicycle I gave to nephew Frank. If'n he ain't interested in it, I could buy me a electric motor for it an' hang it on the back of the "billy jeep". But like that dad gum airplane, it would never fly. Anyhows, Frank changed his tune after I said I would blow it to smithereens.

Well shoot, I rekon this is it for the day. I know it ain't much, but at least I'm do'n something. Even if'n it ain't excit'n an' adventurous.  
 

"billy bike" comes back to life....kind of sorta

I gave the "billy bike" to Frank. Do ya remember that? Frank broke it. Then he throwed it over there behind that dilapidated old building. Left there to wither away in the extremes of south Texas.

Yesterday morn'n when I got up, it was hot. My usual back pains were there. But I feeled pretty dad gum good. My coffee was excellent, an' the aspirins did wonders. Ate me up a big ol' pancake an' a couple over easy eggs. Now, speak'n of eggs....eggs piss me off. I've tried every way in the world to fry me up a perfect fried egg. I don't want no shriveled up crispy edges on my eggs. The white has got to be done. None that run all over my plate. But shoot, I either git me a few chunks of shell, burn the hell out the edges, white shit all over my plate or the yoke is cooked to a crisp. Yesterday was no exception.

Now what the hell was I talk'n bout before we got on eggs??? Oh yes....I feeled like a hunnert dollar bill....an' it was hot in "da house". Too dad gum hot to be sit'n round "do'n nuttin". Please take note....the old Billy Bob does a lot of sit'n.
Outside I sit down in my camp'n chair. My coffee mug is sit'n next to me, along with a full pac of smokes. While sit'n there, I got to think'n...."billy bike". I can fix that. Me an' Sadie Mae drag that thing up in my yard for a Texas safety inspection. "My god Frank, what the hell did you run into"? The back derailer thingy is bended up against the spokes. One brake lever is bended all to hell. The front sprocket is at a angle an' the crank bear'ns are all wobbly. The seat an' handlebars are out of kilter. Do ya got a good picture of what I got to contend with if'n I'm gonna fix this thing? Rust....did I tell ya bout the rust??? The chain is stiff as a board.

Three hours I worked on that thing. I got dad gum grease on me from head to foot. Smashed a finger. Parts lay'n all over the ground. Bended parts are removed an' straightened as close to original as I can. Bearings are replaced. The little low geared  "extreme off road" sprocket is removed an' replaced with a bigger one. Now the chain is too freak'n short by bout 6 links. Frank will be proud of his uncle Bill.

Frank shows up for a visit. "I fixed the "billy bike" Frank". "I ate fish for supper".....that's all Frank has to say. No "thank you uncle Bill". No "that's a awesome job". No nuttin bout the "billy bike". But he did mention "when are ya go'n to Walmart an' buy me a new chain"? Now that kind of appreciation pisses me slap off. I threatened to go down to Ace Hardware an' buy me up a stick of dynamite an' blow that "billy bike" to smithereens. I rekon a trip to Walmart is in order.

Yesterday's test to not touch the "Alice" project worked out well. It just sit there on my desktop all day long. But I swear, I could see a little tear in one the windshields. Long bout midnight, my thoughts were to check some measurements. Millimeter an' centimeter measurements is took off photos in the computer screen an' calculated to fit the model. Yup, I was correct, I need that 1/4 inch back what I had cut off the bottom.

I'm think'n this may be close enough. Bumper needs set back just a bit, but that's a easy modification. Ain't nobody gonna know it but me anyhows. God I hate screw ups.


Boy howdy, let me tell ya bout computers. Ever since my computer was upgraded to Win 8.1, I ain't had nuttin but trouble from it. Ive done two restores in the last 2 months an' it still gives me "pull yer hair out", scream an' cuss a little. Yesterday night, the freak'n touchpad don't do nuttin (this ain't the first time). The curser is gone. I got me a old mouse, so's I plugs it in. Do a reboot...all that good stuff, an' still no touchpad. Google is yer best friend. Go to device manager, touchpad an' change driver back to original. That worked....or I suppose it did....I have a touchpad again.

Oh yeah, them batteries. Wouldn't ya know it, they were low on water again. When I finally burn these suckers up, I'm gonna get me some maintenance free AGM batteries. Won't be no more this check'n battery water shit. "Set 'em an' forget 'em". Hmmmmm....betcha a dollar Robert still has them 4 AGM's he was gonna give me.       

How Alice came to be....

It was Dec. 2000. I worked for the University of Texas in Port Aransas, Texas. I lived aboard a 41 foot sailboat on dock #1 at the City marina.

My dreams were to sail the oceans blue. My name at that time was "Barnacle Bill". Although, one of the boat captains called me "Billy Bob". Said something to the line of "you would make a perfect redneck". You can thank "Capt'n John" for my name today.

I had just returned to work from San Antonio after a bout of pneumonia. On a job of replacing a compressor for the main air conditioning systems aboard the university's research/laboratory boat, the R/V Longhorn, I injured my back lift'n that dad gum heavy ass compressor.

   Under 6 months of chiropractic supervision an' constant threats of "you're fired" from the University, the old back never healed. I still had 2 years to retirement an' a adventurous life at sea. The hardest 2 physical an' mental years of my life.

Shortly before retirement, I did me some think'n...."there ain't no way in hell I'm gonna ever be able to sail a sail'n boat with a back condition like this". I need me a motorhome an' sail the highways instead. My search began. In Boerne, Texas, I found Alice sit'n in the back of the lot with tears in her eyes. She was a perfect size. Smelled clean. Good tires. Had the look of a wanderer. I fell slap in love with that teary eyed old gal.....I bought Alice.

In the next 3 years, 40,000 miles was put on the odometer. A little maintenance here an' there....she was a good motorhome.
 
But there ae soooo many wonderful memories of the happy times with Alice. All the miles we shared together. All the sunsets we observed together. The States we visited. Taco Bell park'n lots. Mountain climb'n. Go'n down the road a hunnert mile a hour. But, she drinked too much *like a couple of my "first mates".  At 6.8 miles to the gallon, Alice had to be retired. All good things must come to an end. An' this is the reasoning behind why I am build'n the "Alice" project.

So let's get right on with a little talk bout the "Alice" project. It all started with a idea to build a motorhome model. Just a thought that I was think'n would never become reality. I did me some pic hunt'n on my computer an' "oh, lookie here", there's this side view of Alice. Hmmmmm.....I can build that. Printer was broke out an' calculations made for a 24 scale template....just to see if'n it could be done. Still not intend'n to build a model of a motorhome. But that soon changed...."an' you know the rest of the story".....it's reality.

Now, I'm at a point where I need to back off this project a bit. Too many mistakes are be'n made. I stay up too freak'n late every night. Remember that 1/4 inch I cut off'n the height??? Well, I need that 1/4 inch back. The slope of the front end is too much an' the space between the windshields an' the grill is too much. It cain't be corrected (but, if'n you know the old Billy Bob at all, he will probly try). 

Ok, just forget what I just said....all that slope stuff an' need that 1/4 inch back. I just measure stuff again....it's all correct. Well, maybe not ALL correct. "I can fix that". But we talk'n hours of backbreak'n work. All for a 1/4 inch. Oh never mind.....I need a break.

This Alice project got me to think'n bout old age an' be'n happy. There comes a time in everbody's life that they got to leave the past behind an' think bout the future. Everbody worked for most there life to achieve certain goals in their life. Ain't talk'n dreams here, we talk'n goals. You know, a ton of money in the bank. A great big ol' house. New cars an' 4x4 pick'em up trucks. Security in your later years. Well, I'm here to tell ya right now, if'n you ain't achieved them goals by the time you reach old age (bout 65 or 70), you gonna die in your attempts an' your dreams of happy retirement are down the drain. You ain't got a whole lot of time left on this earth, so accept where ya stand today an' get with the program on your dreams. Shoot, I know people that live on SS alone an' they some the happiest people ya ever see. Ya don't have to be a millionaire to be happy.

Boy howdy, I mean to tell ya.....the old Billy Bob been feel'n pretty darn good for a while. Not a long while, but just a day or three, four or five of feel'n good makes me feel like a hunnert dollar bill. Now I ain't say'n I don't hurt like hell ever morn'n, but a couple them big ass aspirin fix that right up for the rest of the day. When I was tear'n the "billy jeep" slap apart, my back didn't hurt at all. I been eat'n pretty good, so no stomach problems. Ain't been dizzy for a spell. Breath'n is bout what can be expected. *Think'n I might live a little longer.*

Sure do feel good to be able to go outside an' sit in my campchair sip'n up a cup. Yesterday I did that 'cause it was too damn hot in "da house". Sunshine bear'n down on me....soak'n up me some vitamins. So they say!!!

Ok, I'm out of here....got me some stuff I could be do'n....outside. "Battery water Billy Bob, check the battery water".

Laters....