Toothless

Where ya been Billy Bob???
Well shoot, I been right here "do'n nuttin".

Thursday.....yup, I was up bright and early. Got to the dentist tooth pull'n place right on time. They sit's me down in this little chair and says...."are you ready"? Well yeah I'm ready, that's why I'm here. Holy crap....there's a road runner on sit'n top my "little red" BroncoII. Anyhows, the doctor swab my gums with some pink stuff and commenced to shoot my mouth full of novicane (sp)(I knew it, even spell checker can't correct my spelling). After a few minutes the doc says....."are ya numb yet" My lower lip is all swell up and I says...."yup" or something like that. Then he takes this little probe thingy and pokes around....then he start push'n this way and that way....I'm say'n "what the hell"? He had all kind of tools lay'n there and picks up this great big ol' needle nose pliers look'n thingys. And sticks it in my mouth. More push and pull, I hear all kind of weird noises. Then I feel him pull out a little piece of tooth. Remember I told ya he was gonna "knock" my teeth out? He says..."there it is"...the whole thing....just like that. Then he does the same thing on the other side. Nuttin to it.

Back at "da house" I was think'n golf ball swak'n. But I was starv'n to deef, belly growl'n at me....hungry and my lower lip was hang'n down on my chin. How the hell I gonna eat something with them big wads of cotton in my mouth and a lower lip what don't feel nuttin? I managed to get a bowl of soup down , mostly down on the  brand spank'n new Walmart shirt I was wear'n. There goes my golf ball swak'n game. 

Then yesterday I did nothing....nothing at all. Weren't no pain, no swelling and all is back to normal. Drink'n up coffee and smok'n little cigars....what the doc said I couldn't have for a couple days. Here's what I'm think'n, the coffee washed out all the poisons from them cigars and deadened any chance of pain and swelling. I could be right ya know. 

Skeered to death.....

Boy howdy, when ya don't feel good ya ain't feel'n good.

Ya see, it's like this....Old Billy Bob has lots to think about and a gazillion things on my mind....all at one time. Like will I still be alive tomorrow with all these aches and pains. I rekon I'm a mite stressed over my dental surgery tomorrow morn'n and that makes my back and right leg to hurt. Not that my back ever quit hurt'n, but it been worse the last week. In case some ya don't knows, that what the old timers call lumbago, better knowed as sciatica. Ya see, there a big ol'e nerve what come out your spine and go all the way down to the tip of your toes. When that big ol' nerve get squished or in a bind, it tells your brain that your toe hurts, but really it don't. That when your brain says...."lay your ass down, you're gonna die". What I usually do. Yeah, my brain says silly stuff like that.

After a week on antibiotics to kill a bunch of little infection thingys under my gums and run'n round my mouth, the doc says..."see ya thursday morning and we gonna knock them teeth slap out". Knock 'em out??? What the hell??? That what he says he gonna do. Ya see, I let them go too long and they got to be busted in little pieces and pull out with needle nose pliers. Kind of like swak'n a pecan with a big ol' hammer and pick'n out the goodies with a nail. My God, that scare the shit slap out me. And to top it all off, I gonna be wide awake, sit'n there listen'n to all that slam'n and bang'n, drill'n and stuff go'n on in my mouth. You do realize that tomorrow is golf swak'n day, right? If the bleed'n stops by 2pm, you can find me on the golf course. Otherwise, look for me on the couch in "da house".

Only three weeks to lift off. Wayne was tell me that Thanksgiving is on the 25th this year. I were think'n I had plenty time to get ready, but now I don't. 

Sure ain't gonna want to miss a meal and crowd like this. That Billy Bob in the middle fix'n up a plate.

The solar powered cow head has eyes. Will attempt to get a shot of it tonight when them eyes light up.

Gumbo day

 Well, I were sit'n out there on "da porch" sip'n a cup and do'n some think'n. Think'n bout what I gonna do for the rest of the day. Well hell, why not defrost that chicken ya cooked in the solar oven and brew up some gumbo? That what I gonna do.

Two nights in a row it was freez'n cold here in the desert. Not in the daytime, but at night when my covers fall off the bed and leave me wonder'n why I'm cold. Ya see, I turn the heat down to bout 55 degs at night, what if'n ya ain't covered up with some blankets, ya gonna get cold. It's a beautiful day with an abundance of sunshine....and a steady breeze of bout 10 mile a hour. Would be a perfect day for golf ball swak'n, but old Billy Bob is still sore for thursday's swak'n golf balls. I'm think'n it's time to get out of Dodge (Deming).

Speak'n of Dodge, did I ever tell ya bout my old 1936 Dodge 4 door sedan.....or what ever. Remenber Cheech and Chong...the cop asked "where's your license"? "It's on the back man". Well, I was driv'n round out in the desert run'n over bushes, cactus and stuff. When I got back to the "hang-out" where all the "older" teens hung out till midnight, one them City cops come up to me and ask..."where's your license"? I says...."it's on the back man", but it weren't....it were gone. The whole trunk lid was gone, broke slap off and lay'n out there in the desert somewhere....along with the license plate. Have ya ever tried to find a trunk lid in the middle of the desert? Took 2 days to find that damn thing.

Ok....I got gumbo to make....see ya laters.

What a ride

And then there was the time........

But first we gotta go back to the time grandpa was tak'n care of me. It were the summer of 1951 and Billy was "dumped" off at grandpa's house. Not really a house, but his old closed down grocery store. We had 3 rooms and a bath, shotgun style. Gramps was 67 year old and Billy was 10 year old. What a combination. He was ail'n at that time and Billy was just get'n into "adventures".

In the basement of this old grocery store was all kind of adventurous stuff to play with. Over there in the corner sat this bicycle what must'a come cross the ocean on the Santa Maria or something like that. It didn't have brakes like most modern day bicycles of that day and age had. Weren't no air in the tires, but I knowed someone what had a pump. Down the street went Billy push'n this old brakeless bicycle what was also too big for him to ride.

After the tires was aired up, I clumb up on that seat and away I did go. Rid'n up and down the street like I knowed something bout rid'n a bike. After bout a week of minor crashes and a few scratches, I were a professional bicycle rider on a bicycle what had no brakes. I were ready for some adventure. Put my cowboy duds on and rode off into the sunset,,,bout a hunert mile a hour down the hill, down the sidewalk and round the corner. Holy crap, I were go'n too fast and I ain't got no brakes. Off in the ditch and slap down into a big ol' culvert thingy I went....head first. That were the biggest goose egg I ever see my entire life....and hurt worster than a broken heart The old brakeless bicycle was a total mess. Busted the front tire and all that air leaked out with a whooosh.. Bent the front wheel in all kind of tangles up and forks was bend back against the frame. Half the handle bars was broke slap off. Gonna have to find me a different horse to ride....this one is "dead".

Got me a pan of biscuits in the solar oven, but wouldn't ya know it, here come the clouds.  Fire up the isnside over to 400 deg and put them suckers in there. Here in just a few minutes, old Billy Bob gonna be eat'n fresh baked biscuits and sausage gravy.

Ok...eat'em up time....laters.

Is this guy serious???

As most everyday followers of my blog should know by now, old Billy Bob don't get serious.

Yesterday night, I said I would tell ya bout tachycardia and Billy Bob. Well, ya see, it's like this....back in 1995 I was work'n on a ladder and I says..."why don't you feel good"? At that time, all I knew to do was sit down and say...."I don't feel good"? A EMS volunteer come to my rescue and took my pulse. It was too fast to count, so's he took me to the EMS place where they had an ambulance with my name on it....off to the hospital we went. And kind of weird gadgets hook up to me. A heart specialist was there to greet me at the door. More gadgets connected. But....by the time they turn on them gadgets, my heart rate was down to 100 beats per minute. A miracle. Doc told me all bout tachycardia and his rendition of the causes. He told me how to "attempt" to stop the rapid heart rate, by tossing cold water in my face, simulating a bowl movement (gotta be careful here) and coughing.  He says there is a receptor, or something like that, what causes a short circuit doubling your heart rate. Mine has always been double of what it is normally. ie, 80x2=160 like last night.

Now what initiates a tachycardia attack in old Billy Bob. Sometimes nothing. Other times when I gets highly perturbed (pissed off) about something. Over eating is another cause instituted by another health issue we ain't going into. Ain't it fun get'n old and hav'n health issues? Yesterday, I got a little pissed at a neighbor and then I ate me up two great big chicken samiches for supper. That's 4 slices bread and almost a pound of chicken what I cooked in my solar oven. One more thing about tachycardia. It's not good for ya. Ya see it's like this....when your heart beats too fast, the valves in your heart float and your blood pressure will try to equalize. When that happens, you have very little blood flow and oxygen to your main computing system....the brain. You gonna die. I take medication for tachycardia and last night was the first attack in over 2 years.

OK....now you know the rest of the story.

Todays golf ball swak'n day a great time for Billy Bob, but not so good for old pesky neighbor Wayne. Seems he just don't care where he hits his balls....in the water, in the desert or in the other fareways. Shoot, anybody can do that.

It was a cloudy day yesterday, but I fired up the solar oven anyhows. Put me a big ol' 5 pound chicken in there to cook up for a pot of authentic Cajun jumbo....taught me by Larry from Lake Ponchartrain many year ago. I figger it would take bout 5 hours to cook, but right on 4 hours, it was done through to the bone. My God, that would make a great pot of chicken noodle vegetable soup with taters and tomatoes and some fresh baked homemade bread. But I chop it all up...minus the two chicken samiches I ate for supper, put it in a baggie and froze it. Now where the hell I gonna find okra in Deming, New Mexico? Peppers yeah, but okra no. I'll send Wayne look'n for some since I don't like that other grocery store. It's not really that I don't like it, but Jesus, you would think it were a UNION grocery store.

Thought this was it...tachycardia

I was just sit'n here, mind'n my own business ya know and I says...."why am I not feel'n right"??? So's I grab up my trusty blood pressure check'n thingy and now I know why I'm not feel'n right. It a dreaded tachycardia attack. HUH???? I take meds for that....I ain't supposed to have them anymore.
For the record: 7:35pm  Blood pressure 153/95....160bpm
                        7:45 98/62...153
                        7:55 120/65.....150
                         8:05 120/68....160
And then I coughed, just like ya supposed to do.....122/65....98 and falling
Now I are ok again. Tomorrow I'll explain tachycardia and Billy Bob. That is if I get back from golf ball swak'n in time.

Tooth fairy

Ya remember them teeth I was tell'n ya bout???

Ya see, it's like this. Six months ago I says...."Billy Bob, ya got to go get your teeth fixed". Well, yesterday I went to the dentist. The one that cut my gums and cut a hole in the back of my mouth with that x-ray thingy he jamed in there.......what got infected and caused "lock jaw" for a week. But anyhows, I went back 'cause the only other choice is a dental place with no parking space. Well, if'n I could stand the pain for another 2 weeks I can have a consultation with the doctor. I don't want a freak'n consultation, I want these teeth OUT.,,,right now.

So, I went up the street to the other teeth fix'n place...after hav'n to walk for a half a block. "Come back at 3pm and the doctor will see you". HUH??? 3pm? The same day? Boy howdy, can hardly wait for 3pm. Well, I showed up early so I wouldn't have to wait as long as if I got there on time. By 3:45pm I was sit'n in one them little leather recliners with a bright light staring me in the face.....knives, hammers and stuff lay'n round.

So here I am sit'n there expect'n to get these two teeth pull slap out my mouth. Well, that ain't what happen. Ya see, it's like this.....I'm gonna bleed to death. I take a couple medications what thins my blood down to the consistency of  "cheap wine". Wonderful doctor puts me on antibiotics for a week and takes me off my drugs for another 4 days. BUT, before he can take me off my blood thin'n drugs, he has to get permission from my other doctor....you know, the one what says I gonna die anyhows. So, if all goes well, in bout 10 days I gonna be a new man....less 2 teeth.

To answer a comment.....when Billy Bob tells a story, you can take it to the bank as gospel truth. I might stretch a few details to add a bit of humor, but all my stories are real true to life experiences. I got lots more, but some are so far back in my brain I gonna have to have brain surgery to recall them. Others just pop up out of nowhere. That's the ones you read here. I can feel one pop'n up right now....are ya ready?



 

The old school house

I used to walk in the bitter freez'n cold, across corn fields and through the woods.

It was a little school, just one room. The teacher was a hefty lady, we was scared of her. There were two of us in the first grade. Me and some little skinny girl with curly red hair and freckles. She wore overalls and high top shoes just like I did. She was my bestest buddy.

Ya know, some times ya get to think'n. Your mind just wanders off in some direction where ya ain't been in years. That happen to me this morning while I was sit'n here try'n to get warm. Ya see, here what happen. Last night I  didn't close the door all the way and some time during the night, a puff of wind come up and blowed the door wide open. I were cold in here this morning. But that ain't what got me to think'n. I rekon it's natural to think when ya ain't got nuttin else to do, so that what I did.

In my school days, I went to 13 different schools by the time I was 17 year old. The little country school house with the little red headed freckle face girl and the hefty teacher was my first school. This is where I learnt my ACB's. And to spell my name. It was 3 1/2 mile from the farm where I lived at the time.....if'n ya cut across the corn fields and through the woods. If ya stayed on the roads, it were an extra mile. There weren't no school bus so ya had to either huff it from sun up to be there by 8am or ride a critter. Some did....ride a critter that is.

Cross'n them corn fields weren't no problem......but there was woods to go through. Deep dark woods where man has never gone before. We had a nice trail to follow from years of walk'n to school. Once in the woods I was a scared little feller. Ya see, I weren't alone on this walk. I was the youngest of 6 of us. The big boys, ranging in age from 7 to 13 would tell me stories of "things" what lived in the woods. There was big pythons hang'n from tree limbs just wait'n to gobble ya up. Grizzly bears to eat little boys in bright red snow suits. Have ya ever wore a snow suit??? The creek log bridge we had to cross was infested with flesh eating "grools and gobblins".  By the time we got out them woods, old Billy Bob was a nervous little boy watch'n every bush, tree trunk and low hanging limb.

It would snow bout once a year. From bout the end of November to the first of March. It were cold and the snow was packed high. Ya got remember, old Billy Bob weren't very big when he was 6 year old. A little feller like that can get lost in a snow drift. That what I did. When I stepped off in that snow drift, I was gone....pooof, just like that. I come out from there, snow suit all fill up with freez'n cold snow, freez'n cold snow down my neck all the way to my butt cheeks. I were holler'n "MOM'S"....but she couldn't hear me. "Mom's weren't my mom...she were the lady on the farm where I stayed till my dad got back from the war. 

In the spring time, hornets and yeller jackets come out of hyper-nation (hibernation)...that mean they sleep all winter and come out in the spring time to sting little boys walk'n to school. Farmers would clear their land of trees and bushes so they could plant more crops. All that stuff is piled up somewhere's along the trail....filled with critters and stuff. Ya don't knock down a hornet nest with a stick and expect not to get stinged. From experience, I can tell ya, them suckers knows how to sting. And yeller jackets....what live in them little holes in the ground. Ya don't pour water (pee) in them holes.....or poke a stick in them. 

By my second year at the little country school house, I was a celebrity....with the girls. They made fun of my clothes because they was full of patches and stuff. Ya know that the smallest of the bunch wears hand me downs....right??? I had growed bout an inch and gained maybe a pound or two since last year, but I was still the "I double dare ya" of the school yard. Girls like that ya know. Take for instance....the tree swing on the side of the hill. Anybody can jump out of a swing on flat ground. But who in their right mind would jump down hill? "I double dare ya Billy". Boy howdy....what a ride. Scrapes and bruises for a week. 

A few years ago, I made a trip to the old farm and then went look'n for the little country school house from 55 years ago. All that was left was the foundation. The old rope swing was gone, but the hill was still there. The playground was growed waist high in weeds. I pick up a piece of gutter what I been carry'n with me as a keepsake. That's all I have other than the memories.

Remember when???

Grrrrrrr....grumble....bitch and moan and all that stuff. Too much to do.

Yep, you were right, old Billy Bob sneeked off to the golf course yesterday. You should'a seen Sadie Mae...my God, that dog is done turn'n into a "hunt'n" dog. Her was roll'n in the grass, lap'n up water out the lake and check'n every bush for an unsuspecting critter. On the greens, she would lay down.....right in front my ball....and not move. Not that it mattered, I was gonna miss anyhows. Wonderful golf ball swak'n day. By the way...yes...I had leg cramps last night.
Heee heee heee....spanked Wayne big time. So bad.... he says he ain't never gonna play golf with me again.

Well shoot, it looks like it's time to start get'n "Sally da house" ready for the trip to the "slabs". Even though I have other stuff I would rather be doing. Got the cow head to finish yet ya know. Speak'n of cow head, no I don't hand out candy. I don't do holidays and that kind of stuff. Christmas is just another day.

Speak'n of Christmas, a few years back (1991 or there abouts), I dressed up as a mummy for Halloween. All wrap up in some old tore up sheets with blood and stuff.... an one them nasty mean look'n rubber masks. You know what I'm talk'n bout. Our house was built on stilts...a beach house, way up in the air. The kiddies had to climb a flight of stairs to get to the front door, but old Billy Bob the mummy dummy were sit'n in an old raggedy chair at the bottom....not moving, just sit'n there. All the kiddies just looked at me as they passed by to the steps....think'n I weren't real....just a mummy dummy. HA....just you wait till you half way up them steps....ya little munchkins. This old mummy dummy come alive...growl'n, flap'n arms and mak'n all kind of weird noises. Them kiddies was a scream'n like their momma was done whoop'n 'em with a hickery stick. They was headed in all directions and there weren't no where to go. One little girl jump off them steps like her was on fire...right in my rose bushes. Momma's and daddys was really pissed at old Billy Bob...the neighborhood mummy dummy....sit'n in a chair.

Did I ever tell ya bout the time......I learnt to kiss. Ya see, it were like this. I was right bout 12 year old. One good look'n specimen of a pre teen hunk. Bout four feets ten inches an a hunert pounds....give or take. I were prime rib. Anyhows, there was this little girl what would chase me round the school playground...giggl'n and stuff.....every day. She were "hot". One day she cornered me, weren't no where to go. She knock me to the ground...an kiss me right on the mouth.....yuk yuk...gag...spit spit. What the hell? I think I like that. Then I starts chas'n her, just like she did me...an I corners her. She bats them little brown eyes at me an says..."Billy, kiss me". So's I knock her to the ground.... and I kiss her...right on the mouth. Just like that.

Ok, it's 8am, sun shin'n, a brisk 60 degs and I'm gonna go to "da porch", sip a hot cup and do some think'n. Lots to do at Billy Bob's place this morning, so..."it's off to work we go".

Dying or what???

Holy cows Billy Bob, are ya kick'n the bucket or what?

Ya see, it was like this. Last night I stayed up late. Was up until 4am, but not 'cause I wanted to. If I layed on my left side, I couldn't breath worth a hoot. If I layed on my right side, breathing was better, but still not get'n enough.  If I layed on my stomach, my teeth hurted. There was no in between....I weren't going to sleep. Now for the rest of the story...aspirin. If'n ya read the warnings label on a bottle of 500mg. aspirin, ya know you gonna have bleeding at some point. This ain't good. But since my body produces huge quantities of hi octane type "0" blood, I took some aspirin to ease the pain of the teeth aches. Dentist can't see me for another week.

Boy howdy the wind blow'n today. You know what that means, right? Old Billy Bob ain't gonna "do nuttin". Now comes the question, why does the wind blow on a perfectly beautiful day? I could be out there in the yard sun bath'n wear'n nuttin but a pair of "speedos" and cowboy boots. Think bout that for a minute!!!

Just for Dizzy.......solar powered cow head night light. Ya see them red eyes???

Have ya ever got tired? I ain't talk'n bout tired from too much work...Billy Bob ain't gonna do that ya know. What I'm talk'n bout is just tired. Tired of the same old thing every day and the outlook ain't look'n no better as the day passes ya by. Ya get up every morning bout the same time and have nothing to look forward to. Ya ain't got nuttin to do.
Well, old Billy Bob is tired, bored, depressed with life in general, dysfunctional, and sometimes delusional. Ya know what I'm talk'n bout....right? Just wanna lay down and give up. Damn....I need to go see a shrink. Or as Ben says....quit taking birth control pills. "It gonna get better Billy Bob"

Wind or no wind, I'm gonna go outside, sit on "da porch, sip my cup'o and do some think'n.

Sit'n on "da porch"

Some people think that "sit'n on da porch" is just that....sit'n and "do'n nuttin". But it ain't like that.

Ya see, it's like this......I got stuff to do and it's all outside....right next to "da porch". If ya don't have a "da porch" in your yard, ya ain't never gonna understand what a "da porch" is for. This is a gathering place for all the neighbors what don't have a place to sit sip'n a cup and think'n. On my "da porch", I have this very comfortable chair what I sit in. Next to it is a little table on the right....that where my coffee cup and ash tray sits. On the other side my chair is this bigger table....used to store tools and stuff until they find their way back to their proper place. Kind of like a workbench don't ya think? And then there's all the extra floor space for the bigger tools and stuff. You know, like tables saws, grinders, mechanic's chests, engine stands and stuff like that. 

So.....a "da porch" is more than a place to sit your ass down and "do nuttin".

Speak'n of hard work, yesterday old Billy Bob got this bright idea to build a solar powered night light for the porch and dashboard of "Sally da house". Ya see, it were like this.....I had this big ol' cow head lay'n round "do'n nuttin" but collect'n dust. I look at them empty eyes and says......light 'em up. So that what I did.

Next I will proceed to install some red eyes....or maybe green. Wonder if this ol' cow head night light will keep critters...snakes and stuff away from my door.

Also on the agenda for yesterday....after sit'n on "da porch" sip'n a cup and think'n, I decided my birds weren't happy with no place to get a soothing drink and a place to take a bath.

This is what they got.

Got the dish's soak'n for a good wash'n here in a little bit....but in the mean time....go sit on "da porch", sip a cup and do a little think'n. What I did. I was think'n bout fly'n that airplane, but it has to be balanced first. You know what I'm talk'n bout...center of gravity and all that stuff. What I did. It's now ready for it's first flight since conception 6 year ago. Where I gonna fly it??? Well hell, right over there on that paved county road. Ain't no tyraffic and if there is, they better look out...Billy Bob fly'n here. Gonna take a roll of duct tape to use for band aids just in case I run slap into one them big yuccas. I done that before ya know. Been 36 years ago since I flew one these things, so I'm expect'n a few mishaps. 

My "to do" list just keeps get'n smaller and smaller. Ain't say'n it's anywhere close to be completed, but it ain't near as big as it were a few week ago. Think'n of leav'n some of the list undone till I arrive at the "slabs". Something to do while I'm layed back enjoy'n a warm winter.....with no snow, no freez'n pipes...no nuttin to give the impression it's dead of winter.

Ok dishes, here come Billy Bob. God I hate dishes.

Mysterious Mind

The mind is a mysterious thing.....know what I mean???

It don't make no matter how hard I try, my mind goes off into uncharted areas where no mind should encounter. This is a sign of an active mind...although it may also be a sign of some sort of a disorder. I'll have to think bout that.

In order for the mind to function to it's full capacity, one needs to be in his "place". A special place where you can sit back and relax, shut out the turmoils of this world, have a delicious drink of choice and "do some think'n". Some people don't have such a place, so naturally, they never experience thinking. Just like last night. I was sit'n on "da porch" (my "place") sip'n a cup and think'n, "what ya gonna do tomorrow"? After bout 30 minutes I had think of a hunert things to do, the consequences, the probabilities of success, health issues, reasoning and I come up with "nuttin". But "do'n nuttin" ain't what's important, it's the thought process what come up with absolutely nuttin important to do.

One thing on the agenda for today is to change the propeller on my remote control fly'n machine. This may not be at all exciting to you, but for a thinker, it makes all the sense in the world. Ya see, I was think'n, what will it sound like with that other propeller? Will it run better with that other propeller? Will it ever fly?

And then I got to think'n bout the birds what come to my house to eat every night. There's stuff in their way for eat'n what needs to go to the trash pile. And then there's some weeds in their way. Ya don't find birds exciting??? Well old Billy Bob do. Just like bout 6:30 last night....there was a gazillion brown headed cow birds and black birds drop in for a treat. And then here come a batch of quail...bout 40 or so. A couple rabbits chew'n down on the pieces of corn and an old rotten cantilope what I throwed out there 'cause it stank in the fridge.

Ok....I run slap out of writ'n stuff. Gonna go out on "da porch", sip a cup and do some think'n.

Yesterday today

Yup....that means zackly what it says......yesterday today.

Ya see, it happen just like this. I were sit'n on "da porch sip'n a cup an enjoy'n the brisk air and beautiful sunshine. Here come old pesky neighbor Wayne mumblin'n something bout play'n golf. I says when and he says now. This was yesterday, not today. Well, now didn't work. There was a high school tournament go'n on and won't be able to play till after 2.....sheesh.

Ok, now where was I before the entire old population of the park was sit'n on my porch tell'n stories and lie'n bout stuff? Oh yeah....gold ball swak'n. While we was wait'n on 2 oclock to roll around, I was dig'n in the garden, burn'n weeds and fine tuning the engine in the airplane. All the while, Wayne was eat'n and tak'n a nap. 

Boy howdy, woke up this morning sore all over. Gonna have to be play'n more golf ball swak'n. No, I didn't have leg cramps last night. But I was expect'n some. 

Been roll'n round the idea of opening another restaurant here in Deming. More an likely, that's as far as it will get....just roll'n it around. Of course it would mess with my travels hav'n to be here every day with my 5 gallon bucket to go to the bank. As many businesses I've had, you would think in 69 years I learnt something. 

Baked me up an apple pie yesterday. Yesterday??? What about today? Well, today was another batch hum dinger biscuits...what I filled 6 of 'em with a sausage slab and a egg. Be eat'n breakfast for the next 3 mornings. OK...this afternoon, right after a fly awakening nap, I ate me up a big chunk that pie with bout a quart ice cold milk. Damn...that were sooooo good.

Be eat'n venison chili spaghetti again tonight. What reminds me of my old great grandpa William Perry Birchfied the first. He was a rancher ya know....horses for the Army and cows to feed hungry folk. Well, he had a cook what would brew up some soup make out of chili peppers what growed wild on the ranch. And that what they would eat...along with some ground mesquite bean bread. Old WPB told that cook one night...."tomorrow, you go out there and kill one them cows and put some "beef" in that soup". So....that where chili con carne come from. There are other versions on the internet, but I would believe old WPB before the internet. And yes...you put jalepenos in a good pot of chili.....bout a half a cup for 2 gallon....if'n ya like it hot.

Have ya ever fix a broke flag? Well I did today...two times. The big ol' American flag was com'n apart from all the wind and abuses it gets. And you remember that "expensive" Texas flag that guy said would last for 5 years. Well yeah, if ya leave it in the package. Anyhows, I got up enough nerve to break out my "hi blood pressure" sew'n machine. That machine is what got in the shape I'm in today. Anyhows, in lickity split I had them flags fly'n in the wind again. Knows some stuff bout sew machines.

That's it....ain't done a thing today....maybe tomorrow.

Ya gotta slow down

Boy Howdy, when ya hav'n fun, seem like the day just "pooofs".

I ain't got no time to tell ya bout all the fun 'cause I got up late and everyone knows I gonna play golf today.

After tak'n that motor apart a few times, it finally run'n. I suppose that means I gotta go out and cut weeds with it. Cut'n weeds with an airplane is almost the same as a "remote controlled" crash.

Ok....pesky neighbor Wayne is get'n impatient....what means he think he gonna beat the old Billy Bob at a golf ball swak'n game. I got some news for him thought.....it ain't gonna happen.

Gonna be back sometimes later.......maybe.

Will it fly?

Back to batteries. Rejuvenated batteries has been proven to be a waste of time, so what we gonna be talk'n bout today is "real" batteries. It's kind of like comparing "real" home brew chili with "get by" chili out the can.

Speak'n of chili, I got this chunk of venison in the frige what is need'n to be cook up. So here what I'm think'n...cut that sucker up in little bitty bite size tid bits, mix it with a pound of Jimmy Dean regular sausage and brew up a pot. What ya think???

What ya gotta do when ya charge "specialty" batteries is make sure ya know what you're doing. We ain't talk'n bout just stick'n any old charger on a battery,  walk'n away and think'n it gonna be fully charged in an hour. Batteries for boondock'n and off grid'n are specialty batteries, deep cycle and matched. And they gotta be charged a certain way. Most batteries for the above mentioned applications are usually "golf cart" 6 volt true deep cycle batteries. Although there are more expensive batteries on the market and some cheaper ones, golf cart batteries are more economical in price and longevity. At $100 a pop, $200 and you have a set of two what gives you 205 to 230 amp hours of continuous power. But....you can only use half that amount. Remember what I tole ya bout cycles? You only have so many cycles in the life of a battery. By never letting the voltage drop below 12.2 volts, your battery will last well over 5 years. Did I mention "matched"??? No matter how many batteries you have in your bank, they must all be the same in amp hour capacity and the same age for an equal charge for the life of the entire battery bank. Just one old or different amp capacity battery will "kill" the entire battery bank in short order. Ok, we got that straight....right??? All batteries are matched....right??? OK....Now let's charge them....the correct way.

Got us some rain yesterday afternoon and more expected all week. Was a bit chilly this morning, something like bout 54 degs. Sky all clouded up and a 10mph breeze out the east. Been hoping for a little rain just to see what my weeds will do. Stay underground ya little bastards.

1pm......boy howdy, what a beautiful day. All that crap from this morning is gone....poooof, just like that.

Took "that jeep" out on the open road while ago....kick it up to bout a hunert and not a vibration one. Now "that what I'm talk'n bout".  Maybe I'll just keep it and put the "little red bronco" in the dumpster....NOT.

Ok....here what I gonna do....remember that airplane I built 6 year ago and ain't flowed it yet. Gonna charge up all the batteries, break out some 6 year old fuel and see if it will crank up.

It ain't every day ya get a chance to fire up an airplane in your back yard. Wonder if that sucker will really fly? I got enough room to take off here in the park, but at some point, ya gotta land that baby and it take way much more space to land than to take off......sides that, ya see all them trees, RV's, fences and power lines? And one huge dumpster right where I gonna land. Bet ya a nickel I can hit one of 'em.
Damn Billy Bob, you sure got lots of toys and way too much free time on your hands.

Another typical lazy day

Oh boy, it's monday morning and don't know what to do. One of the draw backs of being retired.... don't have a job to go to, get up at any time ya want, don't have to wear designer shoes, not a care in the world, nuttin to do. Damn, I love it.

Ain't look'n too good outside this morning. Clouds as far as the eye can see.... a cool 64 degs.

Speak'n of outside, yesterday I spent the entire day out on the porch clean'n that sucker up. My God, where all them tools come from. Ok, who the hell stole my big screwdriver?? After I got the porch look'n like "da porch" again, I tore my solar powered lantern apart and installed a new flame. Still ain't what I want it to look like, but better than no flame at all. Go head, ask me what the hell I'm talk'n bout.

Ya see, it's like this....a couple years ago I had this lantern hang'n on my flag pole what I would light up at night. Then it started leak'n gasoline all over the ground. It were dumpster ready. But old Billy Bob got him a grand idea....blink'n bright lights come on. Put one them solar garden/yard lights with the yeller bub on top and make a flame out of tin foil where that wick thingy come out. Worked great for two years and count'n.....on the same battery. Then another bright lite come on....change the flame. What I did. So there you have it...another great invention by Billy Bob and Company.

Speak'n of inventions, I already told ya bout the first weed eater and the first 12 volt coffee maker, but did I ever tell ya bout the first electric powered fish reel. It were a "hum dinger" of a contraption. Ya see, I used to do a whole lot of fish'n for BIG fishes in Galveston Bay and reel'n them things in got to be a chore. Since the boat already had a battery, all I needed was a long cord and a windshield wiper motor....a few pulleys, some duct tape and a little belt drive an that sucker was ready for a test run. OH shit.....fire and flames. Motor done burn slap up reel'n in a great big ole red fish (back in them days, a big ole red fish was something like 20 pounds). Back to the draw'n board.

Since I were already outside, why not start clean'n out the basement (motorhome compartments) what are plumb full of stuff I ain't used since I bought it years ago. One down and 7 to go. I do this every year bout this time, but in previous years, most everything is put right back in them compartments. You know, like table saws, roll around mechanics chest, extra TV's, enough tools to build a house, 5 gallon used oil from 3 years of oil changes....hell you know what I'm talk'n bout, just look in your garage. Anyhows, this year is gonna be different. If I don't use it, dumpster it. Dumpster diving allowed only on week ends.

Ok, look'n like porch time has arrived....got some sip'n and think'n to do.

Solar cook'n

This morning was just  like most others. I woke up.

Let me tell ya bout some leg cramps. Ya already know what I gonna say, but gonna tell ya anyhows. Yep, yesterday was a golf ball swak'n day. I hit that ball so hard I still ain't found it yet. Lost three them suckers before I started play'n in the fareway...but that didn't help much either. Was wore slap out by the 15th hole. Hope it ain't time for me to hang up the clubs and find something else to do.....like knitting.

Had my first leg cramp weren't bout 30 minutes after I layed down....wasn't even asleep yet. Worst one I had was when I were all wrap up in my blanket and had to jump out of bed....you know, like right now, blanket and all. Couldn't get both feet untangled so's I was jump'n up and down shout'n obsenities. Weren't a good night at old Billy Bobs house. And do you think Sadie Mae would offer me a hand get'n out them blankets...well hell no, she just layed there with that look on her face....like "what the hell wrong with you"? Dogs just don't understand.

Put the solar oven back together yesterday and set it out in the sun for a test drive. Hmmmmm, not bad, not bad at all....300 degs. I can cook something in there. Well at 10am this morning, I lit it off again...pionted at the morning sun silly, not a fire. By 11am that sucker was 330 plus degs...wow boy howdy...that hot. So I throwed some them can biscuits in there. In nuttin flat, they was done. Nuttin flat in a solar over is something like 45 minutes.

See all the shiny stuff I put on the reflectors.....purty huh?

Now let me tell ya what I ate these beautiful biscuits with. A Billy Bob top secret recipe of butter, peanut butter, strawberry preserves and molasses. Boy howdy, that were good.

Ok, that's it. Gonna go out there on "da porch" and see if I can clean up some the mess I made in the last few days. I know it ain't gonna happen, but it sure sounds good. Porches were invented for sip'n a cup and think'n....not a freak'n all purpose fix it shop.