To look really cool on the golf course today, I put on my white golf'n shoes. They ain't really golf'n shoes, they tennis shoes, but we ain't gonna be play'n no tennis....we gonna be play'n golf, so's that make them golf'n shoes.
I know how to play tennis ya know. But ya probly already figgered I done that too since there ain't a whole bunch I ain't done in my lifetime. I was a baseball player too, but we don't talk bout that much. Football? Maybe 10 minutes. Big ol' fat boy flatten Billy Bob like a pancake. I was will'n to try anything.
It were the summer of '89 or somewheres bout there.....I challenge Charlie to a tennis match. Ain't neither one of us knowed the first thing bout tennis other than we was gonna knock hell out a little yaller ball. We advertised the upcom'n match on the University of Texas bulletin board....free admission. We had two weeks to learn the rules an' hone in on our skills. In other words, learn how to play.
Come tournament day, Charlie show up in his fancy little white shorts an' white sneekers What the hell, Charlie look like he serious. The old Billy Bob show up wear'n foul weather rain gear. You know, them bright yeller baggy rubber pants with suspenders an' a pair or oversize white rubber boots up to my knees. You would a think I was go'n on a north Atlantic fish'n trip or something like that. Discarding this git up in a heap on the side lines, I steps up to the plate....bat in hand. Charlie winds up.....
Right from the git go, Charlie start'n cheat'n. He aim that ball right at me. Hit me slap in the chest go'n a hunnert mile a hour. An he get a point for that.....or what ever ya call it. I swaks the ball....it go slap over the fence. He get another point. What the hell, what kind of game is this? Then he start mak'n me run from one side that court to the other. What the hell, cain't he hit a straight ball...."I'm right here Charlie, not way over there on the other side". This kind of crap went on for bout a hour. I'm not like'n tennis much at this point. Charlie beat my ass by bout 2 sets....or what ever ya call 'em. Ain't never gonna play tennis again as long I live.
Oh crap....it get'n close to golf ball swak'n time. Barney gonna think I done sleep in an' forget him if'n I shows up late.
Laters.
I know how to play tennis ya know. But ya probly already figgered I done that too since there ain't a whole bunch I ain't done in my lifetime. I was a baseball player too, but we don't talk bout that much. Football? Maybe 10 minutes. Big ol' fat boy flatten Billy Bob like a pancake. I was will'n to try anything.
It were the summer of '89 or somewheres bout there.....I challenge Charlie to a tennis match. Ain't neither one of us knowed the first thing bout tennis other than we was gonna knock hell out a little yaller ball. We advertised the upcom'n match on the University of Texas bulletin board....free admission. We had two weeks to learn the rules an' hone in on our skills. In other words, learn how to play.
Come tournament day, Charlie show up in his fancy little white shorts an' white sneekers What the hell, Charlie look like he serious. The old Billy Bob show up wear'n foul weather rain gear. You know, them bright yeller baggy rubber pants with suspenders an' a pair or oversize white rubber boots up to my knees. You would a think I was go'n on a north Atlantic fish'n trip or something like that. Discarding this git up in a heap on the side lines, I steps up to the plate....bat in hand. Charlie winds up.....
Right from the git go, Charlie start'n cheat'n. He aim that ball right at me. Hit me slap in the chest go'n a hunnert mile a hour. An he get a point for that.....or what ever ya call it. I swaks the ball....it go slap over the fence. He get another point. What the hell, what kind of game is this? Then he start mak'n me run from one side that court to the other. What the hell, cain't he hit a straight ball...."I'm right here Charlie, not way over there on the other side". This kind of crap went on for bout a hour. I'm not like'n tennis much at this point. Charlie beat my ass by bout 2 sets....or what ever ya call 'em. Ain't never gonna play tennis again as long I live.
Oh crap....it get'n close to golf ball swak'n time. Barney gonna think I done sleep in an' forget him if'n I shows up late.
Laters.
I never could figure out how the heck they score a tennis match. All I know is that I ain't in "love" with tennis.
ReplyDeleteI useta know, but I don't no more. But I would still get all decked out to play another game.
DeleteI tried that tennis game too a few times,just my cuppa!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed tennis onest I learnt how to dodge incom'n balls an' hit 'em back at my opponent.
DeleteWhat the heck happened to the awning in the header pictuure??
ReplyDeleteAwning in header pic....that was way back in 08. Sun done eat that suck up. Got me a brand spank'n new one now (2011 or something like that).
DeleteDarn you Billy Bob; there you went again...making me p my pants from laughing...your tennis outfit started it. You really make my day!
ReplyDeleteSissy, since I had a golf tournament this morn'n, I didn't have time to go into any "details". Had you been there to see me, you would have pee yer pants for sure.
DeleteYou lasted longer at the sport than I did. I went out on the court on the hottest and most humid day in Cincinnati's history. Hated that damn game - don't like many games where you have to sprint.
ReplyDeleteIt's actually a good game....onest ya....see above. Run'n back an' forth kind of sucks if'n ya ask me.
Delete"They ain't really golf'n shoes, they tennis shoes, but we ain't gonna be play'n no tennis....we gonna be play'n golf, so's that make them golf'n shoes."
ReplyDeleteMakes perfect sense to me! jajajajajaja :D