"WHOA HOSS"....how ya stop this thing?

There are times to read, and there are times to read EVERY word. One word can make all the difference in the world. Like...."I almost fell off my horse". Comment....."Oh I'm so sorry to hear that, hope you weren't hurt too bad". See what I'm talk'n bout...."I ALMOST fell off my horse".

Now I hope nobody reads this an' thinks the old Billy Bob fell off a horse. But....I did fall off a horse in years past. Don't ride 'em no more. But not because I fell off 'em.

Long bout 13 year old, maybe 14, I ride my first horse. A great big ol' thing....his back was taller that I was. Couldn't see over the top that blamed horse. Weren't no saddle on that horse neither, we was go'n for a hair rais'n bareback ride.

I was go'n home from school an' there at the bar just up the road a piece from home, I see "dad's" old Oldsmobile....and a horse with no saddle sit'n in the park'n lot. I jumps off the school bus, walks into the bar....there's "dad", drunker an' a skunk, sweet talk'n a "drunker an' a skunk" lady friend. Boy howdy they was laugh'n, cut'n up....hav'n a good ol' time. I was want'n to go home. Don't want to sit in a bar watch'n two horny people mak'n a fool of themselfs.

The nice lady tells me I can ride her horse if'n I take it to her house bout 3 mile down the road an' they will pick me up there.....in a few minutes, or until "I finish this beer" an' whatever they was gonna do. 

Well yeah, I want to ride that big ol' horse. I watch Hopalong Cassidy, Gene Autry, Roy Rogers....yeah, I can ride a horse. With the help of the hood of that old Oldsmobile, I climbs atop that great big ol' horse....grin'n from ear to ear. I are a cowboy....yeee haw!!! That when that gald dern horse takes slap off, lickity split for home.....bout a hunnert mile a hour. We pass'n cars an' old pick'em up trucks...."my god horse...slow down". I'm hold'n on for dear life, don't know nuttin bout how to stop a dad gum run-a-way horse. I says...."WHOA HOSS". That damn horse is plumb deeft....don't hear nuttin I'm yell'n.

Now we was gallop'n along, a bit over the speed limit, on a nice straight road, so's I was able to stay astride that critter. I are a cowboy, yee haw!!!.....hold'n on for dear life holler'n "WHOA HOSS". That when that damn horse make a "screech'n round the corner" left turn. He was headed for the stables. I was still headed down that nice straight road....eat'n dirt, rocks an' grass....beer cans....shit like that. You think that horse wait up for Billy Bob??? Well hell no he don't. He go on down the road for home an' leave me lay'n in a ditch. All I see is dust go'n down the road.

I rekon you could call that fall'n off'n a horse if'n ya want to....although I really didn't actually fall off. I was flung off'n that horse like a slingshot. Sail through the air headlong into a freak'n ditch after bounc'n off a hard dirt an' gravel road 3 or 4 time. Cowboy life is excit'n.

So ya see, ya got to read every word, let it sink in, an' not comment on what ya think ya read. Be kind of curious what comments this will bring forth. 

Holy crap, it were some kind of hot yesterday. Ya see, there's a high pressure system sit'n in the middle of Texas what make the whole state of Texas hotter an' hell. How do I know this? Well, the weatherman say so....that's how. Gonna be like this for another week so they say. Does this affect the old Billy Bob? You betcha it does. I ain't go'n outside for nuttin. Gonna sit in "da house" Googl'n stuff an' watch'n TV.

I didn't tell ya bout the peaches I grill on the Weber did I??? Well, ya see, it's like this....I forgot they was out there get'n burn slap up. I ain't eat'n them things. I rekon the damn goat ate 'em, cause they was gone the next morn'n.