The old school house

I used to walk in the bitter freez'n cold, across corn fields and through the woods.

It was a little school, just one room. The teacher was a hefty lady, we was scared of her. There were two of us in the first grade. Me and some little skinny girl with curly red hair and freckles. She wore overalls and high top shoes just like I did. She was my bestest buddy.

Ya know, some times ya get to think'n. Your mind just wanders off in some direction where ya ain't been in years. That happen to me this morning while I was sit'n here try'n to get warm. Ya see, here what happen. Last night I  didn't close the door all the way and some time during the night, a puff of wind come up and blowed the door wide open. I were cold in here this morning. But that ain't what got me to think'n. I rekon it's natural to think when ya ain't got nuttin else to do, so that what I did.

In my school days, I went to 13 different schools by the time I was 17 year old. The little country school house with the little red headed freckle face girl and the hefty teacher was my first school. This is where I learnt my ACB's. And to spell my name. It was 3 1/2 mile from the farm where I lived at the time.....if'n ya cut across the corn fields and through the woods. If ya stayed on the roads, it were an extra mile. There weren't no school bus so ya had to either huff it from sun up to be there by 8am or ride a critter. Some did....ride a critter that is.

Cross'n them corn fields weren't no problem......but there was woods to go through. Deep dark woods where man has never gone before. We had a nice trail to follow from years of walk'n to school. Once in the woods I was a scared little feller. Ya see, I weren't alone on this walk. I was the youngest of 6 of us. The big boys, ranging in age from 7 to 13 would tell me stories of "things" what lived in the woods. There was big pythons hang'n from tree limbs just wait'n to gobble ya up. Grizzly bears to eat little boys in bright red snow suits. Have ya ever wore a snow suit??? The creek log bridge we had to cross was infested with flesh eating "grools and gobblins".  By the time we got out them woods, old Billy Bob was a nervous little boy watch'n every bush, tree trunk and low hanging limb.

It would snow bout once a year. From bout the end of November to the first of March. It were cold and the snow was packed high. Ya got remember, old Billy Bob weren't very big when he was 6 year old. A little feller like that can get lost in a snow drift. That what I did. When I stepped off in that snow drift, I was gone....pooof, just like that. I come out from there, snow suit all fill up with freez'n cold snow, freez'n cold snow down my neck all the way to my butt cheeks. I were holler'n "MOM'S"....but she couldn't hear me. "Mom's weren't my mom...she were the lady on the farm where I stayed till my dad got back from the war. 

In the spring time, hornets and yeller jackets come out of hyper-nation (hibernation)...that mean they sleep all winter and come out in the spring time to sting little boys walk'n to school. Farmers would clear their land of trees and bushes so they could plant more crops. All that stuff is piled up somewhere's along the trail....filled with critters and stuff. Ya don't knock down a hornet nest with a stick and expect not to get stinged. From experience, I can tell ya, them suckers knows how to sting. And yeller jackets....what live in them little holes in the ground. Ya don't pour water (pee) in them holes.....or poke a stick in them. 

By my second year at the little country school house, I was a celebrity....with the girls. They made fun of my clothes because they was full of patches and stuff. Ya know that the smallest of the bunch wears hand me downs....right??? I had growed bout an inch and gained maybe a pound or two since last year, but I was still the "I double dare ya" of the school yard. Girls like that ya know. Take for instance....the tree swing on the side of the hill. Anybody can jump out of a swing on flat ground. But who in their right mind would jump down hill? "I double dare ya Billy". Boy howdy....what a ride. Scrapes and bruises for a week. 

A few years ago, I made a trip to the old farm and then went look'n for the little country school house from 55 years ago. All that was left was the foundation. The old rope swing was gone, but the hill was still there. The playground was growed waist high in weeds. I pick up a piece of gutter what I been carry'n with me as a keepsake. That's all I have other than the memories.

Remember when???

Grrrrrrr....grumble....bitch and moan and all that stuff. Too much to do.

Yep, you were right, old Billy Bob sneeked off to the golf course yesterday. You should'a seen Sadie Mae...my God, that dog is done turn'n into a "hunt'n" dog. Her was roll'n in the grass, lap'n up water out the lake and check'n every bush for an unsuspecting critter. On the greens, she would lay down.....right in front my ball....and not move. Not that it mattered, I was gonna miss anyhows. Wonderful golf ball swak'n day. By the way...yes...I had leg cramps last night.
Heee heee heee....spanked Wayne big time. So bad.... he says he ain't never gonna play golf with me again.

Well shoot, it looks like it's time to start get'n "Sally da house" ready for the trip to the "slabs". Even though I have other stuff I would rather be doing. Got the cow head to finish yet ya know. Speak'n of cow head, no I don't hand out candy. I don't do holidays and that kind of stuff. Christmas is just another day.

Speak'n of Christmas, a few years back (1991 or there abouts), I dressed up as a mummy for Halloween. All wrap up in some old tore up sheets with blood and stuff.... an one them nasty mean look'n rubber masks. You know what I'm talk'n bout. Our house was built on stilts...a beach house, way up in the air. The kiddies had to climb a flight of stairs to get to the front door, but old Billy Bob the mummy dummy were sit'n in an old raggedy chair at the bottom....not moving, just sit'n there. All the kiddies just looked at me as they passed by to the steps....think'n I weren't real....just a mummy dummy. HA....just you wait till you half way up them steps....ya little munchkins. This old mummy dummy come alive...growl'n, flap'n arms and mak'n all kind of weird noises. Them kiddies was a scream'n like their momma was done whoop'n 'em with a hickery stick. They was headed in all directions and there weren't no where to go. One little girl jump off them steps like her was on fire...right in my rose bushes. Momma's and daddys was really pissed at old Billy Bob...the neighborhood mummy dummy....sit'n in a chair.

Did I ever tell ya bout the time......I learnt to kiss. Ya see, it were like this. I was right bout 12 year old. One good look'n specimen of a pre teen hunk. Bout four feets ten inches an a hunert pounds....give or take. I were prime rib. Anyhows, there was this little girl what would chase me round the school playground...giggl'n and stuff.....every day. She were "hot". One day she cornered me, weren't no where to go. She knock me to the ground...an kiss me right on the mouth.....yuk yuk...gag...spit spit. What the hell? I think I like that. Then I starts chas'n her, just like she did me...an I corners her. She bats them little brown eyes at me an says..."Billy, kiss me". So's I knock her to the ground.... and I kiss her...right on the mouth. Just like that.

Ok, it's 8am, sun shin'n, a brisk 60 degs and I'm gonna go to "da porch", sip a hot cup and do some think'n. Lots to do at Billy Bob's place this morning, so..."it's off to work we go".

Dying or what???

Holy cows Billy Bob, are ya kick'n the bucket or what?

Ya see, it was like this. Last night I stayed up late. Was up until 4am, but not 'cause I wanted to. If I layed on my left side, I couldn't breath worth a hoot. If I layed on my right side, breathing was better, but still not get'n enough.  If I layed on my stomach, my teeth hurted. There was no in between....I weren't going to sleep. Now for the rest of the story...aspirin. If'n ya read the warnings label on a bottle of 500mg. aspirin, ya know you gonna have bleeding at some point. This ain't good. But since my body produces huge quantities of hi octane type "0" blood, I took some aspirin to ease the pain of the teeth aches. Dentist can't see me for another week.

Boy howdy the wind blow'n today. You know what that means, right? Old Billy Bob ain't gonna "do nuttin". Now comes the question, why does the wind blow on a perfectly beautiful day? I could be out there in the yard sun bath'n wear'n nuttin but a pair of "speedos" and cowboy boots. Think bout that for a minute!!!

Just for Dizzy.......solar powered cow head night light. Ya see them red eyes???

Have ya ever got tired? I ain't talk'n bout tired from too much work...Billy Bob ain't gonna do that ya know. What I'm talk'n bout is just tired. Tired of the same old thing every day and the outlook ain't look'n no better as the day passes ya by. Ya get up every morning bout the same time and have nothing to look forward to. Ya ain't got nuttin to do.
Well, old Billy Bob is tired, bored, depressed with life in general, dysfunctional, and sometimes delusional. Ya know what I'm talk'n bout....right? Just wanna lay down and give up. Damn....I need to go see a shrink. Or as Ben says....quit taking birth control pills. "It gonna get better Billy Bob"

Wind or no wind, I'm gonna go outside, sit on "da porch, sip my cup'o and do some think'n.

Sit'n on "da porch"

Some people think that "sit'n on da porch" is just that....sit'n and "do'n nuttin". But it ain't like that.

Ya see, it's like this......I got stuff to do and it's all outside....right next to "da porch". If ya don't have a "da porch" in your yard, ya ain't never gonna understand what a "da porch" is for. This is a gathering place for all the neighbors what don't have a place to sit sip'n a cup and think'n. On my "da porch", I have this very comfortable chair what I sit in. Next to it is a little table on the right....that where my coffee cup and ash tray sits. On the other side my chair is this bigger table....used to store tools and stuff until they find their way back to their proper place. Kind of like a workbench don't ya think? And then there's all the extra floor space for the bigger tools and stuff. You know, like tables saws, grinders, mechanic's chests, engine stands and stuff like that. 

So.....a "da porch" is more than a place to sit your ass down and "do nuttin".

Speak'n of hard work, yesterday old Billy Bob got this bright idea to build a solar powered night light for the porch and dashboard of "Sally da house". Ya see, it were like this.....I had this big ol' cow head lay'n round "do'n nuttin" but collect'n dust. I look at them empty eyes and says......light 'em up. So that what I did.

Next I will proceed to install some red eyes....or maybe green. Wonder if this ol' cow head night light will keep critters...snakes and stuff away from my door.

Also on the agenda for yesterday....after sit'n on "da porch" sip'n a cup and think'n, I decided my birds weren't happy with no place to get a soothing drink and a place to take a bath.

This is what they got.

Got the dish's soak'n for a good wash'n here in a little bit....but in the mean time....go sit on "da porch", sip a cup and do a little think'n. What I did. I was think'n bout fly'n that airplane, but it has to be balanced first. You know what I'm talk'n bout...center of gravity and all that stuff. What I did. It's now ready for it's first flight since conception 6 year ago. Where I gonna fly it??? Well hell, right over there on that paved county road. Ain't no tyraffic and if there is, they better look out...Billy Bob fly'n here. Gonna take a roll of duct tape to use for band aids just in case I run slap into one them big yuccas. I done that before ya know. Been 36 years ago since I flew one these things, so I'm expect'n a few mishaps. 

My "to do" list just keeps get'n smaller and smaller. Ain't say'n it's anywhere close to be completed, but it ain't near as big as it were a few week ago. Think'n of leav'n some of the list undone till I arrive at the "slabs". Something to do while I'm layed back enjoy'n a warm winter.....with no snow, no freez'n pipes...no nuttin to give the impression it's dead of winter.

Ok dishes, here come Billy Bob. God I hate dishes.

Mysterious Mind

The mind is a mysterious thing.....know what I mean???

It don't make no matter how hard I try, my mind goes off into uncharted areas where no mind should encounter. This is a sign of an active mind...although it may also be a sign of some sort of a disorder. I'll have to think bout that.

In order for the mind to function to it's full capacity, one needs to be in his "place". A special place where you can sit back and relax, shut out the turmoils of this world, have a delicious drink of choice and "do some think'n". Some people don't have such a place, so naturally, they never experience thinking. Just like last night. I was sit'n on "da porch" (my "place") sip'n a cup and think'n, "what ya gonna do tomorrow"? After bout 30 minutes I had think of a hunert things to do, the consequences, the probabilities of success, health issues, reasoning and I come up with "nuttin". But "do'n nuttin" ain't what's important, it's the thought process what come up with absolutely nuttin important to do.

One thing on the agenda for today is to change the propeller on my remote control fly'n machine. This may not be at all exciting to you, but for a thinker, it makes all the sense in the world. Ya see, I was think'n, what will it sound like with that other propeller? Will it run better with that other propeller? Will it ever fly?

And then I got to think'n bout the birds what come to my house to eat every night. There's stuff in their way for eat'n what needs to go to the trash pile. And then there's some weeds in their way. Ya don't find birds exciting??? Well old Billy Bob do. Just like bout 6:30 last night....there was a gazillion brown headed cow birds and black birds drop in for a treat. And then here come a batch of quail...bout 40 or so. A couple rabbits chew'n down on the pieces of corn and an old rotten cantilope what I throwed out there 'cause it stank in the fridge.

Ok....I run slap out of writ'n stuff. Gonna go out on "da porch", sip a cup and do some think'n.

Yesterday today

Yup....that means zackly what it says......yesterday today.

Ya see, it happen just like this. I were sit'n on "da porch sip'n a cup an enjoy'n the brisk air and beautiful sunshine. Here come old pesky neighbor Wayne mumblin'n something bout play'n golf. I says when and he says now. This was yesterday, not today. Well, now didn't work. There was a high school tournament go'n on and won't be able to play till after 2.....sheesh.

Ok, now where was I before the entire old population of the park was sit'n on my porch tell'n stories and lie'n bout stuff? Oh yeah....gold ball swak'n. While we was wait'n on 2 oclock to roll around, I was dig'n in the garden, burn'n weeds and fine tuning the engine in the airplane. All the while, Wayne was eat'n and tak'n a nap. 

Boy howdy, woke up this morning sore all over. Gonna have to be play'n more golf ball swak'n. No, I didn't have leg cramps last night. But I was expect'n some. 

Been roll'n round the idea of opening another restaurant here in Deming. More an likely, that's as far as it will get....just roll'n it around. Of course it would mess with my travels hav'n to be here every day with my 5 gallon bucket to go to the bank. As many businesses I've had, you would think in 69 years I learnt something. 

Baked me up an apple pie yesterday. Yesterday??? What about today? Well, today was another batch hum dinger biscuits...what I filled 6 of 'em with a sausage slab and a egg. Be eat'n breakfast for the next 3 mornings. OK...this afternoon, right after a fly awakening nap, I ate me up a big chunk that pie with bout a quart ice cold milk. Damn...that were sooooo good.

Be eat'n venison chili spaghetti again tonight. What reminds me of my old great grandpa William Perry Birchfied the first. He was a rancher ya know....horses for the Army and cows to feed hungry folk. Well, he had a cook what would brew up some soup make out of chili peppers what growed wild on the ranch. And that what they would eat...along with some ground mesquite bean bread. Old WPB told that cook one night...."tomorrow, you go out there and kill one them cows and put some "beef" in that soup". So....that where chili con carne come from. There are other versions on the internet, but I would believe old WPB before the internet. And yes...you put jalepenos in a good pot of chili.....bout a half a cup for 2 gallon....if'n ya like it hot.

Have ya ever fix a broke flag? Well I did today...two times. The big ol' American flag was com'n apart from all the wind and abuses it gets. And you remember that "expensive" Texas flag that guy said would last for 5 years. Well yeah, if ya leave it in the package. Anyhows, I got up enough nerve to break out my "hi blood pressure" sew'n machine. That machine is what got in the shape I'm in today. Anyhows, in lickity split I had them flags fly'n in the wind again. Knows some stuff bout sew machines.

That's it....ain't done a thing today....maybe tomorrow.

Ya gotta slow down

Boy Howdy, when ya hav'n fun, seem like the day just "pooofs".

I ain't got no time to tell ya bout all the fun 'cause I got up late and everyone knows I gonna play golf today.

After tak'n that motor apart a few times, it finally run'n. I suppose that means I gotta go out and cut weeds with it. Cut'n weeds with an airplane is almost the same as a "remote controlled" crash.

Ok....pesky neighbor Wayne is get'n impatient....what means he think he gonna beat the old Billy Bob at a golf ball swak'n game. I got some news for him thought.....it ain't gonna happen.

Gonna be back sometimes later.......maybe.