Sunday, June 30, 2013

What that ****CRASH-KABOOOOM****?

Bout 6am I was just lay'n there in bed mind'n my own business...dream'n an' stuff like that ya know. ***CRASH-KABOOOOM****....scare hell out me. I sit's straight up in bed, here come Sadie Mae lickity split snuggle up to me.....head under a little blankie. What the hell was that? It's dark outside, I cain't see a thing. ****CRASH-KABOOOOM***....there's another one, lightning strike right out there in the yard. I hear little pitter patters on the roof. It's start'n to rain. "The winders Billy Bob, check the winders in "that jeep"". Bout that time the rain is com'n down in 5 gallon buckets full. Shine a light out into the darkness...the winders are up in "that jeep". I goes back to bed an' listen to the pour'n rain....what finally fizzles down to a constant pitter patter again.

Here I are sit'n here at the computer read'n blogs, latest headline news, a few emails......I get to think'n. What a wonderful "cool" day to go knock some limbs off'n the trees at the golf course. Oh wait, more pitter patters on the roof. It's 12:30 an (after noon), the outside temp is 78 degs (accord'n to Walmart special), what a beautiful "cool" day to waste sit'n in "da house".

Do I need anything from Walmart? No! Do I need any groceries? No! Am I hungry for greasy food? No! Do I want to take a ride to Port Aransas? Oh hell no! Dang, the first "cool" day on a month an' I don't want to do nuttin.

There's a smell (odor). It's in the bathroom. No, it's in the kitchen. It's in one or the other, or maybe both. The investigat'n team of Billy Bob Nuclear Waste Disposal Inc LLC goes to work. Sniff'n devices (Sadie Mae's nose) are positioned in the bathroom and kitchen. "My God Billy Bob, when the last time you do dishes an' clean the sinks"? OK, that narrows down the first smell (odor). Now I got me something to do on this beautiful "cool" day. "Check the trash can too Billy Bob". Well shoot, the trash can got a lid on it....recently purchased at Walmart, it cain't stink. Sides that, it only half full if'n ya smush it down.

Boy howdy, it gonna be a long time before I ever forget bout how hot it were yesterday. If neice-in-law is the correct word, Rena tell me it was 108 in Corpus Christi yesterday. I says "ain't no way". Then she show me a pic of the truck thermometer thingy. Yup....108 degs. Corpus Christi ain't never been that hot before...not that I can remember anyways. But then, truck thermometers ain't always right. Sit'n out in the blaz'n sunshine, stuff like that, they give ya a false impression of the REAL temp.

How did last nights grill'n cession turn out? Well, not so good. Ya see, while I was prepar'n brussel sprouts and maters to go on the grill, that ham steak was out there burn'n slap up. I'm talk'n had to cut it with a meat cleaver. The maters were perfect off the grill. Cain't say the same thing for the brussel sprouts. I forgot they was out there. Burn them suckers slap up too.....blackened and over cooked.

That chunk of ham may look good on this side, but ya should see the other.

My intention was to smoke my supper. So I throw a chunk of mesquite on the grill...right over the burner. 10 minute later, that sucker still ain't smok'n. Not even catch on fire. There got to be a way to create smoke in a Weber grill. Any grill masters out there???


Saturday, June 29, 2013

Twice updated...Holy Crap it's HOT....

Ok, I don't think we need to discuss Windows 8 no more. As long as I can find the desktop, get online, I'm fine with that.

But I do have to say something bout this heat an' my "Walmart special" thermo jiggerdoo. It's a two piece wireless thermometer, indoor an' outdoor temps ya know. The outside unit (battery powered) is mounted on the outside wall (DUH!) up under the awning where the sun don't shine. I'm think'n that a ideal place to locate a thermometer....out of the sun. Shoot, if'n it was in the sunshine, that sucker go all the way up 130 degs....something like that.

Well, I been think'n a long time that Walmart done seen me com'n when I buy this thermometer contraption. To give ya a idea what I'm talk'n bout, the internet weather thingy says it's 97 degs outside. My Walmart special says it 100 right here an' now. Yesterday the silly thing said it was 104 right bout 2pm and 109 at 4:30pm. I'm think'n something ain't right. Not that it really matters or nuttin like that....hot is hot no matter what the temp is.

So anyhows, this heat wave is got the old Billy Bob stuck in "da house". Sit on his ass all day an' do clickity click on the computer, watch some TV an' take naps. Now my ass is sore. Ain't got no blisters or nuttin like that yet, but I betcha a dollar, sit'n on your ass ain't good for ya. Yup, it affects my poor old ail'n back an' how far I can walk without sit'n down again. I 'member a time I would walk 5 mile, ride a bike a hunnert mile....climb a freak'n telephone pole if'n I was want'n to. But that was before the age of 200 channel television an' clickity click computers. I'm think'n I was much younger also at that time.

Some times it takes somebody else to jiggle my mind into making decisions. I ain't say'n that I cain't make decisions on my own, but a little help never hurts. Me an' OFM Barney was talk'n the other day bout cool places to camp. That was when I start get'n a little bit excitis. I got to think'n bout the 3 months I spent in Georgia last year. I was comfortable an' I could go outside an' do stuff. At the same time I was in Georgia, Barney was in north Alabama enjoy'n a wonderful "cool" visit with family. Can ya see where I'm com'n from? It's cool in north Alabama an' it's cool in Georgia. When I says cool, I'm talk'n lower 90's compared to lower 100's ever day here in south Texas. If'n ya wanna giggle my mind a little, that's OK with me.  Twist my arm....stuff like that.

Ok, let me tell ya bout that Weber Q grill. I'm think'n that thing was a gift sent from heaven. Thanks to George, "The Weber "Q" Man of Blogland". I been cook'n me up some purty darn good eat'n on that thing.
Here is a example of what ya can do on a Weber.

Plated up, it look something like this.

Now let me tell ya bout them maters an' onion. Won't be grill'n no more onion on the Weber, but you can bet yer bippy there gonna be more maters grilled on there. I ain't never eat no grilled maters before. Them suckers was some kind of good. But they sticked to the grill grates.....leave some of the char behind. Yes, they was soused with olive oil in case ya wanna ask.

Dang, 20 minutes of editing.....I think I got it now. 

Afternoon temp update:
Ok, here's what I'm talk'n bout.

This is that Walmart "special" reading.

This is from the Taft weather station, 12 miles south of Sinton.

 Also hang'n out the winder is my old refrigeration pocket thermometer, what says it's 108 degs.
So who do you believe?

Ok, lets move the outside sensor to a new location. Set it over there on that burned up little table on the Weber Q. Well now, how bout this....107 degs.....what I'm think'n is the correct temp for Sinton....and maybe not Taft. Hmmmmmm, heat build up under a blue awning? What ya think? I'll buy that.

Supper update.......don't ya just love updates.

Grilled ham steak
Grilled brussel sprouts
Grilled mater
Not grilled green onions

Sounds good to me.....Yup, yum yum eat 'em up.


Friday, June 28, 2013


Whoa boy howdy, I should be at the golf course. Not that it's a good day to be play'n no outside sports, but I ain't got nuttin to do inside. It's 91 degs out there. I could handle that if'n I was do'n something I enjoy.

If'n I had gone to the golf course yesterday, it would have been a HUGE mistake. Try 104 degs right bout 2pm. I would'a have me a heat stroke or something like that. I'm not say'n I got the most accurate thermometer in the world, but I betcha a dollar it's pretty darn close when it says 104 degs.....give or take a couple degs.

Get'n back to Windows 8. Ok, some of ya don't give a flip bout no Windows 8 'cause ya ain't got it....yet. Well, I do. I was hope'n for more comments on this POS operating system, but only got one that was of any help to make me appreciate what I got. Delete stuff. Ok, so what's gonna happen when I delete stuff? And what stuff is safe to delete? Let's say I delete the Media Player app or the Video app. Will I still be able to play my cajun music and watch You Tube? And if'n I decide I want one of the deleted apps back, where the hell is it at? Really, I don't like this stuff. Windows 8 sucks.
If'n ya ain't never seen one, this is a Windows 8 start screen. Ya gotta find a way to get to your desktop for it to look like a real computer. I found the desktop by accident. I also found the "turn this damn computer off" button by accident too. I guess ya could say I'm accident prone. 

I don't know if that could be considered a rant, or just a "need to know". Then again, I don't even know if I "want to know". Computers sure have become complicated in the last few years.

Did I ever tell ya bout the time I builded my own computer? I had been cruis'n along with a old junk (found in dumpster) 286 (brand name unknown) desktop computer in a can. Whoa boy howdy was that thing ever slow. I modify stuff ya know, so I convert it to a 386. Now we talk'n. Bout that time I was play'n online drag racing. The 386 was losing me races. I goes to the computer parts sell'n place an' buy me up a whole sack of computer parts. I'm win'n a few races now with a nice new 486. But still not fast enough. Buy more parts. Soon as I mash the throttle an' pop the clutch, that little hopped up Corvette leaps in the air an' head down the 1/4 mile. Yeee Haw....Billy Bob wins again. I could fix computers back then. Make 'em do stuff they ain't supposed to do. Now, in 2013, I don't know what to do with a bunch of apps what show up on my screen. 

Ok, we done talk'n bout computers. Did ya see where that big ol' high pressure system is mov'n west? That's good news for south Texas. Get some rain, temps come down a few degs....go play a round of golf. But it ain't gonna happen today.

Oh yeah, speak'n on Live Writer, I did me some research on it yesterday. The old Billy Bob won't be need'n nuttin like that. The primary advantages of us'n Live Writer is writing your post off line and drag an' drop photos. Well shoot, I can write a blog off line with Word pad or notebook. Then cut an' paste in Blogger. I don't care nuttin bout no drag an' drop photos neither. Blogger has ever thing a person could ever need to write a blog post an' I know how to use it. No need to learn something new. So there all you dedicated Live Writer lovers....I ain't gonna do it.

That bout covers everthing I wanted to talk about this morn'n. "So, what ya gonna do now Billy Bob"? Oh I don't know, I'll think of something here in a bit. May even come back an' write bout it.

Thursday, June 27, 2013

Global warm'n versus Windows 8

Ok, I'm confused. While read'n blogs this morn'n, I come across one discuss'n Live Writer. Ok. Some of the comments on that blog said they would quit blogging if they didn't have Live Writer. This is where I get confused. What the hell is so wrong with Blogger that you can't make a blog post? I mean....like is it too hard?
"So now what ya gonna do Billy Bob"? Well shoot, I'm gonna go take a look see what all this rukus bout Live Writer is all about. I don't think it's gonna make a blog more interrest'n or nuttin like that....I'm just curious why some people cain't write a blog without some generic program. More on this after I do some research.

Then I read another blog bout how great the new downloadable Windows 8.1 is. Ok. Before I get into download'n Windows 8.1, how bout somebody convincing me how great Windows 8 is.

I ain't got me one them fancy hand held "do anything" cell devices like what all the younger generation uses. I hear ya can take pictures an' all kinds of "fun" stuff with a 2013 cell phone. They got these little doo dads what they call apps. Ok. What the hell is a app? Man boy howdy, I'm confused. This new laptop with Windows 8 is got a whole freak'n screen plumb full of apps. I clicks on one them things, up pops a new screen. Password, what's yer password? Now how the hell am I supposed to know that. Then I try my damnest to turn that blasted app screen off. You cain't. It just goes somewheres in the background eat'n up my bandwidth like a cookie monster.....gobble gobble gobble. Now sonebody tell me what's so freak'n great bout that. Why can't I be a teenager for a day so I can understand all this new fangled stuff?

After I returned back to "el Rancho Abraham's RV Park an' Goat Farm"....remember the "damn goat"?...I decided on a trip to Aransas Pass. The afternoon was spent with OFM Barney. Off we head to a "new" to me Mexican eat'em up place. The old Billy Bob ain't gonna be go'n there no more. I got plumb sick last night. We sit outside in the 91 degs heat up under a nice oak tree. The shade an' breeze was appreciated. It was a good afternoon if'n I do say so myself. We always find a interest'n subject to discuss....or two. Yes, we discussed golf an' golf ball swak'n clubs. And fish'n. And boats. Stuff men talk about. Told some lies an' I went my merry way back to Sinton.  

Then last night.....there was a program on PBS. I was think'n I would be interested, but as far as I'm concerned, them people was mak'n guesses instead of factual information. That's what scientist do ya know....make guesses, keep their jobs, bleed the taxpayer. There ain't no way in hell I'm gonna believe that 1/2 inches rise in the oceans is gonna wipe out half the coast line cities in America. Yeah I know, I'm just a redneck what never finish school, live most his life in the woods, eat roasted raccoons on a stik an' skillet fried squirrels....stuff like that. But damn, common sense tell ya 1/2 inch of water ain't gonna flood no mountain top. I don't like scare tactics, especially when it comes to global warm'n. That's OK, jump on the old Billy Bob 'cause he don't believe in that kind of stuff. Well, I kind a sorta do, just don't believe mankind can change mama nature. I betcha a dollar it weren't mankind that melted the glaciers what used to cover half of north America. "Shut up Billy Bob....sheesh!!!"


Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Did he or didn't he???

Well hell no he didn't.
I got up this morn'n an' look out the winder...."where the hell am I at"? I do that quite often now that I become of age. Sometimes I don't know if I'm com'n or go'n. Anyhows, it's freak'n 9am. The temp is already up to 88 degs.....and very humid. You ain't gonna see this old boy out there on no golf course swak'n balls in this kind of weather.

"What that noise Billy Bob?....the back a/c is mak'n weird noise". I remember one time before I hear them same weird noises. It were the front a/c. I swear, I spend a whole week find'n what cause that noise. The thermostat, that what it were. Turn the a/c on an' off, on an' off...every couple seconds. That my friends, is NOT good for the compressor. Cause the compressor to over heat, trip the overload protection gadgit....eventually burn that compressor slap up. So, a new thermostat is the order of the day.....or maybe tomorrow.

Well I want you lookie here. I'm parked right across the street from the laundry. I grabs holt my laundry basket an' away I go. Did me up one large load of wash'n. My god, them washer machines hold a lot of dirty clothes. Freak'n dryer don't work worth a crap though. $2 to dry one large load of clean clothes. Got back, fold 'em up an' finish watch'n Henry Ford on PBS.

That was my complete excitement for one day of camp'n in a pull thru spot with a golf course right over there. I sure did want to go swak some balls this morn'n, but what the hell, "el Rancho Abraham" is only 2 miles down the road. All I gotta do is climb in "that jeep" an' be here in 8 minutes....or less. Cain't always have yer cake an' eat it too.  

Ok....time to pack up an' hit the road. Ha ha ha...hit the road, a whole two miles. I ain't never move to another campground only two miles away. It just ain't done. But in my case, I got my black water tank emptied, a change of scenery an' a new yard for Sadie Mae to poop in. Mission accomplished!!!!

The dreaded two mile move has been accomplished. Back "Sally da house" into her berth on the first try. I used to be a sail'n boat capt'n ya know. The views from my winders are nuttin compared to what I left just 30 minutes ago. Here all I see is mesquite trees, junk cars an' that damn goat. But it's good to be back.

Ok....lunch date with my favorite golf ball swak'n guy Barney. We gonna lie to each other I betcha. Catch up on our last week of adventures...stuff like that. 

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Dump station...there ain't one

Holy crap, two nights in a row and most of yesterday I had those dreaded leg cramps.

I was tell'n ya bout I have to empty my black water tank. Well, it ain't empty yet. Ya see, it's like this....there are 2 rv parks in Sinton.....I done tole ya that didn't I? I jump in "that jeep" yesterday an' go see them rv parks. Yup, they both have vacant spaces with full hook ups. And they both have locked front doors. There ain't nobody home. Along with those leg cramps an' nobody home, "Sally da house" did not move yesterday. "Don't poop in the black water tank Billy Bob....use the bushes".

Still talk'n bout that black water tank, somebody suggested I go down the road a piece and find a "dump station". Well, down the road a piece from Sinton is right bout 60 plus miles round trip. At $3.39 a gallon for fuel, and a "dump" fee, I could spend TWO nights at a local rv park and still come out ahead.

As a seasoned RV'er, I should know better than to let waste water tanks get this full. Now I have to pay the price. Plus the headache of preparing "da house" for a road trip of less than 3 miles. Then bring "da house" back home to "el Rancho Abraham RV Resort & Goat Farm" the following morning and set up for camp'n again.

For MsB.....Robert turn around an' bring back my golf clubs. Us golf ball swakers have a close relationship with our golf clubs. Some of us even sleep with 'em....or gently place them under our beds at night. To lose a set of golf clubs is lik'en to get'n a divorce an' hit'n the bars look'n for a new wife as "broke in" as the last one.

I took my XX wife golf'n with me one time.....one time only. This is the X wife I don't like one bit. But she could hit a golf ball. Only problem, she would'n keep her mouth shut. Jabber jabber jabber ever time I go to swak my ball. "Does my hair look OK"? "Do you think I'm fat"? "Can we stop and get something to eat"? I'm thirsty". "Is that a restroom over there"? "Do ya want a beer Archie"? Stuff like that.....never shut up.

Ok....got things to do.....road trip ya know.

Dang, road trip is over in less than 10 minutes....after I pull out the yard. Nice lady give me a pull thru space right next to the golf course.

Just is case.....I bringed my golf ball swak'n clubs along on this camp'n trip. If'n it's nice tomorrow morn'n, you can expect to see the old Billy Bob out there swak'n some. In the mean time, I'm gonna lay back and take it easy.

"Dang Billy Bob, why did you forget the "billy bike"? This is a perfect area to ride a bike......damn.

Black water tank is empty, got both a/c's runn'n full bore. What more could ya ask for? A better internet connection would be nice. Sheesh...this sucks. Where's the dumpster? Get some this trash out "da house".....two bags full.  

Monday, June 24, 2013

Wonderful Father Son day

I were just sit there wait'n. It was get'n late, he should have been here before now. My nerves are on edge, know'n how some Texans drive on our Interstates. A white pick up pulls up to the gate.....it's my son Robert.

It's too late to be run'n off to town or anything like that, so we sit outside and catch up. Nephew Joseph grills up some chicken fajitas. Supper is served and everbody retires to their appointed camp chairs for an evening of BS and lies.
"Pictures Billy Bob, where the hell are all the pictures"?

Bout midnight, Robert reclines on my bed, lowers the thermostat to "freeze" and goes to sleep. I spent a restless night on the couch fight'n goose bump critters. I ain't gonna lie to ya, it was freak'n cold in "da house".

Coffee was brewed at 7am and another couple hours are spent just look'n at each other, reminiscing old times and more BS and lies. Breakfast is served by nephew Joseph. What are we gonna do today? I want to show my son a good time with his daddy.

We got talk'n bout golf. Mention was made of the "one" (1) time, in all these years, that Robert beat his daddy, the old golf ball swak'n Billy Bob. Robert suggests we go swak some golf balls. "Where? The driving range"? "No daddy, let's go play a round of swak 'em up". Well DUH, why didn't I think of that. What better way to spend a few hours with your son than an afternoon at the golf course.
"Pictures Billy Bob, where the hell are all the pictures"?

Extreme caution was taken to avoid hitting trees, buildings, other players....that kind of stuff ya know. Futile attempts to stay out of water hazards. Yup, I swak 2 balls right in the middle that big ol' pond.

 Then to round out a very successful father son day, let's go eat 'em up some Mexican food. Well what the hell???? They closed. Ok, let's go to the "greasy churn". They closed too. How bout I brew us up a big ol' steak, baked tater an' corn on the cob for supper? Fired up the Weber and had us some good eats. Steak grilled just like I like it, taters perfect and the corn juicy an' sweet. What better way to round out a father son day than slave over a hot grill for a love filled homebrew meal.

We said our goodbyes right bout 9pm....short as possible. Robert jump in that truck an' he is gone. "Ring Ring"....that's the telephone ya know. It's Robert tell'n my I got to buy some new golf clubs. Damn, he got my golf clubs in the back of that truck go'n to Atlanta. He's 20 mile down the road....got to come back. By 10pm, all is well.
Was a wonderful father son day.

Now today, I got to find a "dump station". My black water tank is plumb full. Think'n I may have to rent a rv space for one night. Only two choices in Sinton, an' I think they are both full up. Will let ya know tomorrow how this turns out.

There is definitely something wrong with blogger today. Today's post is not showing up on other blogs.
Ah haaa.....may have fixed it. Had to republish.


Saturday, June 22, 2013

Grrrrrrrr....clean "da house"

Well shoot, now I got to do some housework. With my son gonna come visit his daddy, this place needs some modifications. You think'n I'm kid'n don't ya. Well, I ain't. There's stuff lay'n all over the place. Sadie Mae drags stuff out an' then just lets it lay in the middle of the floor. Dad gum dog never puts stuff back up.

My trip to Walmart yesterday was a success. Got most everything what was on my list....and then some. Conned my niece into put'n all that stuff in it's proper places. This old Billy Bob is still pretty good "sweet talk'n" young chicka babies. Actually, all ya gotta do is agree with everthing a woman says an' she be eat'n out of your hand. Oh Boy, that statement is gonna stir up some wimmins this morn'n. Wimmins are cute when they get all stir up.

I betcha a dollar I don't mention no more bout "hell" on my blog. "That's all I have to say bout that"....GUMP.

For three years I been look'n. Try'n to buy a certain brand of a golf ball. This certain brand of golf ball is the difference between win'n an' lose'n against the OFM Barney. Well ya ain't never gonna guess what I fount at Walmart yesterday. Yup, I got me a dozen of that certain brand of golf ball. Titleist DT SoLo. Yeee haw....here come the Billy Bob.

Yesterday I received a phone call from our favorite pesky neighbor, the old "pesky neighbor" Wayne. He's in trouble. Got kick out of the RV park. Ya see, he was ride'n round the park on the golf cart, giv'n the neighbors mean ass kid a ride. This kid should be in a institution. He ain't right. Well anyhows, the kid fall slap out of the golf cart. Didn't get hurt or nuttin like that. But the neighbor call the police/sheriff an' Wayne was charge with child abuse/child endangerment....something like that. So now, Wayne has to move to another park. Ok...."that's all I have to say bout that"...Gump.

Ok, that's all for now.....I got things to do ya know.  

Friday, June 21, 2013

What you talk'n bout....Walmart?

"So what's on the agenda for today"? 
"I know, I know, a trip to Walmart".
"So what yer say'n, ya didn't go to Walmart yesterday".
"Well, somthing like that".

So there you have it, you now know the truth. But 'fore ya get all excited, let me tell ya a little story.

Ya see, when I wakes up every morn'n, I usually have to look out the winders to see where I'm at. I'm not awake yet. Not even close. And when I'm not awake, ain't got that other eye open, I say stuff that I wouldn't say if'n I was awake. Ya know what I'm talk'n bout....ya say stupit stuff. "I'm gonna go to Walmart"...stuff like that.

So I was sit'n here yesterday morn'n, still in a sleep stupor an' I says...."I'm go'n to Walmart today". So I ate me up a can of spaghetti an' meat balls. Boy howdy, I love them 'Chef Boy Are These Good' spaghetti an' meat balls. It ain't really the meat balls what I like. They taste like chicken. It's the sketties an' the sauce what I like. Does anybody remember can Franko American mac an' cheese? Oh my god, I would die for a can of that stuff. Eat it straight out the can. But, ya cain't find it no more at the grocery stores. In the last  10 years I only found one can at a Walmart out west somewheres......tasted terrible. Same thing with Campbells Chicken Noodle soup. Anybody remember when the noodles was round an' the soup was the best in the world? Stuff like that don't taste no good no more.

Ok, what was we talk'n bout. Oh yeah, I ate up a can of spaghetti an' meat balls for breakfast. Right after that, I start get'n sleepy....dizzy an' stuff like that. Sadie Mae is lay'n over there on the couch in my favorite spot. I'll just close my eyes for a few minutes right here in my chair. I dozes off, head bobb'n ever which way.....almost fall out the chair. BANG BANG BANG.....nephew Joseph is bang'n on my door. "Are you asleep uncle Bill? I need your help". Ya see, he was mess'n with that lawn tractor. Now it won't start. I grabs holt to my coffee mug an' go take a look see. "Ah Ha, you took the ignition coil pacs off didn't ya"? Yeah he did. The air gap was way too wide, ain't no way the spark plugs gonna spark like that. I fix that real quick like, but by now, it's afternoon an' I need me a nap. I did not go to Walmart.

Now, I think I may have mentioned a round of golf ball swak'n for today. Well, it's too late for that kind of nonsense. "You sleep too much Billy Bob, ya gotta get up early". Ain't no need to say no more bout that. I won't be swak'n no golf balls today.

My son Robert is on a electrical job up in San Antonio. Works for some big ol' high dollar electric company out of Atlanta. Makes way too much money for such a young feller. Anyhows, he gonna come see his daddy Saturday afternoon/evening. Spend all day Sunday. He's such a good boy. Rekon we will just sit around tell'n lies an' look'n at each other. Go out to eat some delicious Mexican food, ride around....have a father son day of it. I'm excitis bout all that.

Thought for the day. Everbody don't go to heaven, even if'n we do want to think that way. Or to a better life. Walk'n with angels.....stuff like that. Somebody is gonna go to hell.     

Thursday, June 20, 2013

3" cut

I wasn't gonna do it, but yes I am.

Yesterday I painstakingly removed that sticky bandage. Boy howdy, you talk bout a chore. It was like remov'n duct tape from a winder glass after a category 5 hurricane. Pull'n out big ol' gobs of hair an' little pieces of skin. Just kidd'n....haa haa fooled ya didn't I? With the assistance of Sadie Mae's hair clippers, the bandage was removed with little to no pain.

Look'n at the size of the incision, what is 3 inch long, I'm wonder'n what the hell the doc took out of there. The little growth, bout the size a thumbnail, that cut shouldn't be no wheres that big. That what I'm think'n anyhows.

There was a couple times in my life that I wished I had a photo. One is when I was doused in the face an' neck with sulfuric acid. I was all wrap up like a mummy with two little slits to see out of the bandages and a little hole to breath through. Damn, why didn't somebody take my pic???

Another photo I would love to have today is when I arrived home from heart surgery. I was black an' blue from my neck to my knees. "Stuff" was swoled up. By the time I even thought bout pictures, the bruises an' swell'n had gone down. "Too late now Billy Bob".

Look'n like I got me a trip to make today. I'm out of meds. So's I make me up a Walmart list. I also got me a laundry basket full of nasty dirty clothes. I'm think'n both chores would be too much for one day. Maybe I'll do laundry tomorrow. That is unless I decide to go swak some golf balls tomorrow morn'n. Decisions decisions....and life goes on.

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Changes don't come easy

"YeeeHawww, old Billy Bob eat a whole pack of hot dogs....now he sick".
Well shoot, I like hot dogs. I 'member back a few years when a hot dog was steak at our table. Would go out there in the yard an' fire up the charcoal grill....throw a dozen or so dawgs on there an' eat like a king. But my favorite hot dog is half ways burn slap up. For a perfect grilled dog, ya gotta watch 'em real close so's they don't burn all the ways up.....flames an' stuff. You know, turn into another piece of charcoal. Load that sucker up on a slab of bread, mayo, ketchup, mustard an' a hand full of chop onions. I look in the freezer an' I ain't got a damn thing to eat. 'Cept'n for a package of hot dogs. Yup, yesterday I eat up that whole pac of hot dogs, along with a half a loaf of bread. Now I'm sick. 

I was sit'n here look'n out the winder at that bbq grill with it's injured (melted an' charred) little table thingys. I can fix that I'm think'n. A little grind'n here an' there....be just like brand spank'n new."Why Billy Bob, ain't nobody gonna see it but you"? Well, it just piss me off I got a brand spank'n new bbq grill an' I melt the little table thingys. I'm gonna have to do something ya know. It's a personal thing ya know.

When I moved from the farm, I had to make some changes to city life. Wear shirts an' shoes, stuff like that. Then when I became a man at the ripe age of 14, I had to make some more changes. Get a freak'n summer job so's I could eat an' buy tire patch kits for my bicycle. Join the Navy at 20, that was another change I had to make. All my life I been mak'n changes. Now at 72 I'm think'n I got to make some more changes. Slow'n down ain't one of 'em. Shoot, if'n I was go'n any slower, I would be go'n backards.

Lately I don't know what way I'm go'n. One day I get myself all excitis bout hook'n up "that jeep" an' go'n for a trip. The next day that idea is long forgot about. But that's Ok. Ya see, I been mak'n a change in my life if'n ya ain't seen by now. Ain't gonna be no more this run'n up an' down the interstates an' back roads like some lost homeless guy with nowheres to go. Kind of like a chicken with his head chop slap off.... run'n all around the yard an' not go'n anywheres in particular. It's just a change I got to make an' maybe I'll get over it by tomorrow.

So this is gonna affect my blog writ'n. Well shoot, it already has. But that's Ok too. As long as I can continue to do "stupit" stuff, people will still read. Stupit stuff like burn'n up a brand spank'n new bbq grill. Or like what I did yesterday. I decided I was gonna go outside an' cut some grass. Mainly the area where I swak golf balls. I jumps on the mower, fire it up, drops the blades an' away I go a hunnert mile a hour....grass fly'n all directions. BAM...BOOOM....CRASH...SQUEECH....all kind of weird noises go'n on under the cut'n deck. Scare hell out me. I runned over a big ol' chunk of heavy gauge wire what get all wrap up in the blades. Sound kind of like a old boat motor I used to have. An' I ain't even make one round around the yard. Won't be no golf ball swak'n today.

Boy howdy let me tell ya....it were one hot mammyjammer (spell check says this should be jackhammer) yesterday. It got up to 103 yesterday afternoon. That was actual temp, not heat index feels like. But that's Ok too. I got air conditioning. Today is supposed to be a repeat of yesterday.

Ok, gonna go see if'n Joseph fix the mower.

Oh wait I almost forgot. This is for the RV owners out there. Black water tank treatment. I been think'n bout treat'n my black water tank with Rid X. Other RV'ers tole me that what they use. Well I did some research. Won't be us'n no Rid X in my tanks. Ya see, it takes a couple weeks to a month for the bacteria to get hungry an' start do'n it's thing. By that time you have already emptied your tanks, flush'n all the Rix X slap out of your tanks. Makes sense to me. "Happy Camper" treatment may be my next choice. Google is yer best friend. 

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Sadie don't feel good

"Yeee gads Billy Bob, look what the hell ya did now". I just lighted the grill....that's all.

Ya see, it's like this....I gonna eat me up some pizza bread for supper tonight. Heat 'em up on the grill for bout 30 minute...till the cheese is all melted an' the pepperoni is all shrivel up. I go outside an' turn on the grill for a warm up....bout 400 degs should be fine. Bout 8 minute is all it takes. I goes back outside with my froze pizza bread an' opens the grill. Oh crap....what the hell? Somewheres in the instructions it plainly states....fold out the plastic side table thingys before igniting burners. The fold'n little side tables are still usable. Why no roar'n plastic fire I don't know. I betcha a dollar I don't do that no more.

Anyhows, if took longer than anticipated to melt that cheese. That freak'n cookie sheet is too big, an' I ain't got nuttin smaller.......so get over it. Something bout that pizza bread taste just like burn plastic.

Poor little Sadie Mae. She lay there on the couch last night look'n all sad an' stuff. She's in pain I can tell. Got that big ol' bandage wrap around her. That got to be uncomfortable too.

Last night must have been a terrible night for her. She wake me up all night long snuggl'n up to me, poke'n her nose in my neck (cold nose)....want'n me to comfort her. This morn'n she lays on my bare feet here at the computer table.

My God lady, the guy was just hav'n a fun day with his kids....why make a federal case of it? Jesus lady, mind yer own business and mend your own ways before point'n boney fingers. Hmmmmm....weren't there a song called boney fingers? Hoyt Axton if'n I'm think'n right.

I get that way sometimes.....point'n fingers an' such. Some guy take up two park'n spaces at Walmart, break out the camera an' call the "park'n lot cops". I ain't never really done that, but I was think'n bout it. Little things like that get on our nerves an' we think "I do no wrong". Often times I don't look at my own short comings, but I keep a watchful eye out for others. "You cain't do that". But I can.

You should see me when I pull "Sally da house" in a Walmart park'n lot. I take up 6 or 8 spaces. Ya see, when I got "that jeep" hook up to "da house" we are right at something like 57 feets long......give or take.

And the winner is...... I been watch'n the Voice for the last bout 6 weeks ya know. This program/show/whatever has brung emotions out me that I thought were gone forever. I sure as hell wouldn't want to be seen in public act'n the way I was the last 3 weeks watch'n these kids get up in front of 20 million viewers. Damn, I would pee my pants if'n it was me up there. But anyhows, I'm gonna go out on a limb an' say the little 16 year old country singer will win the whole sheebang. If'n ya ain't never heard her yet, you will soon, right out of Nashville, Tennessee. Win or lose.....this girl is a *STAR*. An' that Michell girl....she ain't never gonna be in no food stamp line. 

I got all that stuff packed back in "that jeep" yesterday.  Damn, it's all fish'n an' "bubba" boat'n stuff. All pack in there in a neat pile. Dad gum goat won't be chew'n on that stuff no more. Even got room to carry my golf'n clubs in the back instead of in the front seat. I play golf just in case ya didn't know.  

Monday, June 17, 2013

Sadie Mae update

Last night I go to bed think'n bout hard times an' how I survived to be writ'n a blog today.

Build'n a house ain't like you was walk'n on water ya know. Grab some boards, a few nails an' ya got a house.....poooof, just like that.

Whoa boy howdy, things were rough back in the 70's. Rent money was hard to come by in a little town like Chesapeake, Ohio. Odd jobs picked up a bit of change here an' there, but come rent day, we was always a few dollar short. Had a old Ford pick up sit'n out in the yard up on blocks. Fished the Ohio River for some meat on the table. The old Billy Bob was down an' out. But he had him a plan....

Across the river was a Jim Walter Homes place. I hear they was hire'n building contractors to build houses. Well, like a fool, I sign up to build a house in Hazard, Kentucky. I round up my "hillbilly" crew, load everbody up in a old Chrysler station wagon an' we set out to find Hazard, Kentucky an' the site of another "dried in" Jim Walter Home. Exterior finished, inside bare.

I ain't gonna go into details, but this was the worstest place I ever see in my life to build a house. On the side of a freak'n hill. The lumber is across the road on  the only flat spot for miles. We slept in the neighbor basement and were served a 4 course breakfast every morn'n at 7am. Some morn'ns we ate fresh dressed fried chicken.....biscuits an' gravy, pancakes, fried eggs, bacon by the pound....coffee by the gallon. The neighbor was the father of the guy the house was for.  Nice folks they were.

A month later back in Chesapeake, Ohio, crew paid off, there weren't no money left. And rent was due. I load up the "hillbilly" crew an' we set out to build another house....with the same results, no money left over. I ain't build no more Jim Walter homes.

I ain't used to get'n up at no 5:30 in the morn'n. Today is Sadie Mae's surgery day ya know....don't wanna be late. 

What the hell??? Last night both my feet was swoled up.

4pm I jump in "that jeep", throws it in forward gear an' head on up to the vet clinic....pick up my Sadie Mae.  The nice young feller dressed in blue tells me she did fine. Like she had any choice all doped up crack cocaine, mushroom buttons, aphrodisiacs....stuff like that. "Leave the bandage on for 2 weeks an' keep a close eye for blood". That sounds logical....watch for blood. Then here come the doc. A good ol' country boy, cowboy boots, big belt buckle....stuff like that. He says, Sadie Mae done fine. Where have I heard that before? "Take the bandage off in three days an' keep a close eye for blood". Come back in two weeks to remove stitches. They give me another bottle of that antibiotic stuff an' I'm on my way. Well shoot, I had to pay $247 fore the let me out the building. Sounded bout right to me. She also got all her shots....an' a pretty blue tag hang'n off her collar.

Now....bout them girls the doc is got work'n for him. Ya got one girl what only half says her words. I done tole her bout that crap two times. "Look here in my eye when ya talk.....I'm deeef". The other one got a big ol' wad of gum in her mouth, cain't understand a thing she say neither. I tried read'n lips, but she don't look at me in the eye neither. I says to her, "look at me when you talk, I can't understand a word you say". She get all pissed an' go get another nice lady I can understand. Me an' Sadie Mae is good to go. 

Sunday, June 16, 2013

Fathers Day, John Deere tractors an' beer

Oh no, don't tell me it's fathers day. Actually I think fathers day should be a week day paid holiday. All fathers take the day off an' go fish'n or something like that. Get paid overtime if'n ya don't get back home after 8 hours. Get a bonus check if'n ya catch some fish.

As with all other days of recognition, Americans will spend millions of dollars today. The tie industry will never go out of business. Now who in their right mind would buy a tie as a gift? We want "power tools", huge BBQ grills, "goodies" for the old pick'um up truck, John Deere tractors.....man stuff.

Ok, we done with that nonsense....happy fathers day guys.

I remember one fathers day, my Xwife bought me a washing machine an' dryer, some new shoes....her size, a few sexy sweaters....her size and a new dress to take me out to McDonalds for dinner....her size. All I was want'n was a Black & Decker power tool an' a 6 pac of cheap beer.

Speak'n of beer....I used to make beer way back in the early 60's. Didn't make it by no blamed government regulation recipes or nuttin like that. There are no rules for mak'n beer. I just throwed that stuff in a big ol' 5 gallon jug an' let it do it's thing. The end result was a hair rais'n experience. What didn't blow up under the sink was buried out in the back yard. XXwifes girlfriend Ann popped a top on a bottle what didn't explode, took a big ol' swig an' the hair on both her arms stand straight up. I was there an' seen it happen. An' she knowed how to drink beer too.

About the same period of my life, I got into brew'n wine. I tried all the "normal" flavors, none of which I would drink.....sissy stuff. Homebrew strawberry wine was pretty good....kind of remind me of Boones Farm, just a little bit more stout. On a trip to Jamaica, thanks to the US Navy, I came back to the US with a sea bag full of coconuts. Coconut wine was the intended drink of the day. I make a 5 gallon jug of that stuff. Come out crystal clear just like expensive vodka. Don't know how much alcohol was in it, but it knock ya on yer ass. Could NOT be drunk straight. Sprite work good as a mixer. "I ain't drink'n this shit". Gave it to my father-in-law for a birthday present.

There sure ain't no reason for me to be think'n bout go'n on a trip nowheres. The whole US is in turmoil over all the hot weather, winds, tornados an' storms. I would have to drive 2 thousand mile straight north before I hit decent weather. An' then I would probly end up in a big ol' rain storm when I get there. But this year, it don't bother me none to be stuck in one place. It's hot in south Texas, I can guarantee ya that, but show me a place where it ain't hot, windy, stormy or a tornado ain't gonna blow "Sally da house" to smithereens. I think I'm fine right where I'm at for the time bean.

Hot ain't never really bother me before until the last couple three years. Drove "Alice", my first motorhome, all the ways from southern Calif. to south Texas with no air conditioning, an' it were the dead of summer....100 plus degs. all the way. Didn't break a sweat till bout San Antonio on US 90 go'n east. Now, the only way I gonna get out of a/c is if'n somebody set "da house" on fire......or maybe a round of golf. I can still stand the heat, but it sucks what little life I got left right out me. Sheesh....I got to lay down.   

Saturday, June 15, 2013

Surgery scheduled

Well Holy crap.....this morn'n, that could mean a bunch of things. Like a golf game what went bad. That what I got in mind as I write this. I got to get it out of my mind. Ain't nuttin bout yesterdays golf game I care to remember. I sucked. Barney sucked. The golf balls sucked. The new driver sucked. The heat sucked. The whole freak'n affair sucked.

Ya see, me an' OFM Barney meet up at this first tee at 9 am sharp. I rares back with that new driver....BABAAAMMM......I hit a freak'n tree. Weren't the last one I hit neither, there's trees all over this golf course. Ok, I cain't hit a drive worth a crap, I'll make up for it with chips an' putts. "Damn Billy Bob, you need a bunch of practice on yer chips an' putts before ya play golf again". I felt like a old rag doll out there swing'n at golf'n balls....wobble all over the place.

Another great meal was had at the local Mexican restaurant. As usual, my eyes was bigger than my stomach....order a fajita plate...enough for a whole family of four. I put a number on it, sit outside jaw with the OFM for a spell and we go our separate ways.

Since it were still early afternoon, an' Sadie Mae's 10 days of antibiotics is over, I hauls her back to the vet. Just take a look see ya know. She is scheduled for surgery Monday morn'n at 8:30am. Not much more I can say bout that. Here in a bit, I got to go to town an' buy up some baby Benadryl. That for Sadie Mae ya know. Doc say so.

Boy howdy....Blogger is giv'n me fits. Well, I'm not sure it's Blogger, could be Verizon. I try fourteen eleven times to post a pic of Sadie Mae....ain't gonna happen. Dad gum kids all out of school text'n each other....that what it is.

That reminds me.....while me an' Barney was at the Mex rest., two nice ladies come in. They hav'n a friend date, eat lunch together, catch up on the latest gossip from work. They both pull out their cell phone an' start push'n buttons...ignor'n each other. What the hell????

Ok...internet connection sucks....I'm out of here.

Friday, June 14, 2013

9am golf ball swak'n

Today is gonna be a beautiful day. I can feel it in my bones.

Rolled out of bed all fired up for a golf'n day with OFM Barney. We'll talk bout that later.

Loaded up "that jeep" with items to be placed in storage. Hmmmm, I were think'n a hunnert pounds. More like 50. Got that done with an' back at "da house", I decided I needed a little rest. Couldn't believe all the crap I got stack up in that VW bus what I been sav'n for the last 10 years. There's stuff in there the dump won't even accept. Damn.....junk man, that what I are.

Speak'n of VW bus, it ain't a Westfalia, it's a Vanagon. From internet research, the curb weight is between 3300 an' 3500 pound. That's less than "that jeep", but I ain't gonna give no more thought of using it as a toad. There would be an investment of $3000 to $5000 just to make it worth $2500. Not a good investment.

That pile of stuff is still lay'n out there in the yard. What can I say....I don't rush into anything what involves "work". If'n that damn goat don't eat nuttin in the pile, I'm good to go.

Ok....get'n close to golf ball swak'n time. See ya later.....or not.

Thursday, June 13, 2013

Sort'n stuff an' burn'n steak

"Yo Billy Bob, have you lost yer mind or what"?

Ya see, it's like this....I got me a brand spank'n new Weber Q bbq grill an' I ain't got no place to tote it from one camp to another. Well I do, but I'm gonna have to do some "switch a roo". The Weber Q ain't a one hand carry grill, it takes two strong hands. Sucker weigh bout a hunnert pound. "Put it in "that jeep" Billy Bob". Put it in "that jeep"??? Have ya look at the inside "that jeep" lately? I got stuff in there.
 See what I talk'n bout....stuff.
Well, I start unload'n all that "stuff" yesterday. Got it all lay'n in a neat pile out in the yard. Something gotta go. I'm sweat'n....hot like a sum-a-gun. When I go to bed last night, all that "stuff" was still lay'n out there in the yard.

From "da house" to the old VW bus is right bout a hunnert yards. I got bout a hunndert pounds of "stuff" I gonna put in there to store it for a while. Until I either sell it, throw it in a dumpster or give it away. That's the way I do things. Well, some things I keep. I got stuff in that VW bus what been in there for over ten years. Anyhows, I'm gonna load up the back "that jeep" with stuff I don't need in "da house". Drive that hunnert yards and unload it. Then I can put all that suff what is lay'n out in the yard back in "that jeep". That make sense??? It do to me.

Bout 2:30, I drags a steak out the freezer. My god, that steak look terrible. Look like it been in there for a year. We gonna do a test burn on that steak for supper. I fires up the Weber with the push of a button. Hot damn, we gonna be cook'n now. It got a cast iron grill grate in it, so I got to heat it up a bit. Grill marks ya know. Throws that ugly look'n steak on there an'.....sizzle sizzle.....it be smok'n. Bout 4 minute one side an' three minute the other, that sucker should be med rare.
Well, it weren't. That sucker was full blown well done. What I don't like. Good thing this was a test fire an' not a family cook out. When I take my first bite that steak, what taste like chicken, I done know I did something wrong. Ain't nobody eat a well done steak. Gotta have some blood an' juices....what there weren't none. Then I got to think'n bout the steak, not the method of grill'n. An item such as a steak, should never make it to the freezer an' sit there for months wait'n to be cooked. I done this before so I should have known better than to try to eat it. Sadie Mae got her share an' I force the rest down.

I can see right now, I got to make me some modifications to the new grill. Not that there's anything wrong with it like it is. In fact, it's perfect. But, I do my grill'n sit'n on my ass in a easy chair with a cup of coffee close at hand. "Cut the freak'n legs off'n the stand Billy Bob". That what I got in mind, just not today.

Boy howdy I sure do got the golf ball swak'n bug.
I go out in the yard yesterday an' swak me some golf balls across the road into that empty mesquite forest over there. Try out my brand spank'n new driver. BA-BAMMM, I swak a ball a hunnert mile. Four times in a row I hit them golf'n balls straight like a arrow. "Bet ya a dollar Billy Bob, ya cain't do that at the golf course". I can if'n I want to. You just watch, right down the middle the fareway. Yeee haw,,,,BA-BAMMM. I'm think'n tomorrow morn'n, if'n it ain't too hot an' the humidity is low enough, I'm mosey on up to the golf course an' swak a few.

As for what I'm gonna do today, I rekon move some stuff to the storage shed....that old VW bus.
Speak'n of VW bus, I wonder how much that sucker weigh? Bound to be less weightly than "that jeep". I could go camp'n in places a Jeep cain't go. It's a Westfalia camper van.
Look just like this one....only not so pretty like this'un. A toad maybe???? 


Wednesday, June 12, 2013

I'm a "Q" guy

Ha.....I are a "Q" guy.
I been want'n one these fangled bbq grills for the longest. Too many times, with my cheap Walmart grill, I catched to much delicious food slap on fire. Burn it to a crisp, that what I did. Of course, I had make a few modifications an' adjustments afore I thowed grillable stuff on it. Chicken has always been my first choice for a excit'n campsite fire. Something bout burn'n chicken fat an' skin just excite the hell out me.

My mission yesterday was to go to Walmart an' buy this wonderful flameless grill. That what I was told anyhows by the "The Weber "Q" Man of Blogland" George. Just click it.

By the time I arrived in Aransas Pass, I were get'n hungry. Now who would be a better person to have lunch with than my boat'n, fish'n, golf'n an' eat'n buddy OFM Barney? We headed off to the Bakery Cafe right slap middle down town. Had us a fair to middl'n lunch an' retired back to Barney's house for some chit chat in the comfort of his air conditioned "Castle". Plans, drawed in sand, were made for fav'n "toooo much fun" at a undetermined date. Ya cain't just sit down an' say ya gonna do something on a certain date an' then when that date arrives, your ass is in a hospital....or some old age related event.
But anyhows, we had a nice visit, fill our hunger related sensations, talk a bit an' relax. A old folk way of hav'n tooo much fun.

I jump in "that jeep", rev up the engine an' I'm headed towards Walmart. All the while think'n, "I don't need no stink'n brand new Weber Q  bbq grill". But I gonna stop anyhows, just to take a look ya know. It should be noted at this time....when I want something an' if'n I happen to stop to just take a look, it's mine. An' that's exactly what happen. But it weren't all that easy.

I guess I could take this time to tell ya bout a normal every day "Walmart experience". Ya see, the grill what I'm want'n is way up there on a shelf what I cain't reach. A Weber Q 120. I want to see touchie feelie that sucker before I lay down a couple hunnert dollar. I gos up to the nice lady an' tells her I need somebody to get that grill down for me. She get all huffy an' puff up...."there's one on display....look at that one". A Weber Q 320. The one on display ain't the one I want, I want the one way up there on that shelf. So's I just flat out tells her "no, that one is a different model, I want to see that one up there on the shelf". Finally a little short feller show up. He cain't reach that far neither. He weren't too enthused bout hav'n to actually do a little work...bithch'n an' moan'n, look'n for a way out of this situation. That when I tell the nice lady, "I'm sorry to inconvenience you folks, but maybe a manager wouldn't be so inconvenienced to drag that grill off'n that shelf for me". You would'a think I call Homeland Security, the FBI an' CIA. In less than 5 minute, that grill, from way up there on the shelf, was sit'n right where I tole that boy to set it. Then, just for some "grouchy old man" fun, I tole that boy to go fetch me a shop'n cart....and load that bbq grill in it. He even wheel it up to the check out counter. Nice boy. From his work ethics, an' the nice lady behind the counter, I see why they both work for Walmart.

So that was my excit'n day for yesterday. Now what the hell am I gonna do today? The sun was shin'n a little bit ago. Then it rain like hell. Now everthing outside is sop'n wet. Drizzl'n rain still com'n down. An' I got a brand spank'n new put together bbq grill sit'n in the middle of the liv'n room.

I sure do want that electric bicycle.

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Hot, Speel Chekker an' Walmart

Boy howdy!!! That's bout all I got to say bout it. Yesterday was one hot mammyjammer. Right bout 96 degs at 4pm. Ok, what can a person do when it's 96 degs outside? Actually, not much. An' I'm proud to say....that exactly what I did....not much.

I don't have to go outside in this kind of weather no more when I got me a computer, a tv, an' a couch right over there for short naps an' relax'n. All of what I took full advantage of yesterday. I'm retired ya know.....I can do that. Those little things, like a heat stroke, sun burn skin, dehydration, fall'n off'n the roof...stuff like that, ain't part of my day. I'll deal with my other ailments in the comfort of air conditioning. "Move over Sadie Mae....my couch".

Their was a blogger one time what really git on my nerves ever time he write a blog post. Ya see, he couldn't speel words right. Never went back an' fix no stuff what din't make cents. What the hell, ain't nobody but me got speel chekker? One my biggest pet peeve is "their, there an' they're". Jesus, didn't nobody but me go to skool?
That was fun, but a complete waste of my time.

Think'n I might take me a ride here in a bit. I been want'n to spend some hard earned dollars for quite some time. What better place to do that than Walmart? Although, Walmart ain't exactly the best place to go shop'n. It ain't like Walmart ain't got most anything ya could ever want, it's the people. Not the ones what work there, but the "people". They ain't got no respect....talk'n on cell phones, stand'n round talk'n to long lost neighbors what live right next door to 'em, ain't pay'n no attention to their their scream'n kids, half neekid people walk'n round the store.....butt cheeks hang'n out, pajamas in the middle of the day....yup, that's Walmart shoppers. My kind of people....yeee haw yeah buddy.

Don't be think'n for a minute that I'm a full fledged registered redneck say'n stuff like yee haw, yeah buddy, boy howdy an' "damn". I'm a half breed. Along with a little bit of "bubba" in me, I got some Einstein in me, some King George III in me and some Queen of England in me. That makes me a aristocrat....right? But anyhows.....redneck is easier an' the second most accepted language and way of life in America.   

Today would be a perfect day for a quick round of golf. Not so hot ya gonna have a heat stroke. Ain't no wind to blow your ball in a water hazard. A few clouds to block the glare of the sun. Oh wait, today is tuesday. Golf course is closed today. Damn!!!

It's been a week since I started Sadie Mae on antibiotics for that growth on her side. From the looks of things, she will have surgery soon. Cut that growth slap off. It ain't got no bigger an' it ain't got no smaller. Still as ugly as a week ago. I just hope this thing don't shorten her life. She's a good girl ya know.  

Monday, June 10, 2013

A nap an' a dream

Boy howdy, I'm still skake'n from that sail'n trip yesterday. That little 22 foots sail'n boat had some kind of a jinx on it....or something like that. One of these days I'll have to tell ya bout the day the keel fell slap off while I was sail'n on high winds. Just in case ya don't know what a keel is or it's purpose on a sail boat, a keel is a big chunk of lead or heavy steel (cast iron) what hangs off the bottom of the boat to keep it from turn'n over. The keel on my little 22 foots sain'n boat was cast iron weigh'n in at 500 pounds. The keel on my 41 foots Formosa sail'n boat was cast lead weigh'n in at 9000 pounds.

I was sit'n over there on the couch yesterday afternoon watch the pro golfers swak golf balls. Pooof, just like that, I was out like a light. Some people would designate this as a "nap", but I swear, it was unintentional.
I could hear water run'n right outside my door. There was birds churp'n an' cheep'n in the trees. What the hell, where I at? I swings the door open, an' sure as God make green apples, there was water. A big ol' mountain stream run'n right pass "da house" Plumb full of big ol' rainbow trout frolick'n in the water. Great big 100 foots tall trees all around me. The firepit still smok'n from a recent campfire. A brand spank'n new Weber Q 100 sit'n on the picnic table.....flames come'n out the sides.

Bout that time, here come that damn goat stomp'n his ass up the steps an' in 'da house". Wake me slap up. Stupit goat.

Now, that's what I'm talk'n bout. I could spend a month in a place like that. No city noises. No damn bark'n dogs all night long. No trains or big ol' 18 wheeler trucks. Lay back on that creek bank an' catch me up some "eat'n fish".
 Something like this is kind'a what I had in mind. With this sort of camp'n site in mind, I went Googl'n for the last hour an' a half. Research ya know. Dang, there's still a couple three places I ain't been.
Ok, now I got my blood pressure up. Maybe I better go lay down for a bit.

A little later......
I rekon that nap I had sort a proves I can still dream an' dreams are still alive in my mind. But I ain't gonna rush into anything.

With that said, I got to be in Deming, New Mexico the end of August. See my Dr. Fronkinstine...git me another year supply of drugs. I'll be there for old "pesky neighbor" Wayne's 71st birthday. Probly still be there for my 72nd. What the hell do ya buy for a grouchy, crippled up old fart hobbl'n round on a walker? He sure as hell don't need no golf'n balls no more, that for sure. Knit'n needles....that's it, knit'n needles.

So what do I do between now and the end of August? Whoa boy howdy....that's a good question. Do I just sit here on my ass wait'n for August? Well, the OFM Barney done tole me I need to git off'n my ass. He's right ya know, I'm just wast'n away.

One thing I really want before I go anywheres is a Weber Q grill. Don't be ask'n me what the "Q" stands for 'cause I ain't got the slightest. And I really don't give a rats....long as that sucker don't catches on fire like the one I got now. Only reason I don't already have one is I hate to let loose a hand full of $$$$'s. They ain't cheap ya know.

Speak'n of Louisiana....Well NO I ain't forgot about a camp'n trip Louisiana. Ever time I travel through Louisiana, I says...."damn I like Louisiana". Not so much the northern part though. Ain't nuttin but farms an' old green tractors. A travel route along I-10 or US90....now that what I'm talk'n bout. Cajun country. Swamps an' bayous. Foot stomp'n music an' authentic cajun eat'em ups. Nasty ass cajun coffee. Anyhows.  

Sunday, June 9, 2013

Jetty currents an' sail'n

Dad gum that anonymous spamer. Sure do wish I knowed how to get rid of him. Ain't no way I'm gonna block my favorite anony commenters....they good people ya know. 

It was a beautiful sunny day. The winds was blow'n somewheres bout 15 mile a hour. I had just finished eat'n lunch at The University of Texas cafeteria. Somebody mentioned it was a good day for sail'n. I put on my best "sick" face an' approached the supervisor. "I'm sick boss, I need to go home....Oh I'm feel'n terrible".

I jump in my old VW bus an' drive directly to the UT marina where I park my little 22 foot sail'n boat. I had done made me up a story just in case the "boss" catched me an' say "what the hell you do'n, you're sick". My story would'a been, "I'm sail'n home....VW out of gas". But he never show up. I'm good to go. Sick an' all ya know.

If ya ever been to Port Aransas, you know where the UT marina is and you know where the end of the ship channel rock jettys is at. 
That's the Gulf of Mexico out there....that where I go'n....sick or not.

I motor out in the ship channel, look'n both left an' right for ship traffic. A good sailor is always cautious for oncoming traffic at major intersections. I grab holt to that rope what pulls the sail up to the top of the mast. Same one what got hung up on another adventurous sail'n trip not so long ago. I'm good to go, tiller in hand, I point the bow towards the wide expanses of the Gulf of Mexico. Yeee ha, we go'n a freak'n hunnert mile a hour.

Ok, don't be think'n everthing is fine an' that disaster don't await me around the next corner just 'cause I got off to a good start. I don't think I ever did anything in my entire life that something didn't go wrong or I broke something.

Ya see, here what happen.....some scientific data here, the moon controls the rising an fall'n of the tides in the Gulf of Mexico....same as it does everwheres else, but it don't in the bays. On this given day, the tide was low in the gulf when I set sail. That means there gonna be a outgo'n tidal current from the bays rush'n through the ship channel at an alarming rate.....in the exact position where I'm sail'n my little 22 foots sail'n boat. The current was flow'n somewheres bout a hunnert mile a hour I would say. That why I were go'n so freak'n fast.

Hold on, I ain't quite done yet. The closer I get to the end of the jetties, the higher the waves (swells) were forming. They bout 4 foots now an' I'm get'n a little bit skeered. An' I still got a quarter mile to get to calmer waters out in the gulf. If'n a big ol' ship happens along bout now, I'm a roasted marshmallow.

Now we are in 5 an' 6 foot swells, it get'n worser. I'm think'n turn this sucker round an' go home. I'm sick ya know.....an' a tad on the skeered side. Life jacket,,,,where the hell is my life jacket?

Before I set sail, I failed to consider that I had to "come back" against the wind to the UT marina after a afternoon of sail'n all over the Gulf of Mexico. If'n ya ever sailed before, ya know what to do when you sail'n against the wind. Ya tack that sail'n boat....a zig zag course....kind of like a drunk sailor on steroids. That's easy to do when you sail'n in slick water (no freak'n 5 foots swells), but hard as hell against a hunnert mile a hour current an' the wind on your nose (that's the front of a boat ya know...the bow). "Fire up that little outboard kicker motor Billy Bob". That what I did. An' I lower the main sail 'cause all it do'n is flap'n in the wind break'n stuff. Up an' down we go in them big ol' swells....skeer hell out me. Motor come'n slap out the water with every swell we hit. Scream'n to high heaven like a banshee.....10,000 rpms. Then it plunge into the water again with a splash/crash/boom.....jump slap off the back of the boat. I'm hold'n a scream'n motor in one hand an' the the tiller (steer'n wheel) in the other. OH SHIT.....I'm in some kind of deep trouble now. I'm skeered ya know.

I finally get that damn scream'n motor turn off. Put it back on the back (stern) of the boat an' I fire that sucker back up. Shoot, that weren't so bad. Shove my white capt'ns hat back on my head...I sit back an' relax. Check my drawers too. I'm headed back to the marina.....sea turtles pass me up.

As I slowly (ever so slowly) pass the UT science lab pier, I hears the entire maintenance crew hang'n over the rail'ns laugh'n an' cheer'n me on. "Boss" supervisor giv'n me one them looks. Boy howdy, I got me some splain'n to do tomorrow morn'n.

Would anybody like to go sail'n with the old Billy Bob? I'm experienced ya know

Saturday, June 8, 2013

Who is Billy Bob?

Ok, let's try this again.
Do ya feel better this morn'n Billy Bob?
Well hell no. I don't care if the sun ever comes out again. Cooler that way ya know.

Actually I do feel a bit better this morn'n. With all the new faces I see in the comments section, who wouldn't feel better? You woulda think I was dy'n or something like that.

Speak'n of new faces, you don't know much about the old Billy Bob do ya? I come from a farm ya know. That where I was dumped while I were still wear'n diapers. One of the best times of my life....or it seems so. That's where some of my best memories come from. Maybe it was 'cause I was part of a family. You know, a mon an' dad and 5 brothers. Even if they weren't really mine.

I've had a hard life with no parents to guide me along the way. But then, they weren't the best of candidates for parenthood to start with. I were just a little (legitimate...????) tot what got in the way of drink'n an' carousing the bars an' such. For their sake, I convinced them to get a divorce before I was a year old.

I didn't have no "mom" ya know. But on the farm, I had me a "MOMS". Moms took care of my every need, upto an' includ'n protect'n me from the older kids. All I had to do was holler "MOMS" an' there she was, beat'n hell out them older boys with a big ol' stick....or what ever she had in her hands. When MOMS speaked, everbody listened.

I had me a grandpa an' a uncle an' aunt later on in my life. Grandpa took care of me as best he could. Of course he was already up in age (bout 70). Lived in a old grocery store, I was go'n on 10 now, for a couple year (3 little rooms with a bath down the hall). Electric fence an' a herd of goats right next door. Walked to school just down the road a piece...rain, shine or snow.

In 1952, Uncle Luke come to Missouri, pick up me an' grandpa an' move our ass to California. Right in the heart of Redondo Beach....Beverly Hills, Hollywood. Holy crap, I'm liv'n in a real house with a real grass lawn out front, in a real home, three meals a day an' new clothes, the first I ever remember wear'n....hand me downs all my life ya know.

The year I became a full fledged teenager, I had a decision to make. To continue liv'n with aunt an'' uncle in California, or to go to Idaho an' take my chances live'n with "good ol' dad". Boy howdy what a mistake I made. I climb's off'n that old rickity two engine airplane

 ......an' there stands dad, with a 21 year old hoochie coochi "hot" bride hang'n on his arm.

By this time, I done forgot the names of all his wives...this was #4. No 13 year old child should ever be put into a situation like what awaited me. But I lived/survived through that too. On with my life, what ever that may be.

Through out all them early years, I learnt that if'n ya wanna get along with somebody, ya had to either fight with 'em or make 'em laugh. I chose to make 'em laugh. Black eyes an' bloody noses ain't fun. An' that the way I live my life today. Any time I can bring a smile, grin or a laugh to somebody, I know I done my job....."that's my job, that's what I do". An' I do it for free ya know.

Sorry for no laughs today,  but I just thought my new readers should know what they are deal'n with when the click on Billy Bob's Place. Who said it best? Ya never know what ya gonna get.

Again, if'n I didn't do it already....well actually I did if'n ya read between the lines, thanks so much for the wonderful comments. That's my pay. Borry me a coupla dollar...OK?        

Friday, June 7, 2013

Just a think'n

I'm gonna just sit here stare'n at this computer screen for a few minutes while I do me some think'n.

What ya think'n bout Billy Bob?
Oh, I don't know, time I spend on the computer, the blog, what I'm gonna do with the rest of my life....stuff like that ya know.

What ya mean computer time and the blog?
Well, I spend most every morn'n look'n at stuff on the internet. Spend a good 2 or more hours do'n that crap. Never less than two hours. You know what I'm talk'n bout, read'n the news events of the day, read'n a gazillion blogs, check'n out drama on Facebook....the same ol' stuff everbody else does. Do'n a little research on Google too. I don't have time for all that nonsense every morn'n. I need to get my life back.

Ok, I understand the computer stuff....that sounds like a bunch of fun to me. But how bout the blog, you know, Billy Bob's Place? Why are ya think'n bout that for?
Well, I been think'n for a long time that I need to make some changes to my blog. Maybe even make it a weekly thing. Not that I want to, but I have a really hard time making a post every morn'n when I ain't did nuttin the day before to write about. I done lost most my customers, my blog posts are get'n to be a bore.....maybe it's time for a "go'n out of business" sale. But I don't wanna do that neither. I'm a entrepreneur business man ya know. The blog will stay.

Have ya thought bout go'n back to writ'n childhood stories? You know, silly shit like ya used to write bout? Billy Bob's Place used to be a jam up blog ya know.
Yeah, I thought bout that. But damn, I done tole all my stories. Some of 'em more than onest. Then when I try to go back in my memory banks for something new to write bout, I'm asked for a freak'n password. What the hell, I don't remember no stink'n password.

Are ya lose'n yer mind Billy Bob? Ya ain't go'n nuts on us are ya?
Well, I been knowed to lose my mind on occasion....go haywire, stuff like that. An' I been called nuts an' a fruitcake a few time in my life too, but it's my loss of memory what I'm talk'n bout. The damn thing just don't work very good no more. Forget stuff before I even get a chance to think bout it. A couple times I even forget my own phone number. I have to look at my driver license just to see what state I'm in or my birthdate. You know what I'm talk'n bout...."old timers" disease....or something like that.

Ya know, if'n ya just up an' quit your blog, there gonna be some disappointed people. Is that what ya want, disappoint your followers?  
Well, let me think bout that a minute. I been disappoint'n my followers for bout a year or more now. That's why they don't come visit me no more ya know. Blog'n has become a chore for me. I remember a while back when I was sharp as a tack, remember all the ways back to when I was 5 year old. Sit down an' rip out a story lickity split. Remembered ever time I got me a whoop'n or a ass chew'n for some silly predicament I got myself into. I ain't hell on wheels no more now that I growed up. Well, I am, it's just the wheels don't turn so well no more.

There ya have it....that's what I'm think'n bout. I got to change something. Today, I am not happy with my life. Nope, not at all happy. Here it is 1pm an' I ain't did a damn thing all morn'n long but sit here in front a computer screen wast'n a beautiful day away. That what I'm talk'n bout!!! Tomorrow may be a different story. Stay tuned.

Thursday, June 6, 2013

The ride

Well dang!!! I ain't got much of anything to talk bout this morn'n. Yesterday was just a so so day of take'n a ride an' do'n nuttin. Sadie Mae stayed at home in air condition'n protect'n my possessions wait'n for my return.

It all started when I finally make up my mind I need to go somewheres. Go'n to the resort town of Port Aransas, I figgered I need to wear appropriate clothes. I yanks a pair of knee length shorts out the drawer. Slips them on an'....yikes, there's them old skinny white legs. Not publicly acceptable. Shorts was replaced with Wranglers.

Arrived in Port A right bout close to noon time....I were get'n hungry. Pull "that jeep" up in the Port Aransas Business Center park'n lot an' "what the hell", a freak'n new business is there. The business center has moved.....or they out of business? Like a fool, I asked directions instead of run'n all over town look'n for 'em. Got my mail an' headed on down to the Port A Liquor store to buy me some smokes. What the hell, it ain't Port A Liquor no more. This world is mov'n way too fast for the old Billy Bob. People sell'n stuff an' mov'n without tell'n me.

I pointed "that jeep" at the beach, just to prove I had been there. First street I hang a left an' head back to the ferry landing. I'm out of here. Sides that, I'm hungry.

Pull up in front of OFM Barney's house.....he's home. Clean'n bout a 3 month supply of trash an' garbage out of the passenger seat, chicken bones an' such, me an' Barney head for the Bakery Cafe downtown Aransas Pass. I ain't ate there in bout 15 year, so I were expect'n the worst. WRONG......that were some damn good catfish an' corn. The taters sucked. Iced tea actually taste like tea.

Then we took us a ride. Go look at a couple kayak lauch'n sites....as Barney calls them. All the while he tell'n me how easy it would be to launch a hunnert horsepower "bubba boat". I'm think'n Barney is try'n to get me to go boat'n with him. Not a bad idea consider'n all I do is sit on my ass back at "da house" do'n nuttin. I enjoyed that ride.
As always, a day spent with Barney is a good day. 

Next came Walmart.....after I dump Barney back at his house. I got me some groceries to buy. Check out all the stuff on the other side of the store what I cain't do without. Didn't buy a damn thing....but I looked. Two hour and another hunnert dollar deposit in Walmart's bank account, I was ready for some relief. My foot an' toe hurted, my back an' hip was kill'n me....I'm out of here.

That was my excit'n day. The remainder of the day was talk'n my little grand niece (?) into put'n the groceries up so's I would have room on the couch to lay down. A fresh pot of coffee, two 500mg aspirin down, I'm good to go. Or so I thought. I din't get no nap. Didn't get on the couch till bout 8pm. Damn computer. Google is yer best friend ya know.

No plans have been made for today, but I bet ya a dollar I'm gonna do something....constructive or not. Too damn hot to be climb'n on the roof. A/C repair is out. Won't be do'n that today. "So Billy Bob, just what are ya gonna do"??? I don't know. I honestly don't know.

Sadie Mae is do'n quite well on swaller'n her antibiotics. I was think'n I would have a fight on my hands, but she likes the shit.....go figger. I look at that growth last night an' I swear, it didn't look as bad as it did a few days ago. Boy howdy I sure do hope it go away. But this morn'n, it look all terrible again. Grrrrrrr....    

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Cone nose critter

I were lay'n there on the couch just mind'n my own business, not bother'n nobody. Zooooom, a big ol' bug land slap in the middle my chest. Well, ya know how much the old billy Bob don't like bugs land'n on his chest....I come off'n that couch in a flash. That big ol' bug fall on the floor. Holy crap, it's a cone nose beetle. Now I ain't skeered of no bugs an' stuff like that, long as they don't use me as a land'n site. They do that, they got to go right now. I don't like the looks of this feller.

Cone nose beetles.....look it up, Google is your best friend. They bad ass bugs. I ain't never see one on the gulf coast before. But then I ain't never went cone nose beetle hunt'n before neither. I was think'n they was a desert animal.

Well anyways, I got this here cone nose beetle crawl'n round on the floor. I'm stand'n there think'n...."this sucker is got to go". I ain't got no shoes on an' I ain't step'n on no damn bug barefooted. "The flyswapper Billy Bob, grab the flyswapper". Too late, that big ol' bug has done took off. It's dark in here, where he go??? With flyswapper in hand, I go cone nose beetle hunt'n.

Back on the couch, all relax an' get'n all involved in some crap on PBS, here he come again. Land right next to me. Com'n off'n that couch in a flash one more time, I start beat'n hell out that cone nose beetle with my flyswapper. And he keep move'n, crawl'n round on the couch.....then he just keel over an' die. Or maybe he just knocked slap out an' gonna wake up in a minute an' come after me again. I beat his ass some more.

In 2000, I injured my back for the 4th time. This time it didn't heal. I rekon I must have did a number on it the 4th time around. The first couple years I was think'n "it's gonna get better". Well, it did. I weren't wear'n no back brace no more an' I could sleep at night. But the pain I accepted as a way of life....it ain't never gonna go away. That brings us pretty much up to date on my back. Well, kind of sorta. It's get'n worse and restricts most anything I do. Includ'n sit'n on my ass do'n nuttin.

"So, what ya gonna do Billy Bob"???
Well, there ain't but one thing to do. Let some jackleg doctor cut a big ol' hole in my back an' fix it. Fix it???.....I'm think'n not. Make me a little more comfortable....maybe. This has been go'n on in my mind for quite some time now. Something has got to be done before I completely give up on everthing I like to do. So........read on.

I been in contact with my oldest son Robert. He knows my condition. He will "take care of me" should the time come I cain't fend for myself no more. My biggest fear is that time is draw'n near. Health wise, I'm do'n just fine....consider'n my age an' all. My back problems are the only painful thing hold'n me back from a full life. I'm think'n I got me a "serious" decision to make in the near future. We'll see.

Ok....gloom an' doom is done, what ya wanna do? I got a dreaded trip ahead of me.....trip to Port Aransas and Walmart. Wanna ride along....see the Gulf of Mexico? I rekon get'n all slick up in my "island" garb is in order for the day. Git it over with. Oh wait....I don't wear shorts an' sleeveless t-shirts no more. Skinny white legs look like a roll of generic toilet paper. Sunshine ain't see them legs in a hunnert year.

Ok, that's what I'm gonna do......laters.

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Misery deserves misery

Miserable??? Let me tell ya bout miserable. Yesterday morn'n when I waked up, the freak'n a/c was run'n. Right there tells me that it's gonna be a miserable day. A/c's don't run this early in the morn'n unless it already hot outside. This is a "stay cool, play'n checkers, in a air conditioned building" kind of day. Ya don't go outside an' play nuttin. No jump'n on a fancy lawn mow'n tractor. Not even walk the dog.

But do ya think OFM Barney an' the old Billy Bob pay any attention to the weather guy when he say "play checkers in a air conditioned building today"? We was stand'n on the tee box at hole #1 wipe'n little sweat beads out our eyes an' off'n our foreheads. By the 9th hole, Barney was beat up so bad he hanged up his clubs. I was hold'n my own the best I could in these swelter'n conditions. By the 15th hole I'm think'n...."this shit sucks". Hang up the clubs an' call it "a miserable day".

From there we headed on down to the air conditioned "fart place"....as Barney calls it. I drinked half a gallon ice tea before I could make a decision what to eat. I orders me up a big heap'n plate of mixed fajitas, beef, chicken an' sausage. Let me tell ya right now, if'n you are ever in Sinton, Texas, the "fart place" is the place to eat Mexican food (Taqueria La Tapatia). That is if'n you like Mexican food as much as me an' Barney do. The food is excellent, the service is outstand'n and the prices are right (by 2013 standards). Ya don't get this kind of food for no $3 a plate....ya gotta pay the go'n rate.

Ain't gonna mention anything this morn'n bout my dreams an' expectations or nuttin like that. They all on hold. I got me some serious decisions to make before I go traisp'n off down the road. Kind of like the old lady what fall down an' says...."where's the beef"? Where's the beef mean'n...adventure, feel'n good, happy, sunny skys an' "cool".

Ok, took Sadie Mae to the vet yesterday. 'member that little growth I was tell'n ya bout? Well, the doc look at it, squeeze it an' all kind of stuff. Yank out a big ol' needle an' give Sadie a shot. Put her on liquid by mouth antibiotics for the next ten days. If'n that don't fix her, she got to have surgery....cut that growth slap off.
I give her her first dose of medication this morn'n....what she don't like. I got to put up with her fight'n for 19 more doses (2.5cc every 12 hours).

Did ya hear, our federal government, FDA to be exact, has a plan on the draw'n board to regulate how much coffee you can drink. It's directed at children, like they always do, but you can bet yer bippy, it's us adults what is gonna be regulated.
" Despite a mounting opposition, the FDA will continue to investigate ways to end the addition of caffeine in foods and beverages. The administration hasn’t ruled out using enforcement as a way to curb production, and could even “go through the regulatory process to establish clear boundaries and conditions on caffeine use”—which would lead to age restrictions, potentially paving the way for “21 and up” coffee laws."


Monday, June 3, 2013

Foul weather tennis

To look really cool on the golf course today, I put on my white golf'n shoes. They ain't really golf'n shoes, they tennis shoes, but we ain't gonna be play'n no tennis....we gonna be play'n golf, so's that make them golf'n shoes.

I know how to play tennis ya know. But ya probly already figgered I done that too since there ain't a whole bunch I ain't done in my lifetime. I was a baseball player too, but we don't talk bout that much. Football? Maybe 10 minutes. Big ol' fat boy flatten Billy Bob like a pancake. I was will'n to try anything.

It were the summer of '89 or somewheres bout there.....I challenge Charlie to a tennis match. Ain't neither one of us knowed the first thing bout tennis other than we was gonna knock hell out a little yaller ball. We advertised the upcom'n match on the University of Texas bulletin board....free admission. We had two weeks to learn the rules an' hone in on our skills. In other words, learn how to play.

Come tournament day, Charlie show up in his fancy little white shorts an' white sneekers  What the hell, Charlie look like he serious. The old Billy Bob show up wear'n foul weather rain gear. You know, them bright yeller baggy rubber pants with suspenders an' a pair or oversize white rubber boots up to my knees. You would a think I was go'n on a north Atlantic fish'n trip or something like that. Discarding this git up in a heap on the side lines, I steps up to the plate....bat in hand. Charlie winds up.....

Right from the git go, Charlie start'n cheat'n. He aim that ball right at me. Hit me slap in the chest go'n a hunnert mile a hour. An he get a point for that.....or what ever ya call it. I swaks the ball....it go slap over the fence. He get another point. What the hell, what kind of game is this? Then he start mak'n me run from one side that court to the other. What the hell, cain't he hit a straight ball...."I'm right here Charlie, not way over there on the other side". This kind of crap went on for bout a hour. I'm not like'n tennis much at this point. Charlie beat my ass by bout 2 sets....or what ever ya call 'em. Ain't never gonna play tennis again as long I live.

Oh crap....it get'n close to golf ball swak'n time. Barney gonna think I done sleep in an' forget him if'n I shows up late.

Sunday, June 2, 2013

Butterbean stir'n coffee beans

Dad gum it ButterBean, ya done got my dander all stir up. The only time I ever ruin a cup of coffee in my whole life, was the time I put salt in it think'n it were sugar. That were early in the morn'n after a hard night of danc'n with the young wimmins ya know. I done tole ya yesterday that "some" people drink their coffee black. I also tole ya that I don't like nasty black coffee. My favorite color is blue. I eat spinach out of a can. I wear briefs underdrawers. Taco Bell is my favorite Mexican restaurant. Could I be wrong bout ever thing???

Boy howdy, I'm glad that's over with. I was think'n I was gonna have me a heart attack when I read that my coffee sucks.

Ok, what was we talk'n bout? Oh yes....golf ball swak'n. A few years back, I were bout 64 year old, I bought me some brand spank'n new golf clubs. At the time I was think'n I would never have to buy another set. Back then, I could step up to the tee an' slam a drive down the fareway right bout 2 hunnert 30 yards. No problem.....dead center. Now when I step up to the tee, I swing my clubs like a girl.....or a old man.....take your pick....ball go'n off in the woods somewheres. I'm think'n new golf ball swak'n sticks (clubs).

Well, I went internet shop'n yesterday an' I find me a set of golf clubs I think I would really like. They made 'specially for old farts what cain't hit a golf ball 230 yards no more. What ya think???

Just got off the phone with "pesky neighbor" Wayne. What a enjoyable 15 minutes that was. Some of ya don't know old pesky 'cause ya ain't been at Billy Bob's house very long. Wayne live right next door to me over there in Deming, New Mexico. We play golf together bout 3 or 4 times a week. He pester me bout 5 or 8 times a day. He had him a stroke an' pneumonia a couple year ago....almost die. Then he had him another one an' almost die again. Today is is do'n pretty good....consider'n he's all screwed up now. But he's walk'n an' still do'n what he can. I miss old "pesky neighbor" Wayne...even if he is a pesky old fart.

Oh holy crap....it's start'n to rain. There goes that bright idea. I was think'n bout go'n outside an' clean the back of "that jeep". I got stuff throwed all over the place in there. Ain't even got room for a table saw in there. Poor ol' fish poles is at the bottom of everthing....up under a boat an' a outboard motor.
Yup, that's the "bubba boat". 

Oh, speak'n of Sadie Mae....she got a growth. That's what I call it anyhows. It start out as a little bump, but I notice yesterday, it growed into a lump. The vet is just up the street, so next week I gonna make her a appointment. Gotta fix my girl ya know.