Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Cone nose critter

I were lay'n there on the couch just mind'n my own business, not bother'n nobody. Zooooom, a big ol' bug land slap in the middle my chest. Well, ya know how much the old billy Bob don't like bugs land'n on his chest....I come off'n that couch in a flash. That big ol' bug fall on the floor. Holy crap, it's a cone nose beetle. Now I ain't skeered of no bugs an' stuff like that, long as they don't use me as a land'n site. They do that, they got to go right now. I don't like the looks of this feller.

Cone nose beetles.....look it up, Google is your best friend. They bad ass bugs. I ain't never see one on the gulf coast before. But then I ain't never went cone nose beetle hunt'n before neither. I was think'n they was a desert animal.

Well anyways, I got this here cone nose beetle crawl'n round on the floor. I'm stand'n there think'n...."this sucker is got to go". I ain't got no shoes on an' I ain't step'n on no damn bug barefooted. "The flyswapper Billy Bob, grab the flyswapper". Too late, that big ol' bug has done took off. It's dark in here, where he go??? With flyswapper in hand, I go cone nose beetle hunt'n.

Back on the couch, all relax an' get'n all involved in some crap on PBS, here he come again. Land right next to me. Com'n off'n that couch in a flash one more time, I start beat'n hell out that cone nose beetle with my flyswapper. And he keep move'n, crawl'n round on the couch.....then he just keel over an' die. Or maybe he just knocked slap out an' gonna wake up in a minute an' come after me again. I beat his ass some more.

In 2000, I injured my back for the 4th time. This time it didn't heal. I rekon I must have did a number on it the 4th time around. The first couple years I was think'n "it's gonna get better". Well, it did. I weren't wear'n no back brace no more an' I could sleep at night. But the pain I accepted as a way of life....it ain't never gonna go away. That brings us pretty much up to date on my back. Well, kind of sorta. It's get'n worse and restricts most anything I do. Includ'n sit'n on my ass do'n nuttin.

"So, what ya gonna do Billy Bob"???
Well, there ain't but one thing to do. Let some jackleg doctor cut a big ol' hole in my back an' fix it. Fix it???.....I'm think'n not. Make me a little more comfortable....maybe. This has been go'n on in my mind for quite some time now. Something has got to be done before I completely give up on everthing I like to do. So........read on.

I been in contact with my oldest son Robert. He knows my condition. He will "take care of me" should the time come I cain't fend for myself no more. My biggest fear is that time is draw'n near. Health wise, I'm do'n just fine....consider'n my age an' all. My back problems are the only painful thing hold'n me back from a full life. I'm think'n I got me a "serious" decision to make in the near future. We'll see.

Ok....gloom an' doom is done, what ya wanna do? I got a dreaded trip ahead of me.....trip to Port Aransas and Walmart. Wanna ride along....see the Gulf of Mexico? I rekon get'n all slick up in my "island" garb is in order for the day. Git it over with. Oh wait....I don't wear shorts an' sleeveless t-shirts no more. Skinny white legs look like a roll of generic toilet paper. Sunshine ain't see them legs in a hunnert year.

Ok, that's what I'm gonna do......laters.


  1. Billy Bob, ya went over the top with the comment about skinny white legs! Here I'm thinking I won't ever feel great again in my life, and now I'm laughing myself silly.
    You are too young to be feeling it's all nearly over. I'd say get that back taken care of, even though you or I don't trust doctors, sometimes there isn't anything else to do. Congratulations on the kill. I don't think I've ever seen a cone nosed beetle, but it sounds fierce.

  2. We got them cone nosed beetles up here, too. Have put a few of them out of there misery before they caused me any misery. A lady lining up the road got bit by one. Not good, not good at all. BTW, don't swing that golf clup so hard, it is doing a number on your back. . .

  3. God that you got that beetle. Surprised you did not get that shot gun out!

  4. butterbean carpenterJune 5, 2013 at 7:42 PM

    Howdy # 1 BB,
    I surely am sorry(but you already know that) about gettin' you so upset makin' fun of yore coffee!!!! hee hee
    Playin' tennis, do you?? That's why I was catcher for 14 years and not an outfielder, like my New York Yankee cuzzin', from Arkansas... I didn't play no 'hoops' neither, runnin' up & down, up& down, up&down the gym AND HALF THE TIME BAC'ARDS; NOT ME, uh uh!!! Give me the punkin' and I'll run right down yore th'oat or you have the punkin' and I'll rassle you down to the ground, but it don't make sense to me to run, run, run FOR NUTHIN' !!!! Now, about them cone-nosed beetle bugs that are bothering you; YOU NEED A OMNIVOROUS EATIN' MACHINE; on our ranch we have a slew of them what will search out, newtrualize it and MORTALLY WOUND EACH & EVERY ONE OF THEM BUGS; WE GOTT'EM ...CATS, of all colors and attitudes!!!!! Joyce says you can have 14 r 16 of'em, if we can catch'em......
    Have you tried takin' a bath towel, dampin' it with a little bit of water, put it in the micro-wave for about 30-40 SECONDS, slip it into a plastic sack and APPLY IT WHERE IT HURTS THE WORST; PAIN STOPS!!!!!
    Hope you don't make the OFM give up playin' 'cow-pasture-pool', with yore groanin' and snivelin' !!!!

    1. BB don't groan and moan on the golf course. He just goes about his business of stomping me into the divots. DO NOT ever get in a putting contest with him, you WILL lose.

    2. butterbean carpenterJune 13, 2013 at 12:01 PM


  5. Bean, you are always welcome at old Billy Bob's house....long you don't say nuttin bout my coffee or bring them 14 or 16 damn cats. Does Joyce know how to cook???
    Oh I done try everthing to get by with this back. Ain't nuttin help but a mouth full of aspirin an' a quart jar of hillbilly XXX homebrew whiskey. Pass slap out an' don't feel a thing for 2 or 3 days.

    1. butterbean carpenterJune 13, 2013 at 12:03 PM


  6. Billy Bob -

    Even though I'm only slightly younger than you, I too have lived with back pain since I was 18. Others would be surprised with just how much we do put with. But, if it starts affecting your golf game, it's time to get the old (pardon that word) back taken care of. I'll be interested to see the outcome of your decision, and the aftermath - maybe down the road for me, too.
    If you can still score in the low 90s with -ahem- "advanced age" and a bad back, then I don't ever want to play golf with you! I would furnish you with blog fodder funnies for many days....

    Kepp us laughing, and watching for more....

  7. I only heard about the cone nose beetle when I started reading Terlingua blogs and like you...thought it was a desert bug...guess not!

    Only you can decide what is best for your back. Sitting in the background watching...as you know I too suffer from back pain but I have no medical insurance.