Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Scare hell out a truck

Yeee har....the old Billy Bob go'n down the road a hunnert mile a hour.

After I got out the shower, an' while I was still stand'n up, I decided to go outside an' roll up the awning, unhook the 'lectric an' water, an' go to town. The propane sell'n place is only bout 7 mile down the road an' the gas fill'n place is on the way back. Got 'er done in nuttin flat an' I'm back at "el Rancho Abraham". That was a refreshing little trip. Got me 22 gallon propane an' 49 gallon gasoline for $239.....gasoline at $3.489 a gallon.

While I'm back'n "Sally da house" back into her park'n spot, I look down at a little red light on the dash. "Auto Brake". Well, I know what that means.....the damn emergency brake is gonna lock slap up. I got me a "Shiverlet" Workhorse chassis sit'n under "da house" an' it got a automatic emergency brake on it. Ya turn the key off, emergency brake is set. Ya put it in park, the emergency brake is set. This is probly the safest emergency brake in the world......but, it has a drawback. If something go wrong, like the Auto Brake light come on, you ain't gonna move. Ya see, there's this little gizmo switch thingy what controls the high pressure pump. There's also another little gizmo switch thingy what goes out too. Either one break, you don't go nowheres. If'n ya own a Workhorse chassis, ya know exactly what I'm talk'n bout....the RGS...."rotten green switch" an' the dash light control switch. This is the 4th "rotten green switch" I change in 9 years. You always carry a spare. "Ok Billy Bob, where the hell is the spare rotten green switch"??? Ahh!!!....I ain't got one. It's on order from Amazon....be here next week.

Since we talk'n bout the rotten green switch, I'll give ya a little advice. Don't go to the local Chevy parts place. They gonna give ya a royal screw'n.....charge ya a arm an' leg. How do I know??? Well, I done that one time.....costed me a arm an' a leg. I got online an' order two of each switch from Amazon way more cheaper than one from Chevy place. 

So....what else did I do yesterday? Not a damn thing, but I did notice I got to work on the awning again. Dad gum thing need adjustment so's it will roll up into the lock position. Yesterdays trip, it was not in the lock position. That not good. Probly not safe neither....roll out an' slap a big ol' 18 wheeler in the other lane. Ha Ha....scare hell out that truck driver I betcha a dollar.

Speak'n of scare hell out a truck driver....I was driv'n down the interstate, just mind'n my own business ya know. I need to call my daughter an' tell her I be there in a hour. I'm fumbl'n round with them push buttons dial'n up her number...."AIR HORN....BAWAAAAA!!!!"....scare the liv'n shit out me. I looks up, I'm in the wrong lane, there's a great big ol' 18 wheeler truck in the center median....white smoke, dust, dirt an' grass fly'n all direction. That were one piss off truck driver.

I flings that damn cell phone all the ways to the back of "Alice"....my lesson was learned. Damn, I could'a kilt somebody. I ain't never touch a cell phone again while I'm go'n down the road do'n a hunnert mile a hour.

I was sit'n there in the edge the couch last night do'n a few back exercises. There's creek'n an' crack'n go'n on back there...an' that when I got to think'n....."You messed up Billy Bob". Of course that got me to think'n bout when I didn't have back problems. If this is what I got to look forward to for the rest of my life, what good am I? My back is done ended all the things I used to like to do.....dance, chase wimmins, run, walk'n (hikes), dig'n dirt, bicycle ride'n, climb'n up the side a mountain.....dang, this sucks.
But anyhows, since I start do'n these back bend'n exercises, I been sleep'n at night. Maybe in a few weeks I can start chas'n wimmins again.

Ok....got things to do....outside in the heat. Laters....!!!

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Hard times....

In 1980, there was a "crunch". I believe they called it the "OIL CRUNCH"....something like that. People were out of jobs, los'n their homes, mov'n from one state to another, try'n to make ends meet. I remember those times very well.

I had a little business called "Servico Refrigeration". Taco Bell was one my main sources of ready cash. With 7 Taco Bell stores to take care of, I always had some pocket change. I had grocery stores, convenience stores, eat 'em up places, mom an' pop establishments, beer joints....I was in the commercial refrigeration business. Things were look'n good. Billy Bob fix stuff ya know.

The first to go were the mom an' pop customers. Little grannies with $13 dollars in the till an' no money in the bank. They went out of business almost overnight. Next came the little corner grocery stores, hold'n on for as long as they could. They went out of business. Strip malls began to advertise discounted rental space. The entire city of Huntington, WV. was in a "great" depression.

I lowered my hourly service rates by $3 a hour in order to gain new customers an' be competitive with the ever grow'n "jack leg" refrigeration mechanics flow'n out of the hills an' hollers. A 'on the job' back injury put me in the hospital for 3 weeks an' on the floor for another 6 months. Servico Refrigeration was dying. I was on my last leg....an' that sucker hurt like hell.

But I continued an attempt to rebuild the business, tak'n on residential air conditioning an' heating. By the way, West Virgina is a excellent area if'n ya wanna open a heating business. That one cold ass place in the winter. My equipment was break'n down, new technology was on the scene, my trucks was broke into an' robbed....how long can I hold on?

In 1985 we packed up an' return to Texas, the state I loved. I had $300 in my pocket, no place to live an' no job prospects. Should a never left here in the first place 15 years earlier. But the old Billy Bob was a adventurer, gotta go take a look see what on the other side the fence. With in the first week back in Port Aransas, I had drum up a few commercial refrigeration customers. We was back in business....$$$$$ flow'n through my fingers like water. Never catched a drop or saved a penny. Times was hard. Competition was treacherous in a small town.

One afternoon I was work'n on a ice machine in one of the many beer joints in town. Had that sucker pop'n out ice cubes in nuttin flat. That was the day I met Jim, the plumber from the maintenance dept at the University of Texas. We drinked a beer, shared some old sea stories an' such. Jim was my new buddy.

The air conditioning guy at the university got electrocuted....kill him slap dead with 277 volts. I'm 45 year old, still ain't got no money in the bank, gonna retire in 15 or 20 years, buy me up a big ol' motorhome.....my new buddy Jim comes to the rescue. The assistant director come to my house an' offer me a job. Well shoot Mr. Thompson, I make that much tinker'n with refrigeration an' only have to work 4 hour a day. I turn down his offer. He come back a week later with a much better offer....tons of benefits....what I take. Thank God that I wasn't stupit enough to think I could retire....an' buy that big ol' motorhome, on what I was mak'n an' have the retirement benefits I have today. You did know that my secondary insurance BCBS is paid by the University....right??? Well almost. I have to pay $425 a year for added benefits (dental an' vision care).

I spent 15 years work'n for the University of Texas. Buy'n 5 years of my military time, I was able to retire with full 20 year benefits. Retired in January of '02. Bought me up a used motorhome for cash money. That was "Alice". Been on the road ever since.

Now don't be think'n that's the only hard times I had in my life. My whole freak'n life has been hard times. But it was nobodys fault but my own. Dad gum kids never think bout their future. Just play play play.....with toys an' do'n "stupit stuff".

Let's make a pizza.....OK??? I grabs a can of Grands buttermilk biscuits out the frige. That gonna be the crust ya know. There's 5 in a can, that should be perfect for a 12 inches pizza. Flatten them suckers out on my new pizza pan an' let 'em sit for a spell....swell up a little. Half a can of mater sauce with some italian seasoning, garlic powder an's salt to taste....we got instant pizza sauce. I got pre cooked sausage cut up in little pieces. Got a whole bunch of pepperoni. Frozen bell peppers an' onions. Bout a pound of motsereller cheese an' a hand full of jalapeno peppers. Yum boy howdy, we got a pizza.

I fires up the Weber to bout 400 degs. Takes that pizza out there....it don't fit. Dad gum pan is too big. Gotta put it on the super hot grate, what burn the bottom that pizza slap up. But I knowed that was gonna happen....I know how to burn stuff slap up. Been do'n it all my life....ain't no reason to change now.

I don't know nobody else, but that one good look'n pizza. Taste way much better than what I was expect'n. Even with the burn slap up bottom crust.

Ya don't believe me??? Have ya ever fillet a pizza?


Monday, July 29, 2013

"WHOA HOSS"....how ya stop this thing?

There are times to read, and there are times to read EVERY word. One word can make all the difference in the world. Like...."I almost fell off my horse". Comment....."Oh I'm so sorry to hear that, hope you weren't hurt too bad". See what I'm talk'n bout...."I ALMOST fell off my horse".

Now I hope nobody reads this an' thinks the old Billy Bob fell off a horse. But....I did fall off a horse in years past. Don't ride 'em no more. But not because I fell off 'em.

Long bout 13 year old, maybe 14, I ride my first horse. A great big ol' thing....his back was taller that I was. Couldn't see over the top that blamed horse. Weren't no saddle on that horse neither, we was go'n for a hair rais'n bareback ride.

I was go'n home from school an' there at the bar just up the road a piece from home, I see "dad's" old Oldsmobile....and a horse with no saddle sit'n in the park'n lot. I jumps off the school bus, walks into the bar....there's "dad", drunker an' a skunk, sweet talk'n a "drunker an' a skunk" lady friend. Boy howdy they was laugh'n, cut'n up....hav'n a good ol' time. I was want'n to go home. Don't want to sit in a bar watch'n two horny people mak'n a fool of themselfs.

The nice lady tells me I can ride her horse if'n I take it to her house bout 3 mile down the road an' they will pick me up there.....in a few minutes, or until "I finish this beer" an' whatever they was gonna do. 

Well yeah, I want to ride that big ol' horse. I watch Hopalong Cassidy, Gene Autry, Roy Rogers....yeah, I can ride a horse. With the help of the hood of that old Oldsmobile, I climbs atop that great big ol' horse....grin'n from ear to ear. I are a cowboy....yeee haw!!! That when that gald dern horse takes slap off, lickity split for home.....bout a hunnert mile a hour. We pass'n cars an' old pick'em up trucks...."my god horse...slow down". I'm hold'n on for dear life, don't know nuttin bout how to stop a dad gum run-a-way horse. I says...."WHOA HOSS". That damn horse is plumb deeft....don't hear nuttin I'm yell'n.

Now we was gallop'n along, a bit over the speed limit, on a nice straight road, so's I was able to stay astride that critter. I are a cowboy, yee haw!!!.....hold'n on for dear life holler'n "WHOA HOSS". That when that damn horse make a "screech'n round the corner" left turn. He was headed for the stables. I was still headed down that nice straight road....eat'n dirt, rocks an' grass....beer cans....shit like that. You think that horse wait up for Billy Bob??? Well hell no he don't. He go on down the road for home an' leave me lay'n in a ditch. All I see is dust go'n down the road.

I rekon you could call that fall'n off'n a horse if'n ya want to....although I really didn't actually fall off. I was flung off'n that horse like a slingshot. Sail through the air headlong into a freak'n ditch after bounc'n off a hard dirt an' gravel road 3 or 4 time. Cowboy life is excit'n.

So ya see, ya got to read every word, let it sink in, an' not comment on what ya think ya read. Be kind of curious what comments this will bring forth. 

Holy crap, it were some kind of hot yesterday. Ya see, there's a high pressure system sit'n in the middle of Texas what make the whole state of Texas hotter an' hell. How do I know this? Well, the weatherman say so....that's how. Gonna be like this for another week so they say. Does this affect the old Billy Bob? You betcha it does. I ain't go'n outside for nuttin. Gonna sit in "da house" Googl'n stuff an' watch'n TV.

I didn't tell ya bout the peaches I grill on the Weber did I??? Well, ya see, it's like this....I forgot they was out there get'n burn slap up. I ain't eat'n them things. I rekon the damn goat ate 'em, cause they was gone the next morn'n.

Sunday, July 28, 2013

Short trip to the doctors office....1000 mile

Wow boy howdy, so many scary comments bout a MRI.

Way back in '80 when I hurt my back, not the first an' not the last, I went to the VA hospital. That was my mistake, I had other choices. Anyhows, I went through a CT jobberdoo scan. Degeneration of the sciatic nerve an' two slip discs.....what regenerated an' healed at some point an' time. Don't recall if'n I was skeered in that CT thing or not they had me so doped up on drugs. I was in that damn VA hospital for 3 weeks an' all they do for me was give me more drugs, a cheap walker an' a couple crutches....send me home. I'm think'n MRI weren't invented yet, but what do I know.

Again this morn'n I feel pretty good....consider'n. Had a nice sleep last night, bout 6 good hours. One leg cramp what make me come out of bed like a jack rabbit.

But that don't got a thing to do with travel, does it? I breaked out the trusty Walmart Rand Mc Nalley map yesterday an' do me some think'n/dream'n route search'n for the upcom'n trip to Deming, NM. I'm think'n a near pain free trip here, so I got me some activities plan along the way. No I ain't gonna be do'n no hike'n or any that walk'n crap. I got a "that jeep", a bicycle ("billy bike") for that an' plan to park close to the dumpsters. I don't do walk'n.
Well anyhows, up there close to Houston Texas is a nice little State Park....with a golf course right outside the gate. Steven F. Austin State Park. I been there many times before an' I play the golf course many times before. It's a nice park to ride a "billy bike"  too. Nice an' flat. Lots of trees squirrels an' raccoons for Sadie Maes enjoyment.

Down the road a piece, bout a cupla hunnert mile, is Comfort, Kerrville an' Fredericksburg Texas. More golf ball swak'n places than ya can shake a stik at.

Just a cupla more miles north of there is Inks Lake State Park. I stay there one time before an' said I would come back. Big ol' fish out there in the lake I betcha. Although, I didn't catch one the last trip. Not far from Inks Lake State Park is Llano Texas. That where our "Trouble 'n Texas" lives. Maybe we meet up again.....ya never know. She gonna have to speak up though. The old Billy Bob don't hear so well ya know.

Back south is Del Rio Texas. You already know I like Del Rio. Catched me some fine bass fish out of Lake Amistad. Even when the lake was low. That where MsB live ya know. We always have a nice visit ever time I'm there. Maybe she buy me up a great big Mexican dinner.....although I owe her one. Ok....I'll pay.

From there, "wagons ho", "move 'em out"...we headed for Deming. Visit with old "pesky neighbor" Wayne, play some golf an' sit on "da porch" sip'n up a cup. I'm think'n a month in Deming will take care of me for another year. 

Like I say before, I don't plan travels no more. I go on how I feel. Nuttin set in stone.

Saturday, July 27, 2013

MRI? Oh hell no.....

Don't be get'n all excitis, drop'n stuff on the floor....stuff like that, but the old Billy Bob feel pretty good this morn'n. This has happen before but the long term effects didn't last long.

I been do'n my daily exercises with that "bubber band" tube exercise thingy. Muscles still hang'n off the bottom my arms. I been do'n some back bend'n exercises in hopes of reliev'n some of the lower back an' hip pain. Does it work??? Hell, I don't know.

I been think'n bout back surgery ya know from a few posts back. Then I start Googling.....research ya know. It don't look too good. I waited too long (13 years). I can go to a pain control clinic, get some shots. Some last 6 months, others permanent destruction of the nerves. It ain't like I can just show up at the doctors office and say "fix this". I got to go through a series of tests....xrays, MRI's, CT scans....stuff like that. And then no guarantee that I will be pain free. So, for the present, I'll go back to the old standby, Aspirin an' those god awful painful back exercises.

Did I ever tell ya bout the last MRI I had to endure back in 2000? Ya see, I'm claustrophobic. Cain't stand to be put in a brown paper bag. When I was in the Navy, they put a chemical warfare mask thingy on my head. It was called a OBA, oxygen breathing apparatus.

 I rip the clear plastic face shield slap out that thing before they could get me out of it. They don't put me in one them no more.
Anyhow, the nice lady tell me...."I'll be right here in case you need out of that MRI machine". Five minutes into the rumble of that machine, she was out the door....gone, pooof, just like that. I was alone, all by myself. I start sweat'n. I can barely move my arms in this death chamber they call a MRI machine. I want out this brown paper bag. I'm look'n for a way out. "Where the hell is that girl"??? So, a closed MRI is out of the question.

That's it....that what I been do'n. Enjoy'n the air conditioning comfort of "da house". 


Friday, July 26, 2013

Swelter'n heat...not really

Well shoot.....here I was sit'n there on the couch, head fall'n off to this side an' then that side, drool run'n down my chin....I was fall'n into a blissful sleep. Ok, one more smoke, one more 30 minute program, an' I'm go'n to bed. HA...right. I lay there, toss an' turn, think'n bout crap what don't have nuttin to do with my life today. I was in "do stupit stuff" memory mode for bout two hours. 

Got up one time bout 3am to shake the beginn'n of a leg cramp out an' take a whizz....I was back to sleep in nuttin flat. Sleep pretty darn good too. Sadie Mae wake me up bout 8:30 want'n to go outside. Typical for a dog what gotta pee.

Did it get hot yesterday? Well, let me tell ya....yeah it did. Bout 2pm yesterday that thermometer thingy got up to 102 degs. Weather channel on TV say the heat index was 110 degs. Just off hand, I would say that's kind of hot.

I been through 72 summers in my life time, an' this summer ain't been the hottest one I ever see. In fact, 57 year ago, to be exact, I live in Twenty Nine Palms, Ca. Out there in the shade of them big ol' trees by the water storage tank, it were 115 degs almost every day. I sleep outside 'cause it were too hot to sleep in the house. I'm a old folk. I remember all them hot summers of half a century ago....what are bout the same today as they was back then....give or take a deg. here an' there. No, yesterday weren't all that hot.

I'm spoiled, that what it are. With the invention of air condition'n, an' everbody got one, it could be 80 degs outside an' everbody would be complain'n...."it's too hot".  Hog wash!!! Ain't nuttin but a bunch of "sissys".....sit'n in the house look'n out the winders. Yeah, I do that myself, believe it or not. I ain't so tuff no more....."it's too hot".

So, we took care of the weather situation, now what ya wanna do? "What do YOU wanna do Billy Bob"? Well hell, I don't know. I been told that I own a motorhome....it needs to be on the road. No it don't, unless I say so. Dad gum lumber yard sells concrete blocks ya know. What ya think bout that?

I been RV'n for right at twelve years. I'm get'n tired. I'm wore slap out. The excitement is gone. I have a few health issues. RV'n ain't play no more, it's work.
All the above is subject to change without further notice.
All I gotta do is drive "da house' to the propane sell'n place, go fill up the gas tank, hook up "that jeep".....an' go. Sounds easy don't it? A few years ago, it was easy. It ain't no more....see above.

Thursday, July 25, 2013

I cain't sleep damn it....

Todays post will be [this] short. There is no news worth tell'n about, or what would be of particular interest.

Yesterdays trip proved to me a wash out. By the time I reached Walmart in Aransas Pass to pick up my meds, the temps were in the upper 90's. There was so much humidity in the air, you would'a think it was fog. A stop was made along the highway to Port Aransas for a pee break. These are the times when Sadie Mae does her "you can't find me" disappearing act. Explor'n ya know. I start look'n for her, don't see her nowheres out there in the weeds an' brush. Where the hell is my Sadie Mae?

Well shoot, there her are, sit'n in "that jeep" soak'n up on the air conditioning come'n out the dash. It was [that] hot that she weren't want'n nuttin to do with it. Me neither. We discuss to possibility of go'n back to "da house".

We stop off at Dairy Queen for ice cream. A chocolate shake for me an' a cup of soft serve for her. Sadie Mae do like her soft serve ice cream. I like my chocolate shakes too.

On the way back to "da house", I got to think'n bout back surgery again. I was hurt'n. At some point an' time, it's gonna have to be done. It only gets worse every day.

Bout bed time I start think'n....."ya ain't gonna sleep....ya gonna have leg cramps". Now I'm get'n skeered to go to bed at night. I pumps up the Number bed a bit, we'll try this "number" tonight. Hmmmmmm, that feel pretty good. So I just lay there "think'n" for the next freak'n two hours. But I didn't have none them leg cramps.

Bout 3am, I jumps up for a bathroom run....bout to pee my pants. What the hell, I stubs my little toe. Knock the toe nail slap off. It's gone....nuttin there but a nasty look'n spot where there used to be a toe nail. Did it hurt? Nope. Does it hurt this morn'n? Nope. Don't feel a thing. I done this before, but on a different toe. It will grow back.

Ok, since we talk'n bout toe nails, did I ever tell ya bout the time? When I were a teenager, I used to steal borrow the battery out Uncle Luke's truck to start my old cars. I was good at run'n a full charge battery down to slap dead. I drop that heavy sucker right on my big toe. Thought I done broke it. That afternoon, Uncle Luke an' aunt Myrt was go'n to Los Angeles for the week end......I went along. Now let me tell ya bout pain, the old Billy Bob was in some kind of pain. That toe was throb'n all the way there an' the entire week end. In Los Angeles, Aunt Myrt tried her darndest to talk me into let'n her relieve the pressure with a big ol' needle. I weren't hav'n no part of that. I hate needles. Skeer me slap to death.

We got back home two days later. I got big ol' tears of pain roll'n down my cheeks. I beg aunt Myrt to break out her big ol' needle. Ya see, what ya do is flatten the end that needle, heat it up red hot, an' gently drill a hole in the toe nail. Instant relief. My God that feel sooooo good.


Wednesday, July 24, 2013

From flab to abb

Well shoot, here we go again. It's another hot an' humid day. The thermometer laid over on a hunnert two degs yesterday afternoon, an' they talk'n today is gonna be hotter. I won't be do'n much outside today.

One day into my exercise program. This seems like work. I ain't been all that active since I landed myself here in Sinton an' my old bones are feel'n it. That why I been attempting to ride that damn "billy bike". Got that new seat installed an' adjusted, spray some more WD-40 on all them parts what move....I'm ready to ride. Then I break out that exerciser thingyamajig. Gonna build my arm muscles up....swak me a golf'n ball a hunnert mile a hour.....250 yards. I rekon I should say, move 'em from hang'n on the botton my arms to the top where they belong. Gonne get me a six pac of abbs....stuff like that. Buy me some speedos, go to the beach an' chase me up some bikini clad chick-a-babies. I used to do that ya know, but I was younger back then....early to mid 60's. Did I ever catch me one? Well hell no. Exercise sucks.

I ain't even gonna think bout it. Here it is July 24th already....I'm run'n slap out of time. Got to be in Deming NM. the first of Sept. Doctor appointment ya know. Takes me bout 4 or 5 days to get there at 200 mile a day. Why the hell I didn't go with OFM Barney when he left.......Grrrrrrrrr. I rekon I could still hook up "that jeep" an' head that way, but what's the odds of that happen'n? The old Billy Bob ain't the old Billy Bob no more. Grrrrrrr again.

I rekon it's off to Walmart again today. Run slap out of the one med they didn't have the other day. I need it. Update.....it's ready for pick up. Cell phones are cool. So....that means another long trip to Aransas Pass. What I gonna do after I pick up my meds? I know for sure I ain't gonna go back to Port Aransas. There's options. Check out the fish'n holes along highway 361, maybe put the "bubba boat" in the water". What ain't likely in this heat. Take a run over to Rockport. Check out Barneys old fish'n hole. ??????.....I'll figger something out. "Sadie Mae, ya wanna go for a ride"?

In the mean time....I'm out of here....got things to do.

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

A excit'n trip to town....well, kind of

Some things are butterflies float'n round in my mind.....others are reality.

I was borned in a era when the adult male lived to the ripe old age of somewheres bout 60 years.....if'n he was lucky. I was one them WWll babys, Sept. 1941. I didn't start school until after the war was over. Long bout my first year of school, I was indoctrinated into the "you gonna die" theory. A theory created by widows an' decrepit "old folks" lay'n on their death beds at 45 year old. 50 year old men sit'n on "da porch" in wheelchairs.....stuff like that. Young men barely in their 40's wrinkled an' sun brazen from 12 an' 14 hour work days. This is where I come from. I learn at a early age that when you reach 70 year old, you was officially "old". That's my story, an' I'm stick'n to it.

Boy howdy, yesterday was a success. Jump in "that jeep" with my shop'n list an' head off to town. Although everthing on my list wasn't purchased of completed, it was a good day. Drop off my empty drug bottles to be refilled to be pick up on my return (Walmart). Head for Port Aransas. Pick up my mail, what contained a check from the University of Texas from 12 year ago. "Yeee haw Billy Bob, you rich". Drop by the bank an' git me some pocket change. Buy up some smokes an' I'm out of here.

Back in Aransas Pass, I get'n kind of hungry. Churches Chicken. I goes inside, they ain't got no chicken on the rack. What the hell, where the chicken? There ain't none in the fryers, weren't none nowheres.....where the hell is my chicken? Stuff like that piss off the old Billy Bob, so he has to say something....contain'n cuss'n words....stuff like that. I'm out of here.

I pulls into Walmart. Find me a park'n place close to the door.....I'm old, remember. They ain't got all my meds. The one what controls my heart rate won't be there till tomorrow. Damn!!! Then I go shopp'n. Boy howdy let me tell ya, I did some shopp'n. I was throw'n stuff in my cart I probly ain't never gonna use. Well, yes I will. Don't know how long I'll use it....probly till it's work. New bicycle seat. Exercise thingy. Practice golf'n balls....got frick'n holes in 'em. Wonder if'n a damn goat will eat plastic golf'n balls with holes in 'em? An' last but not least, I buy me a "Herman" for the couch.

If'n ya ain't never had a Herman before, that's the silly look'n brown pillow thingy, they are some kind of comfortable. Back in '80, after I get out the hospital for a back injury, my darling wife....that the one I don't like much, she buy me one these pillow thingys. I love it so much, I name it...."Herman". For lower back pain, or any kind of back pain for that matter, these Hermans work just fine to help find a wonderful out of this world comfort zone. Hee Hee...they good for afternoon nap'n too.

A hunnert dollar for groceries, back to Churches Chicken for a 10 pac, I head for "da house". It's a hunnert ninety degs out there, humidity bout 99.999 fine Canadian gold standard. Sure glad Sadie Mae stay at home in air cond. comfort. Yup, yesterday was a success.

Another bad night last night. I was all sleepy an' stuff, so I go to bed. Toss an' turn for a hour....damn my back hurts. Get up for a hour, then back to bed. This go on till the wee hours of the morn'n. I need some sleep. 

Ok, I got a bicycle seat to install.....I'm out of here. Laters.

Monday, July 22, 2013

Life after 70.....sucks

Until further notice, this is it.
I never figgered that after turn'n 70 year old, my life was gonna change so much. Ain't talk'n bout them leg cramps I get, big ol' lumps on my toe....health issues, stuff like that. I'm talk'n bout how I think. "Old people don't act like that".

The day I turned 70, something click in my brain.....poooof, just like that. I ain't a young feller no more. Daily life is gonna be harder. There gonna be more aches an' pains than ya can shake a stik at. Ya gonna be run'n neck an' neck with a herd of turtles....slooowly git'n there.
I gonna have to start be'n serious bout stuff in my life.....think things over as a adult. I ain't like'n this idea not nary a bit.

When I were younger, not long ago, I looked on old folks (70 plus) as a special breed. You know, like the American bald eagle. Ya don't mess with bald eagles. These was the people you turn to for guidance an' advice when you get lost in a world of "I don't know". Old folks know some stuff ya know. They walk'n 'cylopedia Britannica's of knowledge an' service manuals for anything what is broke. Go hug a "old folk" today, you won't be sorry.

So, where are we today? Sit'n here at the computer do'n what I do ever morn'n....see above.

That "billy bike need some adjustments. Ya see, when I climbs on it, the seat is too high for my feet to reach the ground. That's the #1 cause of fall'n over an' break something.....like a arm. Skin stuff up.
Now that reminds me the time I take a bicycle to the "slabs" with me. That was when "Lug Nut" was still alive an' chase anything what move. Lug Nut was Sadie Mae's adopted brother.

I put Lug Nut on a rope.....off we go down the road. Lug nut run'n long side, stop'n ever few feet to piss on a bush or smell the thousands of rocks an' sticks long side the road. Bout that time, here come a scream'n go-cart down the road, go'n a hunnert mile a hour or so. Lug Nut gonna catch him that go-cart. He hit the end that rope....stop dead in his tracks, yank that bicycle slap out from under me. I lay there on the gravel road wipe'n blood off'n my skin up hands an' elbows....big ol' bloody skid marks on my knees, I was hurt'n. That the last time I ever take Lug Nut for a bike ride.

Sure weren't much happen at Billy Bob's house yesterday. I rekon I could say I didn't do nuttin. I did sweep the floor where Sadie Mae an' the other dogs been bring'n in grass clip'ns an' dirt, put that new grip on my golf'n putter, watch some golf on TV, take a much needed extended nap......stuff like that. When it came time to ride the "billy bike", it was still hot outside an' the wind was blow'n. So I didn't.

Couldn't figger out what to eat for supper last night, so I make me a great big pancake. By great big, I mean, BIG. Musta weigh a pound.....half a inches thick.  I cover it with strawberry preserves, a spoon full of sugar, roll it up an' I got me a jelly roll from hell. Two glasses of milk an' I full to the brim.

Ok, I got things to do.....laters!!! 


Sunday, July 21, 2013

One hell of a night at "da house"

Oh boy howdy....what a night. It all started with that damn "billy bike". I jump on that sucker an' take off up the road. By the time I was in 4th gear, I done pass the spot where I usually turn around an' go back home. Here come two big ol' dogs.....an' they look like they gonna chase me. Nip at my fast pump'n legs....something like that. One runs up long side me....bark'n...."git off my land". "I'm try'n, damn it, I'm try'n"!!! I ain't got no shoes on.....I'm gonna kick that damn dog with my bare foot. Probly gonne break my toe or something like that. That when I like to fall slap off'n the "billy bike".....strike one. A clean miss by bout a good foot or so. Both dogs go back home....laugh'n I suppose. I continue on.

By the time I get back to "da house", I'm wored slap out....but my legs ain't hurt'n like the last bike ride. Not yet anyhows. Bout 11pm, I cain't get comfortabe.....lay'n o the couch watch'n TV ya know. I ain't sleepy, so's I stay up till 2am.....Sadie Mae ask'n when we gonna go to bed. I lay down in bed, toss an' turn a bit.....pump up the mattress a number or two. 3am, I jump straight up in the air.....holy crap, I got me leg cramps. 4am, I'm sit'n on the couch rub'n out another leg cramp. 7am, I got me some more leg cramps. 8am, I give up an' brew me up a pot. Damn, what a night that was.

Ya learn stuff when ya read other blogs. Like yesterday, I learn that I ain't the only one what has problems with get'n older. Here's a guy what had heart surgery a while back. He has pains in his chest. He get's wore slap out just like the old Billy Bob do. He ain't got no insurance. Medicaid won't help him. What's a guy, or a gal to do?

But that's just one case of poor health. Right here in our own little circle of bloggers, we got some older folks liv'n right out there on the edge of one foot in an' one foot out. We done lost two of 'em bout a year ago. Not 'cause they didn't have no insurance, but 'cause they was bull headed. "I don't need no stink'n doctor". Think they was invincible....gonna live forever. "Dang Billy Bob, that sound just like you".  

 Got that windshield washer tank installed an' hook up this morn'n. Thank ya nephew Joseph.

Saturday, July 20, 2013

I ain't no computer guru

Ok, got that "billy bike" all lubricated, gears work'n, air in the tires....let's go for a ride. An' that exactly what I do. I go up the road almost bout a 1/4 mile.....that's it, I got to get back to "da house". This shit hurts my legs. But I ain't gonna give up, I have a goal to ride all the way to the end of the road....an' back.

Ok, back to reality. I'll probly never make it to the end of the road on that dad gum bicycle. Not that it's very far or anything like that, I just ain't got the energy to do it. Bicycle ride'n in 2013 ain't nuttin like it used to be way back when I was younger. Many years ago, I was a bicycle ride'n fool. Drag race with 'em. Ride down the side a mountain. Put skid marks all over sidewalks. Weren't nuttin to go on a 20 mile ride out in the country....go'n bout a hunnert mile a hour. Now if I can only make it to the end of the road an' back.

With all new technology, it take some get'n used to. Ya got to figger out the "in's an' outs" of it. Kind of like when I first start us'n Windows 8. What I still ain't used to, but it's what I got, so's I use it. Then there's the new Verizon air card. What I still ain't got used to yet. I done give slap up on try'n to make the manager program work. Why the hell are all these young kids (computer device genius') try'n to drive old folks crazy? Most old folks are set in their ways....if it works, leave it alone. Grrrrrrr............!!!

Well it looks like the nice weather will be gone next week. I been enjoy'n to cooler temps. (80's), but all good things must come to a end....or so it seems. Upper 90's an' possible triple digit temps forecast. The rains have been welcomed by most everbody. Too late for the farmers, but maybe the lakes of Texas will benefit. In my book, that's the only good thing bout rain. Make the fishes happy....yeah!!!!

Almost time for another Walmart run. Cain't believe I'm almost out of drugs again. Gas prices are on the rise again, an' "Sally da house" has only a 1/4 tank. There go another $150 to 175 for a fill up (45 to 50 gallon). "What the hell ya need gas for Billy Bob, you ain't go'n nowheres". Well, there could be a hurricane ya know. Gotta be prepared don't ya think?

Speak'n of be'n prepared, there's such as thing as be'n over prepared. On my first trip to Calif. from south Texas.....in "Alice" my first motorhome, I toted bout 300 pounds of groceries with me. We, me an' first mate Vickie Lynn, pack can goods under the couch, in cabinets, drawers....any unused space we could find. The freezer had to be duct taped closed. What the hell was I think'n? Like there ain't gonna be no grocery stores in Calif.? Upon return to south Texas, there was still bout 200 pounds of groceries. Cans of corn an' green beans was run'n out our ears. Sheesh.....never do that again.

That got me to think'n bout Gypsy's upcom'n camp'n trip to New York. How she gonna get all that stuff in her Highlander an' still have a tiny little space to lay down for a nap? I hope she finds room for her computer so I can follow along on her trip. I get all excitis bout stuff like that ya know. 

Speak'n of "Alice", she was a 1989 Tiffin Open Road 30 foot motor home. Loved that old gal.

Biggest problem with "Alice" was, she had a drink'n problem. For such a little girl like she was, she drink too much. Had to stop an' buy her some more drink bout every 2 hunnert mile or so. When she drink too much, she start cough'n, spit'n an' sputter'n....make a fool of herself, almost pass out a few times. That would be "run out of gas" for those that ain't catched on yet. Couldn't stay on her own side the road, stagger'n an' sway'n from one lane to the other. She was plumb skeered of big ol' 18 wheel trucks.....head off to the ditches on the side the road ever time one pass us. A little side wind would make her uneasy on her feet. I'm think'n "Alice" was a dad gum gasaholic. 

That's it for today. Horses are do'n fine. That damn goat ain't been eat'n my stuff. Sadie Mae is happy. I guess that make me happy. Laters..... 

Friday, July 19, 2013

Frick'n Verizon

Dad gum Verizon. I done farted (exhausted) all my know how to fix stuff related to computers an' internet connections.

Now I ain't say'n that I ain't got no internet connection or nuttin like that. I got a scream'n hot connection on 4G LTE....what ever the hell that is. This new air card has made a great big ol' improvement to "fast". I'm talk'n 10 times faster than my old air card, just like what the nice guy at the Verizon store tell me. Do I like my new air card? You can bet yer bippy I do. Sucker go a hunnert mile a hour in first gear.

But that ain't the problem. It's that damn broadband manager program what piss me off. That's a little program so's ya can see what go'n on with your air card.....connect an' disconnect....stuff like that. That nice little manager program pop up on the screen....then all a sudden, poooof, it's gone. Now I ain't got no way to turn the air card off (disconnect). I cain't turn it off from the "networks" thingy in the lower right side.....cain't do nuttin from there. Next trip to Corpus Christi, I gonna grab that nice feller what sold me this thing an' tell him....to fix it. Bet ya a dollar that don't work.

Ok, I'm frustrated enough for one day. Let's talk bout something else. Like the rust on the "billy bike". That sucker is almost brand spank'n new, but it's rust'n as it sits outside in the elements. I was think'n I would go out there an' "lick" it....see if'n there any salt on it. But I would hate to get caught lick'n a bicycle.

Yesterday I jump on the "billy bike", head for the road......gonna ride up the road a piece. What the hell, it don't shift. Rust!!! Now I gotta do some maintenance on it. WD-40 fix anything. If'n it don't move....WD it.

Remember that toe I was tell'n ya bout what I thought I broked? Last night that toe was hurt'n pretty dad gum good. I starts rub'n it, feel'n round....stuff like that, an' find something loose up under the skin. Kind of like a loose lug nut, right where that big knuckle joint is at. Got a couple new lumps on it too. "Damn Billy Bob, ya need to go to Walmart an' buy you up a wheelchair.....or a walker, crutches, something like that".

As much as I want to go somewheres, I just cain't get my self all excitis bout pack'n up an' hit'n the road. I also ain't all excitis bout sit'n here at "el Rancho Abraham" do'n nuttin. I ain't like'n this one bit. A week ago I say....."let's hook up "that jeep" an' go visit OFM Barney". Play some golf, launch the "bubba boat....go fish'n.....stuff like that. Oh Oh.....I'm think'n again. That's not always good.

Got the windshield washer tank yesterday. Now who gonna crawl up under "Sally da house" an' install it?
"Hey favorite nephew Joseph, how's bout do'n me a favor"? I'll try that first.

But before I do that, I hear a "billy bike" call'n me........laters.  

Thursday, July 18, 2013

No internet.....Thought I was gonna die...

'Member when I was tell'n ya yesterday that I woke up in "grouchy mode"? Well long bout noon time, or somewheres round there, I was feel'n a whole bunch of better. No more holler an' scream'n at stuff....cuss'n an' stuff like that. But....at 1pm central daylight sav'n time, the internet went down......poooof, just like that.  No notification, nuttin, just shut down.

Have ya ever have a heart attack over something like a internet connection? I use to laugh when I hear somebody say...."I would die with out my internet". Well, there weren't no laugh'n yesterday. In fack....I thought I was gonna have a heart attack. I had that signal booster fired up, three bars in the connection thingy.....but no internet. I'm furious. This dad gum brand spank'n new Verizon air card ain't work'n. I spend hours delete'n all the Verizon stuff on my computer and reinstall'n the manager program. No freak'n internet. I restore my computer back to the day I first install this air card. No internet. I'm really frustrated now. So's I call Verizon. Oh holy crap.....animated phone conversation. Never talk to nobody, just a freak'n computer on the other end.

I jumps in "that jeep", computer and air card in hand....head off to town. Park in the HEB park'n lot, insert the air card an' fire up the computer. No internet. A few mile down the road is Odem Texas. They should have internet. What they did. For a few minutes. Then it's gone....poooof, just like that. You can tell I'm very very frustrated by now, think'n I ain't never gonna get back on the internet for months. All the while, I'm blam'n this dad gum brand spank'n new air card.

To make this story short.....the freak'n towers, or something like was down. Technical difficulties somewheres in the surround'n area. It was on TV...Rena tole me.

Pick up all them tools an' stuff yesterday. Sweep an' mop the floors. Bag up a bunch of trash for the dumpster. I was one busy feller. Although, most of the day was wasted fix'n something what aint broke.

This morn'n I jump out of bed, all excitis bout a beautiful day. A couple showers earlier. Damn my hip hurts. Hobble to the bathroom to do my morn'n chores. Hobble to the kitchen to put on a pot. Turn the computer on an'....WALLA, we got internet. An' that's the rest of the story.  

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

A grumpy old man

The old Billy Bob got out of bed this morn'n bitch'n an' yell'n at everthing. Yell'n at stuff lay'n all over the floor.....that same stuff what I was gonna pick up yesterday is still lay'n there, ain't move a inch. Yell at his self 'cause he couldn't get into his pants.....both legs in the same hole. "One leg at a time Billy Bob, one leg at a time". Then Sadie Mae, she git up under my feet everwhere I go.....yell at her too....."git off me dog, damn!". By the time I had finish all my bathroom chores, it was time to make a refreshing pot of coffee. More yell'n an' cuss'n. While painstakingly measuring out the appropriate amount of grounds for a pot of coffee, I drop the container on the floor. Coffee grounds go everwheres. I'm think'n, this ain't the best start for a new day.

One mug full down (24 oz), read a few blogs an' check out the world affairs, I'm feel'n much better now. Go git me a second jug.....it's rain'n. Outside, there's dogs, two horses an' that "damn goat", they all soak'n wet. Big ol' water puddles out there in the yard. I ain't gonna be play'n outside today.

Ok, I gonna tell ya what the old Billy Bob think bout these new Twinkies. Bout 10pm last night I couldn't help myself no more. Just had to try a couple twinkies an' a ice cold cup of milk. I dunk ya know. That was a wonderful cup of milk, but let me tell ya, them Twinkies suck. They little ol' bitty things....two bites an' they gone. They was like eat'n air, covered with a blanket of cotton balls or something like that. No taste. The fill'n sucks.
These are NOT the Twinkies I growed up on. Won't be buy'n no more Twinkies that for sure. Also won't be buy'n no Hostess stocks neither. Hostess used to be a good company. Put out some mighty fine high calorie products. Thousands of jobs were lost when they was forced into bankruptcy. My grandkids ain't gonna never know what a real Twinkie is. Dad gum unions.

Ok, I rekon I could get busy an' do what I was gonna do yesterday.


Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Twinkies update.....Visitors to "el Rancho Abraham RV Resort"

Boy howdy, a man just cain't get a good nights rest around here.

"That's what ya git from play'n round with them damn golf balls Billy Bob".

Ya see, I was lay'n there on the couch watch'n some crap on the TV. My dad gum hip start hurt'n, but I knowed it was gonna. Deep down in the pit of my lower back I could feel crush'n of my sciatic nerve. Pains shoot'n down my right lag.....toes hurt, muscles jump'n in my calves....this is gonna be a hard night. I take two big ol' aspirin in anticipation to the inevitable leg cramps once I retire to my famous number mattress.

Boy howdy let me tell ya, 2:30am I shoots straight up in bed with the first of many leg cramps. Took care of that one real quick like by stand'n on my toes. 3:30am here come another one. Feel like somebody done shoot me in the leg. That when I 'member what the old RiverHauler was tell'n me...."eat some mustard". I squeeze a big glob in my mouth, swaller.....oh crap, now I'm get'n sick. Stay sick for the rest of the night, still fight'n with leg cramps till I see the sun come up this morn'n.

Yesterday I look out the winder....."what the hell", we got critters in the yard.

 There's two damn horses out there, eat'n up grass an' stuff.
 Now this is one fine look'n horse. Great big ol' sucker. I don't know what ya call a man horse with his nuts cut off, but that what he is.
 And then it came time for a good old fashion steak dinner. Experimented with the grilled maters. Extra virgin olive oil, salt an' garlic powder. Won't be do'n that no more.
 This what it look like before I eat it all up. Them maters come out pretty good, but like 'em better when grilled on the super hot grate.....char 'em up a little.

Twinkies. Did anybody run to the store an' buy Twinkies? I did. Got me some them chocolate cup cakes too. I keep hear'n stories bout the Twinkies are smaller....an' they last up to 45 days. Hmmmmm....I gonna have to check that out.

Twinkies Update:

I don't think I'll be buy'n no more Twinkies in the near future. These things look terrible. And yes, they are smaller.

It rained. I were just sit'n here read'n a few blogs, an' all hell break loose. Rain was com'n down by the 5 gallon bucket full. But it was over in just a few minutes. Humidity shot up in nuttin flat...both a/c's run'n full blast. Billy Bob ain't gonna be do'n no sweat'n today. Stay his ass in "da house" an' clean up all these tools lay'n all over the place.....do some dishes.....stuff like that.

Monday, July 15, 2013

I rode the "billy bike"....yeee haw!!!!

Yesterday morn'n I was think'n, maybe I should go outside an ride that "billy bike". I need the exercise ya know. Been sit on my ass too long. It were only 80 some degs out there an' I don't have to ride very far.....just a spin up the road an' back.

Sit'n over there....is a bag full of golf ball swak'n clubs. I look at the sky, it's cloudy, no sunshine bear'n down. Hmmmmm....maybe I should go play a round of golf instead of pump'n that "billy bike" down the street. One of the other, I'm gonna get me some exercise.

Well shoot, the golf course is closed yesterday. Member tournament go'n on. Why didn't they tell me before I got all my golf'n clothes on and drive all that way just to find out they closed.

Last night, I went outside an' jump on that "billy bike"....head up the street. Ain't no hunnert mile a hour on this trip. We go so slooooow I thought I was gonna fall slap over. Well shoot, this ain't so hard. I go a little over a quarter mile, my legs are feel'n a little funny now. I turn around an' go back home. I rode the "billy bike"....yeeee haww!!!
Well, this morn'n is a retake of yesterday morn'n weather wise. Not too hot an' cloudy. I'm gonna go to the golf course an' try out that new Cobra Amp driver. Get me some exercise too.
Be back laters.....

Afternoon update....

Before I get too engrossed in tell'n ya bout golf, I should update on the new Verizon air card and the Wilson booster. I couldn't be more pleased with a air card. This thing is like fast. Kind of like the nice guy at Verizon say to me....it's 10 times faster. Well, I didn't know that when I bought it....or upgraded as they call it. So I also bought me a Wilson signal booster an' a Wilson trucker antenna for when I get camped out where there is little signal. Like when I'm in Del Rio. Anyhows....it don't work with the air card. Same signal with it on or off. Still do'n some online research, so stay tuned.

The other problem I have with the new air card is the little manager program that runs it. When I turn on the computer, with the air card in the slot, the little manager thingy pops up so I can turn the air card on...connect to the internet. After a couple minutes, that little manager thingy is gone....pooof, just like that. Never come on again. No way to turn the air card off now.

Ok, first rule in golf.....hit the ball in the fareway. It's kind of like eat'n a taco. There are rules to that too.
Today I showed up at the golf course way before it got hot. Tee up my ball on the first tee box. Take that brand new Cobra driver an' knock hell out that ball. Damn, I'm in the fareway, way the hell an' gone bout a mile or so. Well, maybe closer to a couple hunnert yards or something like that. This happen for the next 8 holes, in the fareway every drive. Today I fount out that hitting your second shot from the fareway greatly improves your score.

A delicious meal was in order after a great round of golf. Went to the local Mexican food eat'em up. With a full belly, made my way to HEB (grocery store) an' pick me up some junk to throw on the grill. Was slap out of bread an' milk....dog food for Sadie Mae. Now I'm ready for a short nap....or two.

Sunday, July 14, 2013

Sleep numbers

Whoa boy howdy, we was chang'n pressure on the number mattress last night. I let so much air out that thing that Sadie Mae slept on the couch. Then I put air back in it. Let some out. Holy crap, "what's my number"?

You wouldn't think that a couple or 5 or 6  trips up an' down a RV ladder would turn into a hard nights sleep, would ya? For those that don't know what a RV ladder is, them suckers go straight up on the back of a RV. Ain't none that lean'n at a angle on the side.....nuttin like that. The first step is right bout 3 feets off the ground....a rather long distance for a old fart to raise a leg. That why I put a chair out there.....for a first step ya know. One more trip up there to wire tie the antenna cable an' I ain't never go'n back up there long as I live.

Ok, I got this trucker antenna up there on the roof. I got a signal booster screwed to the wall an' I got a inside antenna thingy sit'n next to my Verizon air card. Well, shoot, the damn thing ain't work'n. I get the same signal with the booster turn on or off. Nephew Joseph has the same booster in his pick up. Test time.

Me an' "pesky neighbor" Wayne had us a conversation. He's do'n fine. Ride'n round the RV park on a golf cart, walk'n with the aid of his trusty "walker". Got him a few oxygen bottles to tote along in case he need some fresh air. He just fine. Bout him get'n kicked out of the park, all that has changed. Seems two witnesses to the event he was accused of, have a different story. Anyhows, who do ya believe? Drama....!!!

I swear, I'm gonna beat that damn goat's ass if'n I ever catch up to him. Ya see, I left my tool compartment open while I was work'n on the roof. Here come that goat.....sort'n out my tools....on the ground. Chew'n on the soft grips of one my adjustable wrenches (channel locks). From the roof, I chunked a roll of electrical tape at him. It's gone.....pooof, just like that. That damn goat done pick it up an' head for the woods with it. Goats eat electrical tape ya know.

Todays project will be pick'n up all my tools an' stuff what is lay'n all over the living room floor.

I still got it my mind that I'm gonna go ride the "billy bike". That is yet to be seen. Ya see, I don't get no exercise unless I go golf ball swak'n or go shop'n at Walmart. Either place is a long walk. I git tired an' gotta sit down. Right outside the gate is a paved level road. Perfect place to ride a bike. "Forget it Billy Bob, you ain't gonna ride no bike". Well, I might if'n I want to.

Ok, I'm done for the day. Ain't gonna write nuttin more. Damn, I gotta get me a life....do something.

Saturday, July 13, 2013

Projects to do....

I think I ain't gonna write nuttin today. I got myself into so many projects, I don't have time to sit in front of no computer screen all day writ'n bout all the projects I got to do. Need to go do 'em, and then come back an' write bout 'em. Know what I mean Vern???

I was sit'n here yesterday, look'n at the new antenna......how I gonna mount it up there on the roof. Ya already know I don't want to drill a big ol' hole on my roof and this antenna is designed to mount through the roof. So here what I gonna do, ya see that long piece of pipe what goes through the roof? I'm gonna cut that sucker slap off and mount it on a piece of angle aluminum an' pop rivet it to a solar panel. That means a couple trips up to the roof, climb up that dad gum killer ladder....maybe fall my ass buttocks down to the ground. I have to go up there anyhows to remove the other antenna, so I gonna be put'n my life in jeopardy either way.

That is todays project. Gonna git 'er done.....here in a bit. Soon as I get me some shoes on an' proper attire.

Them burros in the header pic is the grass eat'n machines here at "el Rancho Abraham RV Resort" The little "burrito" is bout a couple week old....or something like that. Cute little bugger. That's his/hers mama get'n a drink.

Yesterday I was look'n out the winder. I'm gonna go ride the "billy bike". I put on my baseball cap an' bike ride'n goggles. Open the door....."holy crap, it's too hot out here". I'll just wait till it's cooler....what it never was. Well, until after dark an' I ain't ride'n no bike in the dark. Almost got run slap over do'n that one time. Then bout 8pm, I says...."lets go outside an' swak some gold balls". Well, something come on the TV I was want'n to see.

Installed the thermostat yesterday. Turn the thing on an' it don't work. "What the hell"??? Then I read the directions. Now it work just fine. This ain't no typical thermostat installation for a RV, the wiring is different. Only use three wires for cooling only. So....anybody what needs to replace a Duo Therm thermostat in your RV, ya gotta contact me first. Or ya could Google if'n ya want to. Anyhows, I like to freeze to death last night. That thing work perfect.

Ok....got a few things to do....laters! 


Friday, July 12, 2013

Yesterday wear me slap out...success

Ok, let's start off with yesterday. My trip to town was to buy a replacement thermostat for the back a/c in "da house". Right????

The second part of yesterdays trip to town was to "research" and possibly purchase a cheap antenna for my internet connection. Right???

Me an' Joseph load up in his pick 'em up and head for Corpus Christi.  First stop, the antenna sell'n place. Where I purchase the exact antenna I had fount on the internet. A Wilson "Shorty" Trucker antenna. It's a through the roof installation type antenna, which will need some modifications. So I don't have to drill a big hole in the roof of "da house ya know. Very simple modification. So now, I have me a brand spank'n new Wilson antenna that will give me an extra bar or two.

Nephew Joseph says...."Lookie up there Uncle Bill, hang'n on the wall, a broadband signal booster". So's I take a look see. Hmmmmm....????
From there we stop off at the Verizon store right down the street a piece. There I purchased a brand spank'n new 4G/3G broadband air card. The nice guy tell me it 10 times faster than my old 3G card. I look at him kind of funny like with a big grin an' says "Right"!!!! I know all bout this 10 times faster scam.

One more stop, Home Depot to purchase a thermostat, before we head back to "da house" an' hook up all this excit'n new stuff.  Oh crap, they don't got the kind I'm look'n for, a Hunter model #4229b. So's I pick up a Honeywell. Will it work? Hell, I don't know, but we'll see later on in the day. Maybe.

You may notice, these four items ($550 worth) are sit'n on the couch ready for installation. Damn, $550 dollar for a freak'n thermostat. "See, I tole ya, Billy Bob, ya spend way too much money".
"Yee Haaa we gonna have a hunnert mile a hour internet an' that back A/C is gonna work".

But wait, I ain't done with yesterday yet. We are on I-37 headed north. Over there on the right I spot a Jeep. A 5 miles turn around we sit'n in front the little used car dealership. They closed. Look'n through the fence......"Yeee Haw", it's a white 2001 Jeep Cherokee Sport 4x4. Just what I been look'n for for the last year an' a half. I were all excitis.

So, when I get back to "da house", I start put'n stuff together. String out wires across the liv'n room floor, hook up the antenna to the booster....stand it up close to a winder...."plug it in Billy Bob". Ok......what the hell, my old air card don't work no more. Put in the new one. It don't work neither. "Read the installation directions Billy Bob". Oh!!!....now it work. Holy jump'n jimminies, I go'n a hunnert mile a hour internet connection. But I don't like the manager program worth a poop. But anyhows!!! I do some surf'n, run a couple You Tube videos......yup, I'm gonna like this.

So....."what ya gonna do now Billy Bob"? Well, I got a Jeep I gotta go look at. After while of course. Don't ever rush into anything what gonna cost a arm an' a leg.

Just got back 15 minutes ago from look'n at that white Jeep. What a piece of crap it was. Pull out the oil dip stick....is that water? Remove radiator cap....is that radiator leak repair stuff in there? The copper look'n kind. Few dings here an' there....paint bout wore slap out. No battery. But it is "white".

Then I had to make a fool of myself and ask the price. Nice lady tell me $1600 down. Ok, but what is the price? Ah....$10,000 financed. Or $5900 cash.
My estimation is $1500 to $2000 as is. "Walk away Billy Bob, this is NOT a project for you".

Thursday, July 11, 2013

Get'n stuff done....maybe

Boy howdy, I got me so much stuff to do today, I probly won't get it all done till tomorrow.

That windershield washer tank thingy I was talk'n bout, well, I climb up under "da house" an' pull that thing slap out. Dad gum rusty bolts like to never come out. Nowheres on that tank is there a name or a part number. Just a big ol' water jug with a little pump on it. Thanks to Google and some of the RV'n forums, I was able to locate one. In Oreygon. So that got to be ordered today.

While I was up under "da house" my baseball cap fall off'n my head. Didn't think nuttin of it.....until I went look'n for it. You ain't never gonna guess..... That damn goat fount it an' took off with it. I catched him just before he start chew'n on it. Yes, I had to run to catch up to him. Have ya ever see a old man chas'n a goat? Not a purty picture.

Well, I done had it with this slooooow internet. I'm gonna do something even if it ain't right. Ya see, I got me a little antenna up there on the roof. When I first put it up there, it helped me get a decent signal. But it don't no more. So I went antenna shop'n on Google. Holy cows, so many choices. Note: Nephew Joseph has a Wilson trucker antenna in his pick up. Barney the OFM has one too. Anyhows, I hook up to that Wilson antenna yesterday, but I only got one extra bar....went from no bar to 1 bar. So I probly gonna get me a trucker antenna, even if it only give me one extra bar. Do ya know how much a antenna booster amplifier cost? Input greatly appreciated.

The next thing I got to do today is go my lazy buttocks to Home Depot an' buy a new thermostat. Either that or order me a brand spank'n new a/c unit. I'm think'n thermostat. I hate go'n to Home Depot....spend way too much on stuff I don't need.

Then I climb on that lawnmower....cut me some grass. Not that it really needed it, I just like tractors an' bulldozers.

Then I went outside an' swak up some golf balls....bout a dozen. Hit 'em over there in that vacant mesquite forest across the road. Somewheres in yesterdays activities, I over did something. Had me bout a hunnert leg cramps last night. Both kinds. The ones I get in the calves I can get rid of just by stand'n on my toes. But them other ones, they the killers. Make your toes stick straight up, tendon thingys tight like a drum....hurt like hell right up the front your leg. Only way to relieve them is to twist my back all around till I find a relief position. That take a good 30 minutes....an' bout 3 smokes. This morn'n, I hurt everwheres. 

I was gonna make me some pork fajitas out them pork rib thingys I burn up the night before. Here come Joseph with a plate full of yum yums. Pork chop, fried taters and corn. Well shoot, ya cain't beat that with a stik.

Ok, I'm off to the salt mines...git some stuff done. 

Quick update on antenna. Hooked directly to the Wilson trucker antenna, signal increased to 2 bars. Then we hooked up to Josephs booster in the other truck. Holy crap....4 bars right now.....just like that.
Well....here goes another $3 or 4 hunnert dollar. Or I could settle for less DBgain for bout $200. 

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Blither an' blather....nuttin interest'n

Oh boy, I'm completely lost for blog ideas this morning.

I guess I could say something bout that thermostat that I cain't fine in all of Corpus Christi. Spend 4 hours look'n for that dad gum thing. Accord'n to Google, this particular T-stat was discontinued back in '06. This is the second one that "broke" in 8 years, so I rekon that's the reason for discontinu'n the damn thing. But anyhows, the conversion I found on Google is a simple and cheap ($20 to $25) fix using a Hunter digital t-stat from Walmart or Home Depot. I may change out both t-stats while I'm at it.

Ok, here's the deal.....my internet connection really sucks. Sometimes I get me one bar an' it's really really slooooooow.  I ain't all that far from the towers that provide me a signal, but since all the trees have leaves on them now, "my internet signal sucks". So here what I'm gonna do. Nephew Joseph has a signal antenna and amplifier in his 1 ton pick up. I gonna try hook up to it and see what kind of signal I can get. If it's good, the old Billy Bob gonna head to Corpus Christi an' get me one. Rather expensive, but what the hell, I ain't gonna be tak'n no money with me when I keel over an' die.

Yup.....gonna have to make some changes to that Weber Q grill. Ya see, last night I were gonna grill me up a bake tater an' some pork ribs. The damn thing burn my supper. Too freak'n hot, even on low flame (375degs). I was eat'n charcoal, an' I rune (ruined) a perfectly good tater. This ain't the first time I burn something slap up on this new grill an' it ain't gonna be the last. "Ya gotta watch it Billy Bob. When ya see smoke, something is on fire".

Since we talk'n bout grills, everthing I put on the grate stick to it (the grate is cast iron). I'm wonder'n if'n that grill will get "cured" like what a cast iron skillet do.

Went to bed early last night think'n I would get up early this morn'n. Ha.....that worked out well....got up at 8am. I had intended to make it to the golf course before it got hot. Try out that new driver ya know. Well, when I open the door to let Sadie Mae outside for her morn'n exploration of the yard, I was hit by a gust of hot air. Ain't gonna be no golf ball swak'n today.

I got to go outside today an' crawl up under "da house". Ya see, the windershield washer thingy is broke. Two of the mounting tabs broke slap off. I need some part numbers so's I can order a new one. God, I hate crawl'n up under the "da house". Maybe I can fix (modify) the tank an' save me some $$$$. Hmmmmmm...duck tape an' wire ties.

Well shoot, I ain't get'n nuttin done sit'n here on my ass......

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

High dollar putter grip

Let's face it, the old Billy Bob is jist bout on his last leg. I ain't talk'n bout no broke leg or nuttin like that, I'm talk'n bout that ol' "cain't do nuttin no more".....run slap out of steam, stuff like that.

Ya see, it's like this, that damn goat was out there chew'n on my stuff again. So's I chase his ass round the yard lickitity split bout a hunnert mile a hour, cuss'n an' stuff if'n ya really want to know. Holy crap, I thought I was gonna die chas'n that damn goat. Couldn't get a breath of air....wheez'n an' cough'n up a storm. "Damn goat"!!!

But that weren't all. My heart was beat'n a hunnert mile a hour too. Heart rate somewheres bout 130bpm or something like that. But it ain't my heart what I worry bout, it's the shortness of breath what is kill'n me. Gotta sit down ever 2 minutes, light up a smoke, an' then start chas'n that goat some more. Gonna have a good talk'n to that "damn goat" if'n I ever catches him. "Cough cough cough, wheeze wheeze wheeze, wait for me goat".

I am well aware of what "they" say bout what smok'n does to ya. Makes ya short of breath....right? I been preach to all my life bout the awful sin of smok'n an' what it do to your lungs. Ok, I ain't in a 100% agreement with that. That's one the reason I smoke. Ain't nobody tell Billy Bob what he gonna do. The other reason is 'cause I am eat up with the "addiction". Cain't seem to do a damn thing without a smoke hang'n out my lips. So I suffer the consequences of not catch'n that "damn goat".
Another good example of what I'm talk'n bout is, even a ride to town in "that jeep" wears me slap out. I went to every dad gum R/V store in Corpus Christi yesterday look'n for that freak'n thermostat. Ride over a hunnert miles. Would you believe they don't make that thermostat no more..... pooof, they gone, just like that. The replacement digital thermostat to replace mine runs just a bit over a hunnert dollar. Anyhows, by the time I left the second RV store, my hip an' back was kill'n me. What the hell?? I park as close to the front door as I could so I don't have far to walk, an' I still got three more RV stores to check out. I cain't do much more this walk'n stuff.

On the return trip back through Corpus Christi, I come upon a Edwin Watts golf stuff sell'n place. I'm need'n a new grip for my "automatic" putter. I whips right in their park'n lot, jumps out "that jeeep" an' goes inside.  Oh my god, they got a hunnert choices of putter grips. What one do I buy? Well shoot, that's easy. I choose a brand spank'n new senior flex Cobra Amp offset driver....that what I done.

 Oh wait, we was talk'n bout a putter grip. Yeah, I got me one them too. Ain't gonna be miss'n no more them 3 foot putts.

Back to "da house", I lay myself on the floor for bout a hour. Dad gum hip is hurt'n like a sum-a -gun....but that ain't the way I describe it. I swear, there's a old rusty 16 penny nail in my hip. That sucker never ever quit hurt'n. Well maybe a little bit if'n I got my mind on something like golf'n....stuff like that ya know.

I  go outside an' swak a few balls with that new driver. I rares back an' give it my best shot. Yeeee haw!!!.....ZAAAZOOOOM, there go that golf'n ball a hunnert mile a hour....right where I was a aim'n it at. May be some modifications in the near future though....damn shaft is too long by bout a inch....or something like that.

Back to the elusive thermostat. Ok, they no longer make 'em like what I got. I get on the internet. Ain't nobody got one. So's I start Googl'n "replacement". Well I want you lookie here, some smart feller figgered out how to install a cheap Walmart special digital thermostat in place of the Duo Therm analog thermostat. Hunter model #4229b or #42995. I suppose that what I'm gonna do after I make another trip to town. Damn, that mean I got to walk some more. 

Monday, July 8, 2013

Ho Hum, late again

Well, I got me a pretty good reason to be late again. I betcha a dollar I didn't git but 4 hour sleep last night. Every little thing wake me up. The wind was blow'n....my awning make noise, I wake up. The damn dogs was bark'n....I wake up. I git me some leg cramps....I wake up. I got puke in my mouth....I wake up.
Sadie Mae jump on me a few times....I wake up. It was NOT a good night.

Then guess what happen? It were right bout 4:30am, a hunnert mile a hour wind come by an' shake hell out "da house". That wake up then too. Then bout 5:30am, hear come the rain. Not a little sprinkle, but a bucket load of rain. Yes, I wake up then too. Sheesh, cain't a guy get a good nights sleep around here?

It's a really beautiful day out there. Was nice an' cool all morn'n long. Then the sun come out bout a hour or so ago an' that all change. 95 degs at 1pm. Dang it gets hot fast in Texas.

Remember that dad gum a/c I was tell'n ya bout the other day. Well, it went plumb berserk last night. Waked me up too. On off, on off, bout a hunnert times in bout a minute. So that what I gonna try to fix today. Replace a broke thermostat. "How comes ya think the thermostat is broke Billy Bob"? Well shoot, I weren't a a/c guy for 30 years for nuttin....I know. This exact same thing happen on the front a/c bout a year or so ago. I replace that thermostat an' it work just fine to this day. Up the street bout 6 mile is a a/c thermostat sell'n place. I be there in a minute hour or two.

The burros are back in the yard. Eat'n up grass an' weeds. Got a little burro puppy in tow. I ain't see him yet, but will post a pic when I do.

Ok, shower in the making. Then off to town. Yee Haw!!!....gonna git me a big ol' ice cream.   

Sunday, July 7, 2013

Lake Corpus Christi

I can't think of a better way to spend a day than to spend it with a friend. Yesterday was a great success. Although it was a bit on the warm side.

Me an' OFM Barney drives down to the Mexican food eat 'em up place. Holy cows, I ain't never see that much food on a plate in my life. Yum yum eat'em up some Mexican food!!!!
"Dang Billy Bob, you looks skeered in that picture".

After stuff'n all that food down, we jump in Barney's air condition truck an' head north for a few miles. We go'n to Lake Corpus Christi I betcha. Just to take a look see and spend some time together enjoy'n the latter days of our lives.

Barney did a purty good job of 'splain'n our little excursion on his blog, OFM Adventures, so I ain't gonna be say'n much here.
I think I could live in this place. Call it Fort Billy Bob.
While scrambl'n through trees an' bushes, we stumbl'd upon this Aztec sacrificial tower. You can see the blood stains remain to this day. "Wait a minute Billy Bob, that ain't no Axtec sacrificial tower, it's a overlook".  
 OFM Barney in all his glory. Got his African safari hat on look'n for wild critters.
Thought this was kind of cool.

Yup, yesterday was a good day.

I was sit'n there mind'n my own business....over there on the couch ya know. I got to think'n bout peaches. Well shoot, fire up the Weber an' grill ya one. I did that an' boy howdy let me tell ya, that was one delicious peach. I ain't never grill no peaches before, so I'm a rookie. Let's try bout 375 degrees, try not to catch nuttin on fire. Twenty minutes later with one turn, that peach come out perfect. Put me some brown sugar on top....eat 'em up. Yes I took a picture.....but it ain't there. Gone.....pooof, just like that. 

Modified shoes still work'n out pretty good. All that walk'n yesterday didn't bother me at all. I'm think'n I'm ready for a 1/4 miles walk....what ya think?

Saturday, July 6, 2013

USS Flagship Hotel

Well shoot, what ya wanna talk bout today?

Speak'n of fireworks gone wrong, it was back in 1965 if'n I remember right. I lived in a little beach cottage in Galveston Texas one block off the sea wall. Along the sea wall was a bunch of piers extend'n out into the Gulf of Mexico. If'n ya ever been to Galveston, ya know what I'm talk'n bout. Tourist trap little shops sell'n trinkets, skimpy bikinis, sea shells....that kind of stuff. There was eat'n places where ya sit out over the water an' eat seafood. A big hotel. That hotel is the subject of today's discussion.

The name of that hotel was the Flagship Hotel. Brand spank'n new. Builded in 1965, 7 stories, 250 plus rooms...or something like that. If'n ya had a sack full of money to spend, this was the place to do it.

It was the 4th of July. This years fireworks display was scheduled to be set off from the pier of the Flagship Hotel at 9:30pm sharp. People lined the sea wall in anticipation....danc'n in the streets, drink'n beer an' stuff like that. Kids run'n round with little sparkle thingys scream'n at the top their lungs. I was perched on top my old '56 Ford across the street. Had me a perfect birds eye view of the festivities, close to the same angle as in the photo above.....safe from any form or sort of danger.

At 9:30 sharp, a burst of light goes off at the end of the pier. A hunnert (300 feet or so) into the air is a great explosion of little bitty stars fall'n back to earth in colors of red, white an' blue. The crowds break into shouts and screams of joy. For a full 5 minutes, the spectators are astonished with a display of ever kind of firework imaginable. But wait.....there's more.

The next round of fireworks was made ready. The crowds are tense. That's when the most amazing display you ever see takes place. There was shoot'n stars, huge explosions....white smoke filled the air.  The display had gone wrong. Done blowed slap up, right there on the pier. Workers could be seen jump'n into the waters below. Others were run'n in all direction for their dear lives. Me, I was climb'n down off'n that old Ford lickity split, tak'n cover while fireworks was explod'n all around me. That was the most amazing fireworks display I ever see in my whole life.

In other displays of explosions gone wrong around the world, Egypt erupts into violence....all in the name of freedom.

In case anybody is curious, this is how you modify shoes. Ya see, my right shoe wouldn't stretch far enough to be comfortable and not cause the old Billy Bob foot an' mouth disease (pain). So's I removed the little piece of leather that holds them together.

Now they stretch.

Friday, July 5, 2013

Modified shoes

Grumble....Grrrrrr.....it's dark out there......cain't see a thing!!!!

"What the hell Billy Bob, what you do'n up at 5:30 in the morn'n"?
Modify'n a pair of shoes.

12:45pm...Shoe modification update:

Boy howdy, when the old Billy Bob modifies something, he do it right. Well, almost right. Don't help a golf game none, but I can walk....yeeehaw!!! Well, until I went to HEB for a few groceries. "Ya walk too much Billy Bob".

Ok, ya gotta 'scuse me for a few minutes. I'm starved....grill me up 4 hot dogs....yum yum eat 'em up.

And here come Michael Anthony Garcia....that would be my bestest grand nephew, call him "hot shot".

He helps me around "da house" swat'n  flies, put'n up groceries and eat'n up one my hot dogs. Sneeky little bugger. Grab it when Uncle Bill weren't look'n.

Well anyhows, the OFM Barney an' me meet up at the golf course just a bit after the sun come up this morn'n. It were cool outside, dew (liquid humidity) still on the ground.

"What the hell Barney, you hit that guy". Barney says....."he souldn't be stand'n in the woods".

By the nineth hole, poor old Barney was wored slap out. He was need'n some down time....in air conditioning. I won't be see'n the OFM for a while. He's out of south Texas in a few days. Alabammy bound. Ain't never gonna come back. I got a dollar....any takers?? There's a slim possibility the old Billy Bob will be headed that way too in a week or so. There's a big ol' rock out there in the yard. Ain't no writ'n on it, so it's not set in stone.

Ok....hot dogs mean naps. See ya laters..... 

Thursday, July 4, 2013

Down an' out on da couch

Boy howdy, I must admit, yesterdays heat did a number on me. All this time I were think'n I was "Mister Macho" ain't skeered of nuttin kind a guy. Well it ain't that way no more.

After I got Sadie Mae back to "da house" from the "hair butcher" woman, I start feel'n kind of bad. Ended up lay'n on the couch instead of go'n outside an' hav'n a rip snort'n time at the birthday party (grand niece). The couch was my home for the rest of the day.

I was completely surprised that I didn't get those damn leg cramps last night. In fack, I sleeped till 9:30 this morn'n. WooooEeeee, that was a full 9 hour sleep without onest get'n up. That don't happen very often at Billy Bob's house.

Ya see, I got me one them sleep number mattress thingys. I can put in or take out air for a hard or a soft nights sleep. Yes, I like my sleep numbers. A few nights ago I was have me some terrible leg cramps....musta did something I weren't supposed to do. I let me out some air. I slept good for two nights in a row. I rekon this is my new number for a while.

'Member a while back I was all excitis bout mak'n a trip to Louisianna? Eat up some cajun food an' listen to cajun music. Well, I ain't plumb forgot bout that trip.....it's still fresh in my mind. It's just that I cain't keep myself excitis bout trips an' stuff no more. The old Billy Bob is chang'n. One day I'm jump'n up an' down like a little kid go'n on his first trip to Disney World....or something like that. The next day I says...."what the hell are you think'n"? It's get'n harder ever day for me to make decisions. Go'n on trips has done change into a freak'n chore.

Don't be get'n no ideas that I ain't enjoy'n life, 'cause I am. I may not be see'n all the "treasures" America has to offer, but I'm comfortable....physically. I got a Weber Q grill sit'n right outside my door bout 10 feet away. I got a air conditioned "that jeep" is sit'n out front "da house". Town ain't very far. I get free food onest in a while two or three time a week (don't have to slave over a hot stove). The golf course is only a couple mile away. Of course, I got free camp'n....plus electric. Only have that "damn goat" to contend with.

That took care of the physical comforts of home. But the mental comforts....no, I ain't got none to speak of. You know how the mind works, ya wanna go somewheres and have ya some fun. Like a trip to Louisianna....and beyond. It drains ya when ya cain't just up an' go 'cause of all the "physical" things what creeped into your life. Bad backs, old Arthur-i-tus, feet what don't work with shoes no more....stuff like that. Do ya know what it's like to not be able to wear shoes like everbody else? I rekon when they bury me, I'll be wear'n a pair of old wore out sandals. Sheesh!!! That sucks.

Ok.....I got things to do. "What ya gonna do Billy Bob"?  Probly go over there to the stove an' make me a pancake. Yup, think that what I'm gonna do.  

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

68 degs golf day

Oh my god, I'm run'n out of time. I got a dog to transport to the vet place for a groom'n an' then got a appointment at the local golf course for a round of golf ball swak'n.

I ain't got no time this morn'n to be writ'n no silly stories or nuttin like that. Golf is important....never be late.

As requested by one my fav friends, here is a photo of poor little Sadie Mae. Ain't never gonna take her back to that old lady for a haircut.  
Not visible in the above photo can you see the screw ups this woman "hair butcher" do to my poor little puppy Sadie Mae. I'm so disgrunted, I ain't even gonna say nuttin more bout it. Grrrrrrrrrr....!!!! Ain't she purty though???

Now there's something you have to understand bout golf. Old men are unstable on their feet. The first rule to hitting a ball off the tee is ya gotta stand there like a well rooted tree. Steady and unmoving. Gather your bearings and aim for the middle of the fareway. "Whoa right there Billy Bob...that ain't nuttin like what you do". Ok, so I didn't have a good golf game today. In fact, it sucked.

Actually, me an' OFM Barney had a rough go of it today. It weren't all that hot, but the humidity was a killer. By hole 7, I was done....my goose was cooked. Barney tuffed it out and completed the 18 holes, but I swear, I thought he was gonna die. "Call 911 somebody, Barney is lay'n in a ditch".

There is a place in my bedroom where I hang my golf bag. That's where my clubs will hang until the weather changes. I'm through with golf ball swak'n when it almost kill me or send me to a hospital with a heat stroke.

Ok, that's it for today.....birthday party go'n on. 

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Broke down in Texas

Dizzy Dick got to wondering bout fire ants yesterday. That got me to think'n bout the many times I had encounters with them dastardly critters. If'n ya ain't never stood in a fire ant mound, ya won't know what I'm talk'n bout.

It was back in the summer of '86......
I was driv'n along in my old 1974 VW bus,  just mind'n my own business ya know. I was com'n back home to Texas for the last time, speed-o-meter laid over on bout a hunnert mile a hour.  It was a old Texas county road, CR 549 or something like that....grass growed right up to the edge of the blacktop.
Spitter, sputter, bang, clank, all sorts of noises an' puffs of black smoke come out the back that old VW. The motor quit run'n right now....deader 'an a doornail. I pulls off to the side the road....grass an' weeds two feets tall. Out there in the middle of nowheres, Texas sun bear'n down on me, hotter 'an blue blazes. There ain't a cloud in the sky. Not another car in sight what can give the old Billy Bob a help'n hand. Ok, you got that picture in your head now?.....I'm stranded a hunnert mile from civilization, my damned old VW don't run, I'm all by myself....an' I'm gonna die out here in this blasted Texas heat. Are we all in focus now?

I walks round to the back that VW an' opens up the engine compartment. Well shoot, looks fine to me. A little hot maybe with all that smoke an' stuff in there. That when I see something leak'n up under the back....my gasoline is drip'n down on the ground. That's purty good evidence I got a gasoline leak. Bend'n down for a closer look, "I betcha a dollar I can fix that". All I gotta do is to crawl up under there with a hand full of tools an' some bail'n wire or a hose clamp......walla, gas leak fixed. But wait.....

What I failed to do when I take that closer look, was to notice them little dirt mounds what was up under there. I slides my skinny ass up under that VW bus unaware of what was to happen next. I was up under there for only for a few seconds. I'm on "fire". "No damn it, I didn't set the gasoline on fire". What ya think I am...crazy or something??? I was plumb covered with fire ant's an' they was eat'n away at my delicate fleshly parts. Hunnerts of 'em. Swarm'n up my pant legs, in my underdrawers, run'n up an' down my arms. They was everwheres. Eat'n me slap up. Holy Crap, I need some relief.

Off come my pants, shirt an' shoes. I'm beat'n them critters off'n me fast I can with a old baseball cap. Holy Crap.....yeee haw!!! I'm out there on that hot blacktop barefooted,  put'n dad gum blisters on the bottom my feet, danc'n round like a neekid fool. I done got the majority of them fire ants beat off me an' up drives a Texas State Trooper in a shiny black car..... "Whatcha do'n thar boy danc'n in the middle tha road all neekid like that"?

Now I got to 'splain to this ROTFLHAO (rolling on the floor laughing his ass off) State trooper why I'm all neekid an' stuff. He think this shit is funny. He take one look at my skinny legs, what is now all covered with little red welts an' stuff....he start laugh'n some more. I didn't see nuttin funny bout this whole ordeal. He says with a big ol' Texas grin...."them are fire ants boy, ain't ya got no better sense than to sit on a fire ant mound"? I just tell him it was a accident an' that I wouldn't do it no more.
By the time I got all them ants shook out my pants an' put 'em back on, that dad gum State Trooper is talk'n bout writ'n me a ticket for illegal park'n an' indecent exposure. I says..."WHAT??? A ticket"??? I'm way to hell out in nowhere broke down, them damn ants eat'n me alive an' he gonna write me a ticket? He just grins at me an' says...."Nahh, I was just kidd'n".

I still got a gas leak ya know. That VW bus ain't gonna run. I ain't climb'n back under that damn VW come hell or high water. The nice trooper helps me push that VW bus back into the road where there ain't no little dirt mounds, turn his flash'n lights on an' climbs right up under there with me to help fix that leak. VW bus fire right up, I wave to the nice Texas State trooper an' I'm headed south to Port Aransas. Scratch'n them damn fire ant bites all the way.

Ok, so I'm crazy. I like writ'n bout stuff what like to have kill me. Most people find my pain an' suffer'n more amusing than when I'm just cruis'n along do'n nuttin.

This incident occurred somewhere along the Bolivar peninsula on State Hwy 67 between Port Arthur and Galveston, Texas while enroute to Port Aransas, Texas from Huntington, West Virginia.