Thursday, December 26, 2013

Toot'n my horn....tooot toooot

Let me tell ya bout that trombone. You do want to know....right??
Well ya see, I just started high school. How I ever graderated from the 8th grade....hell I don't know, but they send me off to high school anyhows. First thing they did was put my in "girls" PE. But I already tole ya all bout that a while back. I had two choices, band or some kind of home ed class....cook'n an' sew'n, fold'n clothes....stuff like that. Well, I was a boy, an' boys don't do that kind of nonsense. Girlie stuff ya know. So's I choosed band. Never see a note in my life an' they expect Billy Bob to play notes?

Then they give me another choice....trombone or trombone. I thought that was cool. Sound like a truck horn ya know. I don't "no nuttin" bout no dad gum trombone, but I learn to play two notes. Don't ask me what note they was...the band instructor didn't even know. One sound like a elephant fart an' the other sound like a squeeky fart. Yeeee haw....I were a trombone player.

We had us a Christmas parade to perform in. Wear little Santa hats an stuff like that. I teel the band instructor I don't know how to play this thing. He says...."I know that". Tells me to pretend I know what I'm do'n.....don't be blow'n no notes. Just slide the doo hicky back an' forth. Nobody know the difference. I did that an' everthing come out pretty good....consider'n. I weren't too good at march'n neither.

I practice that trombone at home. Make dogs howl an' neighbors cringe at the sounds I was mak'n at all hours of the night. My favorite note was that dad gum 18 wheeler truck air horn. I had that one down to a tee. Every night before I go to bed, I go outside an' blow my favorite note loud as I can.

I been play'n this trombone for a while now. Should know a few tunes. All I knowed was truck horn, elephant fart an' squeeky fart.

We practice on the football field. Go this way an' go that way. That what they called march'n practice for the upcom'n football game Friday night. Come Friday during half time, we goes out there on the field. Go this way an' go that way....everbody not miss'n a note. Everbody but Billy Bob. I start play'n my three notes an' get all eat up with myself. I are a march'n three note trombone player. The band goes that way an' I got the other. Now I'm out there in the middle of the football field all by myself....tooot'n a damn trombone, while the rest of the band is climb'n the bleachers. By the time I get off that football field, I done made me a life chang'n decision.....I ain't never gonna be play'n no dad gum trombone again. I turned my back on band an' ain't never look back. Now this is how you bake a cake!!!

Pretty much a miserable day here at Billy Bob's house. It's 53 degs outside, been on an' off rain (sprinkles) all day long. Sadie Mae won't even go outside. All she do is sit over there on the couch an' look at me like it's all my fault. Not a good day any way ya look at it....not even for golf ball swak'n. Did I ever tell ya bout the time me an' old "pesky neighbor" Wayne played golf with snow on the ground? Deming, New Mexico....dead of winter. Yeee haw....damn it was cold.    


  1. My brother-in-law tells me that they have golf balls that will make a sound so you can find them in the snow. Is that true?

    1. First off Dizzy, nobody plays golf in the snow. When I said snow on the ground, I didn't mean the course was covered with 3 feet of snow. It snowed the night before....there were patches. Side that, you would never find a little white ball in snow.
      I don't know bout a golf ball mak'n sounds, but I hear there's one covered with a battery pac an' LED lights so ya can play at night at a reduced greens fee. That's just what I heard......

  2. I can just picture you on that football field all by yourself! Couldn't help but smile!

  3. I grinned just like Hermit. You are a case Billy Bob, a real case.

  4. My bro and son chose the girlie classes, cause that was where the girls were,,,Cooking, sewing,,but they sure liked it.

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