Wednesday, August 14, 2013

A wonderful day at Walmart

Ya see this small box....."Hey Bubba, watch this".

Well shoot, it didn't blow up or go "POOOOF" like I was expect'n. It says to let it swell up for 48 hours before ya put it on the bed, but I ain't gonna do that. Leave it out there in the yard for a couple hours.....I will sleep on this baby tonight.

Shoot, I ain't tell'n you people nuttin no more. The last of my worries is die'n. What I'm look'n for is a few "pain free" days before I do die. And, in case you want to know, I gonna tell my doc all bout my swolled up feet. Did you know, sit'n on your ass causes your buttocks to swell up, cut'n off the return blood flow....an' your feet swell up. I'm go'n with that one.

Walmart is done. Done been there. No refills for my meds....nice lady say it's too early. Gotta wait another week before my insurance will pay.

Then I went off look'n at stuff. Every microwave I look at is the wrong size. Would have to modify the opening. But I did find one pretty close, a inch too narrow. Left it lay'n there on the shelf 'cause I ain't mak'n two trips to the car. Park it way the hell an' gone from the front door.

Fount me the perfect pizza pan for my homebrew pizzas. Cast iron Lodge what ever the hell it is....griddle pan or something like that. Fit perfect in the Weber grill.

I betcha a dollar I don't cuss my freak'n can opener no more. That sucker don't cut all the way around, jump off....piece of crap. Buy me up a brand spank'n new one. Yup, I'm mak'n my life easier and less stressful....with a simple can opener. 

While I was scop'n out the aisles of Walmart, my freak'n foot start hurt'n. I got to find me a place to sit down an' take a break. It costed me $6.92 to sit in McDonalds eat 'em up place. They timed me too, 30 minutes, ya gotta go. Of course they furnished me with a big ol' hamburger, fries an' a coke while I was sit'n there rest'n.

The #1 sell'n brand of coffee in the entire world, Folgers Classic, an' Walmart ain't got none. Yes I was a bit rude when I asks the nice lady..."what the hell, where the Classic roast coffee"? There is no reason in the world that Walmart would ever be out of Folger Classic Roast. The nice lady tell me "tomorrow".

Did I ever tell ya bout the time....I was "evacuated" from a Walmart store. Ya see, this particular Walmart didn't put no prices on the stuff I was interested in buy'n. An' I were interested in buy'n a whole cart full of stuff. So's I start cuss'n, just a little ya know. Here come a nice lady in blue. "You can't say that in here". I tells her, "Well yes I can. I'm a full blooded, raised in the south, American redneck. I got rights ya know". She get on the phone, here come this great big ol' guy, look like a gang member...tatoos an' stuff, an' a little pip squeek floor manager of some sort, bout my size. Escort me right out the front door. I didn't buy nuttin from Walmart that day.

Then I locates me a check out. I got my stuff an' I need to go. Holy crap, I'm behind a lady with stuff overflow'n her cart. And she got one them suitcase coupon thingys that she thumb'n through. The other two open check outs have people line up all the ways to the jewelry department. This is gonna be a long wait. Oh wait, a nice young feller says...."come with me". He check me out lickity split....I'm in "that jeep" an' headed home.

I eat me up a couple jelly donuts for lunch, lay back, kick my feet up an' relax. This is liv'n the good life. For supper, I eat up a couple more. Damn I like donuts, along with a fresh cup of Folgers French Roast coffee.

Ok, I got me a topper to install on my bed. Hope that sucker swells up more than what it is now....it ain't look'n too good.  


  1. HAhaaaaa.... oh, me... me ... me... what? burgers and fries and coke and donuts?

    and well, see you did tell us folks stuff. you ever had a carrot? I can't imagine broccoli even getting within slapping range.

    If that is one of those memory foam mattresses? the reason for the leaving it out is the smell! It took mine two weeks to be rid of that smell. But then, I drink water, don't smoke and eat fruits and vegetables so my system is dainty.

    1. And exactly what is wrong with a hamburger, fries, a coke and top it off with a few donuts????

      Ever time I buy carrots, I end up throw'n them out 'cause they rot in the frige. My beef stew soup contains a ton of carrots....but ti's too hot to cook soup. I eats broccoli like it were candy.....when I but some. Good in the beef stew soup too.

      Yeah I knows all bout the smell? Instructions says it will go away....yup, I read them. Ain't worry bout the smell....I'm used to my dog what rolls in dead stuff an' donkey poop. Cain't be no worse than that.

      Speak'n of water, last week I drank some....that when my feet start swell'n up.

    2. hahaaaa.. you did not have a glass of water. didn't. I want pie on my breath when I'm cremated.

      Hi Gypsy ;)

    3. But then, I drink water, don't smoke and eat fruits and vegetables so my system is dainty.
      Dam Carolyn I like that one...Maybe BB will change to fish and veggies and some fancy bottle water....

  2. All of my toppers swelled up to exactly the thickness that they were supposed to be. Looks like yours will be 2.5 inches from the box label.

  3. I sit on my ass enough of the time, how come I don't have big buttocks? I'd love to have a little more in that department!

    It's amazing how insurance times you to the minute on when you can have refills or services. I went to get a mammogram a few years back and they told me, Sorry, you are one day short of when Medicare will pay. I've never had another one since, and never will.

    I sure agree about just wanting to feel good for a while before dying! Now and then I'm on top of the world but mostly i have a pain here and a pain there. Hope your pains go away when you climb up on that memory topper!

    1. Hey Guy's what's with all the dying stuff, you guys are living the dream, me I have a Motorhome in the yard and a 5er at the campground and a Girlfriend that won't retire for 10 more yrs that will make me 75....Jezzzz come on.

    2. Get A new girlfriend and hit the road...

  4. Can't wait to see the follow up on how much the topper inflates and how much better the sleep was!

    The food that you had sounds pretty good to me...kinda like breakfast!

  5. burgers, fries, coke, donuts and coffee, that be the 5 food groups right?

  6. Oh my. Hope your topper doesn't keep swelling tonight while you are on it. Be really bad if it enfolds you. One of my hair-brained mind pictures as I read. Funny and good post plus funny and good comments - had myself a laughin' good time reading it all. Gettin all of you together would surely bring the house down. I agree with somebody who said "Make a book, Billy Bob".

  7. If you leave the bed topping outside too long, that goat is gonna be sleeping on it or eat it!