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Wednesday, May 7, 2014

I ain't no farmer

I like chicken. Fried good an' crisp. Chopped up in a chicken noodle tater vegetable soup. Flame grilled. Steamed with cabbage an' carrots. China man sweet an' sour. There are so many ways to cook a chicken it ain't no wonder why  "I like chicken".

I raised me some chickens one time. Back in bout 1969, or somewheres round there. I bought me up a batch of little bitty ones.....'cause they was cheap. Back in them days, we ate a lot of rice. We runned out of chicken foods, so's the wife fed 'em rice. That rice swelled 'em up. But it didn't kill 'em. The damn neighbors dog did. All of 'em. That was my chicken grow'n experience.

I like pork too. So back in bout 1970, or somewheres round there, I bought two little pig puppies. Put 'em in a little pen next to the garage. In two months they double in size. Think'n pork chops. The damn garbage men stole 'em. That was my pig grow'n experience.

I like beef too. Ain't never raised me no beef. But....one day back in bout 1971, or somewheres round there, me an' bro in law spied this cow puppie out in the field. We rounded up that little cow...bout a hunnert pounds or so an' herded that sucker up into my almost new Ford refrigeration service van. It should be noted at this time, beer consumption alters the minds of most law abiding citizens into "do'n stupit stuff". Like cattle rustle'n. A hang'n offense in Texas....still on the books I think. 

That cow puppie done went plumb ass crazy. Mooo'n up a storm an' rais'n all kinds of destructive hell. Tear'n stuff up. I got to get this damn cow out my van. Scratches, cut an' bruises, we went our merry way on down the highway. Minus one cow. That was my cow rais'n experience.

 Today will be a hair rais'n experience. Me an' OFM Barney will meet up at the golf ball swak'n place. Expected in the forecast is high winds. That means many many extra strokes just to get on the green. Have ya ever played a round of golf in hurricane force winds? Really, it's quite exciting.

9 comments:

  1. You just showed us a new side of Billy Bob - cattle rustler! Dang, man, is there anything you haven't done?

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    1. Ha ha Gypsy....Billy Bob cattle rustler. But it weren't nuttin like that. Ya see, when we see that little cow puppy out there in the field, we figgered it was lost. Loaded it in the van to take to the sheriff's office so's they could find the rightful owner. You believe that...right???

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    2. Would I ever doubt your word?

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    3. Oh, but of course!


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      Karen and Steve
      (Blog) RVing: The USA Is Our Big Backyard
      http://kareninthewoods-kareninthewoods.blogspot.com
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  2. Well, Billy Bob, I see you've started your day off right, tellin' us tall tales; air ye?

    I would have beaten me some garbage guys, no doubt, with a STICK, no less; a big stick, real big Stick! I'm here to tell you.

    "Really, it's quite exciting." ----- Think I'll get another betting game going for your outing today ...high winds, you say? Yep, I can pitcher all dem dollar signs now. $$$$$

    Play well; and don't hurt the back ...or anything else.

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    1. Well shoot Sissy, If'n I would a go after them garbage men with a stik, I would'a go to jail. Ya see, I was liv'n inside city limits. No farm animals allowed. But raccoons was Ok.

      Sure do hope you didn't bet no money that I would stay home. Was a wonderful challenging game with 20 plus mile a hour. An' a numeral tres at the Mexican food eat'n place. Yum yum, I like Mexican food.

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  3. Beer drinking and being you do losta crazy stuff.

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    1. That why I quit drink'n beer. Did way too much "crazy stuff". But I'm still me.

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  4. I live inside the city, too. My chickens and ferocious raccoons tangle often. You know the chickens always lose. However, for five years I have chickens so I could have fresh, grass-eating hens.

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