Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Oppps....in the water

Before I sit down to write every morn'n, I read all the blogs I missed the night before. I read the news. I read the "drama" on Facebook. By that time, I am all pissed off with the world affairs, everyday drama an' local events (shoot'ns, steal'n, drug deals an' gang activities). No freak'n wonder I'm in a foul mood every morn'n.

Did ya watch "cops reloaded" last night? Boy howdy was I ever pissed at that "thug" cop. You don't grab a sweet little girl by her hair an' slam her face down into the pavement. Not onest, but twicest. All the poor little girl was do'n was sit'n in a car mak'n a drug deal to a undercover cop. Sheesh.....just "ask" her nice like to get out the car. Like she's some kind of dangerous an' gonna shoot three cops. Now that's what I'm talk'n bout.

I don't usually post stuff like that on my blog, by this is 2014 an' there are WAY too many thug cops out there beat'n up on people for the simple reason of "I can". Pepper spray. Stun guns....for a simple traffic violation. These few thug cops give the "good" cops a bad name. Did I say few??? Let me take that back. The numbers are much higher than "few". Try call'n a cop a ass hole. See how fast he turns into a "thug".....throw yer ass on the ground. Grrrrrrrrr.....let's move on to something else.

Ok, dishes are still in the sink soak'n. Takes time ya know, to loosen that dried out stuff. God I hate dishes.

So what do ya get when ya cook up a meal without any season'n? You know, spices an' herbs. All ya gonna be eat'n tonight is a pot of plain, watery, tasteless soup. You ain't gonna remember it for any reason. Yesterdays blog post contained seasoning. If'n I had left out the flavors, the entire thing could have been just a couple lines.....plain, watery an' tasteless. Like the first episode, I could have said..."The switchboard catched on fire so I jumped in the water". The second...."We was string'n lights I fell in the water". See what I'm talk'n bout....ya cook with spices an' herbs.

I got many many stories bout the days I was serv'n our country in the Navy. But too many of them involve "wimmins". We ain't go'n there. But........

We was in Italy sit'n in a roadside drink 'em up place. Talk'n to a couple really nice look'n Italian wimmins. On the other side the road is a bumper car set up with a bunch of people go'n round an' round, be'n careful not to have any wrecks. Ha, these people ain't never seen no US Naval guys ride no bumper cars. The four of us head across the street. Give the guy some change an' jump in them bumper cars. The bumpers on these cars are there for only one reason an' one reason alone......so's in a head on collision go'n a hunnert mile a hour, there is no body damage to the car. Nuttin else.

The poor guy what was run'n the place is go'n out his mind scream'n "go the other way", "don't crash my cars", "look out"...."Oh my god".....in Italian. Within 30 minutes, all the available cars are filled with more Navy guys an' a few daring Italians. People are cheering an' clap'n at every wreck. Kids are scream'n "I wanna ride". The bumper car guy is grin'n from ear to ear with fists full of dollars an' pockets full of loose change. Now let's git back to the rest of the story bout them two really nice look'n wimmins.......

Speak'n of wimmins....she fell in the drink. Ya see, me an' my "at the time" girlfriend was stand'n on the dock talk'n to some other "live aboards". It was dark out, cain't see very far in the dark. I don't hear girlfriend talk'n no more.....I hear a kersplash....she's in the water. Ok, no problem, just reach down an' retrieve her. Oh Oh, where is girlfriend. She's wear'n a dark green coat. The water is dark green. She had a seizure an' she ain't got the slightest idea where she at.

A 14 year old boy spots a movement in the water an' in he go....drag'n her limp torso to where we can reach her. My god....."is she dead"???

Another time, another girlfriend ride her damn bicycle off in the water. She was drunk as a skunk when she make it to the boat. Wakes me up an' says her bicycle is in the water an' I need to get up an' fetch her bicycle 'cause she needs to ride it to work in the morn'n. 

A little 5 year old fell in the drink, climb'n aboard my neighbors boat. I'm sit'n in the cockpit of my sail'n boat, sip'n up on a "Coyote cooler", enjoy'n some loud ass music. I looks over at my neighbors boat. I don't see the little girl no more. But I can hear some splish splash'n in the water. Lickity split I runs over there an' see nuttin but blond hair float'n in the water. I reaches down an' grab hold to that hair an' brings up this beautiful little 5 year old girl on the other end that hair. I were a hero for the next two days. After that it was back to...."Who's that guy?" "Oh that's just Barnacle Bill, an' ornery old cuss".

She opens up a eye (girlfriend we talk'n bout), spit's out a mouth full of nasty salt water an' says...."What happened, I'm soaked".  See what I'm do'n here....chang'n stuff around to create a little suspense. I  'splained to her that a gust of wind had picked her up from the dock, an' had gently deposited her in the water.....an' we didn't know it for a bit. Hav'n a siezure, she has no way to doubt my story. A couple hugs an' she was tole to change out them wet clothes so's we don't miss our reservation at the seafood restaurant.

Ok, I got a few things I "might" attend to today. God I hate warsh'n dirty dishes".



  1. The dirty dish thing... just toss them & buy new ones!

  2. Good stories BB, or should I say Barnacle Bill?

  3. I like your "wimmins stories"...keep them coming...

    I wash dishes three times a day and every time I do...I can't help but think of you!