Monday, September 15, 2014

Tread'n water

I'll feebably try my darndest to write something of interest this morn'n.....but I ain't mak'n no guarantees. In other words, don't bet no more than a quarter.

I rekon I got to do something interest'n before I can write bout it. Well shoot, I ain't did nuttin. But dad gum it, I want to write. In the last 4, 5, or 6 years, I done told all there is bout my life all the ways from 5 years old liv'n on the farm all the ways up to right now. So what do I write bout today.

Ah ha, did I ever tell ya bout the time....we tied up in some foreign country, think'n it was Spain. I was on the forward generator do'n my thing to make sure we had plenty of electric power throughout the ship. I was relieved by a rookie electrician so's I could go change into my "whites" an' hit the beach for a day of fun. Sailors do that ya know.

A alarm goes off. Through the loud speakers comes a scream'n message...."FIRE, FIRE....Fire in #2 switchboard". #2 generator had already been shut down an' both switchboards were operating off #1 generator. Down the ladder I go.....into a darkened engine room filled with steam, smoke an' heat. No lights, I can hardly see (emergency lighting was on). I hit that switchboard in a flash, isolating the section what was on fire from the main circuit boards.

There was no ventilation in the engine room. Temps were right on the edge of bout 130 degs. Sweat was roll'n off my skinny body. The fire is out.

I climbs back up the ladder to fresh "cool" air. I staggers to the fantail (back of ships) wipe'n sweat out my eyes. I see water. The beautiful blue cooling Mediterranean Sea. What the hell....over the side I goes. *now where the hell is that picture* I'm gonna look for it.

It was quite a drop off from ship to water, but I made it like a pro...feet first. When I comes up to the top, I still got my Navy cap on. I'm slap'n at the water.....holy crap, I don't know how to swim. Alls well that ends well.....I didn't drown.

Back on deck, with the assistance of a 4 man rescue team, I'm confronted by some rookie officer. He chew me up one side an' down the other for "jump'n ship".  Before I was wrote up by this officer an' restricted to the ship for the duration of our stay in port, here come the engineering officer an' the ships captain. They light into the "rookie" officer. Chew him up one side an' down the other. I was wrote up in my records a commendation for my bravery to tackle a switchboard fire...an' skeer off any attacks from rambunctious man eat'n sharks in the waters.

I guess while we're talk'n bout jump'n ship, I could mention another adventurous episode in the life of Billy Bob. I was no longer stationed on that little Naval destroyer, I was on a freak'n WWII heavy cruiser. The USS Canberra. *now where's that picture* The Canberra was a "flag" ship.  We carried high ranking officers...admirals an' shit like that. When we tied up in a foreign port, lights were strung from bow to stern....up over the masts, around the smoke stacks, all hand rails. There was a gazillion lights.

We was stand'n on top of a 5 inch gun pull'n ropes an' electric wires....boxes of light bubs.

My partner says to me...."I dare ya to jump in the water" That is me dressed in red..... That's all it took.....kersplash, I was tread'n water. There's no ladder to "git out of the water". There's no ropes to climb up. "Man overboard" was signaled over the loud speakers. Oh man, I'm in a heap of trouble now. See that boat on the side of the ship? That was my rescue boat. Now you talk bout get'n a ass chew'n.....man boy howdy. The "I slipped an' fell overboard" is still questioned to this day.

And you ask why I was still a E-4 when I finished my tour of duty? Three times, three freak'n times I was demoted from a E-5. But I was a fun guy to hang out with.  A E-4 with one hashmark. A hashmark is for over 4 years of dedicated no nonsense service. Hee hee hee.....right.

Ok, back to today. Got up feel'n sorta on the good side this morn'n. But sleep??? Oh hell no, "Billy Bob, I'm gonna keep ya up all night long". Mind related git's ya every time.

Yo Mama brings me her vacuum cleaner. "Here, fix this". Now I are a vacuum cleaner fix it person....but I had no doubts. Anybody can fix a vacuum cleaner.....sheesh!!!

Made me up some sopapillas last night. I was crav'n 'em. But...the tortillas was over 2 months old an' I didn't use enough cinnamon. I ate 'em anyhows.
The floor are sweeped. Trash is took out. Dishes are soak'n. It's been a good day....so far.


  1. Sometimes, treading water is enough.... on the other hand those were great stories!

  2. Now that is a Billy Bob posting. Nice looking boat and a long jump down to the water. Gee, and they don't believe you slipped and fell? Was it because of the guard cable strung around the deck that you had to jump over? (grin) Good story.

  3. What a story! How come there is mud under the ship? Did it go aground to rescue you?

  4. My best friend was in the Navy. After that he was a sheriff's deputy. He tells your kind of stories. Must be something about Navy guys. My Dad was in the Navy, too. Maybe next time I visit him I should get him to tell his stories.

  5. "I rekon I got to do something interest'n before I can write bout it."

    You don't have to DO anything!

    Just THINK about something interest'n and write about it with a lot of spices and herbs. Or, write about something that is NOT interest'n but add even more spices and herbs. Or, write about something that you always wanted to DO but you are now to old and hurt too much to DO it - add a lot of spices and herbs.