Thursday, March 21, 2013

Farm Life

I were just sit'n here think'n bout what I gonna write about today. Ain't been nuttin excit'n go'n on in the old Billy Bob's life lately other than be'n sick (puk'n an stuff like that), pains in the ass (dislocated discs in the back), Arthur-ritis, sleepless nights, freak'n leg cramps, cain't breath....."my God Billy Bob, you fall'n slap apart". Well anyhows, I went back in my old blogs read'n stuff. I feel better already, just like a dose of Alka Seltzer.

I lived on a farm when I was a little tyke ya know. It weren't my decision to live on a farm, but it sure were a time to remember. Farms are cool, educational and excit'n. Farm Life.

Sometimes I have to go back and "take a look see" at my past life. Memories are the spice of life no matter how ya look at it ya know. I knowed a lot of people as adults what didn't have any childhood memories they was will'n to talk bout. When they did talk, some were sad and some were on the edge of unbelievable. While others were just plain boring. I got me some them kind of memories myself.

I never kilt no bear with my own two hands like Davy Crockett did, but I were mean enough as a child to scare the hell out a grizzly bear. When "critters" come around "billy", they was keep'n a watchful eye on his every move. Remember that cow puppy I rode? Or that mean old cat what always bite me? The ugly dog what was sleep'n under my tree? That damned red rooster what used to beat hell out me in the chicken house? The 5 older boys what "moms" used to whoop ever time I screamed "MOMS"? The day I burn down the outhouse smok'n cornsilk? Have ya ever see a 6 year old boy start up a big ol' Farmall tractor? And then run it through a barnyard fence....scream'n "MOMS". Ahhh, the sweet memories of childhood.

I still grin every time I think bout the nice lady what gave me all that hell bout "abus'n" that mean old cat. Fact is, I never won the first round in a tumble with that cat. The only abuse was from that cat, not me. Me an' that cat was pretty much a equal match up when it come to meanness, but he always came out on top. Ya don't mess with a "mean old cat". After all these years, I still carry the scars from his super sharp claws and his teeth in my arms legs and hands. Along with the fond memories of a good fight.

Back to the present......"what the hell ya gonna do now Billy Bob"? Well ya see, I were plan'n on giv'n that Mississippi river boat a bath today. It's all covered with dirt an' dust from all the dirty places I been in the last 2 years. Then I could take me an' Sadie Mae for a ride up to Walmart. Bout out of drugs again. Or I could go outside an' clean out "that jeep". My fish poles are under the "bubba boat" an' there's a possibility I may need them to go fish'n. Another possibility is to "do nuttin". With all these possibilities, I may have to take some time to sit back, sip up a cup an' do some think'n.

Speak'n of fish'n. Fish'n ain't all it's cut out to be. Some people think fish'n is a cure all for what ails ya. But that ain't even close to true. Fish'n is work. Hard work. Before ya can go fish'n, ya gotta get all your fish'n gear in work'n order. New line, the latest in fish'n lures ( a trip to Walmart), wash all the mud an' stuff off'n the reels an' poles, straighten an' sharpen all the old rusty hooks, load everthing back in your fish'n vehicle an' then drive a hunnert miles to find a suitable fish'n spot. That's work no matter how ya look at it.

Ok, today is half gone an' all I done is spent the entire morn'n on a freak'n computer. I got my mind on summer vacation spots. Since I get a discount on Federal campsites, I'm think'n COE (Corps of Engineers). Well shoot, where the hell do ya find the campsite fees? I be need'n some help Barney.

Speak'n of Barney.....that's the "OFM" ya know. I hear he done went an' buyed him some new golf ball swak'n sticks. I would almost challenge him to a round of golf  tomorrow morn'n if'n he didn't have to drive so far.


  1. Sounds like you gad a great day contemplating at least.

  2. I think you go to the exact campsite you want info about on recreation.gov . The COE has gone up a bunch on campground fees in the last two years. One I used to stay at for $7 at last checkup was $12 with the senior discount.

  3. A search online will give you information about your leg cramps. Doctor prescribed potassium which stopped mine; low calcium, magnesium or potassium cause cramping. Drink more water - coffee dehydrates. Hoping you get some relief; night cramps can be a nightmare. Good luck, Billy Bob. I feel for you.

  4. A soaking bath using a half cup Epsom Salts(magnesium) takes care of many aches, pains and sprains. 9 out of ten people don't get enough magnesium and it is SOooo necessary. The EP will give back relief greatly too