Sunday, July 6, 2014

A very sleepless night

3:30 am.....what the hell????

Why am I writing a blog at 3:30am? Well let me tell ya why. I cain't sleep....simple as that. I got every kind of leg cramps knowed to man. Legs twitch'n, bend'n in all directions all by themselves, dad gum muscles tighten'n up an' jump'n, toes stick'n in the air....pains from my hips to my big toes. Why????

Ok, we gonna try this bed thing one more time....at 4:15am. Sheesh....I ain't gonna git up till close to noon.....an' by that time I'm gonna be hungry.
10:45am....see I tole you, it's almost noon.

Last night has got to be one of the worster nights I've had in the last hunnert years. It weren't so much all the twitch'n nerves, muscles, leg cramps....that stuff. I could not go to sleep no matter what position I was in. Eye balls wide open. An' I was sleepy. My mind was build'n "air glide" wheelless roller skates an' skate boards. Ha, if'n that would work, I would be a billionaire. 

You ain't ever see the old Billy Bob ride a skate board have ya? Well, ya ain't never gonna see me do it no more neither. That sucker fly out from under me like a bullet.....hunnert mile a hour. I went straight down on that concrete with a terrible crash.....butt cheeks hurt like hell. I don't do skate boards.

My Walmart trip yesterday was a disaster. Well, maybe not a disaster, but it sure did a number on this old body of mine. 14 miles of walk'n in a Super Walmart does that ya know. I weren't even to the grocery section yet, an' I was say'n...."this ain't gonna work, I got to sit down". Walmart ain't got no place to sit down. Two nice check out ladies helped me.....loaded all my stuff into the cart an' the cure little blond even asked if she could push the cart to my car. Dang, do I look THAT old???

At the General Dollar just up the street, I stop for my ice cream....an' a couple other much needed items. "Ha Billy Bob, you don't need none that stuff". 6 wash clothes made in Pakistan....bet them are gonna be some good'uns. A rug for the bathroom....that sucker don't fit.
Anyhows....there was this couple in front me. The check out girl was in training....or so it seemed. She couldn't do nuttin right. Out of thin air arrives, I'm guess'n, the store manager. Grabs stuff out the little girls hands an' says...."Now pay attention, this is how you do it". It didn't work....three times. She says "pay attention" one more time. By now I'm pissed, my ice cream is melt'n. An' I tole her that. One more time she tell that little girl...."pay attention an' you'll learn something". Well shoot, if'n the manager cain't do it, she ain't gonna learn a damn thing. I says...."Pay attention only if it works".

Then it's my turn to check out. That out of the back woods redneck manager is still on the girls case...."don't push that, don't do that, put it in a bag". The poor girl ringed up my rug for the bathroom two times. Now my credit card transaction had to be cancelled an' start all over. My freak'n ice cream is melt'n. There's a long line behind me. People look'n at me like it's all my fault for buy'n a freak'n rug.
Damn I was glad to get back to "da house" an' put my melt'n ice cream in the freezer.  There ain't nuttin worse than melt'n ice cream.

Oh wait, I got to tell ya bout the time. On the farm, we would load up the old Ford sedan an' head off to town on a shop'n trip bout once a month. The general store sold ice cream cones. Us 6 boys was sit'n out there on the porch/stoop....what ever ya wanna call it, eat'n up ice cream cones. A family of blacks pull up in front the store. One the "mean" boys grinned an' says to me...."Billy, if'n them black people see you stick out yer tongue to take a lick, they gonna chop it slap off with a big ol' knife". I look at my ice cream, an' I look at them black people. My ice cream is begin'n to melt. I'm skeered to take me a lick. Little droplets of ice cream land at my feet....in the dirt. Bastard "mean" kid.
Note: It should be noted that in 1946 or there bouts, black people didn't have hardly any rights at all. They was looked down on by the general population. Don't believe me??? Ask yer grandpa.

So, being today is Sunday, that means I don't have to do a thing today....right?


  1. ".butt cheeks hurt like hell"
    When you went flying onto your butt, maybe the fall also hurt your backbone . Funniest thing ever a (3) doctor has asked me "Have you ever fell? My gosh, these young medical whippersnappers don't know much - 73 years of never falling doesn't make a lick of sense. We are clumsy at times; accidents happen; we get hurt. I firmly believe any injury leaves permanent damage, to whatever degree. So, "Yes Doc, I have fallen a time or two or fifty.

    I don't see how you can walk so much in Walmart and such places. The concrete kills me in just a few steps. Feel today like a big one is coming on - even eventual paralysis; Sheesh!

  2. I, too, hate those nights when I can't get to sleep no matter what I do. But, once I quit trying, I fall asleep.

  3. Just go ride a few miles on Billy Bike and you will be ready to sleep.

  4. The skateboard went flying out from under me the first time I tried it, but I banged up both my knees. I did this in front of a bunch of neighborhood kids so of course I couldn't let on how much it hurt.

  5. Did you ever try a bar of soap under your bottom sheet, way down in the bed near where you hurt? You could put several in the side of the bed.

    Old falls come back to haunt us.

    I ride in the electric cart at Walmart. One day, I just gave up and decided to ride.

    That manager needs to learn how to train an employee. She may just need a few days with another cashier training her more. Or, he should let her go if she is really incompetent. The attitude would make it incapable of me learning anything. I would have looked at the manager and told him I was in line so long that my ice cream melted and would he go get me another one. I have done it before.

    1. BB, you got the bar of soap cure recommendation to fix your leg crams again. You never did tell us if you tried that one and how it turned out.

      If you would put that bar of soap under your bottom sheet, eat a banana and drink a lot of Gatorade just before going to bed that would fix those backwards leg cramps. The if'n you did get one just swallar down a packet of mustard and you are good as new. Just might fix your back at the same time. HA

  6. Gotta ask, BB, just who is Yo Mama? I have been following you a long time, and maybe have just missed this explanation, but am curious about the relationship. Ex-wife? If so, y'all sure seem to have a good one, kinda like my DH and his ex. Please fill me in.....