Friday, March 20, 2015

There will be no stories today.....maybe

There will be no stories today. It's not that I don't have many more to tell, I just ain't gonna tell ya one today.

Ok, the dreaded read'n material....sorry, here it comes....Billy Bob's hobbies.
Although there is a slim possibility that I will build a freak'n sail'n boat, I'm still all exciris just think'n bout it. So excitis that I fire up the printer yesterday an' print out another one them layout picture thingys. A full scale layout drawing that covers more than half my desktop. It turn out 35 1/2 inches long an' bout 14 inch tall after I got all them print pages taped together. That's 14th scale. With both masts installed, I would have me a 5 foots tall sail'n boat....or there abouts. Nobody in their right mind would EVER put a model boat in their motorhome THAT big. Or would they????

The hull will would be constructed with the age old "plank an' frame" method like the Columbus ships was built when he took a sail'n trip to America. This is the most tedious method of build'n a boat hull that was ever invented. By none other than the renowned "Noah, the ship builder". He may have invented the table saw too. Along with Black an' Decker jig saws an' drills.
Hmmmmm.....wonder what Noah's last name was.

Poor Alice ain't had no attention in bout a week or so. But I'm sooo disgusted with Alice. That dad gum 1/4 inch I cut off the bottom is badly needed back. It can NOT be added back. And this makes me want to throw both hands in the air an' toss Alice in the dumpster. Start over??? Nope, I got over 2 hunnert hours in this thing, no way I'm go'n through that again. So Alice just sits here on the desktop "do'n nuttin" while I sit here dream'n bout a dag gum sailboat.
Maybe that's why I been tell'n ya sail'n stories.

I used to ride horses ya know. Although it's been many many years since I climb on one, I still got me some good memories. Ride'n bareback, stupit horse stand'n on my foot, walk'n back from the mountains....stuff like that.

Back in the 50's, there was cowboy picture shows on TV every Saturday. I watched 'em all. Even Roy Rodgers an' Gene Autry.  Watch then cowboys jump off porch roofs, off great big ol' boulders, out of trees, an' they land dead center in the saddle an' ride away. Well shoot, I betcha a dollar I can do that.

We rented some horses an' ride over to Uncle's house. We all sit'n on the front porch, bout 4 us adventurous teenage boys BS'n. Here come some girls walk'n down the street an' come up in the yard....up on da porch....giggl'n an' stuff....pretty little things. Tom Sawyer "antics" strike my mind like a sledge hammer, I'm gonna impress them girls an' mount that horse right off'n this porch. "Gerry, back that horse up right there....that's good, now watch this" You already know what's gonna happen don't ya? I takes me a run across the porch an' makes my fantastic jump. I place my hands on the horses hind quarters, just like in the cowboy shows, an' I'm all line up for the perfect saddle land'n an' ride off in the sunset. But....the instant my hands hit that horses hind quarters, he take off lickity split across the yard. I'm dangl'n in mid air with no horse under me. When I hit solid ground, I had NOT impressed no girls. End of story. But I could walk a picket fence though. Tom Sawyer ain't got nuttin on the Billy Bob. "Hey Becky, watch this".

Speak'n of impress'n the cute little girls.....we all went up to the Kern river for a outing....picnic an' swim'n in the river...stuff like that. There was this dad gum rope swing out over the river an' the swim hole. Well shoot, I can do that. "Hey girls, watch this". I climbs the hill well beyond the regular launch spot. I launch. I'm out over the river, much higher than I'm supposed to be. I let loose to the rope....I fly higher. My god, I'm gonna die. I hit the water with a big splash, arms an' legs go'n in every direction....I'm scream'n "MOMS".

There ain't nobody tole me this water was 25 feet deep. I was think'n I would just walk out with my chest all puff up an' smile to the young ladies. Impress 'em ya know. You git the picture don't ya? I was "rescued" after I sinked a few times. Not allowed on the rope swing no more an' I'm sit'n over there under a tree all by myself, in shame, while everbody else is hav'n a good ol' time. Never went back to the river again after that day.

Remind me some day to tell ya bout the time I learn how to water ski.....an' almost drown.  "Ya gotta let loose the rope Billy Bob".

Ok, that's it for another excit'n day. Maybe tomorrow I'll have something of more interest.

Oh wait, for those that like to eat, I made me up a dish I'm gonna make again. It started out to be my delicious "Italian Chicken", but with pork an' not chicken. But as I was cook'n, it took another turn. Ya see, after I done glazed up them pork steaks an' took 'em out the pan, I throws in the onions an' tater slices to glaze. A small amount of chicken stock is added.....an' a can of mushrooms. Damn, that smells some kind of good. At that point I changed the recipe to "bite size pork steak, taters, mushrooms an' noodles". In two days it's gone.....pooof, just like that.

For the record.....my record. The ol' balloon feet is much better this morn'n. Swell'n only down by the toes....makes it hard to walk or to even stand for any length of time. An' I got dishes to warsh. An' a freak'n grass clip'ns floor to sweep. Dang, housework never ends.  Sucks too.



  1. Thats pretty good post for no stories, Billy Bob.

    1. Ha George, you know how it is, your mind wanders, ya gotta write it down.

  2. I laughed my way through your blog today. I can just see you going off the porch roof trying to get on that horse! I don't think that boys and men have yet learned that girls and wimmen are impressed with nice manners, good conversation, sincerity, and little or no bs'ing. But life goes on and I'm waiting to hear one of my little grandsons say "Hey Bubba, watch this!"

  3. Don't stop telling us stories. I like your stories.

  4. When my feet swelled up I learned it could be my lymphatic system not functioning well. I started doing one set of t-tapp hoedowns each morning and the swelling went away. In case you think you might want to try that, here's a link to a video that teaches you how: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lsURicKB_G8