Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Meanest monkey in Texas

What was that???? I were sit'n on the couch....sip'n up a cup ya know, when I hear what sound like a hunnert hunters shoot'n AK47 guns....or something like that. Sound like a war zone....right over there along the border. Then I got to think'n, are we be'n attacked or something? It happened before ya know, over there in Columbus, NM. back in 1916. So why not in south Texas in 2013? Didn't find nuttin on the news bout it this morn'n so it must have been a hunnert hunters shoot'n AK47's.

Then there was the black cat. I just happen to be sit'n here at the computer when I see a black cat out in the yard. Seemed to be a friendly black cat. Didn't seem to be skeered or anything like that. But ya never know till ya pick 'em up an' try to pet 'em. Well, that was bout the time Sadie Mae see that same black cat. She make a bee line out the door....chase that cat plumb across the field do'n a hunnert mile a hour, headed for the woods. Sadie Mae huff'n an' puff'n when she get back. I thought that was kind of funny. She know damn well she ain't gonna never catch no cat. That was her exercise for the day. The entire day.

The winds changed direction last night. Start blow'n out of the north. Nobody tole me nuttin bout no cold front com'n this way....it was start'n to get a bit nippy. 30 mile a hour winds expected by noon today. Last nights low was 54 degs. Weather for the next few days ain't look'n too good with the highs in the mid 70's. Oh, before I forget, yesterday we broke the 90 degs. mark. What ya think bout that? Summer maybe??? By the looks of the weather thingy, it's gonna be Saturday before I can go fish'n again....wind 3 mile a hour.

Did I ever tell ya bout the time......I had a monkey. Meanest gawled damn thing ya ever see. Bite the hell out ya for no reason. Tear stuff up. Climb the walls. Mean like a snake. Called him Monk Monk, short for monkey.
Look something like this...... 

Monkeys stink ya know, 'cause they just don't give a damn. So stink'n monkeys get a bath every other day. But they bite the hell out ya when it was bath time. Boy howdy I mean to tell ya. Had to wear leather gloves. I get bit every other day purty darn good. Little bastard draw blood too. So's I stick his head under water....that fix his ass. That's what I was think'n anyhows. 

I were sit'n on the couch watch'n tv. That monkey jump up there on the back of the couch, grab holt to my ear and bite hell out it. I'm talk'n BITE hard. I grabs holt to him an' give him a fling across the room. He hits the wall, slide down to the floor an' give me some nasty cross eye monkey looks. Never bite my ear no more. But he would sneak up on me, grab a hand full of hair an' run like hell. Mean I'm tell'n ya.

But that wasn't all that monkey done. I walks up to his cage with a glass of iced tea in my hand....to talk to him ya know. Say "how ya do'n ya mean little bastard"...stuff like that. He makes a fly'n leap, grabs all fours on the cage front an' piss all over me. Out of reaction, he is wear'n a full glass of ice cold iced tea all over his skinny little ass. He never piss on me no more.
He catched pneumonia one winter. That what the vet said anyhows. Then one day he was dead. I throwed the darnest party ya ever see.


  1. I've heard that monkeys were pretty mean pets! Never wanted one myself!

    Ever find out what all the shooting was?

    1. You damn right monkeys are mean....something like 10x stronger than a macho man. I done told ya bout the one my X pop in law had.....poor dogs!!!!

      Not a thing on the shoot'n....???? Maybe Coast Guard out on the lake.

  2. All that shootin maybe they was after those mean monkeys.

  3. Wasn't there any coyotes around? Don't they eat monkeys?

    Rescued that %(^*)*_(^ parakeet that time, and after it drank and cooled off, bit the blood outa me. Wanted to pull it's head off, like you do quail,,,lol.

  4. Nurse came and shut the door here at the nursing home. Evidently, me and Grandma were laughing too hard and loud over that monkey fracus! LOL!


  5. I sure do love your sense of humor, sort of warped like mine. An other good post.

  6. Pissing Monkeys your too much Billy Bob....Made my day

  7. Yeah....but I kind of miss her around Billy Bob's Place.

  8. That's what you get for having an exotic animal as a pet...