Wednesday, November 27, 2013

This turkey is froze

Whoa, is that a turkey bird I see?

Now let me tell ya bout wife #2 an' her "bake a turkey" fiasco. She don't like me, so she won't be read'n this...so I can say anything I want. It was Thanksgiving an' she ain't never bake no turkey before. She done run me slap out the kitchen, something bout she was gonna cook this "damn turkey" all by herself. It might be noted at this time, wife #2 needed a Betty Crocker cook book to boil water.

There was bang'n an' clang'n of pots an' pans, cuss'n, stuff break'n, more cuss'n, holler'n an' scream'n at the kids an' more cuss'n. The kitchen was no place to be. The aroma of flavorful food flowed throughout the house.....damn, I get'n hungry....eat me up some turkey an' stuff. 

The table is set, all this scrumptious food wait'n to be eat up....the turkey comes out the oven. Boy howdy, that one good look'n turkey I betcha. I takes a big ol' carv'n knife to make a cut.....oh wait, what's this? Stick'n out the hinney of that turkey is a little bag. You guessed it, a big ol' turkey neck, gizzard, heart an' liver....still froze solid like a brick. I make the first cut into the breast.....what the hell, it's still froze. I yank a leg off....it's still froze. "What the hell wife #2, did ya read the directions"??? Ya got to thaw a turkey before ya bake it. Everbody knows that. Wife #2 in tears, we head off to the nearest restaurant.

Anyhows, nephew Joseph is gonna smoke a turkey for Thanksgiv'n again this year. Hope to hell he thaws it first. Last year it come out perfect. Damn, I'm get'n hungry.

A lot of thought has gone into when I will go shop'n. For sure I don't want to go today, the day before Thanksgiv'n. There gonna be hunnerts of people buy'n up last minute stuff they forgot last week. Walmart would be the last place I would want to go. Then there's Friday. Black Friday. No, ain't gonna do that neither. If'n it weren't for run'n out of meds, I would wait till next week. May do that anyhows.

Was it cold last night? Well, you can bet yer bippy it was cold....34 degs. It's been a long time since I been caught up in one place that cold. There are other options.....like south. *Checks weather* My God, it's the same temps in Falcon Lake as it is here in Sinton.....give or take a couple degs. This should be the last of winter here, but then ya never know. Not long ago, 2009 or 2010, it snowed. I DON'T DO SNOW!!!


  1. Soon be warmer and you be good again, we have nice and sunny day here 75 degrees in the sun and not wind. Was 20 degrees last night though.

  2. I was getting out the Weber to set up for smoking the turkey and saw I'd left a piece when I packed it up, I had to go to town to look for another.
    It would have been a good day to stay stay from town!

  3. I had one of those frozen turkeys before! Sure are hard to carve!

    Stay warm, buddy!

  4. One of the reasons why we always buy a fresh turkey. Have to put in an order ahead of time of course.
    Our oven is a bit finicky (according to my wife) and the last turkey we cooked took longer than she planned on. I just think she miscalculated, but I keep that little snippet to myself.

  5. Sure am glad wife#2 does not read your blog because I sure had a good laugh at her expense. I had tears running down my eyes from all the laughter.

    Even I with my limited cooking abilities know you have to thaw the turkey....jajajajaja

    The part with the little bag in the cavity....well, let's just say it has happened to a lot of us :)