Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Feeble attempts...

For the last couple months I been hav'n a hard time add'n a llittle humor to my blog posts. It comes in spurts ya know, like a plugged up water faucet turn on full force and just drip drip drip. Well that bothers the old Billy Bob. I don't get them excruciating pains from laughter like I used to....bust yer gut slam'n headache kinda pains.

Now I been think'n, what has changed in my life that I would start get'n serious bout anything. I don't do that kind of stuff unless nuttin else works. I found out many years ago that talk'n serious stuff makes ya look like an idiot every time ya open your mouth.  I would rather look like an idiot mak'n people laugh rather than look'n like a idiot try'n to splain something I don't know nuttin about.  (insert humor here)

Me an' old "pesky neighbor" Wayne had us a talk'n yesterday. He were all ready to go home, but done change his mind. Gonna wait till Oct. 30. Says his legs are still too weak. Tole me he walk 490 feets with that old walker thingy, but I know all bout Wayne and his numbers. Told me one time he had 147 quails eat'n supper at his house. Then a week later the number increase to 175....and then to 123. You should see the way he keeps score on a golf game.

Speak'n of swak'n gold balls.......

This is a before and after.
As with everything old Billy Bob buys or acquires by horsetrad'n, deals or just flat out steals it, he ain't satisfied. Gotta change it. This is one the good things bout being retired. Ya got plenty time to modify stuff. That a hunnert dollar paint job ya look'n at there. I also painted Wayne's old ugly white one too.
Ok....why the hell are you post'n pics of golf carts??? Well it ain't really golf carts we talk'n bout here. We talk'n bout retired and nuttin to do. I live from one project to the next. If'n I ain't got a project of some sort, I'm just gonna lay down on the couch and do nuttin the rest of the day. No, house clean'n ain't no project. Those of ya what been follow'n me for the last few years know that old Billy Bob is always do'n something.....a project. Well, I'm all out, ain't got nuttin to do. With winter com'n on, I got to find me a project to keep my mind off'n freez'n to death. Damn I hate goose bumps.

Just read Gypsys comment and decided I need to repost that "jet powered bbq" build'n experience for the new followers.

Jet Powered BBQ Pit
by barnacle bill
 In south Texas everyone has a homemade BBQ pit of some sort, but old Barnacle Bill, he didn't have none. 
I seen some really snazzy look'n ones and now I got to decide what kind I was gonna build.
Barnacle Bill is a builder, ya know!!!....
Make stuff.... 
After lots of thought as to design, I decided on building one those round ones....
You know, them really cool look'n ones. 
    I searched around and found this old 10 gallon propane tank like what ya use on a travel trailer. 
The size looked right and not much rust. I made a quick drawing of what I thought I wanted it to look like. 
A few measurements was made and a lid was sketched out on the side of the tank.
    Now Barnacle Bill ain't no dummy ya know!
This thing at one time contained propane, a "highly flammable liquid" what explodes on contact with sparks and flame..... and I'm going to open it up with a cutting torch. Got me a big ol' pipe wrench an' takes out that valve assembly thingy...
then I takes me a big ol' whiff. 
Sure nuff, this thing used to contain the "highly flammable liquid" gas cook'n stove fuel called propane. Then I got a think'n...."how the hell ya gonna get that smell out there"? 
Now, what better way to remove the fumes than to fill it with water? 
What I did!!! Three times. Then to be on the safe side, I blows it out with a air hose...three times. 
Ain't no more that "highly flammable liquid propane" stuff in there.
    Then I take it back into the shop, laid it on the floor, but still being just a mite leery as to the 
past contents, "highly flammable liquid propane", I lights up a smoke and takes me a five minute break to survey the upcoming game plan.  
And think out all the possibilities as to what was about to happen.
Hell....it couldn't blow up. Could it?? I took all the "highly flammable liquid propane" stuff out.
    Being safety minded, I made sure that the fire extinguisher was handy and that there was an open unobstructed path to the door.
All looked well!!!
Precaution #2 was to be on the "extra" safe side. So I pulls out my trusty Bic lighter. Yeah!!!
I cautiously put the flame in front of the hole, keep'n back at arms reach...ya know.
Bet you thought all hell were gonna broke loose, didn't ya?
Nuttin happen. 
Well it didn't.....until I turned the flame into the hole.
Holy Crap!!!!
There was this God awful sound of a big ol' jet engine filling the room.
Beautiful blue flames com'n out from that hole where I took that valve out...shoot'n 10 feets.
My BBQ pit was on the move...LOOK OUT!!!
Shoot'n across the room under it's own power. Across the shop floor it went, taking out and bounc'n off everything in it's path.
    I was definitely just a little "shook up" by all this excitement...boy howdy let me tell ya, was I ever...thought I done wet my drawers.
My pride and dignity was terribly hurt from all the laughter and hee ha's from all the onlookers, which had kept their distance and made quick exits from the building.
As I surveyed for any damage to property or person, I felt this numbing and burning feeling to my right hand. 
MY GOD, am I on fire???

A couple weeks later my hand was completely healed and that "Jet Powered BBQ" was sizzling the finest steaks anywhere south of Dallas!!!
Happy Sailing !!!


  1. I'm finally getting a project that should hold me over for a while. I felt like I was gonna die soon if I didn't have something to do. The funniest thing you ever wrote was about making that bbq that damn nearly burned you to a crisp. I re-read that so many times and still my stomach hurt so bad from laughing.

  2. What the hell you talkin' bout BB? You aint got no plumbing problem, what you have is a lack of perspective. You're too damn close to the faucet to see how good the water pressure is.

  3. Sure glad u reposted that, was gonna have to look it up,,,
    It's a goooood one!!! lololol. Can just picture that thang buzzing all over the place, u ducking. hahahahaha

  4. Way back when, my neighbor's garage caught on fire and he had Oxygen and Acetylene tanks in there. The last he saw of them was when they went through the roof looking like something NASA had fired off.

  5. Made your Cherry Yellow cake today - It was so good I made a 2nd with Blueberry's !

  6. OMG what a story. LMFAO your to funny. I was married to some one like you once. He was very entertaning.
    Thanks Gypsy for giving him the nudge to re post.