Saturday, February 14, 2015

"billy jeep" fixes.....maybe

Ok, here's the freak'n deal. I went to the auto parts sell'n place to either buy me up a set of parking brake shoes or to order the damn things. They on order.  Pick up this morn'n...Saturday.

When I come out the hardware store, the "billy jeep" don't start.
When I come out the auto parts place, the "billy jeep" don't start.
When I come out the lumber yard place, the "billy jeep" don't start.
When I come out the convenience store, the "billy jeep" don't start. 
When I get back to "da house"....Ha, it start every time. (attempting to locate reason "billy jeep" don't start)

Then I finally got it to where when ya turn the key....there's only a click under the hood. I ain't heared that click before. This tells me that the ignition switch is powering up the start relay an' it goes...."click". But the starter just sits there do'n nuttin. God I hate chang'n starters on 2001 Jeep Grand Cherokees. The start relay has already been switched with another one in case you're think'n all I need is a relay. One more test is yet to be done......but I need freak'n help.

Ok, now that we got the bad news out the way, let me tell ya bout paint. Nobody has can spray paint anywhere's close to the paint what was on "Alice". Yes it's very important that the colors come close to a match. It wouldn't be Alice if'n it was a different color.

Paint preparation continues. I got this sucker slicker 'an a babys ass.

 But I ain't got no paint. The search continues. My god, you should see the pile of used up sandpaper I got lay'n on the desktop. An' I'm run'n low on 400 an' 600 grit.

Chili?...did somebody mention chili???
How bout some Doritos an' cheddar in a bowl?

  Man boy howdy, you talk bout some good eat'n.....yum yum yum!!!

Ok....cut it short, we got a set of park'n brake shoes to go pick up. Come on "billy jeep", don't let me down an' leave me stranded downtown.....walk'n. My god, I don't walk.

Ok, I'm back....an' I didn't walk back. Only one time did the starter not kick in. Dishes are soak'n.
Anyhows, that damn rookie parts boy lie to me yesterday. Said the brake shoes would be here at 9:30am. They weren't.
Checked stock on a new starter. They got one in Corpus Christi an' the nice guy tell me he would order it "just is case" I decided to buy it. Be here at 2:30 this afternoon along with the brake shoes. I'll make that decision later.....after some more investigat'n ya know.
 "Holy mother of God"....or what ever it is they say...."send Jesus down here to give me a hand with this thing".

I recall a while back....I was camp'n at Falcon Lake. Catch'n fish an' stuff. I was down at the lake in the "that jeep" an' the starter did a kind of sorta the same thing the "billy jeep" is do'n. Turn the key, the starter don't kick in. I was think'n, it's a hunnert mile back to "da house", I ain't walk'n. I know how to start cars that do that ya know. Back at "da house", I calls the auto parts place in Zapata, Texas.....your starter will be here tomorrow morn'n. That fix it right up in nuttin flat. Change that sucker right there in the park'n lot.

I have a knak for mak'n stuff sound worser than it really is. That's called "spices". Salt an' pepper....stuff like that....a little vinigar. But....when I pull out the driveway this morn'n, the damn rear end make this loud crunch'n sound when I turn left. This is the same sound it was mak'n over in Georgia that we could never find the cause. Nephew Joseph tole me a while back...."we gonna fix that". So, since we got to pull both back wheels an' brake calipers, why not yank the axles an' remove the differential??? Fix that noise.

Ok, I need to shut the hell up....got things to do ya know. Damn I hate warsh'n dishes.



  1. If my car doesn't start I have to call AAA! Don't know nothing about all the mechanical and technical stuff about starting cars.

    1. That's 'cause you're a girl. Girls call AAA. Now us men folk, we don't call no AAA when we break down. We tear shit apart. Bout the same as when we don't read directions when it comes to put'n stuff together.

      You missed my edits....

    2. OMG, did you just say "cause you're a girl???" I was around cars most of my life, knew more that most MEN, and HATED it when some man assumed I didn't know anything. Came upon 2 women one nite at a stop sign, car dead, so I stopped, told them to open the hood,moved the battery cables, and it started, I followed them most of the way home, telling them to get someone to tighten those cables up.Really impressed the man with me,,,lmao,,,

    3. You are one of the very few Trouble....an' I'm proud of ya.

    4. I just read your updates. I don't read directions either. Sometimes I get by, sometimes I have to read, and mostly I call one of my sons or my son-in-law.

  2. OOPS! Most girls don't know anything about cars or repairing stuff (including me). If I had a million dollars I'd buy you a brand new Jeep without any of those problems.. Of course the new ones couldn't do the stuff your Jeep does because they've been sissified.

    1. LOL Kristine, I feel like you're pok'n me on the forehead with a pointed finger. You know....wimmins do that to make a point.

  3. At least your older Jeep is fixable, all these new vehicles are nothing but a computer on wheels, a bit harder to fix with out blowing things up.

    1. Hi ya George....the older Jeep ain't nuttin BUT computers. It's a GCL Orvis....actually not much different than the "billy jeep".

  4. I'm a sissy I reckon for I don't know all there is about mechanical stuff either. Most 'girlies' spend their lives being homemakers for those brawny boys with mechanical understanding and muscles, who are so good at fixing and yanking out broken parts from the vehicles.

    Yes, Yum Yum to that bowl of good looking food! It's causing my stomach to rumble this moment. But, hey, it rumbles too often as it is. You should reconsider posting lustful pictures of yummy stuff and what they are causing to us readers out here. Ha Ha, Cause and Effect, cause and effect....
    Just joking, please realize.

    The picture of model Alice made my eyes goggle. Looking wonderful, Billy Bob. I do admire your talents, no doubt about it.

    I reckon my failures with spray paint is my lack of using sandpaper. Hmm? About failure to find the right color for Alice - can't you mix a color yourself? I know, I know; that calls for more and more sandpaper. Never worry; your projects turn out fine in the end.