Thursday, February 12, 2015

Dad gum Billy Bob, just rambl'n on bout nuttin

Well shoot, a excit'n trip to Walmart yesterday went slap down the drain. Ya see, I got me a winder across the desktop an' it was hot yesterday. The winder needed opened. I reaches way across the desktop an' grab holt to the winder....an' I give it a shove. Something in my middle back gives way....kind of sorta like a pulled muscle or something like that. I'm down for the day. An' every breath I take, I think of that bulldozer.
Anyhows, Sadie Mae got all piss off  'cause she was wait'n in the "billy jeep" for a ride to town. I lost sleep over it last night, so today will not be a Walmart day neither.

I don't know bout everwheres else in the counrty, but here in south Texas, I'm think'n winter is bout over. Holy cows, it's been in the 80's. Another 10 degs an' you gonna hear the old Billy Bob bitch'n bout how freak'n hot it is.

Speak'n of hot.........
Did I ever tell ya bout the time.....I worked for a roofer. Put'n shingles on roofs an' shit like that. I was the shingle toter, the bags of roof'n rocks toter an' the tar pot operator. Bust up chunks of tar with a ax an' toss 'em in a blaz'n hot tar pot to melt 'em down. Shoot, I weren't nuttin but a dad gum gopher. We went to Death Valley on a job. It was summer time. Sun bear'n down all day long. Way way too damn hot (110 to 120 degs) to be melt'n tar an' tote'n that stuff up a ladder to the roof. That lasted bout 2 days before the work lights showed up on the job. We worked at night from that point on. It's cool in the desert at night ya know. At $1 a hour pay, an' nowheres to spend it, I was a little rich boy when we got back home. This was summer of 1955 or '56. Yes I still know how to shingle a roof.

While we on the subject of work, let me tell ya bout the time....I builded 2 houses. One in Hazard, Kentucky an' the other in some little hick town in West Virginia. Both were contract jobs for Jim Walter Homes. Man, what a rip off company that was. Anyhows, the one in Hazard was on a hillside. There's 2 pallets of concrete blocks on the job site. "What the hell are all these blocks for"??? It didn't take long to figger that out when we start shoot'n grades. The back side this house is gonna be 12 feet in the air....with nuttin to hold it up but 2 pallets of blocks. Sheesh, why would anybody build a house on a hillside? Ya fall off the back porch, ya gonna bust yer ass.

This was actually a good build. The dad an' mom of the boy the house is be'n built for, lives right next door. We sleeped in his basement on old Army cots an' pallets on the floor. We ate breakfast an' supper at his dinner table. My god that woman could cook some good eat'n. We sit on his front porch ever evening after the sun go down. Two months to build this damn house (roughed in outside complete). Remember it today like it was yesterday. Yes, I still know how to build a house.

I was 14 at the time. I was sit'n on the bed wait'n on my dad to come home from the bars (beer joints) in hopes he would bring me something to eat. The tick'n of that old wind up clock was too dad gum loud. "Hmmmm, wonder if'n I can fix that"? I take that clock slap apart. "Hmmmm, wonder if'n I can put this sucker back together"? I did....and it worked. Didn't keep perfect time no more, but it worked.....an' that loud ass tick had quieted down. This was my beginning days of "fix'n stuff". So don't be call'n the old Billy Bob stupit or nuttin like that. I can do things you would never attempt. It should be noted at this time....I am not the "redneck" you think I am. I went to skool ya know....learnt me how to spell everday words, add an 'stract numbers, read'n an' write'n an' the ends an' outs of play'n hookie. Speak'n of hookie, that's where I learnt how to keep a low profile when I see a cop car cruis'n the streets.

Actually, a guy that does good work an' knows some shit, he don't get a whole lot of attention an' recognition. Like Frank did me on the bicycle. Ha, he still ain't said "thank ya uncle Bill". But, you make just one little screw up an' you are knowed throughout the land as  "a stupit", " a idiot", "a 4th grade graduate", "a jackleg", "a backyard mechanic".....or just plain ol' "southern redneck". I been called 'em all.
Yes, I still know how to screw up.

Which brings us up to the "Alice" project. As I sit here an' look at this thing, I git all disgusted an' piss off. There are soooo many....too many mistakes, it makes me want to toss this sucker in the dumpster. Although I did all them measurements the other day an' they prove to be correct, the windshields still look too freak'n tall. The height still needs that 1/4 inch. The freak'n dining room table is/was too big. The chairs....oh hell, just forget the chairs. I don't even want to continue this project.
Well wait just a minute buckko!!!....yes I do want to finish it. I just want it to look right. I don't want some high floot'n stranger to pick it up, look it over an' say "What stupit, idiot, 4th grade graduate, jackleg, backyard mechanic, southern redneck built this thing"??? God I hate jealous people. *The word hate used in the context of "I don't care for".*
Work will continue....Alice will live again.

Speak'n of bumpers...an' screw'n up. I got super glue on my bumpers. An' you can see it. Ya see, I was add'n the black rubber protector thingys an' they slipped....stick to my fingers an' stuff. Have ya ever stick yer fingers together with super glue? Now that's what I'm talk'n bout.

Oh, did ya notice....I got me a brand spank'n new hobby table? Frank bringed it to me last night. No more trash can an' cut'n board.

I did a little on the project last night, but nuttin to warrant a photograph. Just little stuff that ya cain't see from your house. But it needs to be done none the less. It will show up in the finished product.

Boy howdy I sure did like the looks that property I was look'n at. It's perfect. Other than the restrictions. What the hell do people have against RVs? I mean, a RV "IS" a freak'n house. No different than a house trailer. Other than, some RV's have a motor. Reminds me the housing restrictions I run across over there in Georgia. You cain't park a RV or a camper of any sort in yer yard, but you CAN park a garbage truck in yer yard. Does that make any kind of sense at all???

Anyhows, I still ain't got no "road fever" to head off somewheres an' set up a camp. It used to be, I could pull into a camp'n site an' be set up in 15 minutes. All level, slide outs out, electric an' hoses hook up....awning out....sip'n up a cup of fresh brewed coffee. By the way....less than 5 minutes to disconnect the "billy jeep". It ain't 15 minutes no more. More like a hour or two....depend'n on how many breaks are involved. Shoot, that puts me in the same category as a 5th wheeler pull behind. Break'n camp takes longer.

But....with this beautiful weather we been get'n, I do think of places I would rather be. Much of my thoughts have been on family. You know, kids an' grandkids. I rekon when ya reach a certain time in your life, that's where your thoughts go. You know, rebuild that closeness ya used to have before ya went off travel'n all over the country. Right here in Texas, I got me 2 kids an' 5 grandkids I ain't seen in quite a while. Plans are needed. Go'n back to Georgia has been on my mind.

Gonna brew me up a pot of Billy Bob south Texas chili today. Not a great big ol' pot like I usually make, but a small one. Last bout 3 days an' it's all gone. Think'n 2# hamburger will do the trick. There WILL be beans in my chili.
God I love pinto beans.....an' onions, an' tomatoes an' jalapenos an' corn bread an' buttermilk an' apple pie.
 Oh, did ya know....do not buy already shredded cheese. The cheese shreds are soaked on potato starch to prevent stick'n together. The cheese will taste like french fries. An' you gonna pay more for it. I learn that on the cook'n channel. Already shredded cheese also has other ingredients added ya don't want to put in yer mouth neither. I only tole ya this so's ya don't get sick or something like that.

Ha, when I was much younger, I tried to make me some cheese one time. The freak'n dog wouldn't even eat it.

Ok, I got to do something....even if'n it ain't right. I feel pretty good again today, so let's see where today leads us.      


  1. After today's blog, I finally understand how you can draw up plans and execute them for building Alice. Until now I thought you were magic. Of course, I don't think less of you now that I know it is experience that enables you to do such a good job. I'm just jealous because I couldn't do it at all.

  2. I usually buy a small pack of finely shredded cheddar or jack cheese, but maybe I should shred my own? Never thought about it - just took the easy way out!

    I don't know if I can even phrase this question intelligently, but is it possible to build something very small to the exact ratio of the large object, and it not look right because of some reason? Maybe you have to modify it as it shrinks to and still keep it in proportion but not the exact ratio? Optical illusion, maybe. If that's a stupit question you can just ignore it!

    Grandchildren are the best, and I'm excited to be seeing my two grandsons from NY in milwaukee in a couple of weeks

    1. Just to verify what that cook'n show guy said, I pull a bag of shredded cheese out the freezer. Yup, there it are in black an' white.....potato starch.

      What ya said bout ratio, yes ya can. That's how I started this project. I kept reducing the size of a photo until it printed out at 17 inches long. Problem was, the photo was took at an' angle what changes measurements. There were very few Tiffin Open Roads on the highways, so no pics. Only my angle shot to go by.

      If'n I would just keep my big trap shut, nobody would ever know. It's gonna be close....

  3. Alice will look just fine when all done I am sure.

  4. " Reminds me the housing restrictions I run across over there in Georgia. You cain't park a RV or a camper of any sort in yer yard, but you CAN park a garbage truck in yer yard. Does that make any kind of sense at all???"

    Makes me think of sleeping, no one will sleep in a garbage truck.